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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 22 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,933 times.
Any parent will say that stubbornness goes hand in hand with children as it does with shadows. Children tend to become extremely stubborn during their toddler years and into adolescence, however, stubbornness can appear at any age. Sometimes it’s such a part of a child’s personality that parents have to teach them how to control it; in many other cases, it is simply a means for children to test their limits and assert their freedom; and sometimes, children have trouble articulating what’s going on with them. Teaching a stubborn child healthy ways to express himself and deal with stress is a key element of effective discipline. You can discipline a stubborn child by remaining calm, listening, understanding them, and setting a good example of acceptable behavior.
Steps
Discipline infants and toddlers
- For example, if you have a habit of saying “no” or making angry faces every time your child engages in unwanted behavior, he or she may repeat the action to see if you maintain his or her response. myself or not. By changing their own responses, children will find that they can’t always get the response they want and will try other behaviors.
- Newborns learn by exploring, and are not meant to be rebellious by fiddling with things. It’s better to move fragile objects to another location and “keep them safe” in your home rather than trying to put an end to all their normal learning behavior. You can refer to our other articles in the same category on this topic.
- As your kids get older, you’ll discover new areas where you need to make them safer for your baby. This is the whole process of setting up an environment so that children are always safe and have the highest ability to learn and play without danger. You should start adjusting your home to keep babies safe before they become more hyperactive (usually around 9 or 10 months old). [2] X Research Source
- Let your child spend time outdoors, creating artwork and crafts, or splashing in the tub as much as possible. Physical activity and creativity will help children use their energy, make them sleep better, and as a result, they will be more obedient and less stubborn.
- For example, you can keep a picture book, snack, or a favorite little toy in your bag when you leave the house. You should keep them in your bag until you need them. If you and your child are at a friend’s house and the child is approaching the wire, you should call them by name and then ask if they want to play with your ball. This distraction will draw the child’s attention and redirect the child’s behavior.
- When young children hit you, you should take the hand they used, look them in the eye, and say, “We don’t fight. We use gentle hands.” Then gently bring your child’s hand to your face or arm (where they hit you), and say to them “You see. These are tender hands.” You can gently touch your child with your hand, showing them the difference between a stroke and a light touch. [5] X Research Resources Use similar techniques to teach infants or toddlers how to interact safely with pets and younger children.
- You can also read a simple picture book, such as “Hands Not for Hitting” by Martine Agassi and Marieka Heinlen, to guide your child in appropriate behavior.
Disciplining children and children aged 8-12 (tween)
- The consequences you propose for bad behavior should not be arbitrary or severe. It needs to be behavior related. This is exactly why “face to the wall” doesn’t work with stubborn children; the punishment itself has nothing to do with negative behavior and feels as though it is more of a punishment than a consequence or method of discipline. If you have absolutely no way of presenting the consequences, you may be depriving them of a privilege, but you should try to teach them a lesson about the connection between their choices and loss. favor. [7] X Research Source For example, if your child plays video games for longer than allowed, the consequences for this action could be the loss of the right to play with friends that evening. This makes a lot of sense, since they won’t have time to play with their friends.
- If you ask your child to clean their room before they can come over to your house, don’t give in if they don’t do it when it’s time to go out. Consistency is key!
- Since consistency is so important, you should never give a consequence that you can’t keep. Usually, it’s best not to bring up the consequences in that moment, because you’re probably feeling resentful. For example, if you say “If you do that again, I’ll…”, there’s a good chance you’re upset and possibly overreacting. Instead, you should try to set boundaries in advance. If you know that your child will get out of the chair during dinner time because they often behave that way, before dinner time, you should tell them that you want them to stay in the chair, and let them know the consequences. if they don’t listen to you (for example, dinner will end, or your child won’t get dessert).
- Set and stick to a bedtime and wake-up time each day. You should make sure your child gets enough sleep, as sleep deprivation has been linked to behavioral problems. Between the ages of 3 and 12, most children need 10-12 hours of sleep each day (including nap time), but many children don’t want to go to bed early or take a nap even when they really need it. Have to sleep. If your kids look grumpy or misbehave when it’s bedtime, this is a sign that they’re not getting enough sleep. [11] X Research Source
- Give your kids plenty of warning if you need to change a habit, but you should reassure them that you will soon return to the old habit. [12] X Trusted Source Centers for Disease Contrp and Prevention Go to source
- When dealing with a stubborn child, it is easy for a parent to become frustrated and even angry. It is important that you control your emotions and do not allow them to affect the way you interact with your child.
- Pay attention to what might make you angry when dealing with your child. Perhaps you get angry easily when your child makes a mess, argues with you, or disobeys you. The factors that make you angry the most will often be the aspects over which you have little control. Dealing with your own problems (at work, childhood, or another relationship like your marriage) will help you respond more positively to your kids. [14] X Research Source
- For example, perhaps you like your child to dress appropriately and neatly when out and about, but he or she may have a different view of trendy and comfortable clothing. As long as your child is dressed, you should ignore the unimportant aspect that can provide your child with a sense of control that he or she lacks.
- At this age, children will often test the limits of their independence. This is a healthy and natural part of development, although it can be frustrating for parents as they are used to being in control. [16] X Research Resources You need to give your kids a sense of control over decisions that affect them, so you should allow them to help you plan the week or choose a new hairstyle for themselves. mine.
- You should remember that your child is an independent individual. Stubbornness is just one part of a complex personality, and in fact, stubbornness can be a pretty good trait. When you teach them about standing up for themselves and their friends, resisting bad influences, and always doing the right thing, stubbornness will be a key factor in their growth into a healthy person. .
Juvenile Discipline
- Puberty is a process that lasts many years, not just once, and usually begins between the ages of 10-14 years for girls and 12-16 years for boys. During this time, changes in behavior are common to both sexes. [18] X Research Sources
- Allow your child to state ideas about rules and consequences, and write them down. This method will help children feel as if you take their point of view seriously and they also have a bit of a personal investment in good manners. [20] X Research Source For example, if your kids waste money on their phones because they use up too much storage, the consequences for this could be that they will have to pay their own bills or they won’t. to use the phone in the next week.
- Be consistent, but also be prepared to make adjustments if needed. If the rules and consequences don’t help your family, you should sit down with your child and reconsider another option. Also, sometimes, you should be willing to relax the rules if your child is responsible and respectful (for example, allowing them to stay up late on certain special occasions). [21] X Trusted Source HealthyChildren.org Go to Source
- Prepare for the response. If your child tends to say hurtful things during an argument, you should prepare your response in advance to prevent yourself from doing the same to them. For example, you could simply say, “That hurts. Let’s take a break and revisit the matter when we’re calmer.”
- Pause the conversation if necessary. If you are feeling confused, you should tell your child that you need to rest for a while and come back to the discussion later. Remember to do as you say and sit down with your child when you’re more awake so they know you’re not ignoring the problem.
- A psychologist will help you determine the best course of action for self-harming behavior, or in other words, for a disruptive teen who may be experiencing symptoms of mental illness. or depression. [22] X Research Source
Understanding Discipline
- Punishment is the use of painful words or experiences to prevent unwanted behavior. It may include physical punishment such as spanking, emotional or verbal punishment such as telling your child that your child is stupid or that you don’t love them, or imposing punishment and/or confiscating rewards. Physical and emotional punishment is brutal and teaches children that you are not trustworthy or that they are not valuable. Often, physical and emotional punishment is child abuse and is not legal. [23] X Trusted Source Virginia Cooperation Extension Go to Source You should NEVER use this type of punishment on your child.
- Punishing your child for disobeying the rules is not an effective way to teach them life lessons. Instead, it will only bring suffering to you because you will be seen as the one who always forces them to obey your will and in some cases it will completely backfire by making the children more rebellious. .
- On the contrary, discipline will help your child learn life lessons by teaching them how to solve problems, cooperate with others, and ultimately accomplish their goals by trying to achieve them. what they want in the right way.
- Homes filled with noise, crowding, disorganization, and chaos tend to produce children with negative, hyperactive, and inattentive behavior. [24] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to source
- Similarly, children who experience a stressful life event (such as moving to a new home, the birth of a new sibling, or a parent’s separation or divorce) experience learning and behavioral difficulties. mine. [25] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source They are often “disruptive” in a wayward and stubborn way.
- Dealing with the environmental factors that are contributing to your child’s behavior is important if you want your discipline approach to work. Either way, even if you are successful in disciplining your child today, if environmental factors that are causing them to misbehave are still present tomorrow, the problem will still be there. still exist.
- Children with innate stubbornness often respond best with consistency and less efficiency to lengthy explanations of their behavior and why it is misbehaving. [26] X Research Sources They are often naughty to get you to react, so you should stay calm and not give them the reaction they seek.
- Severe cases of observed stubbornness, anger, or mood swings can often be a sign of an underlying mental health condition such as Conduct Disorder (ODD). Treatments for ODD include therapy and the use of the right medications to deal with the chemical change that causes the disease to flare up. [27] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Physical growth can be an incredibly frustrating experience for all ages. Toddlers will be teething, and the process will be quite painful. Older children may have leg pain, headaches, or abdominal pain.
- Children are often sleep deprived. Research has shown that our children are “walking zombies,” and many other studies have demonstrated that emotional swings can be affected after just one night of not getting a good night’s sleep.
- Physical needs, like thirst or hunger, can make young children of all ages difficult and stubborn, but it’s actually because their bodies and minds need energy to deal with the situation. there.
- Sometimes, children will seem stubborn when their emotional needs are not addressed. In addition, they will become stubborn if they feel frustrated because they do not know how to express how they feel.
Advice
- Know when to step back. If the stubborn child refuses to wear a coat and the outside temperature is 4°C, you should ignore the issue. Children will feel cold on their own and learn by themselves that wearing a coat is essential in cold weather. You should remember to bring a jacket with you in case your child wants to wear a coat when they have learned a lesson from their own experience.
- If your child is acting unusually stubborn, you should talk to them to find out if they are experiencing any stress at school or at home that is causing them to act this way.
Warning
- You should seek help for children who are beyond normal stubborn behavior and show signs of mental illness, such as an inability to control emotional reactions or a tendency to become violent. If your child is having problems with his tantrums or expressing emotions in a dangerous or threatening way, you should consult a therapist or talk to your pediatrician right away.
This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 22 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,933 times.
Any parent will say that stubbornness goes hand in hand with children as it does with shadows. Children tend to become extremely stubborn during the toddler years and into adolescence, however, stubbornness can appear at any age. Sometimes it’s such a part of a child’s personality that parents have to teach them how to control it; in many other cases, it is simply a means for children to test their limits and assert their freedom; and sometimes, children have trouble articulating what’s going on with them. Teaching a stubborn child healthy ways to express himself and deal with stress is a key element of effective discipline. You can discipline a stubborn child by remaining calm, listening, understanding them, and setting a good example of acceptable behavior.
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