How to Get a Girlfriend if You’re a Lesbian

Dating is a nerve-wracking ordeal. For lesbians, this will be even more difficult because they do not know the sexual orientation of the other person. Fortunately, though, there are many ways for you to meet other lesbians in today’s society. Even in places where being openly lesbian can be dangerous, the online dating services and tips below will help you find the man of your dreams.

Table of Contents

Meet other lesbians

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Attend LGBT+ events. If you live in a place that doesn’t discriminate against LGBT+ people, look online for activities in the LGBT+ community. From Pride parades to special events at bars or get-togethers, these events remove the pressure and self-doubt that often comes with trying to find lesbians in casual places. . You can look up these places at meetup.com, social media, or through the usual search engines.

If you live in the US, you can find community centers around you in the lgbtcenter.org database.
If you haven’t made your lesbian status public yet, attend events in your nearby town to avoid meeting people you know.

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Spend more time on your favorite social activities. While everyone wants to meet new people without ever stepping out of the house, things usually won’t be so easy. Many lesbian couples have met because they played on the same sports team or volunteered at an animal shelter, but you don’t have to conform to such stereotypes. Be actively involved in social activities or do what you enjoy, your enthusiasm will attract people with similar interests.

Concerts are also a great gathering place. Choose artists who are LGBT+ or have a large lesbian fan base.

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Go to a lesbian bar. This type of bar is not too much, so if your place has a bar specifically for lesbians, grab this opportunity now. Otherwise you can go to gay bars. Most of these bars are gay-oriented, but they can also host events specifically for lesbians.

Don’t send the wrong signal by going with a guy straight to a gay bar. ^{[1] X Research Source}

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Online dating. Dating websites or apps are very popular. Here are the most common options:

OkCupid, Match.com, Plenty of Fish, or eHarmony all have lesbian communities. If you haven’t gone public yet, use OkCupid to hide your account from straight people. ^{[2] X Research Source}
Compatible Partners is a site dedicated to LGBT+ people looking for a serious relationship.
Brenda and Her (these are also social networking sites) are dating apps specifically for lesbians. Most casual dating apps or lesbians pair up with men, although this sounds funny (except for the Hinge app). ^{[3] X Research Sources} )

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Make friends in the LGBT community. If you’ve volunteered at Pride events or met the woman of your life, congratulations — you’re luckier than most. For the rest, take a longer look and build lasting friendships in the lesbian and bisexual communities near you. There won’t be many fish in the ocean, and often you’ll see many people again at different events. If you can let go of a slightly lousy first date and empathize with people who are searching like you, you’ll build more relationships and better prepare yourself for other opportunities. More importantly, you will become part of a supportive community.

Approach her

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More confident . Usually, people are a little shy when approaching someone they find attractive. Stay positive and friendly, and you’ll be more confident. A relaxed attitude will make you more attractive and feel great.

A wingman will boost your confidence. However, the two of you should not be too comfortable with each other or the object will think you two are a couple.

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Look at her and smile. If you don’t have any connections, like a mutual friend, for example, this would be the first step. If she also looks at you for a few seconds and smiles back, or keeps glancing at you, this is your invitation to approach her.

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Flirting . You don’t need a pick-up line — just talk nonsense by asking where she’s from or what she’s doing here. With these three steps, flirting just got a whole lot simpler:

Direct your friend to her, smile softly, and look her straight in the eye when she talks.
Give her a little compliment every now and then (her eyes, her jewelry, or something she says that you think is great).
If things are going well, touch her hand lightly or move closer to whisper something in her ear.

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Look forward to going out with her. Grab the opportunity as soon as you can. If the two of you have talked for five to ten minutes and she looks happy, ask her out somewhere. (And of course, if she’s straight, you should know as soon as possible that you know now.) “Let’s talk about it from time to time,” “Can I have your number?” or “Do you want to go out for coffee?” Ways to let her know what you mean. If she gives you her number, call her in a day or two and schedule your first date.

Keep the relationship

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Be yourself. The key to dating is knowing if you two are compatible. Pretending to be someone you’re not will prevent this and cause problems later on. If this is your first time dating a woman, or you are still unsure about your sexual orientation, tell her. If you haven’t come out to family, co-workers, or friends yet, talk to her once you know that the relationship is really going to move forward. Not everyone wants to test you out, or be introduced as “just friends” to your parents. While it’s hard to do this, the longer you wait to talk about these things, the more difficult things will be.

Similarly, if you’ve been public about your sexual orientation for years and she’s still pretty private, talk to her. Please understand the comfort of both as soon as possible.

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Understand your opponent. Talk about your hobbies. First dates are for the two of you to create a relationship. Initiate a conversation by asking deeper questions (“Do you often go there?” or “How did that affect you?”). If she seems shy, switch to lighter topics to put her at ease.

Avoid asking about things that are too personal. When you first get to know each other, avoid talking about sad stories of the past or your own sufferings. Save those things for later, when the two of you have been together longer.
Never talk about your previous relationships during your date. It can be hard not to mention your ex to her in a mostly-knowing lesbian community, but that doesn’t mean she needs to hear about your sex life or connections with other people.

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Talk about your expectations. The most important part of any relationship is clear and honest communication. This is even more important if this is the first time one or even both of you has been romantically involved with someone of the same sex (or even dating in general), and may have different expectations. evident in everyday life. Even the simplest of etiquette like who pays when eating out can also affect a relationship. Calm down and talk to her before assuming she’s insulting you.

Don’t let the stereotype that lesbian relationships both need a masculine and feminine person sway your expectations. You don’t have to follow the usual “straight” relationships and cast “female” and “male”.
Contrary to popular stereotypes, lesbian couples often do not have an open relationship. ^{[4] X Source of Research} So your intentions will be different at any point. If a relationship where just the two of you (or more) is important to you, talk to her about it before anyone gets hurt.

Advice

If you think a friend seems to like you, ask for advice from mutual friends or online LGBTQ+ forums like Ask Ellen. It can be difficult to differentiate between friendship and romance, especially when you’re in love with her or you don’t know her sexual orientation. An outsider will help you make the right decisions and assess how it will affect your friendship.
A famous (but not very subtle) joke in the lesbian community is “U Haul lesbian” (U Haul is the name of a moving and storage service), which means that lesbians will often move in. shared with their other piece after their second date. That joke is out of fashion these days: if you live in an LGBT+ safe place, you’ll have plenty of places to meet and date your crush without being stigmatized. ^{[5] X Research Resources} So don’t confuse fleeting emotions with a lifelong connection — but also let others make you lose hope in love.

Steps

Meet other lesbians

Approach her

Keep the relationship

Advice

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