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This article was co-written by Leah Morris. Leah Morris is a life and relationship transition coach and owner of Life Remade, a holistic personal coaching service. With over three years as a coach, she specializes in guiding clients through short-term and long-term transitions. Leah holds a bachelor’s degree in organizational communication from California State University, Chico and is certified as a transformational life coach by the Southwest Institute of Restorative Arts.
There are 18 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,166 times.
Insecurity is one of the main problems affecting human relationships and even more importantly affecting the relationships we create with ourselves. Feelings of insecurity, whether alone or with others, can lead to self-destruction in the absence of adequate coping strategies. When we feel insecure, we are unable to express and display our best abilities, nor do we dare to take the usual daily risks that bring us many exciting experiences and new opportunities. Feeling more secure helps you begin to make a profound change. Courage and perseverance are two necessary virtues, worthy of a priceless gift for us to trust ourselves and the world we live in.
Steps
Eliminate Insecurities through Inner Criticism
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Begin to learn the inner critical voice. An inner critical voice is a persistent voice or way of thinking in your mind that often takes advantage of every opportunity that might make you feel worse in the face of even every small mistake, failure, and flaw. best. Take the time to really listen to your inner critic. Sometimes, we are so focused on blocking the negative inner voice that we fail to hear exactly what that voice is saying. [1] X Research Source
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Understand your inner critical voice. Try to listen to the criticism that comes from within you in a variety of situations, and notice the themes and similarities that appear in those criticisms. Combining a particular face, personality, or voice with your inner critic will help you listen more deeply and understand the heart of the message your inner critic wants to convey. [2] X Research Source
- This is difficult for some people when they cannot clearly visualize an object or a role corresponding to the inner critical voice. This could be a sign that your inner critical voice is not something you have to please, but rather your own unmet desires and values. [3] X Research Sources
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Make friends with your critical inner voice. Making friends doesn’t mean you accept everything your inner critical voice says. A friend is someone you feel comfortable around and who will love you, no matter how you change. Accept the presence of the critical inner voice and be willing to acknowledge and face everything the inner wants to convey. The critical inner voice may express an important need that remains unmet, albeit in a way that distorts the truth. [4] X Research Sources
- For example, if your inner critical voice thinks you’re worthless, you might see this as an unfulfilled desire to be appreciated. This will turn the feeling of helplessness of worthlessness into a new quest to achieve your desire to feel appreciated, simply by asking the person you love to say an affirmation. worthy determination.
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Let your inner critical voice know when it’s time to leave you alone. As with all honest relationships, it’s important to recognize when we should heed warning and opposition signals. Once you have developed a positive mindset about what your inner critical voice is focusing on, you can decide to challenge your inner critical voices and the negativity they bring to your life. living. [5] X Research Sources
- After a while, you may realize that your critical inner voice isn’t always right. For example, your critical inner voice might repeat something bad that someone else said about you, or old thoughts from when you were a child.
- Making a thoughtful decision to change your inner critical voice makes all the difference. You are sending a clear signal to a part of yourself that is seen as useless and criticized.
Behavior Change
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Stand up straight. Improving posture is one of the best ways to get rid of insecurities (although this may seem indirect). By standing and sitting upright, your body communicates to your mind that you are capable and willing to act. [6] X Research Source
- Likewise, you should pay attention to what you’re wearing. Even if you work from home or in a comfortable environment, consider changing up your routine with something you find quite enjoyable to wear all day.
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Develop a regular and easy morning routine. Mornings can be a more stressful time than the rest of the day, especially if you have work to do. [7] X Source of Research This is the time when we begin to become aware of all the work we have to do, and this makes us feel fearful and insecure about not being able to get everything done. work during the day. By forming the correct morning routine, we can ease our insecure thinking by making sure things are calculated, such as making our morning coffee after we step out of the bathroom. [8] X Research Sources
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Shift focus from criticism to praise. Have you ever noticed that you only focus on the criticism side and ignore all praise for your work? Living in a society where everyone has to fix bugs, every problem, instead of a positive, tends to pull us back with a strong pull. Fortunately, it’s up to you to decide what focus, level, and preference you like.
- For example, if your boss tells you, “You’ve done an excellent job recently, but I’d like to see the documents you’re working on arranged differently,” you might react. respond (1) with gratitude for the recognition, (2) with a comment on what you found interesting about the job, (3) and then in response to a request from your supervisor to re-adjust work that has already been done well. By emphasizing the importance of the compliments you receive, you’ll see how others can actively contribute to your increased sense of security.
- Notice the difference in importance between the compliment and the problem, when compared to the standard response of an apology and promise to change the way it is.
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Strengthen competence in the chosen field. Do you have a skill or ability that has always been admired by others? Take the time to learn something that you think is worth it. Quick reading skills? Milk coffee? Play the piano? Empowering will help you feel more secure because it will bring out your innate talents and nurture a certain skill that you want to share with the world. [9] X Research Source
- Remember to only focus on what is really important to you. You may find this skill or ability valuable because you tend to have a cult following of people who can perform it. This mindset can help get rid of your insecurities because you realize that this is a skill that you find very valuable. Otherwise, the feeling of insecurity over the choice will make you wonder, “Should I learn this skill?”, which will destroy the confidence you’re gaining through practicing this skill. .
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Rearrange your desk. When your work tools are within reach, you can eliminate even the tiniest moments of insecurity when you don’t have what you need within arm’s reach. Moments of insecurity can intensify and haunt your big decisions and attitude. Because your desk is something you can really control, knowing that things like paper clips and staplers are in the upper left corner of a drawer gives you a sense of order and peace of mind. comfortably perform daily tasks. [10] X Research Source
- This, as well as some other successes of day-to-day management (e.g., keeping stalls clean, keeping up with breaking news, etc.), can and should all be considered minor successes. To better understand this success, you should make a list of the obvious things to do. Go ahead and reward yourself with all the small wins on the list by being kind to yourself regardless of whether you’re happy with it or not!
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Choose your living environment wisely. Surround yourself with people who make you feel comfortable to be creative and explore yourself, get to know your insecurities, and all that. [11] X Research Sources Because you are responsible for your own insecurities, it’s important to stand firm in all social situations. This means that you should be assertive about all your needs and even stay away from people who are unhelpful or unloving.
- Honestly ask yourself, “Who made me feel this way when I was with them? Who made me feel that my contribution was insignificant?” You may be surprised (and shudder) to realize that the people we love most exhibit a tendency to be humble and to suppress our true feelings. It is normal to fear that our feelings of stress and needs will not be accepted, even if everyone has those feelings and needs! [12] X Research Source
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Express requests and suggestions. Becoming more secure means you need to learn to trust that someone is listening and won’t ignore you. By making legitimate requests and suggestions, others will feel your own contribution and perspective without feeling that you are demanding.
- Let’s say you’re talking to your lover about choosing food for dinner, and you feel too exhausted to make your own. Instead of complaining that they can’t do as many errands as you, or any form of argument about who “should” be in charge of this, try expressing fatigue. You can express this feeling frankly by making an earnest and non-threatening request that they take on this assignment tonight.
- Remember not to reprimand your partner or imply guilt, as this will leave the other side on the defensive and protesting. People often react badly when they feel they are being manipulated to do things rather than act their way.
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Accept and apply a conscious view of mobility in social situations. People who want to feel more secure often experience a strong hope of pleasing others, and this often leads to a risk of self-denial and a diminished sense of security. [13] X Research Sources However, the same urge to follow someone else’s request will make you stubbornly want to experience something outside your comfort zone. Experimenting with different social situations will show that you are more capable than you think. It also gives you valuable experience of the real security in life—you.
- It may sound a little weird, but how does continuing to please people relate to your sense of security? The difference lies in perception. For example, if you are invited by friends to a new club that seems daunting, you may decide to join because you feel insecure about your status in the eyes of your friends. However, you can easily perceive this impulsiveness as a new way of looking at mobility, giving you another reminder that you are capable of handling new things. Having a sense of when you should please others and when to take the opportunity to experience new things promotes a sense of security as you act.
Change Psychology
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Remind yourself of the invisibility of insecurity. In some social situations, do you feel that people can somehow see that you are having fearful or anxious thoughts? Fortunately, no one has access to your thoughts, except yourself. You can rest assured that you are your own harshest judge and chances are that everyone around you will also be interested in making a good impression. [14] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
- This idea seems to coincide with the fact that when faced with difficulties, you will be responsible for all the standards you create for yourself. Only your own perspective is intimately linked with your sense of feeling, and being right or wrong based on other people’s standards can never make that link [15] X Reliable Source trust American Psychpogical Association Go to source .
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Visualize a moment when you were extremely confident. Try to evoke as much vivid detail as possible around a moment where passion and drive give you unwavering confidence. Imagination can activate the ability to step into a state of mind to see your strengths, as well as opportunities in terms of conditions that can support those strengths. [16] X Research Source
- Besides visualizing a confident self, you should also think about your ideal role. By thinking of the ideal role that can support and challenge you, it will become easier to visualize and understand the mindset of the whole motive.
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Feel free to put the emotional aspect aside. When you’re really focusing on your problems and failures in life, it’s important to keep an emotional distance to prevent yourself from feeling too anxious. The inability to see through the problem can create real feelings of insecurity, and this also causes a chain of insecurity and takes up all your time focusing on other issues. . [17] X Research Source
- Realize that emotional isolation can be an effective way to gain a new perspective on yourself and your situation, only if you’ve figured out the problem with your own emotions . The most helpful thing is to have a holistic, emotional and aloof attitude towards life. Therefore, aloofness will work best for those who are prone to react emotionally first.
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Train yourself to recognize the positive side of failure and insecurities. One person’s trash can be another person’s treasure. Instead of trying to deny or change your flaws, make an effort to discover what they can do for you. [18] X Trusted Source Harvard Business Review Go to Source
- Keep in mind that these are not always obvious and can involve some creative guesswork. For example, if you don’t get the job you’ve always wanted, focus on the fact that you now have the opportunity to find a better, longer-term job. If you’re concerned about how weird you look when you run, think that someone will see your running posture as the cutest thing.
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This article was co-written by Leah Morris. Leah Morris is a life and relationship transition coach and owner of Life Remade, a holistic personal coaching service. With over three years as a coach, she specializes in guiding clients through short-term and long-term transitions. Leah holds a bachelor’s degree in organizational communication from California State University, Chico and is certified as a transformational life coach by the Southwest Institute of Restorative Arts.
There are 18 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,166 times.
Insecurity is one of the main problems affecting human relationships and even more importantly affecting the relationships we create with ourselves. Feelings of insecurity, whether alone or with others, can lead to self-destruction in the absence of adequate coping strategies. When we feel insecure, we are unable to express and display our best abilities, nor dare to face the usual daily risks that bring us many exciting experiences and new opportunities. Feeling more secure helps you begin to make a profound change. Courage and perseverance are two necessary virtues, worthy of an invaluable gift for us to trust ourselves and the world we live in.
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