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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,960 times.
Want to feel more confident in expressing your thoughts and feelings? Do you want others to listen to your point of view? Do you have to bravely fight to have your own point of view in a conversation? Expressed confidence is a quality demonstrated through skills and intelligence that can make you stand out from the crowd. Expressing confidence is saying what’s on your mind honestly and forthright, impartially but tactfully. [1] X Research Source Boldly speaking your mind doesn’t necessarily mean that you speak out about every detail of your life. It also doesn’t mean drawing personal or hierarchical boundaries or expressing heavy negatives and criticism whenever the opportunity arises. The criterion of self-expression is a positive and rewarding skill.
Steps
Find your own voice
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Gain self-knowledge through journaling. Knowing who you are, what you believe in, what your thoughts, feelings and needs are all underpinning self-knowledge. And journaling is a great way to build that knowledge. Practice journaling for 15 minutes or so each night before bed. Not only will journaling help you get to know yourself better, it’s also a great way to boost your confidence. Confidence is the foundation for bold expression. Try journaling with the following topics to begin your journey to more self-knowledge: [2] X Research Sources
- What is your ideal birthday gift and why?
- What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done?
- Who do you admire the most and why?
- What kind of person would you like to be remembered as?
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Confidence . To be bold, you must believe that your voice counts. [3] X Source of Research You must believe that your opinion will create more effective dialogue. And believe so! Various opinions will make a conversation or debate interesting.
- If you’re having trouble with confidence, an easy way to start is to talk about a topic that’s familiar to you. The more knowledgeable you are about a topic, the more comfortable you will feel talking about it.
- For example, if you love martial arts, talk about martial arts. If you love taking care of a perfect garden, let’s talk about gardening. First of all, feel free to talk about things that are close to you.
- Talking about your area of expertise will help you develop ideas on more abstract topics, like politics, ethics, and religion.
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Overcome shyness . Just because you are confident doesn’t mean you like to listen to your own voice/opinion. The next step is to overcome your shyness. [4] X Research Source Overcoming your natural tendency to shyness may seem difficult, but going against your natural instincts can open up new choices: bolder choices. .
- The popular sitcom Seinfeld aired an episode called “The Opposite”. In this episode, George admits that every decision he makes is wrong. He concluded that if he went against his natural instincts, he would get better results. George then decided to do the opposite of what he usually does in every situation. By the end of the episode, he from being unemployed and living off his parents got a job at the New York Yankees organization and got a position of his own.
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Find your strengths. Our strengths often go hand-in-hand with our interests. Hobbies reveal passions. It’s usually easy to speak confidently when talking about your interests and passions. Once you’ve identified your strengths, [5] X Research sources feel confident in expressing your opinion or even directing a project or activity using these strengths. Ask yourself the following questions to discover your strengths:
- What am I interested in?
- What is your hobby?
- What subject am I best at in school?
- In what area do I excel most at work?
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Develop your opinions . You don’t want to look like you don’t understand what you’re saying – or soon no one will listen to you. [6] X Research Source Plus, you’ll find it very difficult to express if you don’t have anything to say! Think about how you feel about hot topics in your social circle. In the end, only you have the answer, and you can’t go wrong!
- If you don’t really have your own opinion on something, research it and decide what you think.
- Know that lack of opinion on an issue is also a form of stance; you don’t see it as an important issue worth arguing over.
- For example, you may find yourself uninterested in celebrity gossip simply because you don’t care. You can say, “I have other priorities right now,” or “I don’t have an opinion on that.”
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Have a backup opinion based on facts. Some people feel uncomfortable expressing themselves because they don’t know anything about a topic. You can eliminate this feeling and have more confidence in your opinion if you have information that can support it.
- For example, if your friends and family are always talking about healthcare innovation, read a few articles on that topic and decide what you think. If you have prepared opinions along with factual data, you will feel more comfortable expressing yourself.
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Only care about the important things. You don’t want to be the person who always imposes his opinion on everyone, the one who confidently expresses it for the sake of self-expression, or the one who prides himself on being the winner in the end. Instead, get to know what you’re passionate about and pursue it.
- Wait to be bold enough to express your opinion on the matter you care about. If you give opinions or argue constantly, you seem belligerent and annoying. The point is to get people to notice and care about your thoughts, not to win others over.
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Understand that defensiveness and reserve are worth it. Western society in general encourages people to be extroverted. In the workplace, people who boldly express their opinions, are able to maintain conversations, and forge meaningful working relationships are highly valued. However, there is nothing wrong with being defensive . Sometimes taking a step back can be the most effective diplomatic option for communication. [7] X Research Sources
- As with most things, being right is always in the best interest. Being bold to speak out 24/7 isn’t your goal – you should aim to be a confident speaker if and only if you feel your position isn’t being made clear or need to defend it. If not, it’s better to be on the defensive.
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Have an open mind. This is common etiquette for a good argument. To assert your opinion, interpret properly, and listen to others when they speak, you cannot present yourself as blind, narrow minded or arrogant. Allowing the parties to clarify their point of view will help you appear more reasonable and believable.
- This is important before, during, and after you say what’s on your mind. “You’re right. I didn’t come up with that”, that’s just the dramatic way of saying it like arguing with someone with indisputable facts. Many people can brag, very few people can stop and admit that perhaps they are wrong.
Interact with others
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Practice with a trusted friend. Your candid expression is often misunderstood and perceived as rude and stubborn. [8] X Research Resources To learn the art of being straightforward, choose someone who understands you and cares about you. Practice saying what’s on your mind honestly and frankly. A trusted friend can help you practice expressing yourself until it feels more natural by giving you feedback.
- Expressing your opinion confidently might be something like: “I love astronomy and I think we can learn a lot from studying the night sky.”
- Rude or obstinate will sound like, “Anyone who doesn’t care about the night sky is an idiot.”
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Try to eliminate your fear. It is easy to feel threatened if you are worried about what others will think or say about you. [9] X Research Source However, you must remove it. By expressing yourself well when you’ve researched and formed a clear point of view about something, you can feel more confident about what you’re saying and less worried about other people’s judgments. .
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Behave politely. You can be outspoken but must be tactful and sensitive to the feelings of others. [10] X Research Source Knowing when to be frank, as well as knowing what you mean is often a matter of tact.
- If you are an atheist, perhaps you should not express your opinion that the dead simply die and do not go anywhere else in a church memorial for a recently deceased family member. Keeping your opinions to yourself in that context is polite.
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Speak or. It’s a shame if you let a good argument be ruined by improper expression. Many people will focus so much on that they miss what has to be said. You can avoid that problem by doing your best to present your opinion well. [11] X Research Source Think about how other good presenters, such as news presenters, tend to talk and organize their thoughts, and try to emulate Surname.
- Sometimes what determines a good speaker is not the loud words. It shows in efficiency, brevity, conciseness and as long as you present the information thoroughly.
- For example, saying, “The tuna industry sucks. Everyone who eats tuna is harming the ecosystem” is an understatement. Instead, prepare what you say: “The tuna industry is completely unsustainable. It will only last for 10 years if we don’t stop. Humans are messing with the life cycle.” .
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Know when to stop. Along with focusing only on the issues that matter, you need to be able to see when to close the issue. When you speak your mind, let your words and opinions be fully expressed. No need to waste time!
- Also take cues from peers. If someone is starting to get offended, resentful, or exhibit any other negative emotion, stop. You can review the views later if necessary.
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Practice and repeat. Any personality trait is learned and accumulated by you. Once you begin to confidently express your views on a regular basis, the response becomes automatic. You won’t mind listening to yourself speak. It’s not scary that others react to your opinion. It’s just a natural part of human society.
- Set a goal of voicing your opinion once a day to start. Do them slowly every time you find yourself thinking the right thing about something without saying it. If you go too far, it will easily pull you back. And if anyone asks you why there is a profound change, be honest! You are trying to boldly express your personal opinion. That is all.
Work effectively
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Be candid at home and at work. It’s easy to tell your family about how you really feel about the world around you. Things are much more difficult if you walk into the conference room, raise your hand, and start putting yourself at risk. But the problem is what really matters most. And it can also determine the promotion you are hoping for!
- The more you do something, the more comfortable you will become with it – whatever it is. So let’s get started tomorrow. When you have a thought, if possible, say it. That’s all you need to do. Do it once a day until being the group spokesperson feels less intimidating. You will progress from there.
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Don’t aim for persuasion. Open, intellectual debate can be invigorating and fun. However, talking to someone cramming their opinions for you non-stop until you turn apathetic is just the opposite. [12] X Research Source Don’t be someone who won’t stop until everyone in the room agrees with you. That is not the goal.
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Understand that your opinion is not unique. Many people struggle to keep their opinions to themselves and have no intention of persuading the other person to follow. This is usually because they firmly and unwaveringly believe that they are 100% right. [13] X Research Source Think others are funny – why can’t they see it? Actually, because the other party also has the same beliefs .
- The difference is that if you’re reading this page, you’re not the “I’m right you’re wrong” type. However, you may have to deal with this type of person when you oppose their point of view. Let them know that their one-sided point of view doesn’t make for a fun and intellectual debate. There’s no need to argue with someone like that, so don’t do it!
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Don’t put others down. Once you start voicing your opinion, you will be faced with the need for others to voice their opinion as well. ” He really just said that…? I must have heard wrong” . When this happens, don’t detract from your reason by adding comments like: “You’re acting crazy,” or “That’s so stupid.” It doesn’t put you in a better position, nor does it put you in a worse position. It just makes you look mean. [14] X Research Source
- Try your best to make your boldness not be judged in front of people. If you don’t feel like going to a certain movie with your friends, say so – but if you’re talking to someone about weight loss, be more tactful about the subject.
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Listen to others. Follow the example of Nelson Mandela, who once said: “I have always tried to listen to what each person has to say in a discussion before venturing out my own. My own opinion will simply represent a consensus on what I hear in the discussions.” [15] X Research Source
- It is very important to listen first – perhaps your point has been resolved – or maybe someone else has a better one! The only way you can really ensure your directness accomplishes its purpose is if you listen before you speak. That will help you avoid many regrets later!
Advice
- Don’t say anything racist, sexist, or offensive.
- Make sure you always have good reasons.
- Don’t hesitate. Your opinion is always of some value.
- If you need to tell someone that you think they did something wrong, tell them privately.
- Use as few words as possible. Shorter messages are more impressive and effective.
Warning
- You may have a lot of enemies when you boldly express your opinion like this, but usually you will reduce the number of enemies if you are a good and honest person. You will also gain more respect.
- Avoid profanity during arguments. It can cause others to overlook the good points you are making and effectively degrade your good points.
- Be careful when arguing with people in authority, such as bosses, teachers, etc.
- Some of your friends may just be very shy, always careful. A good friend should understand that you haven’t changed, but you will have some changes to choosing to have a relationship with someone.
X
This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,960 times.
Want to feel more confident in expressing your thoughts and feelings? Do you want others to listen to your point of view? Do you have to bravely fight to have your own point of view in a conversation? Expressed confidence is a quality demonstrated through skills and intelligence that can make you stand out from the crowd. Expressing confidence is saying what’s on your mind honestly and forthright, impartially but tactfully. [1] X Research Source Boldly speaking your mind doesn’t necessarily mean that you speak out about every detail of your life. It also doesn’t mean drawing personal or hierarchical boundaries or expressing heavy negatives and criticism whenever the opportunity arises. The criterion of self-expression is a positive and rewarding skill.
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