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This article was co-written by Cherlyn Chong. Cherlyn Chong is a dating and breakup recovery consultant for successful women who want to get over their ex and find love again. She is also an official expert at dating app The League, and her work has been featured on AskMen, Business Insider, Reuters and HuffPost.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 5,284 times.
Loving your best friend is normal. But how can I be sure what I feel isn’t true love? Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish between pure friendship and love. If in doubt, take some time to consider this relationship. Think of specific examples of times when you experienced what it was like to be in love. You can also consider priorities. What do you expect from someone you date? Do you want to try to take your relationship to the next level? There are ways to help you troubleshoot without losing your friendship.
Steps
Take a closer look at your friendship
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Assess emotional intensity. Take a moment to think about how strong your feelings for that person are. You may have many of the same feelings for both you and your partner, but when it comes to love, those feelings are even more intense! In general, the more intense your feelings for someone are, the more likely it is to be love.
- For example, you may feel a chemical reaction with your friend when you both laugh at a joke or can have a pleasant conversation with them. But when it comes to loving someone, these feelings are much more intense. You may feel dizzy or excited. [1] X Research Source
- One way to gauge how deeply you feel for someone is when you’re apart. When you’re in love, it’s hard to stay away from your partner for a long time.
- If it is love, you will feel very special when you are with that person. [2] X Research Source
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Be aware of your body’s reactions. Your body can really help you understand what you’re feeling. When you’re with a potential lover, your heart rate may increase or you may feel a flutter in your stomach. You may even feel anxious and frantic. If you consider that person a friend, you won’t be suddenly giggling or sweating.
- When you meet a friend, you get excited. However, you may not experience physical changes when you meet and give them a hug.
- With someone you love, you have no control over how your body reacts. Your palms sweat, your voice trembles, your heart rate increases. [3] X Research Sources
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Compare this relationship with another. You can have many friends, but only one can be love. With this person, you can value your relationship with them more than anyone else in your life. You also feel a stronger bond with them. [4] X Research Sources
- You probably can’t imagine a day going by without talking to this person. For a friend, you might not mind not seeing each other for a week or half a month. But with someone you love, it feels like eternity.
Decide what you want
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Decide whether you want a romantic relationship. You can distinguish what is love and what is friend based on the level of concern for the object. If you love someone, it’s likely that you think about them often and want to stay in touch regularly. You wouldn’t think that way about a friend and for a day don’t yearn for them that much.
- You might think of a friend when something reminds you of them during the day – be it a song you both like or a story that recalls your experience with them.
- When you love someone, they fill your mind all day, no matter what reminds you of them. You may even find yourself fantasizing about them. [5] X Research Sources
Cherlyn Chong
Dating consultant & breakup recovery
Cherlyn Chong is a dating and breakup recovery consultant for successful women who want to get over their ex and find love again. She is also an official expert at dating app The League, and her work has been featured on AskMen, Business Insider, Reuters and HuffPost.
Cherlyn Chong
Dating consultant & breakup recovery
Dating consultant & breakup recovery
Deal with personal matters before dating. You may be overwhelmed by many unfinished tasks or tasks in your life. Before you date anyone, you should start getting things done, or else you will struggle to maintain a healthy relationship because of distractions.
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Consider how much attention you need. Are you happy with how he treats you? If they only high five when they greet you, you probably want something more intimate. Maybe you want your crush to text you more. Not listening to your friend for a whole day will not disappoint you as much as the one you love who is silent.
- If you feel happy when your friend starts to talk to you or get excited when their name lights up on your phone screen, it could be a sign that you want to go on a date with them. [6] X Research Sources
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Discuss with another friend or family member. You can’t be objective about your life story, so try talking to someone you trust, like a close friend or family member. This person can give you an outside look at how he or she treats you and thinks you should just be friends or maybe fall in love.
- For example, a friend might notice that your crush is looking at you when you’re not paying attention. They may also notice that your partner is talking about you when you’re not around – a sign that makes them think the two of you might be more than just friendship.
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Reflect on your feelings. Analyzing your own emotions can be difficult and requires a lot of reflection. To be able to determine if you have friendly or romantic feelings for someone, be honest with yourself about how they make you feel.
- Make an emotional watch list for the week. Write down how you feel when you talk to that person or when you think about them. For example, you could write that you feel excited every time she calls or nervous every time you hang out with her.
- Ask thoughtful questions about what makes your partner attractive to you. For example, this person has the ability to fill a void in you. Let’s say you don’t see yourself as a celebrity and she’s a star athlete, so you like her because you like the feeling of being with someone you think is famous. In most cases, feeling based on external factors like this is usually not true love.
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Write diary. Take a few minutes each day to write about your interactions with the people around you. This can help you consider how you behave differently between your crush and other people. This also helps you discover if they treat you like a friend or lover.
- Try to reflect on specific situations. For example, think about a time when you saw that person talking to someone else, how did you feel? Are you jealous? Or does it not affect you at all? [7] X Research Sources
Relationship progression
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Confidence up. You may feel nervous trying to change the relationship. This is normal! However, try to be confident. Confidence can help you choose the right words to say and how to handle the situation. [8] X Research Sources
- Self-encouragement. Try to say things like, “I am an interesting, caring person. Phuong will be a lucky person if she is with me.”
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Give love. You can test the fire first by flirting with your friend from time to time. Start by looking into their eyes a little longer. You may also be more interested in them. If you’re in the same group, focus on talking to them. [9] X Research Source
- Accidental light touch. Try putting your hand on theirs when you both laugh at a joke.
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Change the way you talk. Friends often talk to each other like brothers and sisters. They will call each other “good friends”, “husband”, or “girl”. When you find yourself using that address, change it up. Only friends address each other like that, call the person by name. [10] X Research Source
- When in love, people often use cute nicknames to call them, creating a deep, romantic bond between us. For example, they could be baby, brother/sister or husband/wife.
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Invite them out. Be frank and ask the person out on a date. You won’t know when you’ll be in the same house if you don’t try dating. Be honest and open. You should make it clear that you only want to go out with your friend.
- You can say, “I want to spend time with you alone. Would you like to have dinner with me on Friday?” [11] X Research Source
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Accept feedback. If that person doesn’t feel the same way about you, it will hurt. You may feel rejected and frustrated with the person. But try to understand that the person doesn’t mean to hurt you, they just find it important to be honest with you. Don’t make people feel guilty for not liking you. If you’re not sure what to say, try the following:
- “Thanks for being honest with me. I hope you feel differently, but I understand I can’t change how you feel.”
- “I really appreciate your honesty. I still want us to be friends, but please understand that I need some time to process my feelings.” [12] X Research Source
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This article was co-written by Cherlyn Chong. Cherlyn Chong is a dating and breakup recovery consultant for successful women who want to get over their ex and find love again. She is also an official expert at dating app The League, and her work has been featured on AskMen, Business Insider, Reuters and HuffPost.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 5,284 times.
Loving your best friend is normal. But how can I be sure what I feel isn’t true love? Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish between pure friendship and love. If in doubt, take some time to consider this relationship. Think of specific examples of times when you experienced what it was like to be in love. You can also consider priorities. What do you expect from someone you date? Do you want to try to take your relationship to the next level? There are ways to help you troubleshoot without losing your friendship.
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