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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,960 times.
Want to feel more confident in expressing your thoughts and feelings? Do you want others to listen to your point of view? Do you have to bravely fight to have your own point of view in a conversation? Expressed confidence is a quality demonstrated through skills and intelligence that can make you stand out from the crowd. Expressing confidence is saying what’s on your mind honestly and forthright, impartially but tactfully. [1] X Research Source Boldly speaking your mind doesn’t necessarily mean that you speak out about every detail of your life. It also doesn’t mean drawing personal or hierarchical boundaries or expressing heavy negatives and criticism whenever the opportunity arises. The criterion of self-expression is a positive and rewarding skill.
Steps
Find your own voice
- What is your ideal birthday gift and why?
- What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done?
- Who do you admire the most and why?
- What kind of person would you like to be remembered as?
- If you’re having trouble with confidence, an easy way to start is to talk about a topic that’s familiar to you. The more knowledgeable you are about a topic, the more comfortable you will feel talking about it.
- For example, if you love martial arts, talk about martial arts. If you love taking care of a perfect garden, let’s talk about gardening. First of all, feel free to talk about things that are close to you.
- Talking about your area of expertise will help you develop ideas on more abstract topics, like politics, ethics, and religion.
- The popular sitcom Seinfeld aired an episode called “The Opposite”. In this episode, George admits that every decision he makes is wrong. He concluded that if he went against his natural instincts, he would get better results. George then decided to do the opposite of what he usually does in every situation. By the end of the episode, he from being unemployed and living off his parents got a job at the New York Yankees organization and got a position of his own.
- What am I interested in?
- What is your hobby?
- What subject am I best at in school?
- In what area do I excel most at work?
- If you don’t really have your own opinion on something, research it and decide what you think.
- Know that lack of opinion on an issue is also a form of stance; you don’t see it as an important issue worth arguing over.
- For example, you may find yourself uninterested in celebrity gossip simply because you don’t care. You can say, “I have other priorities right now,” or “I don’t have an opinion on that.”
- For example, if your friends and family are always talking about healthcare innovation, read a few articles on that topic and decide what you think. If you have prepared opinions along with factual data, you will feel more comfortable expressing yourself.
- Wait to be bold enough to express your opinion on the matter you care about. If you give opinions or argue constantly, you seem belligerent and annoying. The point is to get people to notice and care about your thoughts, not to win others over.
- As with most things, being right is always in the best interest. Being bold to speak out 24/7 isn’t your goal – you should aim to be a confident speaker if and only if you feel your position isn’t being made clear or need to defend it. If not, it’s better to be on the defensive.
- This is important before, during, and after you say what’s on your mind. “You’re right. I didn’t come up with that”, that’s just the dramatic way of saying it like arguing with someone with indisputable facts. Many people can brag, very few people can stop and admit that perhaps they are wrong.
Interact with others
- Expressing your opinion confidently might be something like: “I love astronomy and I think we can learn a lot from studying the night sky.”
- Rude or obstinate will sound like, “Anyone who doesn’t care about the night sky is an idiot.”
- If you are an atheist, perhaps you should not express your opinion that the dead simply die and do not go anywhere else in a church memorial for a recently deceased family member. Keeping your opinions to yourself in that context is polite.
- Sometimes what determines a good speaker is not the loud words. It shows in efficiency, brevity, conciseness and as long as you present the information thoroughly.
- For example, saying, “The tuna industry sucks. Everyone who eats tuna is harming the ecosystem” is an understatement. Instead, prepare what you say: “The tuna industry is completely unsustainable. It will only last for 10 years if we don’t stop. Humans are messing with the life cycle.” .
- Also take cues from peers. If someone is starting to get offended, resentful, or exhibit any other negative emotion, stop. You can review the views later if necessary.
- Set a goal of voicing your opinion once a day to start. Do them slowly every time you find yourself thinking the right thing about something without saying it. If you go too far, it will easily pull you back. And if anyone asks you why there is a profound change, be honest! You are trying to boldly express your personal opinion. That is all.
Work effectively
- The more you do something, the more comfortable you will become with it – whatever it is. So let’s get started tomorrow. When you have a thought, if possible, say it. That’s all you need to do. Do it once a day until being the group spokesperson feels less intimidating. You will progress from there.
- The difference is that if you’re reading this page, you’re not the “I’m right you’re wrong” type. However, you may have to deal with this type of person when you oppose their point of view. Let them know that their one-sided point of view doesn’t make for a fun and intellectual debate. There’s no need to argue with someone like that, so don’t do it!
- Try your best to make your boldness not be judged in front of people. If you don’t feel like going to a certain movie with your friends, say so – but if you’re talking to someone about weight loss, be more tactful about the subject.
- It is very important to listen first – perhaps your point has been resolved – or maybe someone else has a better one! The only way you can really ensure your directness accomplishes its purpose is if you listen before you speak. That will help you avoid many regrets later!
Advice
- Don’t say anything racist, sexist, or offensive.
- Make sure you always have good reasons.
- Don’t hesitate. Your opinion is always of some value.
- If you need to tell someone that you think they did something wrong, tell them privately.
- Use as few words as possible. Shorter messages are more impressive and effective.
Warning
- You may have a lot of enemies when you boldly express your opinion like this, but usually you will reduce the number of enemies if you are a good and honest person. You will also gain more respect.
- Avoid profanity during arguments. It can cause others to overlook the good points you are making and effectively degrade your good points.
- Be careful when arguing with people in authority, such as bosses, teachers, etc.
- Some of your friends may just be very shy, always careful. A good friend should understand that you haven’t changed, but you will have some changes to choosing to have a relationship with someone.
This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,960 times.
Want to feel more confident in expressing your thoughts and feelings? Do you want others to listen to your point of view? Do you have to bravely fight to have your own point of view in a conversation? Expressed confidence is a quality demonstrated through skills and intelligence that can make you stand out from the crowd. Expressing confidence is saying what’s on your mind honestly and forthright, impartially but tactfully. [1] X Research Source Boldly speaking your mind doesn’t necessarily mean that you speak out about every detail of your life. It also doesn’t mean drawing personal or hierarchical boundaries or expressing heavy negatives and criticism whenever the opportunity arises. The criterion of self-expression is a positive and rewarding skill.
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