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This article was co-written by Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a psychologist working for a private company in San Jose, CA. He specializes in helping successful but troubled people in love and marriage, reduce stress and anxiety, and help them be happier in life. In 2016, he gave a TED talk on men and men’s feelings. He is the co-founder of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook’s headquarters, and currently advises Digital Ocean to support their Safety Team. He received his doctorate in clinical psychology in 2008.
This article has been viewed 15,117 times.
There are many reasons why a friendship ends. Sometimes people have disagreements that they just can’t get over, or it’s just that you’re becoming more and more distant. You may find yourself in a situation where, despite your best efforts, some of your friends are simply unwilling or unable to maintain a friendship with you. These are sad moments, but anyone can face them. You should remember that you have the power to survive and move forward.
Steps
Forget everything
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Take time to grieve. Losing a friend can be very painful. Pretending as if it didn’t happen or suppressing the pain you feel will only help for a short while, but in the end, it will make it even harder for you to get over it. You should admit that you’ve lost something important to you and that it’s okay to feel sad about it.
- Don’t hesitate to cry. Crying helps release emotions.
- Listening to some sad music or watching a sad movie can actually help ease your mind. It reinforces the fact that you are not the only one experiencing this feeling and will give you hope for a better future.
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Delete old correspondence. Don’t cling to messages or emails that might make you want to read them again. Reading letters over and over will only prolong feelings of loneliness and pain long after the friendship has ended. [1] X Research Source
- You can back up your correspondence to a USB stick and ask a friend or relative to keep it for you so that one day you won’t feel the pain of looking back on old memories of the time when your friendship was still strong. steady.
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Unfriend or unfollow that person on social media. [2] X Research Source Knowing what that person is up to without you will only immerse you in the past instead of looking to the future. You’ll recover faster and may be more willing to forget things if you don’t read Facebook posts regularly.
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Remove snapshot. You don’t have to throw them away, but you can. Get rid of any items that remind you of old friends, such as gifts or souvenirs.
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Write about how you feel. A great way to process emotions is to write about them. Perhaps you wonder what happened or feel angry at your friend. You can write a letter expressing all of your feelings to the person but don’t send them out. When you’re done, you can tear the letter up or put it in a drawer. The purpose of this action is just to process your feelings. [3] X Research Sources
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Don’t blame yourself. Avoid seeing the whole process as a reflection of who you are. There are quite a few reasons that lead to the end of a friendship. Even if you feel as though you’re at fault for keeping your friends from wanting to maintain your friendship, you should know that every relationship is a 50/50 split on the part of two people involved. You cannot control the opponent. [4] X Research Sources
Looking for help
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Go see a therapist. If you’re really having a hard time moving forward, it can be difficult for you to deal with your feelings professionally. A trained therapist can listen to your perspective on what happened and help you learn from your mistakes.
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Make a phone call to a family member. When friends become a problem, sometimes reaching out to family is a safe bet. If possible, try to call someone you think has been through a similar separation in the past. Although any family member will bring you great comfort, you can talk to parents or grandparents who have more experience in life.
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Consult unknown friends with your old friend. [5] X Research Source You can contact people you don’t know who no longer want to be friends with you. They will listen to how you feel and give you a more objective view of the situation. You should let them know that you appreciate their support. Remember that even if you lose a friend, you still have others.
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Be careful with mutual friends. Friends that you both know are not suitable for you to contact when you feel like you need to deal with the loss of a friendship. You run the risk of being alienated more if you’re seen as trying to get people to part ways. However, you can still turn to them when you need friendship. This will serve as a reminder for you to always remember that there are still people who care about you.
- Avoid mentioning people who no longer want to see you.
- Try to focus on the similarities between you and your current friends.
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Do not speak ill of an old friend. It can be heartbreaking when a friend says they no longer want to see you. You should avoid speaking ill of them or ruining their reputation at all costs. As your feelings ease, perhaps both of you will realize that this friendship is still salvageable. The two of you will even get back together and be closer than ever after this huge disagreement. You wouldn’t want to make the situation worse or reduce any chance of a friendship healing because you talked badly about someone else’s back.
Step forward
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Know well that you will have new friends. People will come and go in our lives. Your friendship may also be going through its cycle. You should see it as a void in your life that you can fill with new, stronger friendships. [6] X Research Sources
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Be grateful. When a friendship ends, it’s easier to focus on the negative. You should look back at all the things that make you feel grateful in your life. Make a list of everyone close to you, a skill you’re proud of, a group you’re involved with, or a mission you love. Keep this list with you, like it is in your purse, in your bag, or hang it above your desk so you can reread it whenever you feel lonely. [7] X Research Sources
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Away from home. [8] X Research Source Hanging around in the house and thinking about your long-lost friend makes it hard to forget them. If you find yourself spending too much time moody indoors, get out of the house. You can go for a run or go to the gym. Go to a crowded place like a coffee shop, library, or a concert.
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Join a class. [9] X Research Resources Pursuing a new hobby is a great distraction and can help you meet new friends. You should sign up for a class that interests you to keep yourself busy. A yoga or meditation class can be quite helpful at times of grief. You can also take a cooking class, take dance lessons, or learn how to play an instrument.
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Do things that you like. [10] X Research Source Don’t allow lost friendships to stop you from enjoying life. Remember to spend extra time doing activities you love and that bring you joy. Read books, play games, hang out with friends, play musical instruments. Keep yourself busy.
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Become patient. [11] X Research Source Recovering from the loss of a friendship will take some time. Even if you feel really lonely and frustrated, you should know that emotions don’t last forever and as long as you take good care of yourself, you will have the strength to get through this process. [12] X Research Source
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This article was co-written by Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a psychologist working for a private company in San Jose, CA. He specializes in helping successful but troubled people in love and marriage, reduce stress and anxiety, and help them be happier in life. In 2016, he gave a TED talk on men and men’s feelings. He is the co-founder of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook’s headquarters, and currently advises Digital Ocean to support their Safety Team. He received his doctorate in clinical psychology in 2008.
This article has been viewed 15,117 times.
There are many reasons why a friendship ends. Sometimes people have disagreements that they just can’t get over, or it’s just that you’re becoming more and more distant. You may find yourself in a situation where, despite your best efforts, some of your friends are simply unwilling or unable to maintain a friendship with you. These are sad moments, but anyone can face them. You should remember that you have the power to survive and move forward.
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