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This article was co-written by Devin Jones. Devin Jones is the creator of “The Soul Career”, an online career incubator for women. She is certified by CliftonStrengths and works with women to help them clarify their purpose and build meaningful careers. Devon received her BA from Stanford University in 2013.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This post has been viewed 7,223 times.
Throughout your life, you must have experienced many situations that require interaction. Whether you’re giving a job interview, establishing a new relationship, or conferring with team members, communication skills are important. You’ve probably noticed that much of your success depends on your communication skills, and that some ways of interacting are more effective than others. To improve your communication skills, practice non-verbal communication, how to interact and take care of your image. [1] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press.
Steps
Improve non-verbal communication
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Learn the elements of nonverbal communication. It’s your facial expression, touch, and tone of voice (not the words you say, but the timbre of your voice). [2] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press. In the process of interpretation and communication, visual signals play a more important role than audio signals. With visual cues, people often have more success reading facial expressions than reading body language. [3] X Research Sources Ekman, P., & Friesen, WV (1969). Nonverbal leakage and clues to deception.Psychiatry, 32(1), 88-106.
- For example, if you want to appear happy, it’s easier to make facial expressions, such as smiling, than to speed up your conversation or make gestures. Sometimes it’s also beneficial to hide feelings (such as fear) that you don’t want to show.
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Understand the importance of nonverbal communication. It is estimated that nonverbal communication represents 60% of the meaning in communication between people. [4] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press. To be successful in nonverbal communication, you need to express your emotions in a way that others can understand and feel right.
- Start thinking about the nonverbal cues you both send out when communicating. Also think about the nonverbal messages you perceive from others.
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Learn about body language. In general in Western culture, if you want to show enthusiasm to someone, focus on the following gestures: leaning forward, face and body facing the other person. Use gestures, change the timbre, speed, and volume of your voice. Listen actively by nodding, smiling, and not interrupting. Be comfortable but not too loose.
- In other words, don’t droop your shoulders but avoid straining your muscles. If you find yourself focusing too much on body language, focus your attention on what the other person is saying.
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Be aware of cultural norms. While expressing enthusiasm through body language works in some cultures, it may not work in others. Good communication skills come from understanding the rules of emotional expression. In Finland, for example, eye contact is viewed as a signal of accessibility, while in Japanese culture, eye contact is viewed as a sign of anger. [5] X Research Sources Akechi H, Senju A, Uibo H, Kikuchi Y, Hasegawa T, et al. (two thousand and thirteen). Attention to Eye Contact in the West and East: Autonomic Responses and Evaluative Ratings. PLoS ONE 8(3): e59312.
- The global perspective shows many manifestations of the instinctive rules of nonverbal communication when you belong to a certain culture. If you are communicating in another culture, observe other people for the meaning of their nonverbal behavior.
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Understand how gender differences affect nonverbal communication. Understanding gender differences will help you in communicating and interpreting nonverbal messages. [6] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press. Men and women have different nonverbal expressions. In general, women use eye contact and smiles more often than men. Women also seem to give and receive more physical touch. [7] X Research Sources Hall, JA, Carter, JD, & Horgan, TG (2000). Gender differences in nonverbal communication of emotion. Gender and emotion: Social mentalpogical perspectives, 97-117.
- Women are also more likely to interrupt, listen more, and interpret facial expressions more accurately than men. [8] X Research Sources Hall, JA, Carter, JD, & Horgan, TG (2000). Gender differences in nonverbal communication of emotion. Gender and emotion: Social mentalpogical perspectives, 97-117.
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Regulate emotional cues. This is an important part of successful communication. When you feel overwhelmed with emotions, you need to take a deep breath and regain your sense of calm. Notice any signs of stress you’re showing and relax: Let go of your fists, don’t grind your teeth, and relax your other muscles.
- A Fortune 500 study found that people who are able to appropriately control their emotions (e.g., try not to cry when criticized) are more likely to gain the trust of others. [9] X Research Source Gpeman, D. (1998). Working with emotional intelligence. Bantam.
Improved interaction
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Set goals. Are you getting the results you want when you talk to other people? Take some time to think about your recent interaction. Did you get what you wanted out of that conversation (for example, were you persuasive)? Do you feel like that person really understands you? If the answer is no, think about the strategies you can use to achieve the desired results. [10] X Research Source Berger, CR (1997). Planning strategic interactions. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. Here are some effective strategies:
- Persuasive: Focus on the other side of the argument. For example, if you want your roommate to take out the trash, explain that you both have to share the housework equally, and that you did it last time. So this time it was her turn to take out the trash.
- Use enthusiastic body language: if you get a cold response when you ask for something, first try to establish a warm rapport with your body language by leaning forward as you speak. with them and use active listening.
- Listen: Don’t be monotonous in your dialogue. Instead, observe your own reactions and listen to what the other person has to say. Pause and signal that you are listening, such as “go on,” “eh, uh” or “really?”
- Strategically assert: use “sentences with the subject in the first person,” like “I feel…”. [11] X Research Sources Kubany, ES, Bauer, GB, Muraoka, MY, Richard, DC, & Read, P. (1995). Impact of labeled anger and blame in intimate relationships. Journal of social and clinical psychology, 14(1), 53-60. Be careful not to use too many sentences like that or “sentences with a subject in the second person” like “You are driving me crazy.” [12] X Research Sources Kubany, ES, Bauer, GB, Muraoka, MY, Richard, DC, & Read, P. (1995). Impact of labeled anger and blame in intimate relationships. Journal of social and clinical psychology, 14(1), 53-60.
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Use effective communication. Use simple, direct speech to get what you want instead of using complicated and indirect speech. [13] X Research Source Berger, CR (1997). Planning strategic interactions. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. If possible, make an outline and practice what you will say to express your desires at a comfortable and moderate pace. Effective communication not only helps others understand you, but also allows you to say more in the same amount of time. [14] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press.
- For example, you might want to ask your boss to give you more work, instead of saying, “Hey, if you think this is a good idea, I think I’d like the opportunity to take on more responsibilities and tasks at the company. ‘, say, ‘I hope to take on more assignments as you see fit’.
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Give the other person a chance to speak. Everyone wants to contribute equally to the conversation. [15] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press. Letting the other person talk means you try to be comfortable with the silences, but don’t let them last more than a few seconds. [16] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press. The ability to focus on the interlocutor during a conversation makes the person communicating seem more persuasive. [17] X Research Sources Rubin, RB, & Martin, MM (1994). Development of a measure of interpersonal communication competence. Communication Research Reports,11(1), 33-44.Rubin, RB, & Martin, MM (1994). Development of a measure of interpersonal communication competence. Communication Research Reports,11(1), 33-44.
- For example, try to notice how long you talk in a conversation. Is your story long? Summarize your story and pause to signal the other person’s turn to speak.
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Know what makes good communication. In general, there are five principles that manifest for effective communication: informative, relevant, honest, polite, and humble. [18] X Research Sources Grice, HP, Cpe, P., & Morgan, JL (1975). Syntax and semantics. Logic and conversation, 3, 41-58. When listening to you, people often expect your words to:
- provide information they don’t know
- be relevant and catch everyone’s attention
- honest (unless you use sarcasm and irony)
- following politeness, such as using words like “please” or “thank you”
- avoid bragging or self-centered
Control how others feel about you
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Find common ground. This can help you and your conversation partner reach your goals. [19] X Research Source Clark, HH (1994). Discourse in production. Find out what properties both have in common and build common understandings. For example, even if you disagree about choosing a restaurant, but you both agree that you’re hungry, then you should focus on both being hungry to come to a decision.
- If you find that the other person is struggling to understand or is reluctant to accept what you have in common, pause the conversation and come back to it later. For example, you could say, “you and I are both hungry, so why not let me choose the restaurant this time, and next time it’s your turn?”
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Don’t make guesses or make assumptions. It is best to be completely direct and clear when communicating with others. [20] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press. Making assumptions or assumptions can lead to misunderstandings and stress in relationships. [21] X Research Source Berger, CR (1997). Planning strategic interactions. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. For example, imagine you are talking to an elderly person and she asks what you just said. Do not assume that she is deaf due to her age, so simply repeat by speaking louder.
- If the context is not clear, try to guess the other person’s needs before continuing. You might say, “Sorry, did I sound too small?”
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Do not force the dialogue. No one wants to feel like they don’t have a choice. If you feel like you’re using “force” in a conversation, or trying to force the other person to do what you want by being rough, rethink your strategy. Try to achieve the goal by persuasion and direct communication. By taking this approach, you can preserve the long-term relationship and be more successful overall.
- For example, imagine you want to go on a long car trip with a friend, but that friend has to take care of her pet on the day of the trip, so she can’t go. Instead of making your friend feel guilty for missing the trip, say you’re sorry and offer to help. Show empathy for her situation.
Advice
- Not all sentences with the subject “I” are easy to accept in conversation. Studies have shown that such statements can be considered hostile if accompanied by angry statements such as “I am angry”. [22] X Research Sources Kubany, ES, Bauer, GB, Muraoka, MY, Richard, DC, & Read, P. (1995). Impact of labeled anger and blame in intimate relationships. Journal of social and clinical psychology, 14(1), 53-60.
- You can express sadness instead of anger with “me” sentences, such as “I feel so frustrated” or “I am confused”, because such sentences can call for help. cooperation from the other. [23] X Research Sources Kubany, ES, Bauer, GB, Muraoka, MY, Richard, DC, & Read, P. (1995). Impact of labeled anger and blame in intimate relationships. Journal of social and clinical psychology, 14(1), 53-60.
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This article was co-written by Devin Jones. Devin Jones is the creator of “The Soul Career”, an online career incubator for women. She is certified by CliftonStrengths and works with women to help them clarify their purpose and build meaningful careers. Devon received her BA from Stanford University in 2013.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This post has been viewed 7,223 times.
Throughout your life, you must have experienced many situations that require interaction. Whether you’re giving a job interview, establishing a new relationship, or conferring with team members, communication skills are important. You’ve probably noticed that much of your success depends on your communication skills, and that some ways of interacting are more effective than others. To improve your communication skills, practice non-verbal communication, how to interact and take care of your image. [1] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press.
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