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This article was co-written by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Liana Georgoulis is a licensed clinical psychologist with over 10 years of experience, currently the clinical chair of Coast Psychpogical Services in Los Angeles. She received her Doctor of Psychology degree from Pepperdine University in 2009. Her clinic offers cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples. .
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 17,120 times.
Being yelled at is definitely not a pleasant experience. When someone yells at you loudly, your normal reaction is probably to feel intimidated, intimidated, and put down. However, the key to dealing with being yelled at is seeing the person’s communication failure. Fortunately, it’s not you who lost control, and that means you can take steps to control your emotions and open up other, more effective ways to interact.
Steps
Keep calm
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Resist the urge to scream back. The less responsive you are to agitation, the better you will be able to use your judgment to handle situations. [1] X Source of Research When challenged or annoyed by someone, take a deep breath and count slowly to 10 before saying or doing something you may later regret.
- This includes any form of resistance or defense. The act of shouting is just a passive response rather than an active response.
- Being critical of the person who is shouting or challenging what they say will only irritate them further. Moreover, we will not be able to think clearly while being scolded. It is because we are being pushed into a state of fear. [2] X Research Source
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Consider your options. Just because someone yells at you doesn’t mean you’re completely stuck in the situation. This is true in many situations, whether the person yelling is a stranger who lost his temper in line, your boss or a loved one. So, take a few seconds away from the present to think about whether or not you should take the fight. [3] X Research Sources
- You may decide to put up with it because reacting isn’t worth your loss, but you may also want to choose another option if the screaming is certain to recur, or if the person isn’t so important that you have to. suffer.
- Research shows that yelling has no effect and only causes harm even when it’s seen as “love for the spanking”. [4] X Source of Research Meaning that regardless of the intention of the scolder, such treatment is never considered good, or even unacceptable.
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Avoid tolerating scolding behavior. When we yell, it means that we can’t find a way to deal with it and have to resort to that form of violence. [5] X Research Source If you’re giving in to what the other person wants, you’re accepting that type of communication.
- If you find yourself silently finding holes in the other person’s argument and protesting in your head, just allow yourself to do so. Maybe it’s your way of telling yourself that you’re in control and in control of the situation. However, you need to be careful, don’t be so focused on your thoughts that you lose the ability to observe.
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Distract yourself. Allow yourself to move out of the current situation to make sure you don’t get too sensitive and take it as a personal attack. The best way to do this without losing consciousness in the present moment is to understand the person screaming. [6] X Research Source Focus on the distress and stress on the person’s face. Instead of listening to the screaming person’s words, look at the despair and frustration they are expressing.
- Remember that you don’t accept people who scream. You only understand to see the sympathetic part of the person when you react.
- Make up the way you can, but don’t be overly aggressive or fake peace. This can add fuel to the fire because the person may interpret your actions as teasing or condescending. A good way to make amends is to show genuine surprise at the person’s attitude. This way, you can show you’re surprised and imply to the person that yelling is disruptive behavior.
Reaction to calm the situation
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Consider finding time to regain your composure. If the situation allows, do your best to calmly ask the person to give you a few minutes to calm down before reacting to what they are shouting about. Simply express that the yelling is too much for you to bear, and that you want to talk in five minutes to regain your composure. That way you’re also giving the other person space that they may not realize they need.
- This also helps reduce the risk that the conversation will later explode into a heated battle. By making this offer, you are also letting the yeller know that he or she has provoked the reaction they wanted.
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Talk about the behavior of the person who just shouted. [7] X Research Source Tell them how their shouting makes you feel. Remember to include things you observe about the situation (for example, “I have a hard time focusing on what you’re saying because you talk so loud”). You should also tell the person how you feel in the situation (for example, “I feel scared and confused when I get yelled at”).
- For example, your lover yelled at you because you forgot your ticket to a concert. When the person stops talking, say that you feel scared and stressed. You can also add that passersby are looking at you with surprised or pitying eyes. This will cause your partner to be concerned with your feelings beyond their own.
- In other cases, you may be scolded by your boss for making a mistake when sending invoices to customers. Tell your boss that you feel hurt and scared when your boss speaks louder than usual, and that it makes it even harder for you to focus on work because you’re protecting yourself.
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Ask them to stop shouting. [8] X Research Sources Rosenberg, Marshall B. 2003. Nonvipent communication: a language of life. Encinitas, CA: PuddleDancer Press. If you’ve shared how being yelled at has negatively impacted you, you have every reason to ask that it don’t happen again. To prevent anger from escalating, say something like, “I don’t fully understand when I hear the shouting, but I care about what you have to say to me. Can you raise the issue in a normal voice like we’re talking right now?”
- When you make an offer, be specific about what you want. While it’s well known that soft talk is always better than shouting, you still need to be clear about how you want to be talked about. Just like the example above, being specific means that you don’t use sentences like “Why can’t you speak normally?”
- If you think the person shouting is too sensitive or they will interpret your suggestion as a personal attack, you can back up some positive things. Think about the person’s contributions and remind them how much you admire them, for example, they always show enthusiasm.
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Talk at low volume. A soft, slow voice is a great way to change the mood of an interaction. The person who is shouting will be forced to lower his voice to sound more like you because of the sharp contrast with your voice. Another benefit is that they will have to work harder to hear you, which also means that they change a bit. This will help shift the focus from feeling angry and stressed to what you’re saying.
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Determine whether you want to mediate. [9] X Research Resources Once you have taken steps to calm the situation, you now have the choice of making peace or simply walking away. When making your decision, consider your relationship with the person, when you are likely to see them again, and how long it usually takes you to get over an uncomfortable situation.
- If the person yelling at you is someone you can’t or don’t want to break off, you can make up for it by remembering where the yelling is coming from. After all, yelling is an expression of intense emotion or concern about something. [10] X Research Sources Rosenberg, Marshall B. 2003. Nonvipent communication: a language of life. Encinitas, CA: PuddleDancer Press.
- If you choose to walk away, remember that the next time there will be a tense encounter when you see the person again.
React to avoid danger
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Understand your rights. It’s important to understand your rights in situations like these. Boost your confidence and drive away your fear of being yelled at by keeping your rights in mind. For example, you always have the right to be treated with respect and to have your own space.
- At work, your right to work in an orderly and non-threatening environment may be overridden by your position or your need to maintain an attitude that is considered “proper.” However, even if your boss has more decision-making power than you do in the company, you always have the right to protest in situations that threaten your interests. If yelling occurs frequently, you can consult your human resources department or employee manuals about policies for dealing with conflicts between employees. [11] X Research Source
- When your partner yells at you, it can be easy to assume that they’re just doing it out of love or because they want to continue the relationship. However, think about how often that yelling happens in the relationship you’re trying to keep. You have the right to express your needs, and not being intimidated or dominated is a fundamental right.
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Terminate contact. If the person is still yelling at you no matter how hard you try to tell them how harmful the behavior is to you, perhaps cutting off contact is the best way to protect yourself. Depending on your relationship with the person, you may be able to avoid meeting and send a short email saying you don’t want to contact them anymore. You have the right to set limits.
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Ask for outside help. Does the person who is screaming seem inconsolable? Are you afraid their behavior is threatening your livelihood? If you feel that the situation is escalating to a truly dangerous level, do not hesitate to call the hotline service immediately. If the situation is critical, call 113 (police rapid response). [12] X Trusted Source US Office on Women’s Health Go to source .
- If yelling occurs in the family, in addition to phone number 113, you can call the hotline on 1800 1567 for help.
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This article was co-written by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Liana Georgoulis is a licensed clinical psychologist with over 10 years of experience, currently the clinical chair of Coast Psychpogical Services in Los Angeles. She received her Doctor of Psychology degree from Pepperdine University in 2009. Her clinic offers cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples. .
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 17,120 times.
Being yelled at is definitely not a pleasant experience. When someone yells at you loudly, your normal reaction is probably to feel intimidated, intimidated, and put down. However, the key to dealing with being yelled at is seeing the person’s communication failure. Fortunately, it’s not you who lost control, and that means you can take steps to control your emotions and open up other, more effective ways to interact.
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