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This article was co-written by Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA. Julia Lyubchenko is a consultant psychologist and hypnotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Operating a practice called Therapy Under Hypnosis, Julia has over eight years of experience in counseling and psychotherapy, specializing in emotional and behavioral issues. She holds a certificate in clinical hypnosis from Bosurgi Method Schop and is certified in Hypnotherapy and Psychodynamic Oriented Psychotherapy. Tri holds a master’s degree in counseling psychology and marriage and family therapy from Alliant International University and a master of science degree in child and developmental psychology from Moscow State University.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 13,621 times.
Do you have a friend, relative, or lover that is difficult to get along with? Do you feel belittled or manipulated around them? If that’s the case, then you may be dealing with toxic people in your life. For toxic people, you need to take special measures if you want to continue to be in a relationship with them. There are a few techniques that you can use to take care of yourself and deal with a toxic relationship.
Steps
Identify toxic people in life
- They are always creating and obsessing over problems with other people.
- They try to manipulate and control you.
- They are needy and demand your attention.
- They are critical of themselves and others.
- They are not willing to seek help or try to change.
- They are extremely disrespectful and always seem to just want to do their own thing.
- Yelling at others.
- Threaten others.
- Interrogate others with hostile questions.
- Often uses heavy, intense language.
- Constantly complaining about his life.
- Never be satisfied with the way you treat them.
- Can’t contribute anything positive to the relationship.
- Constantly cynical and having unwarranted negative feelings about others.
- Am I feeling exhausted at the moment? Is the person draining his or her emotions?
- Am I trying my best not to make them angry? Am I afraid that I will say something wrong because they will react negatively?
- Am I ignoring my own inner voice? Is that person making it difficult for me to listen to myself and follow my own values?
- Do I feel small and unimportant around that person?
- Your judgment is a great source of information, but sometimes, when we are so close to a situation, it can be difficult for us to be objective.
Talk to toxic people
- Start by listening. You should make sure you understand what the person is saying before rebutting with your own opinion.
- Use sentences that begin with the subject “I”. A simple way to avoid becoming overly confrontational is to let the other person know about what you’re experiencing rather than talking about their wrongdoing. For example, you should say something like, “When you’re late for your coffee date, it makes me feel like you don’t value my time,” instead of “You’re always late and this is the best course of action.” very rude”.
- For example, if being late for a coffee date upsets you, you should let them know. They may not be aware of the effect their behavior has on you.
- If the person is really toxic, this tactic won’t work, but it’s a good way to set boundaries regardless of the situation.
- Try to identify areas where you can improve. Perhaps you are easily intimidated and others tend to trample you, especially if they possess a toxic personality. Identifying the area where you are struggling is the first step.
- Review tactics for specific situations. Perhaps a toxic friend has asked you to borrow money and you have a hard time turning it down. What can you do in this situation? Can you rehearse the simple answer in advance in case they continue to borrow money from you in the future? For example, you could say, “I’m interested in you, but I can’t lend you more money.”
- Practice responding assertively in life. You can use some techniques like the “repetition” technique, which is where you keep repeating your statement if the other person argues with you. Start small if it’s difficult for you, such as saying no (when appropriate) to a relative or other non-toxic friend.
- For example, if they conclude about you like “you were never there for me”, analyze their words. Is it correct or not? Can you think of an example to prove it’s not true? Toxic people often like to make exaggerated or “win-win” conclusions. [6] X Research Source You need to think seriously about what they tell you.
- You can also leave a positive impression on the person. This is called modeling, or showing them how to behave healthier than they normally do. [8] X Research Sources
Dealing with toxic people
- Perceive and act on how you feel. Avoid indulging in the toxic person’s emotional turmoil. Pay attention to your feelings and needs.
- Allow yourself to be tough. Many people feel guilty about setting boundaries that are too hard. However, taking care of yourself is also important. Avoid ignoring yourself for the sake of others. Rejection doesn’t make you the bad guy.
- Am I the one who usually tries to maintain communication?
- Do I often act as the “mediator,” trying to work through difficult and stressful situations?
- Do I sometimes feel as if I’m stalking the person, dealing with the responsibility, or quietly helping behind their backs to avoid making them angry or confronting them?
Advice
- Respond to hostility with empathy. This exemplary behavior will help you feel more positive about yourself.
Warning
- Avoid joining their game. If you feel like you’re being manipulated, take a step back and assess your contribution to the situation.
This article was co-written by Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA. Julia Lyubchenko is a consultant psychologist and hypnotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Operating a practice called Therapy Under Hypnosis, Julia has over eight years of experience in counseling and psychotherapy, specializing in emotional and behavioral issues. She holds a certificate in clinical hypnosis from Bosurgi Method Schop and is certified in Hypnotherapy and Psychodynamic Oriented Psychotherapy. Tri holds a master’s degree in counseling psychology and marriage and family therapy from Alliant International University and a master of science degree in child and developmental psychology from Moscow State University.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 13,621 times.
Do you have a friend, relative, or lover that is difficult to get along with? Do you feel belittled or manipulated around them? If that’s the case, then you may be dealing with toxic people in your life. For toxic people, you need to take special measures if you want to continue to be in a relationship with them. There are a few techniques that you can use to take care of yourself and deal with a toxic relationship.
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