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This article was co-written by Jin S. Kim, MA. Jin Kim is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, California. Jin specializes in working with LGBTQ people, people of color, and people who have difficulty reconciling intersecting gender identities. Jin received his master’s degree in clinical psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles in 2015, with a major in LGBT Confirmation Psychology.
This article has been viewed 49,758 times.
Losing a friend is just as difficult as breaking up with a lover, but breaking up is necessary when there are many problems the two of you can’t solve. If that friendship brings more negatives than positives, then it’s time to let go. Friendships change and end. You have to sever that bond, but at least do it gently and humbly.
Steps
Should I Termination?
- Does the disagreement happen only once or is it a long-term occurrence? If the disagreement cannot be resolved, then the friendship should not exist.
- Is that more of an issue than friendship? Voting for different candidates is one thing, but if someone vehemently disagrees with your beliefs, then you should decide to break up.
- Has something hurtful or disparaging happened that neither of you would ever apologize to the other? Do you feel proud/sad when you can’t say “I’m sorry” and move on with your life?
- If you two are old friends, give it another shot. Everyone goes through hard times and it’s not worth giving up and turning away just because things haven’t been fun for a few weeks.
- Being apart doesn’t mean two people will never be able to be close again. The two of you just haven’t been together for a while – that’s as simple as that.
- Ask yourself, are you still willing to dedicate yourself to preserving this relationship? If the answer is no, move on with your life and end the friendship here.
- If you know you’ll feel happy and won’t fall into sentimentality, boredom, or other negative feelings like when you’re around them, it’s a good idea to let go. Don’t mind mutual friends, activities, or other nonsense. If they don’t bring you any good, stop .
Really Stopping
- If you are in danger, notify the authorities (administrator, school official, police) immediately. It’s no longer a friendship you can deal with on your own.
- Chat with them within safe limits. Please keep personal thoughts and feelings that you do not share with them.
- Keep your distance from them. Try not to call or text. Do not answer phone calls or texts. Of course, don’t stop completely. But if you’re no longer friends, you don’t need to contact them as soon as something happens.
- Decline the invitation to create distance. As the distance between you grows, stop spending time with them. In the end, they won’t call you again once they understand what you mean.
- If you’re willing to stay in touch with them, make it clear to them how you’d like them to contact you. You don’t need to be indifferent to someone’s existence just because you don’t want to play with them anymore.
- If you never want to talk to them again, warn them of the consequences if they don’t listen. And like any other promise, make sure you follow through on what you say if they do too.
Resolve the Consequences
- Your friend may have a hard time accepting that. Either one or the whole person may burst into tears, plead or leave in anger. But no matter how you feel at the time, they can’t erase all the reasons you decided to end things.
- You will probably feel guilty, it’s true. But remember, no matter what your broken relationship is, feeling responsible for the end of something that was once good is a normal emotion. It will fade over time.
- If they tend to be hostile when the two of you meet, you should prepare your mind for harsh words or even physical action. Wrap things up in public, bring another friend or write them a letter if you’re really worried something might happen.
- You will feel angry for a moment if they hurt you. That is common sense. But don’t let your anger push you into negative, immature things. Once you’ve let the friendship go, let the emotions go with it.
- If your old friend was passive-aggressive, they may sneak up on you after you’ve ended your friendship. Try and remember that in the end it’s your fault that things ended and you shouldn’t retaliate against them.
- You have completely ended your friendship with them. Don’t make things worse by trying to hurt or hurt them after you’ve finished it.
Advice
- You have the right to keep and protect your own “joy”. If your friend steals that “joy”, this is a bad friendship.
- Don’t allow friends or family to force you into maintaining a hurtful relationship. Think for yourself first.
- If someone leaves you, let them go, your destiny is never tied to someone who has left you. That action doesn’t mean they’re bad people, it just means their role in your story is over.
- Remember to always think about how they will respond to the end of this friendship as peacefully as possible.
- Tell them why you no longer want to be friends with them and don’t be afraid to show your feelings.
- End the friendship completely but politely.
- But if they only have one more month to live, don’t stop with them. Be by their side.
Warning
- Don’t ignore the signs of a friendship that has faded. Unless you’re saving it, things usually won’t get better on their own.
- Avoid getting agitated and talking bad about your old friend to others. If you do, you may face the same consequences.
This article was co-written by Jin S. Kim, MA. Jin Kim is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, California. Jin specializes in working with LGBTQ people, people of color, and people who have difficulty reconciling intersecting gender identities. Jin received his master’s degree in clinical psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles in 2015, with a major in LGBT Confirmation Psychology.
This article has been viewed 49,758 times.
Losing a friend is just as difficult as breaking up with a lover, but breaking up is necessary when there are many problems the two of you can’t solve. If that friendship brings more negatives than positives, then it’s time to let go. Friendships change and end. You have to sever that bond, but at least do it gently and humbly.
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