How to detect a liar when you have a close relationship with them: 15 ways to tell

It can be frustrating to find out that you’ve been lied to by someone, but it’s even more frustrating if you don’t know if someone close to you is lying. Is it all just your imagination, or do you spot the signs that reveal they’re not being honest? Usually when you have a bad feeling in your heart, something is wrong. Whether you’re trying to find out if your partner is cheating or want to clarify someone’s dishonest behavior, we can help. This article will guide you to observe the common signs to know if your loved one is cheating or not.

Table of Contents

Trust your intuition.

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Maybe you know the people close to you better than you think. If doubt has crept into your head, you’re probably on to something. Humans are often very good at detecting falsehoods – especially when it is well known what a person’s behavior is like. If you feel like your partner isn’t being honest, it’s worth it to find out what’s going on. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Your intuition may also be wrong. Maybe people are having something wrong with them, or maybe they’re just secretly throwing a surprise birthday party for you. Don’t jump to conclusions, but understand that your hunch is worth considering, and if you feel something is going on, it probably is.

Check to see if the story they tell has changed.

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If their story has minor alterations, it could mean that they are telling a larger lie. Liars often have a hard time remembering every detail of the story they make up, and they may end up telling them differently or confusing the details. If you suspect they are lying about something, pay attention to their explanations or accounts of what happened. If the stories don’t seem to match or are omitted, they’re probably lying. ^{[2] X Research Source}

If you find someone lying about a small thing, they may be lying about a big one, too. Don’t accept the excuse that the changes to the story are due to “misremembering” or “mistake”.
For example, if your partner says they went to a Japanese restaurant last night before going home, but then says, “I went straight home last night,” then that’s a sign that they’ve forgotten the fake story. mine the day before.
Even more cunning, they may try to convince you that you have lost your mind or misremembered what they said. This trick is called psychological manipulation, and it’s a very alarming sign if you’re in a relationship with them.
This may seem a bit confrontational, but you can ask them to retell the story in reverse order. Often the liar cannot tell the correct story in reverse order. ^{[3] X Trusted Sources American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}

Pay attention to avoidance.

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People often avoid situations where they know they will have to lie. If the person doesn’t seem to want to talk, refuses to discuss an important issue with you, or refuses to talk about something they’ve done, that’s a telltale sign that they have something going on. hide. Honest people rarely find it difficult to talk about a certain subject. If they seem to disappear every time you try to talk, that’s a suspicious sign that they’re lying. Here are a few clues you can rely on to spot a liar when you’re romantically involved with them: ^{[4] X Research Source}

Refusing to talk and saying “We’ll talk later.”
Generally speaking instead of specific details.
Try to change the subject.
Use a lot of common pronouns (for example, using “they” instead of saying the person’s name).
He hesitated and was silent for a long moment before answering.

Watch out for phone concealment behavior.

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If you’re romantically involved with that person, pay attention to how they use their phone. If they put their phone face down when you’re nearby, it means they don’t mind you reading the message that pops up on the screen, but if they put the phone face down, they’re probably hiding something. You should also pay attention to see if they take their phone away. If they always have their phone with them – even when just going to the bathroom or grabbing a snack while watching a movie with you – then they are probably lying or hiding something. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Asking to see your partner’s phone is always a risky solution. On the other hand, if they don’t hide anything on their phone and you don’t handle it with care and respect, they may think you’re looking down on them or invading their privacy.
Don’t assume your partner is having an affair if you have no proof other than using your phone.

Test the person by changing the subject.

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In a conversation that is definitely not pleasant with that person, try moving on to something harmless. If two people are arguing about whether you suspect them of lying or you accuse them of dishonesty and they react, try changing the subject. If the person is lying, they will be relieved to get out of their trap and at ease. If the person is not lying, they will continue the argument to prove their innocence. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

For example, if you’re having a heated argument with your boyfriend about his going out with his ex, try switching things up: “Well, what do we have for dinner tonight? Would you like to order some food?” If he says, “What? Who cares about that now. I didn’t go out with Ngoc!” Then maybe your boyfriend is telling the truth.
If you’re talking to a friend because you suspect they lied when they didn’t invite you to a party, try asking another question, such as did you forget your coat at their place or a certain subject has a lesson plan. practice at home. If this friend is not being honest, they will stick to your question and move on to another topic.

Beware of accusations to the contrary.

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A liar can accuse the other person to turn the tide. If they feel they are being questioned for lying, they may find a way to counterattack to reverse the conversation. If they start trying to accuse you of the very issue on which you are suspecting them, that is a warning sign of their dishonesty. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

For example, if you suspect your wife has slush funds and ask if she has a hidden account, your wife might say, “I made everything public. And you? Look at your bank statement! I’m sure you’re hiding something.”
A liar may also use an autocratic attitude to deal with it. For example, when you complain to your mother that she forgot your birthday and refuses to acknowledge it, your mother might say, “I forgot Mother’s Day last year. What then?”

Watch for signs of slippage.

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If the person “butters” during a conversation, it may be a sign that they are lying. Most people naturally get caught up in the conversation without having to consider every word that comes out. If your loved one is hiding something from you, they may blurt out the truth during a long conversation with you. If they keep saying the wrong thing or keep saying “sorry, I mean…”, they are probably trying to fool you about something. ^{[8] X Trusted Source University of Rochester Medical Center Go to Source}

For example, if that person says “…then after the party, me and Minh… ah forget, me and Son. Sorry, actually Minh wasn’t there,” so it’s very likely that Minh is indeed there.

Ask more questions.

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A liar may not be able to resist being cornered. If you suspect someone is lying, be curious. Ask a lot about the story they are telling. If they make a mistake, blurt something out, fail to answer your questions, or start squirming and stuttering, then that person is probably trying to find a way to lie to you. ^{[9] X Research Source}

If you want to know if your son went to the party last night, you can ask, “Who did you go with?” “Where are you going?” “What time do you come home?” and “How much do you spend?”
If you suspect your husband is not being honest about his dinner last night, ask, “Where did you go to dinner?” “What did you order?” or “Did you see anyone last night?”
Try asking the same question over and over again, such as: “Oh, I forgot, who did you say you were with yesterday?” If they come up with a different answer, they’re probably making up stories.

Notice when they raise their voices or rambling.

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A person’s way of speaking is as remarkable as the words they speak. Liars can cover up their insincerity by rambling or speaking out loud. They also often raise their voices as a defense. You already know how this person normally talks, so watch for changes in their speech and tone of voice. These changes may reveal to you that they are dishonest. ^{[10] X Research Source}

They may even repeat a certain sentence or phrase over and over again. If your husband keeps saying over and over, “I’m not cheating! You’re not cheating!” or your mom keeps saying, “I fully support your decision. I mean nothing more than to support your decision”, then they are probably lying. ^{[11] X Research Source}
They even spoke shorter sentences than usual. For example, instead of saying “I don’t do it,” they often just say “I didn’t.” It’s also hard to tell if this is a lie or not, but this shortening is a sign that they want to answer quickly because they are uncomfortable.

Notice their eyes.

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Liars often look away if they are not being honest. If your partner usually looks at you when talking but suddenly looks away, this could be a sign of dishonesty. When you are intentionally lying to someone, people often do not dare to look the other person in the eye, so that person may look at you sometimes, look down or look away while talking. ^{[12] X Trusted Source University of Rochester Medical Center Go to Source}

Gestures that are often thought of as signs of lying (looking away, standing on the defensive, wiggling, etc.) are not always accurate. Studies over the years have shown that these signs are not universal. ^{[13] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source}
People also sometimes look into the distance when they are concentrating their thoughts or are looking for words to say something. If they look away when you ask but then look back at you as usual, they were probably just thinking about what you just said. ^{[14] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source}
If they’re a pathological liar, they may look straight at you without blinking or not looking away at all. Prolonged unnatural stares can also be a sign that they are lying. ^{[15] X Research Source}

Observe the defensive posture.

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Body language can reveal a person is lying. If your partner is lying, they will often feel restless. This feeling will cause them to fold their arms to cover their chest or bring their hands to their neck. They may also turn to the side so they don’t face you or cross their legs tightly. Some people even repeatedly shift weight from one foot to the other or shake their legs. Observe how they stand or sit to guess if they are lying. ^{[16] X Research Source}

If they move away from you (back a bit or try to move away) while talking to you, it’s a clear sign that they’re not being sincere.

Notice when they are restless.

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If you suspect someone is lying, watch how their hands move. During a casual conversation, people will find a comfortable place to put their hands and leave them there. In contrast, a liar will often twist his fingers, fiddle with something or touch his ears, nose, or mouth, for example. If you notice that their hand is not resting, they may be lying. ^{[17] X Trusted Source United States Courts Go to Source}

They may also be constantly pointing, especially when trying to turn the situation around by accusing you of doing something. ^{[18] X Research Sources}

Understand why they lie.

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Lying is often easier than telling the truth. People often convince themselves that it’s okay to lie a little bit. The point here is that lying becomes a habit. One small lie leads to another, and then one has to lie again to cover up the original story. After all, they lied dozens of times. It is even possible that people lie for no reason at all. It’s important to realize that your loved one probably didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, and it’s not necessarily a sign that they don’t care about you. ^{[19] X Research Source}

Sometimes people tell themselves that there are no lies, because it’s easier to pretend nothing happened. If possible, calm down and look at people’s behavior from a more objective perspective.

Consider ignoring harmless lies.

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There are lies that won’t matter if you can accept them. Everyone tells innocent lies from time to time. Such lies are often only intended to not hurt the feelings of the listener. If your loved one sometimes tells a small lie out of fear that you’ll be upset, perhaps you shouldn’t waste your energy worrying about it. In a way, a harmless lie also shows that the person cares about you, because they need empathy to know what can make you angry and they have to love you to try not to be friends. Sad. ^{[20] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}

A classic example: “Do I look fat in this dress?” The truth can make people sad, and often it doesn’t do any good to tell someone that their favorite outfit isn’t pretty.
If someone lied to you about something serious or lied that wasn’t meant to avoid hurting you, you should definitely take action.

Confront them if you’re sure they’re lying.

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If there is evidence of the person’s dishonesty, confront them. The best way to do this is to have a frank talk, give evidence, and stay calm and rational. Don’t be angry (even if you are) if you want them to reveal a secret and tell it. If they admit it, you can then improve the relationship. If they won’t admit it, you can consider breaking up or reassessing whether you got it right. ^{[21] X Research Source}

You might say, “Dude, I’m not angry, but I want to know the truth. I told you 3 different stories about what happened last night, and then I kept fidgeting, then looked away again. What’s really going on?”
You might say to an insincere friend: “You said you were sick so you couldn’t come to my party, but you avoided me and even mentioned you going out that night. Why didn’t you come?”
If the lie isn’t very serious, you don’t have to make it up if you don’t want to, but be aware of it. If they can lie to you about little things, they can lie to big things too. ^{[22] X Research Source}

Advice

You don’t have to feel guilty if you don’t want to rebuild a relationship with someone who’s not being honest with you. Cut ties with pathological liars and don’t come back if that’s not what you want. ^{[23] X Research Sources}

Steps