How to Forget Your Ex

Getting over your ex can feel like a “mission impossible,” but don’t get discouraged! Maybe you’re feeling pain right now because your old relationship was once a source of dopamine, the hormone that makes you happy. Since you broke up with that person, that source of happiness is no longer there. Even so, you can always overcome your feelings of pain and become stronger than before!

Table of Contents

Handling emotions

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Vibrating the body releases energy. When you feel strong emotions like sadness, anger, and anxiety, your body releases negative energy as part of its survival response. However, this negative energy can make you feel bad if not released. The simplest way to release energy is to shake the body. Start shaking from the shoulders and then move down to the legs and imagine as the negative energy is escaping from your body.

If you don’t like shaking your body, try releasing some energy with vigorous exercise.

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Find someone you can trust to vent. Talking about your feelings can help improve your mood. Find someone you can trust when sharing your feelings to tell them what happened, how you’re feeling, and don’t forget to talk about your concerns.

Let your listeners know you just want to be heard, not advised. Say, “Breaking up is hard for me. Can you take a moment to listen to me?”

Another approach: Write down your feelings when you don’t want to share them with anyone else. Even then you can “destroy” what has been written. Tear, throw, or burn the piece of paper after you’ve written down all of your feelings.

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Find out why your ex isn’t right for you. Don’t idealize your ex after a breakup. Instead, you should focus on the traits that set them apart. Think about the times they let you down or the qualities they didn’t have that made you realize you two weren’t meant for each other. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Think about what you want in your lover. You can later use this list to choose the right life partner for you.

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Change your belief that you won’t be able to love again, if you ever think about it. Breaking up can be more painful if you think your ex is “ideal”. It would be hard for you to imagine falling in love with someone else, but one day it will. Stop thinking that there is only one person out there that is right for you. On the contrary, you should tell yourself that you will fall in love again.

Life doesn’t just arrange for you to meet just one person. Everyone will meet many potential partners, so ending a relationship is not as tragic as you think.

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Write a gratitude journal to recognize the good things in your life. Focusing on the positive things in your life can help you balance negative emotions. Besides, expressing gratitude for the beautiful things in life is also a positive way of thinking! In your gratitude journal, you will write down 3-5 things that you are grateful for every day, no matter how important or small! When you’re down, reread what you’ve written to boost your mood.

For example, you could write, “Things I am grateful for today are friends, kittens, and cool weather.”

Facing life after breakup

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Keep yourself busy for 2-3 weeks after the breakup. Breaking up is a painful experience, because the love and care of the lover is gone. Your current life has been without that person, you will surely feel empty. To improve your mood, make yourself busier with self-care and fun activities with friends and family. Here are some ways to take care of yourself:

Take 15-60 minutes each morning to focus on your intentions.
Choose a fun form of exercise like dancing or kickboxing.
Take care of your own basic needs such as eating, bathing, and cleaning your living space.
Treat yourself to a spa treatment or buy a special coffee.
Go to work or school.
Spend time working on a personal goal or hobby.

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Setting a schedule helps you prioritize your own needs. When you’re still with your partner, talking and seeing them is part of your schedule. Changing your schedule will help you focus on the future. Set up a new schedule so that you can fully focus on the life you desire. Don’t forget to do basic tasks like paying bills, doing laundry, and eating healthy.

After a breakup, taking care of yourself can be a challenge. Following a schedule will help you maintain healthy habits!

Here is a suggested schedule for you:

6:00: Wake up, shower and prepare for the new day

7:00: Think about positive intentions

7:30: Eat a healthy breakfast

8:00 – 17:00: Going to work/school

17:30: Eat a healthy dinner

18:00 – 21:00: Spend time with friends or do some hobbies

21:00: Relax before sleeping.

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Find something to distract you from thinking about your ex for the first few days. Since your old relationship once made you happy, of course you will still crave that feeling after the breakup. However, thinking about your ex and remembering your ex will make you more miserable. Instead, do an activity that helps you focus on the present to let go of your sadness. You can choose activities that bring you joy and help you enjoy the feeling of having fun without your ex!

For example, invite friends over to a game held at home, go for a nature walk, play an object game, take a drawing class with friends, read an interesting book or meet new people. have the same interests.
Don’t do these things to hide from your feelings, though. At some point, you still have to deal with the painful feelings you’re going through.

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Engage in activities that make you happy so that your body produces dopamine. Replacing the dopamine you used to have from your old relationship will help you feel better after the breakup. Every day, do at least one activity that makes you feel good. You should choose what is healthy and helps your goals in life instead of choosing to face unhealthy. Here are a few suggestions for you:

Exercise for at least 30 minutes every day.
Take an art or cooking class.
Join a recreational sports team.
Get a pet if you’ve always wanted it.
Join a club related to your interests.
Join a volunteer activity that interests you.

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Stay with friends and family for support. After a breakup, you need to be part of a community. Reach out to family and friends for help during this time. You should express your desire to be with them and chat or text with them every day. Here’s how to remind yourself that you’re always loved. ^{[2] X Research Source}

You probably won’t want to see anyone after a breakup, but you should be around people who care about you. If you don’t want to go out, invite a friend or loved one to do something fun with you at home like watching a movie or crafting.

Remove traces of your ex from your life

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Get rid of things that remind you of your ex. Seeing things that remind you of your ex will keep you stuck in a spiral of longing for their affection. Review your living space and get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex, such as getting rid of picture frames, gifts or memorabilia. You can donate or throw away the items so they don’t remind you of the past. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

If you don’t want to throw the items away, put them in the bin and give it to a friend. When you’re ready, your friend can drop or return the box to you.

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“General cleaning” of the virtual world to avoid recalling old memories. The virtual world must still contain many reminders of old relationships and seeing them would be painful. Don’t scroll through photos of you and your ex when you were still in a relationship because it will take a long time to forget them. Here are a few things that you should do when “general cleaning” the virtual world: ^{[4] X Research Source}

Unfollow all their social media accounts
Delete all messages or emails related to the ex.
Save the photo of the two of you in a folder that you can access later, and then delete it.
Block their phone number.
Do not use social media in the first few days after the breakup.

Advice: For about a week after a breakup, it’s best to stay away from social media. Seeing other people post posts about their happy relationship will remind you of your sad breakup. Instead of comparing yourself to others, take the time to build your life to your liking.

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Focus on yourself instead of worrying about what your ex is doing. You might want to know who your ex is seeing, doing, or how they feel about what happened. Don’t spend any more time with them, not even a second! Instead of worrying about them, you should focus on your needs and wants.

When you catch yourself thinking about your ex, you shift your focus to your hobbies or interests.

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Don’t have sex with your ex after a breakup. You may still want to spend some sweet moments with your ex, but this only makes the pain worse. The brain is programmed to form an emotional connection during sex, and that connection is stronger when you make love with someone you once loved. Do not meet your ex separately after breaking up to avoid temptation.

If you must meet them, bring someone along so you don’t have to meet them individually.

Back to myself

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Focus on existing relationships and making friends . Healthy relationships with friends and family can help you become a stronger and more independent person. Plus, they also help you realize you don’t need your ex! Spend time with the people who matter to you so that you become more attached to them. Besides that, you should also go to local events, clubs, meetups or classes to get to know a lot of new people. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Stay in touch with your friends by chatting or texting every day.
Go out with friends for coffee, dinner and games.

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Pursue a hobby you’ve been putting off because of a relationship. When you were with your ex, you may have sacrificed some part of yourself to be their lover. Now that you’ve broken up, getting back what’s lost can help you enjoy your single time! Think of the things you used to enjoy before you met your ex and add them to your schedule.

For example, you didn’t use your gym membership because you didn’t have time for that. Now it’s time to re-register!
Another example is that you stopped drawing or taking pictures because you wanted to spend time with your lover. It’s time to pull out your “tools” and get back to your hobby!

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Start a new passion for a feeling of happiness. Choose a goal you’ve always wanted to achieve or something you’ve always enjoyed. Next, list the steps you can take to get started right away. You need to set aside a certain amount of time each day to get closer to your goal and try to complete the steps on the list. Here’s how to stop thinking about your ex and become independent.

For example, you would choose to study further or start a career in photography.

Note: While working on your passion, remind yourself that you are building yourself a future independent of love affairs.

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Try new things that your ex refuses to do with you. Think about times when your ex said “no” to something you wanted to do, like trying a new dish at a new restaurant or visiting the local museum. Now is the time to plan what needs to be done after the breakup. You can invite a friend or do the things you have set out on your own. Every time you do something, tell yourself that your ex has put off your plans.

For example, the same friend trying Indian food at a restaurant that the ex doesn’t want to go to, decorating pottery with a group of friends, playing volleyball, having a picnic at the park, visiting a planetarium, going to a poetry reading.

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Plan your own future. Picture yourself in 1 year, 5 years and 10 years, and then think about the life you want and what you want to do. The next step is to make a list of wishes that you want to achieve in the future so that you can work towards achieving them. Here’s how to build a life you love while trying to get over your ex.

For example, you might want to buy a house, build a career, and have a dream vacation experience.
Likewise, you may find yourself wanting a creative life or moving to another country.

Advice

Focus on creating new memories with your friends to replace feeling bad about your ex.
Don’t be in a hurry to start a new relationship. You shouldn’t drag a bag of old feelings into someone else’s life only to find you don’t understand the new person well or don’t connect deeply with them. Focus on improving your own feelings.

Warning

Don’t waste your energy getting back with your ex. The best “revenge” is to create a life you love and pursue your own happiness!
Make sure you don’t choose to be with someone else to make your ex jealous. This won’t work and you’ll hurt yourself and the other person.
Ignore all rumors and things related to you and your ex because they are not worth your attention.

Steps