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Sexual orientation is a deeply personal aspect of an individual’s identity, and the process of understanding and accepting one’s own sexuality can be complex and unique for each person. Similarly, in society, creating a safe and inclusive environment where individuals feel comfortable expressing their sexual orientation is of paramount importance. However, sometimes people may find themselves curious about someone’s sexual orientation in a respectful and discrete manner, aiming to better understand or provide support. In this discussion, we will explore various approaches one can take to discreetly find out if someone is gay, while emphasizing the utmost respect for others’ privacy and personal boundaries. It is crucial to approach this topic without judgment, ensuring that the conversation remains inclusive and supportive for everyone involved.
This article was co-written by Kateri Berasi, PsyD. Kateri Berasi is a clinical psychologist in Brooklyn, New York. With over ten years of experience in the mental health field, Dr. Berasi specializes in working with the LGBTQIA+ community and the creative industries through individual therapy, counseling, group discussion therapy and site therapy. dress. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology, art history, literature and French from George Washington University, and an MA and MEd in mental health counseling from the University of Cpumbia. Dr. Berasi also holds a PhD in clinical psychology from Long Island University.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 91,548 times.
A person’s sexual orientation is a personal matter, so you need to respect their privacy. However, maybe you want to know if someone is gay because you want to date them or support them as friends. While it is impossible to tell if a person is gay or not by their appearance, you can look to see if they are queer (people of different sexual orientation). However, you need to talk to them if you want to be sure. If you’re thinking of going on a date with that person, start by asking them out as friends to get to know them better.
Note: the term ‘queer’ used in this article encompasses many different types of sexual orientation and is not intended to be offensive or discriminatory.
Steps
Observe their behavior
- For example, your friend might say something like, “Do you see that guy’s abs?” or “He looks so handsome in his suit.”
- Remember that this alone is not enough to conclude that the guy is gay!
- For example, a guy who likes to date girls is probably a “straight guy,” even though he may also be bisexual or bisexual.
- They might say, “My date last night was fun. They are very interesting. I hope they accept the second date!”
- Note that the person may use the pronoun “they” because their partner wants to. Don’t assume someone is gay until you talk to them.
- You could say, “I’ve been seeing this guy a lot lately. I feel like I have a future with him. So how’s your date going?”
- Remember that this does not mean the person is gay.
- For example, a guy can paint his nails but not be gay, just like a girl who likes to cut her hair short is also not lesbian.
- Also, straight guys can have a high voice, just as straight girls can have a low voice.
- After all, asking is better than guessing!
Talk to them
- You can say “I really enjoyed the ‘Girls Like Girls!’ video!’ by Hayley Kiyoko just released. It makes me take out a rainbow bracelet and wear it. How do you feel?”
- Before talking to someone about their sexuality, ask yourself why you want to know this and why it is important to you. Do you mention this with open mind or prejudice? If your intention is to find connection, or because you empathize and support them, they are more likely to open up to you.
- Say, “Last year, I went public with my family and faced many difficulties. But it feels great to be able to share it with everyone. I’m proud of who I am” or “I think it’s important for people to feel accepted, so I’m an ally of the LGBTQ+ community. If everyone works together, we can make real change.”
- You might ask, “Have you ever wondered about your sexual orientation?” or “Do you consider yourself gay/queer?”
- Don’t force someone to share if they’re not ready.
- If someone asks if you’re a queer, say, “If you have questions about them, why not ask them?”
- For example, don’t ask “Do you think Toan is gay?”
Invite them out on a date
- Say “Do you want to go bowling this Friday?” or “I heard you like live music a lot. Would you like to go see this band with me?”
- Invite them out to dinner, to the movies, or to bowling.
- You can say something like, “I’ve known I’ve liked girls since I was 12 and I’ve had a crush on a girl in dance class. Have you ever loved a girl?”
- You could say something like “He looks great today! This shirt suits Thanh very well” or “Every time Khoi walks into the room, I can only smile.”
Warning: Respect their boundaries and stop if they seem awkward, backing away, or crossing their arms over their chest.
- Say “When I’m with Khoa, I feel very happy! Do you want us to date each other? Otherwise, I’m still happy to be friends with Khoa.”
- You could also say, “The few months I’ve known Duong have been wonderful. Shall we try dating? If Duong doesn’t want to, we can still hang out as usual.”
- You can send them flowers with the message “Do you want to go on a first date with me? If you are willing, send me a picture of the flower. Otherwise, our friendship will still be as if nothing happened.”
- Don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone again! Go out and meet new people. Soon enough, you will find someone else like you.
Advice
- Because sexuality is so wide-ranging, the person may not identify as gay or straight. No problem! Don’t bother rating them.
- Don’t take a different attitude towards the person no matter what their answer is. They are still the same people!
- Note that the person is not required to tell you if they are gay or not. Be respectful of their needs and wishes.
Warning
- If the person tells you that they are gay, don’t rush to ask personal questions. Let them share with you what they are comfortable with.
- Just because someone is open with you about their sex life doesn’t mean they’re comfortable letting others know. Don’t reveal this, as you may unknowingly put them in an awkward or dangerous position.
- Never try to change someone’s sexual orientation, and don’t tell them you think it’s wrong. If you care about someone, respect them for who they are.
- They might get mad if they know you’re spying on them.
This article was co-written by Kateri Berasi, PsyD. Kateri Berasi is a clinical psychologist in Brooklyn, New York. With over ten years of experience in the mental health field, Dr. Berasi specializes in working with the LGBTQIA+ community and the creative industries through individual therapy, counseling, group discussion therapy and site therapy. dress. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology, art history, literature and French from George Washington University, and an MA and MEd in mental health counseling from the University of Cpumbia. Dr. Berasi also holds a PhD in clinical psychology from Long Island University.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 91,548 times.
A person’s sexual orientation is a personal matter, so you need to respect their privacy. However, maybe you want to know if someone is gay because you want to date them or support them as friends. While it is impossible to tell if a person is gay or not by their appearance, you can look to see if they are queer (people of different sexual orientation). However, you need to talk to them if you want to be sure. If you’re thinking of going on a date with that person, start by asking them out as friends to get to know them better.
Note: the term ‘queer’ used in this article encompasses many different types of sexual orientation and is not intended to be offensive or discriminatory.
In conclusion, it is important to approach the topic of someone’s sexual orientation with sensitivity, respect, and an understanding of privacy boundaries. While the desire to know whether someone is gay may stem from various reasons, it is crucial to remember that a person’s sexual orientation is personal and should be disclosed voluntarily. Rather than resorting to discreet methods to find out about someone’s sexuality, it is suggested to create a safe and inclusive environment where individuals feel comfortable expressing their identities without judgment or pressure. It is vital to foster acceptance, support, and open communication to ensure that individuals can freely share their authentic selves, if and when they are ready to do so.
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