How to Get Into People

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This article was co-written by Cher Gopman. Cher Gopman is the founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, which provides dating advice in New York. ‘NYC Wingwoman’ offers matchmaking and dating advice, one-on-one coaching, and an intensive weekend coaching program. Cher is a life coach and former mental health nurse, and her work has been featured in Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1 and The New York Post.

There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 49,213 times.

It’s not easy to fit in with someone you don’t know well, especially if you’re not very social – and who does? But if you want to get to know other people, you have to find a starting point, and socializing can lead to some more intimate relationships. The guy you talk to at the party might turn out to be your best friend, or the woman you get to know at a business conference might help you find a new job. You won’t be able to get to know anyone if you keep hiding in a corner!

Table of Contents

Find someone to chat with

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Look around the room for someone you know. You’ll find it a little easier to fit in when you have a “support,” such as a friend, colleague or acquaintance who can introduce you to a few other people. If you don’t know anyone at the party or event, that’s perfectly fine. You can still mingle with them. However, there’s nothing wrong with using your existing relationships to ease yourself into a rather unfamiliar social situation. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Don’t make it too obvious that you’re looking for acquaintances. You don’t want to appear isolated in making new friends. In other words, try not to look like you’re looking for someone. Look around calmly and casually, without intention. Enjoy the view, but as you do it, look around the room to see if you meet anyone you know.
If you see someone you know but they’re talking to someone else, it’s a good idea to wait a while for their conversation to settle down before you draw attention and move towards the other person.

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Look for a smaller group of people. When you’re in a crowded room where you don’t know anyone, it’s better to blend in with a smaller group of people rather than a large group. Look for some groups that seem like they’re having a friendly and casual conversation. Observe people’s body language. If people in the group are mostly standing shoulder to shoulder in private consultations, they may not be welcoming to new people. If their body language is open and friendly, they’ll make some comfortable gestures, like no crossing of arms and no barriers between them. If they seem calm and peaceful, approach them and introduce yourself. ^{[2] X Research Source}

This can be awkward, but everyone does it at parties and social gatherings. Most people are friendly and welcoming to you.
If people ignore you or for some reason don’t seem to welcome you, you can politely ask to leave and find another group to join.
Stay away from people who seem to be having a lively private conversation. Chances are your presence will bring awkward silence. You can tell if they’re talking privately by observing their body language. If they’re leaning on each other, gesturing freely, and keeping eye contact, you probably shouldn’t interrupt them. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

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Make yourself sociable. If you’ve looked around the room and don’t immediately find the opportunity to mingle with people, make yourself a sociable, open person to make new friends. Stand near the center of the room, instead of hanging around the corner. A cheerful, pleasant face will let others know that you are quite approachable. Chances are someone will approach and say hello to you, and so you don’t have to take the initiative to get to know each other.

When someone approaches you, be polite and friendly.
Avoid using the phone. Often when annoyed or do not know what to do, many people will start using the phone. You should try to avoid this because then it looks like you are trying to avoid social interaction. ^{[4] X Trusted Source Pew Research Center Go to Source}
Standing close to a point of interest in a room can also help – such as the dining table, the bar, the large stone sculpture in the center of the room. That way, you can start a conversation about these interesting points. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

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Help others integrate. There are bound to be a few people at the party who also don’t know anyone and feel awkward fitting in. Find these friends and introduce yourself to them. They’ll be grateful for your kindness, and chances are you’ll make a new friend with a lot in common.

If you’re chatting and someone walks up, invite them to join. Don’t look aloof.

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Don’t stay in your comfort zone for too long. When you have the opportunity to talk to someone you know, resist the temptation to talk to only one person all the time. You will miss the opportunity to get to know more people and look like you are not friendly with the rest.

Ask someone you know to introduce you to others, and don’t be afraid to express yourself.

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Try talking to a few other people. When you’re hanging out at a party, it’s a good idea to try starting a conversation with a few different people because you never know what someone will respond to. You don’t need to talk to everyone at the party, though. If you mingle and have a pleasant conversation with just one person, that’s still a great achievement. Maybe you’ll be able to chat with two or three people next time.

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Know how to withdraw yourself. If you find yourself caught in a conversation that you no longer want to participate in, find a way to withdraw yourself. There are many ways to do that, just be friendly and polite. ^{[6] X Research Source}

You can back off by politely saying you need to go to the bathroom or get a drink.
You can also say something like “Oh, Thanh just arrived! Let me introduce you two”, then you can bring more people into the conversation.
You could say, “I want to talk about this another time.”

Know what to say and do

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Smile. This is the easiest and most expressive way to let a stranger know that you are a nice person. If you don’t smile, most people won’t come to talk to you because you seem unapproachable. Smiling is not something that comes naturally to everyone. For many people, a stern look is more comfortable. If you’re one of them, you need to step out of your comfort zone a bit, because smiling is an important part of your body language, helping to send the message that you are receptive and open to everyone. people are also interested in talking.

Make sure you smile sincerely. The whole face should smile brightly, not only the mouth should smile but the eyes should also know how to smile. Think of the woman with the beautiful smile Julia Roberts, not the smile on the pumpkin used for Halloween.
Practice smiling before you go to the party. This will give you an idea of how dramatic your smile is so you can adjust and put yourself in a good mood. This also makes you want to smile more. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

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Introduce yourself. Start by saying “hello,” then introduce the name. This is simple and most people will respond kindly. After the introduction will be a few questions to be able to continue the story. Some suggestions below:

“What brings you here tonight? I was friends with Cheryl in college.”
“This song is great, isn’t it? I really like this band”.
“Are you part of the wikiHow community? I’ve heard a lot of great things about your company.”

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Make eye contact and shake hands. Attitude and body language are just as important as words. Eye contact is important to connect with people on the first meeting. Make eye contact with confidence when you shake their hand (but don’t shake it too tightly). This will get the conversation off to a good start.

Try not to look down or look away too much because this makes you appear bored, lethargic.
If you’re around someone you know, use appropriate gestures to show how close you are to them. You can hug them, kiss them on the cheek, pat them on the shoulder, and more.

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Acknowledge the relationship. This means that even if you’re just meeting someone for the first time, you should treat them as if you’re already good friends. Doing so puts the other person at ease immediately and often helps to clear the story of awkward moments of silence. This can speed up the referral process. Be friendly, kind, and polite, and your partner will want to talk to you.

Try dropping some of the usual topics to “get to know each other” and start talking about something more interesting. For example, instead of asking, “What do you do?” You can ask the other person’s opinion about an important event at the present time.

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Show interest in the topic at hand. When you are participating in a group discussion or making new friends, it is important to show interest in what the other person is talking about. Even if you know absolutely nothing about the subject, you can ask some questions and show an interest in learning more. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Don’t pretend you know a subject when you don’t know anything. Everyone was happy to answer any questions and they really enjoyed it. They won’t judge you for not knowing as much as they do. Things will get worse if you are caught lying.
Try to ask a few more questions about what they just said to show you’re listening and interested.
Try to redirect the conversation on a topic you know well so that both of you can join the conversation equally. ^{[9] X Research Source}

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Talk a little bit about yourself. Sharing a little bit of information about yourself can help you spark an interesting conversation. If you’re so shy that you can’t express yourself, how will people get to know you? Talk about your work, hobbies, passions, and opinions. Share as much information as others have done. Remember to stay upbeat, positive, and fun.

Like I said, you shouldn’t take up the whole conversation just to talk about yourself. There should be mutual concessions so that both can talk and listen equally.
Avoid complaining or being negative (especially when talking about the party, the host, or the food), even if you’re not in a good mood. No one likes to be around negative people.
Be sure to avoid saying some vulgar jokes or extremely sensitive topics, like illness and death. You can make people uncomfortable. ^{[10] X Research Source}

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Be yourself. If you are yourself, then you don’t have to be the center of the party and impress everyone with your intellect. You can tell jokes, jokes, but do not aim to attract others. Paying attention to people, acknowledging relationships, and sharing information about yourself with others will do you much better.

Treat others at the party the way you would like to be treated – with respect and kindness.

Get the best out of mingling

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See everyone as an opportunity for you. When you walk into a room full of strangers, it’s hard to find a way to interrupt the conversation. Watching people you don’t know talking and laughing can be intimidating. But everyone here is an individual, just like you, and they are all trying to get to know people and have a good time chatting.

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Please genuinely care. A lot of people are afraid to socialize with strangers, but there are other ways to give you a chance to mingle. If you come across a situation where you really want to get to know people, meeting and talking with them will suddenly become more engaging and interesting. Think of each party or get-together as an opportunity to meet a variety of people with interesting stories, interests, and passions. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Remember that everyone can teach you something. Joining the conversation and connecting with others is fun . That’s why people like to party.

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Determined to build self-awareness. Before attending the event, prepare and remind yourself to do a few things:

Dress appropriately so you don’t have to worry about being too stylish or too skimpy. The right clothing can boost your confidence and help you become a story starter.
Brush your teeth and shower and change clothes so you don’t have to worry about your breath or having a tuft of hair in the middle of your forehead.
Try to rest. Take a short nap if the event happens later in the day. When you are tired, it will be difficult to fit in with people.
Eat before you go. You’ll feel more energetic and won’t be inclined to overeat or drink at the party.
Don’t drink too much alcohol. Sometimes people think they need alcohol to relax. While a little drinking can help, drinking too much can be harmful. Remember to keep your spirits up and drink filtered water in between alcohol.
Take deep breaths to focus on yourself. Remind yourself that you were invited for a reason: to mingle and have a good time.

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Exchange contact information between the people you want to engage with. If you are lucky, you will meet a few people at the social gathering and want to know more about them. Don’t be afraid to exchange phone numbers so you can date and hang out together later. ^{[12] X Research Source} The next time you both spot each other at the same party, you’ll have someone to talk to.

Steps

Find someone to chat with

Know what to say and do

Get the best out of mingling

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