How to deal with the feeling of falling in love with the wrong person at the wrong time

When your love life is a one-way street, it’s possible that you fell in love with the wrong person at the wrong time. It’s easy to wallow in self-pity and sadness. For a better life, you need to stop self-pitying, and start practicing self-care skills. Avoid repeating the same mistake by taking concrete steps to understand what it feels like to be attracted to someone who isn’t right for you.

Table of Contents

Situational assessment

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Be aware of how you feel around that person. No matter how sure you are that this person is right for you, if you always feel as if something is wrong, your feelings are probably not wrong. Not every love story is perfect, but the first step to a healthy relationship is sincere appreciation. ^{[1] X Research Source}

If your relationship can’t stand the scrutiny, you’re trying to avoid facing the truth.
Chatting with friends can also be quite helpful in this process. Often, a friend will be able to help you identify the problem in your relationship that you are avoiding.

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Pay attention to the thoughts of your friends and loved ones. If you find that your family avoids talking about your crush, and your friends keep their distance from you, this is a sign that you’ve fallen in love with the wrong person. They are people who care about you and your well-being. You should talk to them about their concerns. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Try to listen without making excuses for yourself or your loved one. It’s best to listen to them, so be quiet and listen when they speak.
Your friends and family will be well aware when the person you love doesn’t treat you with respect.

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Try to envision a future with that person. If you’re having a hard time visualizing your realistic future, you’ve probably realized that it’s time to move on. If you don’t think the two of you will live together for 5 to 10 years, you may be in love with the wrong person. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Sometimes being around someone will bring you joy in the present moment, but that doesn’t mean you need to live with that person for the rest of your life. Sometimes, it’s simply not the right time for a long-term relationship.
Another sign could be that you often daydream about life without that person. In this case, maybe it’s time to make your dream come true.

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Recognize the signs of rejection. Sometimes, the person you love doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, and you are the only one who can choose to accept this or not. It’s easier to accept when you realize that the person’s lack of affection is due to them and their life, not yours. Perhaps the person you love drinks and takes drugs, has problems with depression, is upset, or is just self-centered. Maybe the person realized they don’t love you, and maybe they told you about it. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

If your crush regularly breaks promises, doesn’t present his needs, leaves you alone to think about what you did wrong, this is a sign of rejection.
You should understand that in this case, you will not be able to do anything else.

Overcoming feelings of self-pity

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Begin to accept the situation. If you allow yourself to focus on revenge, you will carry the pain this situation brings with you for years. Instead, you should accept that pain is an inevitable result of the current situation. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

When you give up, you will be able to learn from your own experience, and develop yourself.
Make an effort to empathize with the person who has let you down. While you probably won’t fully understand other people’s decisions, you can try to accept them.

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Remind yourself of your own worth. If possible, use affirmations every day, or post reminders in a prominent place. Just because you’ve fallen in love with the wrong person, or feel frustrated that the time isn’t right for a relationship, doesn’t mean you’re not worth it. You should remember that your life is shaped by a series of experiences you encounter, not just this problem. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

For another, you are the perfect fit and show up at the right time.
You will find that you can use your experience of rejection as a lesson to find the right person for you.

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Stop pitying yourself. When you love the wrong person, it’s easy to pity yourself. This is a sad situation, and feeling sorry for yourself can provide temporary solace. The first step is to decide whether or not you should tolerate feelings of self-pity in your life. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

If feelings of self-pity creep in, you should remind yourself of something you feel pretty good about.
You will probably start to pity yourself when you try to end it, because the thought pattern is so ingrained in your mind. Don’t be mad at yourself; just be aware of when this situation occurs, and redirect your attention to something more positive.
When you start to realize that self-pity isn’t the solution to the problem, you’ll be ready to try new things.

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Write a gratitude journal. Forcing yourself to pay attention to the good elements in your life that you have overlooked will help you combat feelings of sadness. The best way to keep a gratitude journal is to write down specific people you are grateful for in detail, and to document surprising and unexpected events. ^{[8] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}

Write without worrying about the quality of your writing style in a gratitude journal. You can write out complete sentences, or just jot down a few words, ideas, or pictures.
When you feel overwhelmed by negative feelings, writing down a list of all the things you’re grateful for will help you redirect your attention to something more positive.
You can read through your gratitude journal to find motivation at all times. Anyway, no matter how difficult life is right now, there are always things that you should be happy for.

Practice self-care skills

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Consider talking to an expert. A therapist, counselor, chaplain, pastor, or other professional has experience in helping others cope with an unhappy experience in love. It can be helpful to share with someone unrelated to the situation, who can chat with you regardless of faction selection. Self-pity can be rooted in a history of many previous bad relationships, starting in childhood. You will need to address these issues in order to improve your relationship. You should not try to do this yourself. You should seek support from a health professional who can guide you through this process. ^{[9] X Research Source}

You should also see a therapist to see if they can help you assess past relationships. Some therapists tend to focus on the present instead of digging up past problems.
Keep in mind that this process can be quite painful and takes time to complete.
You do not need to worry because the specialist will not share your personal information with others.
Going to a specialist can be expensive, but insurance will cover the cost. In addition, some clinics also offer free or low-cost counseling services for low-income people.

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Learn to love yourself . When you experience an unhappy love affair, you will conclude that no one wants to love you. However, this is the result of rejecting and/or entering into an unhealthy relationship. Instead, you should take this opportunity to remind yourself of your own positive qualities. ^{[10] X Research Source}

Practicing self-love will aid in the healing process of a broken heart, as it helps affirm your worth and self-esteem.
If you are talking to yourself negatively, you should check in with yourself. Would you say these words to someone you love? If not, you should reconsider this.

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Share with someone you trust. There are plenty of good reasons to share your feelings with others. Talking about your frustrations will help you see the relationship in a new light, and from there, can form solutions that you never thought of. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Chatting with trusted friends is a great way to release pent-up emotions, and will help you feel better.
You will find that your friend has had a similar experience, and this will help if you are feeling lonely.

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Start building self-esteem. Low self-esteem is an unrealistically negative assessment of yourself. People with low self-esteem are more likely to become emotionally unhappy. As you develop the ability to take care of yourself, you will feel less sorry for yourself. ^{[12] X Research Source}

Perhaps this is the right time to try something new, join a self-help group, or volunteer to help someone less fortunate than you.
Paying attention to your own feelings will help you develop self-esteem. When you don’t respect your own feelings, you will believe everything other people say you should feel.

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Become more active. Being physically active is a great way to stop self-pity. When you force yourself to exercise and get your heart rate up, you’ll feel better about yourself. Endorphins released from exercise will work, improving your mood. ^{[13] X Research Source}

You should remember the old saying, “Move a muscle, change a mind”.
Exercise will greatly improve your life: you will sleep better, become healthier and fitter, and stress less.

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Be kind to yourself. When you notice your inner voice (or self-talk) echoing negativity, you should find a way to see things in a new light. For example, if you say to yourself, “I’m stupid!”, remind yourself, “It’s okay, it’s just a small mistake.” If you have made a serious mistake, you should remind yourself that you will learn from the experience. You might say, “Being human makes mistakes. I still love myself anyway, and I don’t have to be perfect.” ^{[14] X Research Source}

Empathizing with yourself when you make mistakes will help heal the pain of dealing with unrequited love.
When you fall in love with the wrong person, you need to be kind to yourself.

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Live with purpose. This means prioritizing your desires, feelings, and thoughts. People who fall in love with the wrong person often spend more time living up to what others want for them than what they want for themselves. If you’re trying to cope with an unhappy experience in love, you can restore balance by paying attention to yourself. ^{[15] X Research Source}

Consider what really makes you happy. When do you feel the most “being yourself”? Do them more. ^{[16] X Research Source}
When you find yourself doing actions that make you feel awkward, stupid, or unimportant, you can try to minimize them in your life.

Understand your own feelings

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Take responsibility for your own choices. Even if it can be difficult, making the decision to take responsibility for your own decisions will help you learn and grow. After all, being responsible for your own choices is the exact opposite of being a victim; The victim is the helpless role. Taking responsibility for your life is a very powerful act. ^{[17] X Research Source}

By taking responsibility, you will put yourself in a better position to learn from your choices.
Even if the other person acted badly, you probably played a part in the process.
Talking to a therapist, counselor, or friend you trust will help you sort through your choices in a new way.

Advice

If you are not sure where to look for a counselor or therapist, you can phone 1080 for more information.

Warning

Don’t expect others to change.
Do not suppress your emotions. Finding ways to share how you’re feeling with others is important for your mental health.

Steps