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This article was co-written by Catherine Boswell, PhD. Catherine Boswell is a psychologist and co-founder of Psynergy Psychpogical Associates, a private therapy facility in Houston, Texas. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Boswell specializes in treating individuals, groups of patients, couples and families with trauma, relationship problems, and trauma. in life. She holds a doctorate in counseling psychology from the University of Houston. Dr. Bowell teaches master’s degree students at the University of Houston. She is also an author, speaker, and coach.
There are 14 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 9,063 times.
We’ve all been hurt by someone in the past and made us extremely angry. While you may also feel hurt, offended, or frustrated, anger can be dangerous if you indulge in it. Do not allow anger to destroy your physical and psychological health. You should try to acknowledge your anger, learn how to deal with it, and process your emotions. While it’s good to think that we’ll never be hurt by another person again, understanding how to let go of anger will help you work through it.
Steps
Acknowledge Your Anger
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Understand anger. Learning how to let go of anger is essential, not only for your mental health, but also for your physical health. Part of this process will involve forgiveness, and forgiveness will act as a deterrent, making it harder for others to hurt you again in the future. [1] X Research Sources Wallace H, Exline J, Baumeister R (2008) Consequences of interpersonal forgiveness: Does forgiveness hinder or encourage repeated offense?” Journal of Psychology Social Experimental Studies 44, 453-460.
- When someone betrays or hurts you, it negatively affects your health by increasing anxiety and stress. It’s bad for your cardiovascular system, [2] X Source of immune, and nervous systems research . [3] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Identify the problem. [4] X Research Sources Look for specific causes that keep you feeling hurt. Only when you proceed to identify the potential loss or problem can you confront it and eliminate it. It’s also important to find out if your partner knows they’ve hurt you. This method will affect your mediation. [5] X Research Sources
- For example, if your spouse cheated on you or left you, it’s understandable to feel angry. Feelings of loss will stem from the loss of love and appreciation or respect. Moreover, your spouse will also understand the pain they have caused you.
- On the other hand, if a friend has a spare concert ticket and doesn’t invite you, you may also feel as though you’ve lost your friendship and closeness with this person and this makes you sad and upset. angry. However, your friend probably won’t know that they have hurt you.
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Allow yourself to grieve. Person-to-person conflict and resolution can be viewed as a grieving process. For example, when someone hurts you, you will feel as if you have lost that person. The grieving period will help you to understand your feelings after being hurt. They will also help you understand why anger is part of the grieving process and, in turn, help you let go of it. [6] X Research Sources
- If the pain is related to an indefinite breakup or separation, the loss is likely to be permanent. If the pain is caused by feelings of being overlooked, forgotten, or disrespected, you will feel as though you have temporarily lost the person through the loss of attention or respect. .
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Temporarily avoid meeting people who upset you. Anger will spiral out of control as the tension between you and the person who has hurt you grows. [7] X Research Resources You should wait until you have processed your grief and moved on to learning to accept it before you begin interacting with the person.
- It’s important that the person also steps forward in the grieving process so that they won’t take their anger out on you when you’re interacting with each other. Even if the person is the one who hurt you, they can still have feelings of loss and regret.
Dealing with Anger
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Scream. There are quite a few times when someone feels so angry that they just want to scream. If you are experiencing this right now, stop reading this article and scream into your pillow. Yelling will help you feel physically lighter. Many studies have shown that crying also releases toxins that accumulate during stress. [8] X Research Sources
- However, you should remember to make sure that the pillow will drown out your screams to avoid disturbing the people around.
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Throw away your anger metaphorically. If there are a lot of details in a particular situation that make you feel angry, you should find a few items and turn them into objects that represent the element that makes you angry before throwing them away. For example:
- You can pick up rocks that read along the shore and throw them into the water after you’ve infused the cause of your anger into them. [9] X Research Source
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Replace resentment with sympathy. Another way to do this is to “put yourself in the other person’s shoes”. Consider why the person is acting the way they do. You’ll probably never fully understand other people’s motives or agree with them when you’re working to identify them, but it’s easy to let go of anger at others after you’ve spent a little time thinking about them. Find out what they think. [10] X Research Source
- If possible, remind yourself that the person may not have realized that they hurt you. If they do it on purpose, think about what caused them to do this.
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Determine if mediation is the right option. Remember that forgiveness does not automatically bring you to the reconciliation process. If you suspect that the person responsible for your anger feels remorse and wants to correct the mistake, mediation can be quite effective. [11] X Research Source
- On the other hand, if the person does not try to correct the mistake, or if the nature of the pain is so great that you cannot trust the person again, mediation will not be the right solution.
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Forgive. You should know that you can completely forgive that person. Letting go of anger means forgiving the person who hurt you. However, not everyone can forgive. [12] X Research Resources Forced or fake forgiveness won’t help anyone, nor will it help you. You need to work through the pain, control your anger, and decide whether you should forgive the person or when to do so.
- Understand that forgiving others will not change their behavior. The purpose of forgiveness is to purge any anger and resentment that is building up in your soul. Forgiveness is for your benefit and is a necessity for your inner self, not an external one.
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Take responsibility for your own actions. When you’re angry, you’re likely to blame others. [13] X Source of Research You need to look at your own role in the situation and take responsibility for it. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t accept your partner’s bad treatment of you, but just that if you’ve done something wrong, you should be honest, especially if you’re contemplating a reconciliation.
- Taking responsibility can start with getting rid of negative emotions. One way to do this is to make a list of the three to five strongest negative emotions you feel, and think about how to replace them with positive ones.
Handling Emotions
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Look for positivity. See growth in every aspect of your being through pain. Finding unexpected benefits or positivity and relying on them can help you cope with the process. If you can’t find any positive elements in the painful situation you are experiencing, you should look at the positivity in your life and another factor you can express gratitude to. they. [14] X Research Source
- Consider whether your pain is leading you down a path that contains good things that you never experienced or you have completely missed.
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Spread positivity to the whole world. You can vent and allow your anger to affect everyone around you, but this will only make it stronger. By spreading a positive influence to people, you will be able to change the way you interact with society in a way that is less anger-inducing. [15] X Research Source
- Surround yourself with positive people. Simply put, by being open to the positive and optimistic thoughts of others, you can rebuild positivity in your life. Over time, you will even develop a positive alternative to anger on your own.
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Write a letter or diary. Writing about your anger in a journal is an essential way to get rid of it. If you don’t have a diary, you can write a letter expressing your anger to the person who made you feel this way to vent your anger. However, do not send mail.
- Mailing them is a pretty bad idea. This action will easily be seen as retaliation or the other party will not see it well and this can escalate the problem. [16] X Research Source Even if you write your letter as politely as possible, the other person may misunderstand you, especially if they have low self-esteem or are experiencing other personal pain .
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Exercise or pursue a hobby. Exercise will help you release anger in a positive way physically. You can choose the type of exercise you like. Take a walk in the park, go swimming to relax, or play basketball. It is important that you redirect the energies that you feel will form anger into something more positive for yourself. [17] X Research Source
- If you don’t like exercising, you can go for a walk, channel your energy into pursuing a new hobby, or do something pretty for your friends or family. [18] X Research Sources
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Reach out to your faith or meditate. If you trust God, you can pray to Him to give you the strength and readiness to let go of your anger. When letting go of anger seems to be getting out of hand, asking the gods will help you open up enough to release your anger for the better. Whether you believe in a certain religion or not, meditation is a great way to help stabilize your body, mind, and soul. There are quite a few types of meditation you can do, so it’s up to you to choose the one that works best for your body and your needs.
- Ask a religious leader or people who share your faith to support and guide you. Read the bible, or read a scripture on the subject of anger and forgiveness.
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Avoid engaging in social activities if necessary. If the person making you angry is going to attend a social event and you want to avoid the temptation to argue or reiterate certain feelings or resentments with them, you may not participate at all. this event, even if the other person cannot clearly understand the reason.
- Similarly, you should also avoid allowing the person who makes you angry to destroy your life. If you both have the same friends, you should arrange a time to meet your friends when the person is not present.
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This article was co-written by Catherine Boswell, PhD. Catherine Boswell is a psychologist and co-founder of Psynergy Psychpogical Associates, a private therapy facility in Houston, Texas. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Boswell specializes in treating individuals, groups of patients, couples and families with trauma, relationship problems, and trauma. in life. She holds a doctorate in counseling psychology from the University of Houston. Dr. Bowell teaches master’s degree students at the University of Houston. She is also an author, speaker, and coach.
There are 14 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 9,063 times.
We’ve all been hurt by someone in the past and made us extremely angry. While you may also feel hurt, offended, or frustrated, anger can be dangerous if you indulge in it. Do not allow anger to destroy your physical and psychological health. You should try to acknowledge your anger, learn how to deal with it, and process your emotions. While it’s good to think that we’ll never be hurt by another person again, understanding how to let go of anger will help you work through it.
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