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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 11,184 times.
Letting go of past pain is not easy. If time has passed and you still cannot continue to enjoy life, you need to take a more proactive approach. No matter what happened, remember that you are in control of your life and you have the power to build a great future for yourself.
Steps
Heal yourself
- Forgiving someone who has wronged you is a sign of strength, not weakness. This doesn’t mean that you ignore the behavior that hurts you, but that you don’t allow it to continue to bother you.
- Forgiving someone doesn’t necessarily mean you have to reconcile with that person. Depending on the situation, this action may not be feasible or a good idea. Forgiveness is simply removing any resentment and desire for revenge in your heart.
- Try to empathize and empathize with the person who has hurt you, no matter how difficult this may be. You need to understand that people often hurt others because they are suffering too.
- You should also forgive yourself if you are partly responsible for past pain. It is important that you acknowledge your responsibility, but do not wallow in it. Forgive yourself through empathy and understanding. [2] X Research Source
- If you continue to blame the person who has hurt you for any negative things in your life, you are allowing that person to control you. The next time this thought pops up, remind yourself that you are in control. Then try to think of positive things you can do to make yourself feel better.
- You’ll likely feel stronger as you take control of your recovery. To stop allowing others to control your actions and feelings, you should make a plan to let go of past pain. You can take the advice of others, but remember to remind yourself that you are in charge of your own life. [4] X Research Sources
- Affirm love for yourself in many different ways. You can sing about it, write about it, say it out loud or whisper it to yourself. Create a work of art from a combination of affirmative words and store it where you will see it often.
- This will work best for revisiting a traumatic event for which you unnecessarily blame yourself. For example, if you feel that you are responsible for your parents’ divorce or that your loved one’s betrayal was your fault, looking back at the facts will help you understand the source of your thoughts. negative. If you take the time to analyze the situation, you will notice that the negative emotion you are harboring is not based on facts at all.
- You should be careful in placing too much blame on others. The goal of this approach isn’t for you to perpetuate resentment toward others, but rather to help you realize what’s causing you to feel bad about yourself and how to prevent it.
- Share with a friend or loved one how you feel, but remember to choose someone who is not related to the problem you are dealing with. Others will be better able to help you if they are completely impartial.
- Find a support group that can help you with problems (for example, someone who has lost a loved one or experienced childhood trauma).
- Look for an individual or group therapist who specializes in treating past pain and trauma. Your therapist can help you understand the source of your emotions and find ways to overcome negative feelings.
Step forward
- Keep yourself busy with your goals, such as studying or working, or with things that make you feel good about yourself, like volunteering, or spending quality time with friend.
- For example, perhaps you are heartbroken because someone you love broke up with you. Instead of wallowing in this pain, you should try to adjust it to something like, “I feel hurt because I lost the person I love, but I learned a lot from that relationship and will use it again.” Use this lesson for future relationships.”
- For another example, perhaps someone treated you badly. You can adjust this experience to “The person hurt me, but I’m a strong and resilient person, and that person’s behavior won’t bother me.”
- When you’re preoccupied with thinking about the past, repeat this statement: “I had an unhappy past, but I’m living in the present and I don’t have time to worry about the past because I’m focusing on _______.”
- Alternatively, you can also take a moment to make a list of every positive factor in your life. If you fill your mind with happy thoughts, you will eliminate negative thoughts.
Advice
- Nurturing hatred towards others will make you anxious, depressed, and angry. Ironically, it doesn’t affect the person at all, so it won’t really do you any good other than making you miserable. [14] X Research Source
- Depending on the situation, you may benefit from guided meditation or cognitive behavioral therapy. Many people have found that religious activity is also quite helpful.
- Resentment is an addictive mental state, and it takes effort to deal with negative emotions. Don’t back down and try to overcome this unhealthy pattern! [15] X Research Source
This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 11,184 times.
Letting go of past pain is not easy. If time has passed and you still cannot continue to enjoy life, you need to take a more proactive approach. No matter what happened, remember that you are in control of your life and you have the power to build a great future for yourself.
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