How to Decline a Date After Accepting It

So you accepted to go on a date, but now you don’t feel like going at all. First, you need to know that this is completely normal, and even if you change your mind, you are not a bad person. Not everyone meets the right person right away, and you never know when you’ll realize it. If you’re looking to turn down an appointment you’ve already accepted, this article will help you handle it as tactfully as possible.

Table of Contents

Choose a communication method.

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You can cancel the appointment through texting, calling or meeting to talk. Text the other person to decline the appointment if you want to choose the direct and fast way. If the two sides have not had an appointment or just started getting to know each other, that is enough, but if you want to talk, call. You can also meet the person to cancel the appointment if you two see each other often or have known each other for a while but don’t want to continue. ^{[1] X Research Source}

If you decide to call, consider texting and asking when it’s convenient to call. That way, the other person will not be surprised when receiving your call.
If you’re meeting with the person to cancel the date, make sure the two of you can talk in private. This will make the other person feel more comfortable during the conversation.

Let them know as soon as possible.

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Try to avoid canceling your date on the right date, if possible. As soon as you decide not to go to the appointment, let the other person know. Rejecting someone is hard, but procrastinating won’t help. To avoid stressing yourself out, let the other person know as soon as you feel it’s not right. ^{[2] X Research Source}

If possible, you should let them know at least 24 hours in advance.

Thank the other person for inviting you.

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Start the message with a sincere compliment and thank them. This will help ease the other person’s feelings of rejection. It also makes your speech more friendly and positive. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Start with something like, “Thank you so much for asking me out next Tuesday.”
You can also try starting with “I think you’re a very cute girl.”

Be honest with them.

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This is the simplest and most respectful option. Tell the other person that even though you were happy to see them, you couldn’t make it to the date. If you feel comfortable, let them know why. Keep it short, friendly, and straight to the point. You also don’t need to go into too much detail. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Send them a text like “Hi! It was a pleasure talking to you the other day. You’re lovely, but I need to let you know that I won’t be able to hang out with you next week as I thought.”
Followed by a sentence stating why if you don’t mind sharing. Text or say something like, “I just don’t feel connected” or “I just don’t want to date right now.”

Find an excuse to refuse.

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If you’re afraid to speak up, find a reason why you’re canceling the date. Avoid making up a serious situation like an emergency at home or someone passing away. Instead, you could say that you have to help a friend or can’t take time off from work. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

You can say, “I’m sorry I had to cancel my appointment, but I’ve been so busy. I don’t think I can make it to my appointment next Tuesday.”
However, you must be careful with this choice. If you just apologize for not being able to make it that day, the other person can reschedule the appointment. If they do, tell them you can’t reschedule now. Maybe they will understand what you mean.

Choose a harmless lie.

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This is a good choice if you are concerned about your partner’s reaction. Say that you recently ended a serious relationship and aren’t ready to date yet, or say that you have no intention of looking into a relationship right now. Note that the other person may know that you are lying, especially if they know you well. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

Text the person something like, “Hi! I’m happy to talk to you, but I have to let you know that I can’t come to my appointment this Thursday. I just broke up and I don’t feel ready to date.”

Be decisive.

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Avoid leaving open the possibility of rescheduling if that’s not what you want. Let the other person know that you can’t come to the appointment and that you don’t intend to reschedule. Make it clear that you don’t want to get to know them anymore. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

Try adding something like, “I think you’re amazing, but I don’t feel any vibrations. I hope you understand!” or “Even though I enjoyed the last date, I don’t feel like continuing this relationship. I want nothing more than to wish you all the best.”
You may be a little shy to say it outright, but the other person will usually appreciate you for being honest. You probably don’t want them to misunderstand that you still care or can still give them a chance.

Offer another option if you still have to communicate with the other person.

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Choose this way if you want to maintain the friendship. This is also a good choice if you still see the other person regularly. You could suggest going out with a group of mutual friends, or let them know that even though you don’t want to date, you still look forward to working with them or seeing them in class. Both of these options will help you maintain a good and friendly friendship or working relationship. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

If you want to ask to go out with friends, you can say, “I can’t come to the date, but I would like the whole group of friends to get together for a date if you like. Will our group go to the movies soon?”
If the other person is a colleague or classmate, say, “I can’t go out with you, but I look forward to seeing you in class next Monday!”

Stop talking if they don’t respect you.

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You don’t have to respond if the other person reacts rudely. Also don’t mind if they won’t accept the rejection. If you feel annoyed by the other person’s reaction or feel unsafe, don’t let things drag on. Ask permission to stop talking, hang up, or stop texting. Block the other person’s phone number or social media account if they continue to communicate.

Rejection is not an excuse for rude or aggressive behavior.

Remember that you don’t owe them anything.

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Don’t think it’s your fault. Tell yourself that you did nothing wrong by turning someone down. You just don’t feel an emotional connection with your partner. Praise yourself for having the courage to draw sharp lines and follow your intuition. You don’t have to apologize or agonize over it. ^{[9] X Research Source}

Turning down a person or canceling an appointment is not unkind. This just means that the two sides are not compatible.

Avoid silence.

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No matter how hard it is, you need to let the other person know that you can’t date them. Ignoring their messages may be the easiest option, but it will confuse and hurt the other person. Be frank and cancel the date so you can both move on. ^{[10] X Research Source}

They may continue to contact you if you are silent. This can be awkward for everyone involved.
Treat the other person the way you want to be treated. While it’s not easy to cancel a date, it’s best to be kind and straightforward.

Steps