How to Get Over a Breakup

Ending a romantic relationship is not easy, whether it’s your decision or your partner’s. You may be dealing with painful emotions and want to deal with them as quickly as possible. There are a number of methods you can take to work through your grief and move on, such as writing about how you’re feeling, allowing yourself to grieve, and being cautious of alternative relationships later. when parting. You need to know that getting over an emotional breakup takes time and perseverance. If after a while things don’t get better, remember that you can always seek support from friends, family, or even a mental health professional.

Table of Contents

Step forward

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Keep distance. Even if you and your ex decide to stay friends, you should keep your distance from your ex after the breakup. This means no meeting, no hanging out with her/his loved ones, no phone calls, no emailing, no texting, no Facebook, no IM. ^{[1] X Research Source} You don’t have to stop talking to your ex forever, but you should cut off all contact until you can completely get over your ex.

If your partner is trying to convince you to keep seeing each other, you should honestly ask yourself if it’s worth it. If you just want to reminisce about the past by meeting up with your ex, you will easily get drawn into your current situation and it will be difficult for you to let go of that person.
You may need to contact your partner to deal with some issues in your life such as moving house, signing paperwork, etc., but try to limit it to things that are absolutely necessary, and should be. Remember to keep your calls/meetings short and polite.

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Organize your living space. Breaking up can be a sign of new beginnings. So, cleaning and organizing your private space will make you feel refreshed and prepare you to face the new that awaits you. Clutter can make you feel confused and depressed, and this will only increase your stress levels. ^{[2] X Research Source} Cleaning doesn’t require you to expend too much mental energy, but it does force you to maintain enough concentration not to think about the pain.

Clean up your room, hang some new posters, arrange icons on your computer screen. While it may sound trivial, cleaning will certainly make you feel better.

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Remove triggers for painful memories. Many elements will remind you of your ex – a song, a scent, a sound, somewhere. Keeping them around you will make it hard for you to recover from a handshake. Get rid of everything that makes your heart ache or sad. Clearing irritants from your environment will do wonders for you. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

If you have a few keepsakes, like a watch or a piece of jewelry that your ex gave you, it’s fine to keep them. But for the time being, you should put them away until you’ve fully recovered from the breakup.

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Get out there and do something about it. After the relationship ends, you can allow yourself some time around the house. But you should remember that you need to go out into the world after you have dealt with your emotions. Make plans, hang out with friends, and have fun! This will feel a bit awkward at first, but over time it will get easier and you will feel happier. Getting out of the house and doing something is important because you need to grow and maintain your social network after a breakup. This action will help you move forward in life. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

You don’t have to hang out with other people all the time. Go out and enjoy the freedom to do whatever you want. Go to your favorite coffee shop, go shopping, or go on a short trip.

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Beware of alternate relationships after a breakup. Usually, people will jump into a new relationship quickly after breaking up with an ex; This type of relationship is known as a surrogate relationship (meaning you quickly find another person to “fill the void” of your ex). This is a fairly common type of relationship, but it’s not always a good idea. When you enter another relationship right after breaking up with your partner, you may just be trying to mask your negative feelings with the excitement of the new relationship. If it doesn’t last, you’ll have to deal with the pain of two breakups at once. You should stay single until you’ve completely resolved your feelings and gotten over the breakup. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

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Take care of yourself. After a breakup, people often put little effort into taking care of themselves, but this won’t make you feel any better. Pay attention to your basic needs for mental, physical, and spiritual health. If you didn’t take care of yourself before, now is the right time to start. You should eat well, get enough sleep, take time to relax and exercise regularly to feel your best. ^{[6] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

Eat a healthy diet that includes lots of vegetables, whole grains, and lean protein. Stay away from “junk” foods, foods high in sugar and fat. ^{[7] X Research Sources}
Sleep for 7-8 hours a night, but you should remember that some people still feel good getting less than 7 hours of sleep, others need more than 8 hours of sleep each night. ^{[8] X Research Sources}
Exercise for 30 minutes at a time, 5 times per week. You can take a 30-minute walk, cycle around the block, or go swimming. ^{[9] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}
Relax for at least 15 minutes a day. You should try meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga to help you relax. ^{[10] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}

Coping with emotional pain

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Know that feeling pain is normal. After a breakup, you will feel sadness, anger, fear, and other emotions. You may worry that you will be alone for the rest of your life or never be happy. But you should remember to remind yourself that after a breakup, these are quite normal feelings and you need to feel them before you can move on. ^{[11] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

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Stop common habits for a short period of time. This can be quite necessary after a breakup. It can help you process your emotions, and eventually you’ll be fine. However, you should remember not to take any action that threatens your other relationships or livelihood. ^{[12] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

For example, you can skip your regular gym class for a week without worrying about the consequences, but you can’t take a week off work. Use common sense and explain the situation to friends if you need to cancel some plans during your recovery.

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Allow yourself to grieve the loss. Ending a relationship can leave a sizable hole in your heart, and it will take time for you to be allowed to grieve. Allow yourself to mourn the loss and experience the pain it caused. Otherwise, it will be difficult for you to recover quickly and move forward. You can cry, scream, scream, or whatever action you need to take to get rid of your negative emotions. ^{[13] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

Try to set a specific time for mourning the loss of a relationship. Time to deal with your own emotions can provide you with an outlet while keeping you from wallowing in your emotions. ^{[14] X Research Source}

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage and family therapist

Moshe Ratson is the CEO of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a training and therapy clinic in New York City. He received his Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona University and has been in therapy for over 10 years.

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage and family therapist

The sooner you accept your feelings and your situation, the quicker your suffering will end.

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Be with the people who support you. You should be around people who love you and help you feel better about yourself. Sympathetic and supportive people will make you feel like you’re worth it, and you’ll be able to stand on your own two feet more easily when your loved ones are around. ^{[15] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source}

Don’t hesitate to turn to friends and family for support when you need to talk to someone or need a shoulder to cry on.

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Find healthy ways to ease emotional pain. Your first instinct may be to turn to alcohol, drugs or food to forget or alleviate your pain, but this is not a long-term solution for you. When dealing with emotional pain, you should steer clear of unhealthy methods. Instead, look for solutions to deal with the pain in a way that can help you grow and recover. ^{[16] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source}

Find a new hobby to keep yourself busy while recovering from a breakup. You can join a class, club, or teach yourself how to do something. Pursuing a hobby can help you feel better about yourself, help you avoid thinking about pain for a while, and build self-esteem by developing new skills.

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Consider talking to a therapist if the pain becomes too great. Many people are able to work through the pain of a breakup on their own, but others cannot. If you are having trouble coping with emotional pain or if you think you may be depressed as a result of the breakup, you should seek help from a mental health professional as soon as possible. . ^{[17] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

Coping with your own emotions

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Review your relationship. Consider all the reasons for the breakup between you and your ex. You should keep in mind that even if you both had a good time together, you may still have problems. Thinking about why your relationship had to come to an end can help you better understand why you need to move on. It can also help you avoid repeating the same mistake in the future if you can identify the factors that contributed to the end of the relationship. You should ask yourself the following: ^{[18] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

Am I the one who contributed to the end of the relationship? If so, what did I do?
Do I have a tendency to choose a certain type of person to date? If so, what kind of people are they? Are they good to me? Why yes or why not?
Did I have the same problem in another relationship? If so, what caused me to have this problem? What else can I do in a different relationship in the future?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage and family therapist

Moshe Ratson is the CEO of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a training and therapy clinic in New York City. He received his Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona University and has been in therapy for over 10 years.

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage and family therapist

By taking the time to forgive yourself and others, you can find the good in bad situations.

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Write about your feelings. You can write in a journal or try to express your feelings in poetic form. It’s important to be honest and not edit the facts yourself. One of the best benefits of writing down your feelings is that sometimes you’ll be amazed at the sudden insight you get when you pour your heart out on paper. The rules will appear more clearly, and your grief will also lessen, it will be easier for you to learn valuable lessons about life from your experience.

Every day, you should try to write about your feelings after the breakup until you feel better. For example, you could start each journal entry with the sentence, “It’s been __ days since the breakup and I’m feeling _____.” You can then describe in more detail how you feel. This cue will help you track your emotional progress over time and handle those emotions well. ^{[19] X Research Source}
You can write a letter to your ex, but don’t send it. Sometimes it can help you to let your emotions out. However, sending it out is not a good idea. This letter is for you, so you can write whatever you want to say and end it. It won’t do you any good if you keep repeating the breakup, so you should just pretend that this is the last time you tell your partner how you feel.
Write a story. Think about a time when you started a relationship with that person, and document this time from beginning to end. This can be quite painful, but it will give you a broader perspective. When you get to the final chapter, end the story on a positive note and write “Done”.

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Deal with anger. Anger can arise when we have a bad reputation or are treated unfairly. When you can’t contact your ex, the best way to deal with that anger is to relax. ^{[20] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to source} .

Breathe deeply and focus on relaxing your muscles. ^{[21] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to source} . Soft music can often help.

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Stick to your decision. If you’re the one deciding to break up, remember that focusing on the happy times you’ve had with your partner will help you forget why you broke up. Likewise, you wouldn’t think twice about the situation if the decision to break up was made by that person. Romanticizing the best part of a relationship and convincing yourself that the bad part isn’t really so bad is quite common practice. You should not do this to yourself. You should accept the situation and find a way to move on.

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Remind yourself of your ex’s negative points. Focusing on all the things you don’t like about your ex can help you get over the breakup more quickly. You can make a list of things you don’t like about your partner. For example, it could be that your partner burps quite often after dinner, or makes plans on her own without consulting you, or forgets your birthday. Make a list of all the little things your ex did that made you feel bad. ^{[22] X Research Source}

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Consider why you would be better off without your ex. In addition to reminding yourself of all the things that your partner has done and upset you, it’s also helpful to think about the positives of the breakup. You can make another list of all the reasons why you would be better off without your ex. ^{[23] X Research Sources}

For example, perhaps your partner is discouraging your efforts to eat healthy, so now it’s perfectly okay for you to follow a healthy diet and take more care of yourself. close. Or your ex never wanted you to do the things you liked, so you are completely free to do them now. Make a list of all the reasons why you were better off when you broke up with your partner.

Advice

Remember that the person may also be trying to erase your image from his or her mind. You should be careful with this and should keep your distance. If you have decided not to see each other, you should stick to this decision: stop seeing each other.
You should know that it’s okay to cry and express your feelings. You’ll feel better about facing your emotions than trying to suppress them.
You can conduct a symbolic ceremony. People often hold funerals to remember the deceased who lost their body, and you can also say goodbye to your relationship that will never be resolved in a little formal way. Collect all the things that remind you of that person and burn them, or donate them to charity. Prepare your eulogy and read it out loud.

Warning

If you find that you often check MySpace, Facebook, or any of your ex’s social media accounts, you should use a program or set up your browser to block URLs to your ex’s account. Removing your ex’s account from your friends list is also quite helpful. Even if things end well, it can still be painful and uncomfortable to read your partner’s posts.
Watch out for stalking or threatening behavior, and if you notice anything, report it to the police quickly. That person may just be having a hard time, not putting you in danger. But you shouldn’t be reckless either. If necessary, you can request a restraining order (no access) or protective order and call the police every time there is a violation; you will need to have paperwork if stalking increases.

Steps

Step forward

Coping with emotional pain

Coping with your own emotions

Advice

Warning

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