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This article was co-written by John Keegan. John Keegan is a New York-based marriage and love expert and motivational speaker. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his knowledge of marriage and love, attraction and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and gives seminars on marriage and love internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York and Men’s Health.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 5,832 times.
Everyone has a one-sided love, and everyone knows that one-sided love will never have a happy ending. It is often said that if you are rejected, it is best to remove the person from your life completely, but life is not that easy. Maybe you two are colleagues, in the same class, or in the same group of friends. How do you forget someone?
Steps
Accept your feelings
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You have the right to be sad. While you’ll want to suppress your feelings and pretend they don’t exist, this is only a temporary solution. Feelings don’t “go away” just because you ignore them – they will soon return and hurt you even more. [1] X Research Source Give yourself time and space to express your sadness.
- Cry, punch your pillow, sit in your car and scream out loud, do whatever you think will make you feel more positive. [2] X Research Source
- Alcohol or stimulants are not the solution. They can help you forget about your feelings for a while, but in the long run, they only make things worse.
- Be careful, you shouldn’t wallow in sadness forever. Then there comes a time when you need to recover. If it’s been a few weeks and you still haven’t been able to take good care of yourself (no showers, crying all the time, no seeing friends) then it’s time to focus on improving your feelings.
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Remember that you can’t force your partner to reciprocate your feelings. Even if you think that only you are worthy of that person, the truth remains the same: they don’t like you. You cannot control other people’s emotions or determine their lives. [3] X Research Source Whether you give them gifts or even beg or scold them, feelings won’t change so easily. [4] X Research Sources
- Remember they are not trying to hurt you. Nor can they force themselves to have feelings for you. [5] X Research Sources
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Give yourself space. If you can, stay away from the person for a while: you don’t have to treat them badly or repel them like a mosquito, but the distance will help you or think less about the person. [6] X Source of Research If the person is a part of your daily life, like a colleague or classmate, try not to run into them. Don’t sit next to them at lunch, don’t go to school with them, avoid them as much as possible.
- This also means that you should avoid them on social networks. You can unfollow, unfriend, or at least hide the person’s account on social media. Constantly checking their Facebook/Instagram/Twitter accounts will only make you miss them more.
- If the person knows you have feelings for them, tell them you need some space and they need to respect that decision.
- Staying away from someone you really like isn’t easy, but it’s one thing you need to do if you want the feelings to fade.
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Think why you two don’t get along. List their bad qualities and why the two of you are not destined. The first reason on that list is this: they don’t reciprocate your feelings. A healthy relationship is one where feelings are reciprocated by both parties. [7] X Research Source You deserve to be with someone who loves you as much as you love them, not someone who is superficial and has no interest in you.
- List everything, this list is just for you. Even the little things they do that annoy you, like when they eat without closing their mouth, or constantly let you climb trees and hurt you. Write it all down!
- Studies have shown that being aware of someone’s bad points helps you get over rejection faster. [8] X Research Sources
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Do not blame yourself. Emotional rejection can be the easiest thing to do with self-blame, but in most cases this is about the person who rejected you and their personal problem, not yours. your fault. [9] X Research Source
- Don’t think that just because one person doesn’t like you, no one will love you anymore. [10] X Research Source
- Remember that everyone will be rejected at least once in their life. This is very common, you are not the only one so don’t be upset if your partner doesn’t reciprocate your feelings.
Keep yourself busy
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Reconnect with acquaintances or make new friends. If the person is in your circle of friends or was once a close friend, you can expand your network. Call up friends you haven’t seen in a while and ask them out, you can also try talking to your science classmate and start hanging out together.
- Focusing only on the person you like will limit the scope of your communication: you will feel like no one else exists or no one can make you happy. When you meet new friends, you’ll find that’s not true.
- Don’t isolate yourself. You may just want to be alone, but spending time with someone will make you think less about your feelings and tarnish the image of that person.
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Enrich your life with new activities and hobbies. Keeping yourself busy is a very important step so that you can gradually forget the person and think about other things. Don’t let yourself have time to think about your sadness. [11] X Research Source
- Volunteer or participate in volunteer activities.
- Go to the movies, listen to upbeat songs, read an interesting book, exercise, or learn to dance.
- Start a creative project like writing a book, composing a song, reciting a stanza, drawing a picture, or learning a dance.
- Focus on your studies or career.
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Always happy. When you smile, your brain releases endorphins, a chemical that produces positive emotions. Spend time with people who make you laugh and do things you love. You can go to karaoke with close friends, go to an amusement park, play a sport you are good at, exercise also increases the amount of endorphins in your body. [12] X Research Source
- Watch a movie or online comedy videos, or even funny gifs.
- Laughter also increases your tolerance for pain. When you are sustaining emotional trauma, your brain is activated in the same locations as when you are sustaining physical injuries. [13] X Research Source Laughing makes you less hurt.
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List the things you like about yourself. After a romantic rejection, you may not be as confident in yourself as you used to be and will only focus on imperfections. “They don’t like me because of this or because I have such interests”, thoughts like that only hurt you more. [14] X Research Resources Focus on your positives, list your accomplishments and good things you’ve done and what you like about yourself.
- Ask friends or family for help if you can’t find your good points.
- Are you a generous and mature person? Or are you a good listener and trustworthy person? Write it all down.
- Read that list over and over, especially when you’re sad.
Next step
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Everything takes time. Your love cannot end in a day or two. There will be days when you are sad and don’t want to do anything, but this means there will be days when you feel a little hopeful. Believe that time will heal everything even though this sounds cliché. This painful feeling will eventually fade away. [15] X Research Source
- If it’s been months and your feelings are still as strong, you may need help.
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Talk to someone if you can’t let go of your feelings. If you’ve tried to shake off your feelings and take another step forward but your heart is still in one place, talk to someone. It can be a close friend or someone you trust, you can also talk to a psychologist: they can offer methods to help you deal with your feelings.
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Find new people. When you’re ready, you can find someone who suits you better and is more likely to reciprocate your feelings. Don’t rush into a new relationship, dating someone to replace you while you’re still attached to your ex isn’t the way to go about it: you’ll hurt the new person, too. Focus on your best friend’s good points and remind yourself that you are a wonderful person and deserving of true love.
- When you feel better, you won’t feel anything anymore every time you hear their name. [16] X Research Source
- You will think about them less and less. [17] X Research Source
- One day, you will realize that in the first place, the two of you were not destined for each other.
Advice
- If you’re struggling for your partner, call up a few close friends and watch a comedy together. You will feel better.
- You will then have to face your feelings. If you feel like you can’t ignore how you’re feeling, perhaps talking to someone you trust will help ease your feelings.
- Stop listening to love songs, they will only remind you of that person.
- Don’t eat to be sad! In the long run, this is not good for you.
- Watch your favorite movie or a cheesy romantic movie.
- Sometimes, writing about your feelings will make you feel better. You can write a love letter to your partner, but don’t send it! You will regret it.
- Take out all your anger and sadness on your best friend – nothing but teasing you, they are top class.
- Don’t trust or hope too much, because “too much” is what makes you miserable.
- Don’t give up though, keep talking to them or hanging out together. You never know, maybe, after a while, the feelings will become two-way!
- Try a new hobby or continue to invest in an existing hobby; This will be fun and help you get over your feelings.
Warning
- The above methods won’t work right away
- Don’t test your feelings by questioning yourself.
- Don’t try to deny your feelings, accept them slowly.
- Remove the person’s phone number from your phone.
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This article was co-written by John Keegan. John Keegan is a New York-based marriage and love expert and motivational speaker. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his knowledge of marriage and love, attraction and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and gives seminars on marriage and love internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York and Men’s Health.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 5,832 times.
Everyone has a one-sided love, and everyone knows that one-sided love will never have a happy ending. It is often said that if you are rejected, it is best to remove the person from your life completely, but life is not that easy. Maybe you two are colleagues, in the same class, or in the same group of friends. How do you forget someone?
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