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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
This article has been viewed 50,722 times.
No one likes to see someone else sad, but if it’s your friend, you can’t just sit back and do nothing. Maybe she just had an argument with a lover, didn’t get a promotion, lost a loved one, was diagnosed with a serious illness, or another traumatic event that made her feel sad. It’s lucky she has a friend like you to help her through this difficult time. Here are some suggestions for you to motivate your friend.
Steps
Listen to Her
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Ask her what’s wrong. Ask her if she wants to talk about it. [1] X Research Source You might say: “I see you’ve been very sad lately. What ‘s up?”. Maybe she really wanted to talk about it and was just waiting to be asked. So listen to her answer. [2] X Research Source Be quiet and don’t interrupt her. You don’t have to give her opinion or advice, unless she asks.
- If she doesn’t want to talk, respect her choice. Maybe she’s hurting too much, and she feels like she’ll break down if she has to talk about it. She just needs a moment to accept the situation and her feelings. Give her time and let her know that you’re always there if she wants to confide. [3] X Research Sources
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Comfort her with emotions. Remind her that she is a wonderful person and means a lot to you. Acknowledge how she feels when she shares her grief. You might say, “I know it’s sad. I’m sorry you had to put up with it.” [4] X Research Source Continue to show her kindness and encouragement. Always be a loyal friend. This is not the time to abandon or hide from her.
- Don’t tell others about her problems.
- If she asks for advice, give your opinion.
- If you don’t know what to say to her, suggest someone who can help, like a trusted friend, family member, or professional.
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Try to understand what your friend is going through. If you can’t understand, listen. You can offer to help her without being encouraging about things you don’t agree with. Don’t blame her and rub salt in her wound. For example, if she’s upset over a fight with her husband, don’t say, “I told you not to marry him.”
- If you can’t say what she wants to hear, say that you’ll always be there for her, no matter what. [5] X Research Sources
- Don’t take her feelings lightly.
- A hug and a handshake says a lot. [6] X Research Sources
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Please be patient. Your friend may be scowling or angry at you, and she may be vocal at you. Don’t think it’s up to you. Ignore her and realize that she’s not herself. She’s under a lot of stress, and you know she’s had her good days before. [7] X Research Sources
Remind Her To Smile
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Let’s make her laugh. Do silly things together. Turn on the music and dance together funny. Rent a comedy and watch it with her. Tell her jokes. Recall the funny memories you two had together.
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Offer to take her to a fun place. Go shopping with her. It could be an interesting trip. Take her out to lunch or meet other people. Pay attention to your friend’s personality and interests. Ask yourself: “What can I do to encourage and distract her? What does she like to do?”
- At first, your friend may decline your invitation. Maybe she’ll say she doesn’t want to go anywhere. Encourage her and tell her that she doesn’t have to go through this alone, and that meeting other people will help her. [8] X Research Sources
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Buy her a nice gift or card. It could be something as simple as a box of candy, a bottle of perfume, or her favorite flower. A card that comforts the right issue will also help her feel better. Those gifts will tell her that you appreciate and think about her. They will also help her think less about her problems, even if only temporarily. [9] X Research Source
- Your actions will show her that there are still people in the world who care about her pain, and they really want to help.
- She will remember what you did when she was sad and lonely.
Being a True Friend
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Offer to do something for her. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help her. Offer to babysit when she needs alone time to deal with her sadness. You can go to the market and/or cook for her some meals. Help her clean the house. If her parents are seriously ill, take them to the hospital with her. [10] X Research Source
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Let her know that you are always there for her. She may need some alone time. Leave her alone, but tell her she can call you when she needs to, any time. If she accepts and calls you at 2 a.m., pick up the phone and listen to her. If she needs to see you at 3 a.m., get out of bed and go see her. [11] X Research Source
- Don’t forget to call her and ask how she’s feeling.
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Talk to mutual friends. Mutual friends can help comfort her and make her feel better. You shouldn’t tell them things she’s only told you about. Ask her first if you can tell them about her sad story, and be sure to ask what you can tell. [12] X Research Source
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Suggest she see a specialist. If your friend is still sad, if sadness is affecting her life, if you feel you can’t help her cheer up, maybe her problem is more serious than being sad because it’s hard. She may be depressed. [13] X Research Source Be honest with your concerns. Ask her to talk to someone about sad things. Find a counselor or therapist for her, and take her to the clinic if needed.
- If you think your friend is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) – the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the US, or if in Vietnam, you can call the hotline 1900599930 on number 1 to contact the Prevention Center psychological crisis and suicide (PCP). [14] X Trusted Source National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Go to Source
- If your friend is in a serious crisis, call 911 or 911 (in the US). [15] X Research Source
Warning
- Don’t make her feel uncomfortable by giving her encouragement. That will make her feel overwhelmed and away from you.
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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
This article has been viewed 50,722 times.
No one likes to see someone else sad, but if it’s your friend, you can’t just sit back and do nothing. Maybe she just had a fight with her lover, didn’t get a promotion, lost a loved one, was diagnosed with a serious illness, or some other traumatic event made her feel sad. It’s lucky she has a friend like you to help her through this difficult time. Here are some suggestions for you to motivate your friend.
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