How to Establish a Happy Lasting Relationship

Understand your needs and wants. Understanding your own physical and emotional needs before entering a relationship is important because you need to communicate those needs with the person you love if you want the relationship to be successful. You need to have a solid idea of what you need and want in a relationship, but if you’re unsure, you can think about these issues. ^[1]

• Reflect on past relationships to understand why they succeeded or failed. What can these experiences tell you about your needs?
• Think about how you react to people and situations. For example, do you react in a sentimental way, have a hard time trusting someone, or have a hard time expressing your feelings? It helps to understand those personality traits before entering into a serious relationship.

Make sure you start the relationship for healthy reasons instead of inappropriate ones. Keep the following principles in mind: ^{[2] [3] [4]}

• Healthy reasons to start a relationship include: a desire to share love, closeness, and friendship; the need to experience personal growth; emotional and material support for each other; and hope to build a family. It’s important to remember that these motivations aren’t just about receiving love and support, but about giving those things to the person you love.
• Inappropriate reasons for entering a relationship include: fear of loneliness, fear of breaking up, and unwillingness to lose connection with the person’s friends and family. Using your partner for safety, sex, money, or revenge are all very harmful reasons for a relationship. If you start and maintain a relationship for these reasons, you and your partner will have a hard time developing a happy long-term relationship, and both of you could be seriously hurt in the process. that program.

Choose your partner wisely. If you hope to develop a happy long-term relationship, you need to choose your partner carefully. People often assume opposites attract, but researchers have found that individuals who share similar goals, interests, and expectations are generally more satisfied with their relationships. ^{[5] [6]}

• Your personalities don’t have to be the same, but if each person wants different things from the relationship then you’ll have a hard time maintaining that relationship.
• Think about whether your differences make up for each other. For example, someone who is more hasty will balance out someone who is more planned.

Be realistic. Entering a relationship with the hope of being free of difficulties and challenges is unrealistic. The initial fascination and infatuation will fade at first, but with time and effort, you can build deeper and more meaningful relationships. ^[7]

Don’t try to change your partner. While you may be able to convince the person to clean up his dirty clothes or take his dog for a walk, thinking that you will dramatically change his personality, outlook, or behavior will set your relationship up for failure. . Experts say you can’t change these specific traits or beliefs: ^{[8] [9]}

• The concept of religion.
• His or her views on having children.
• His or her temperament and how they behave when angry.
• Whether the person is an introvert or an extrovert.
• The person’s interests, activities, and hobbies.
• The person’s relationship with their family.

To build a relationship. If you hope to have a happy long-term relationship, focus on building a relationship with the person you love. Experts have found that couples who are friends are happier and more engaged. ^{[10] [11] [12]}

• If you don’t want to spend time together, your relationship won’t be very successful.
• Spend time getting to know each other’s interests and hobbies. At first this may seem like you have to make sacrifices to do something you don’t want, but your partner will appreciate your efforts and be willing to do something to make you happy next time. You’ll also feel more connected to her and better understand her personality, wants, and needs.
• Try to identify your common interests and pursue them together. For example, if you guys like the outdoors, go camping together.

Don’t feel like you guys have to do everything together. Sometimes couples find they need to do all sorts of things together, but that can make you and your partner feel constrained. ^[13]

• Don’t give up on spending time with friends and family.
• Maintain the interests you had before starting the relationship.

Be generous with that person. Generous people are willing to put the thoughts, feelings, and interests of others before their own. Researchers have found that when couples are generous with each other, couples are more likely to create lasting relationships. ^{[14] [15]}

• Share what you have. It could be something as simple as your willingness to share dessert or as important as your resources and time.
• Don’t be generous because you want something in return. Truly generous people don’t do this because they want something from others. For example, don’t give generous gifts because you hope to reciprocate.

Don’t rush. People entering relationships may feel rushed to reach higher stages in the relationship by quickly becoming close, moving in together, and getting married soon after meeting. While it’s exciting to think about the happy ending you’ve been waiting for and looking forward to, taking the time to make sure you’re both on the same page about the relationship will help strengthen it. ^{[16] [17]}

• Both you and your partner will be more confident and happier in the relationship if you don’t feel pressured and forced to do something hasty.
• The better they get to know each other, the more the relationship develops and the more likely it is to succeed.