How to Deal with Negative People

Anyone has ever had a friend or colleague who drained them of their energy by constantly complaining that the world was completely against them. Unfortunately, you have to deal with quite a few different types of negative people in your life. However, the negativity of others can also affect your own health. ^{[1] X Goodhart Research Source , DE (1985). Some of the psychological effects associated with thinking positively and negatively about the stressful consequences of an event: Is optimism the right thing to do? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 48(1), 216-232.} Therefore, you need to take care of your own health, and avoid and neutralize negativity when possible. Luckily, there are quite a few methods you can take to deal with negative people.

Table of Contents

Dealing with Negative People in the Immediate

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Remember that you don’t have to try to please them, solve their problems, or give them solutions. Helping them turn the tide is quite commendable. However, you should remember that you may not be successful, and this is not your duty.

Sometimes, the best way to deal with negative people is to maintain a positive attitude and ignore their negativity.
Voluntary advice is rarely seen. You should wait until the person tells you that they want to hear your point of view.
Sometimes, someone’s negative state is purely for good reason; You should respect this. The best way to make someone in a bad mood even more upset is to tell them they shouldn’t be. While this will probably be quite correct, it won’t really help.
Be a good example of positivity. Sometimes the best thing you can do is build a positive attitude. Just being positive and maintaining this state of mind in a sea of gloom will bring results.

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Provide support. In your first contact with someone you know well that they are negative, you should listen to them sympathetically. Try to help if they ask. Any person will have a bad day or need help from time to time. Just being helpful and empathetic can help you spread positivity.

If the person keeps rambling on about some negative topic that leaves you feeling emotionally drained after communicating with them, and they don’t stop using negative words and phrases (I can’t, they didn’t). , I hate, etc.), this is when you need to try to calm their negativity.

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Do not engage in negativity. It is very easy to get caught up in a negative spiral when facing negative people. Not allowing yourself to immerse yourself in the process doesn’t mean you should ignore them, but rather maintain an emotional distance from them.

Avoid arguing about why the person doesn’t have to be negative. In trying to change the negative person’s attitude, your first instinct will be to find a way to argue about why they shouldn’t feel that way. Unfortunately, this method usually won’t work. People who are panicking tend to come up with pretty basic excuses, and will put themselves on the defensive to defend their own reasons. You will waste time and effort in vain, and may even get caught up in this “dark cloud”.
Negative people will love to exaggerate, focus on their negativity, and ignore the positive. Instead of trying to make them realize their negativity (which will often only lead to confrontation and help them re-strengthen their belief that everyone is against them), you should try to make a statement. respond innocuously, which means not encouraging or condemning their negativity. This method will show that you are actively listening without stating your consent.
- Innocent comments include: “Yes” or “Is that so”.
- You can add your positive feedback, but you shouldn’t say anything that contradicts them: “Oh yeah. It must be hard when a customer shows such disrespect. I’ll try not to. personalize it.”

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Use the method of active inquiry (appreciative inquiry). If the other person has a negative opinion on some particular event or topic, you can talk to them using a technique called “positive interviewing”. This is the process of asking questions to help the person envision a brighter future. If they complain about something from the past, you can ask them questions based on a positive aspect of their experience or ask about the future. ^{[2] X Research Source Cooperrider, DL, & Whitney, D. (2001). Positive Revolution in Change: Harnessing Strengths. Public Administration and Public Policy, 87, 611-630.}

These types of questions might include “What do you hope will happen next time?” or “What turned out to be a positive factor in that experience?”.
This type of question will guide the story towards a picture of a brighter future and how to achieve it.

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Redirect the conversation. If a positive interview doesn’t help you form a productive, positive conversation, you should redirect the conversation to something lighter. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

For example, you could say, “I understand that you are upset about your co-worker. It must be difficult. So tell me more about your plans this weekend.” Or “Wow, that sounds like a real challenge. Have you seen that new documentary yet?”

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Try to break the negative thinking process. Reflection (repeatedly munching on negative thoughts) will only reinforce the negativity. This action is associated with an increase in depression levels. ^{[4] X Research Sources Npen-Hoeksema, S., Parker, LE, Larson, J. (1994). Reflection to cope with depression after experiencing a loss. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 67, pp. 92–104.} If the person has a tendency to constantly bring up an issue, you should see if you can break the cycle by redirecting the person’s focus to something else.

While redirecting the conversation can lead the person to talk about the happier element of the same topic, breaking through the negative rumination often means you have to change the subject of the conversation altogether. If the person doesn’t stop talking about some interaction at work, try moving the conversation to their favorite TV show, their pet, or something else that could shape the conversation. more positive.

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Help the other person realize how they can take control of the situation. Negative people tend to blame external factors rather than themselves. People who often blame external factors for their problems are often less emotionally healthy than those who see things from a different perspective. ^{[5] X Research Sources Garnefski, N., Kraaij, V., & Spinhoven, P. (2001). Negative life events, cognitive adjustment in emotions and emotional problems. Differences in Personality and Personality, 30(8), 1311-1327.} You should try to assist the negative person in developing a plan to deal with the negative event. ^{[6] X Research Sources Garnefski, N., Kraaij, V., & Spinhoven, P. (2001). Negative life events, cognitive adjustment in emotions and emotional problems. Differences in Personality and Personality, 30(8), 1311-1327.}

Letting go of a negative situation isn’t necessarily an unhealthy response. We often find ways to overcome difficulties and develop action plans to deal with problems during this period. Try to help your partner channel the negative energy in a more constructive way. For example, you might ask about what the person could do to change a bad situation at work.

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Help the person accept the negative event. In addition to talking to the person about how to react to a negative event, you can also help them learn to accept it. ^{[7] X Research Sources Garnefski, N., Kraaij, V., & Spinhoven, P. (2001). Negative life events, cognitive adjustment in emotions and emotional problems. Differences in Personality and Personality, 30(8), 1311-1327.} For example, a friend of yours was reprimanded for being late for work. She complains about this to you during lunchtime, complains that she had to take the bus to work, complains that her boss doesn’t like her, etc. You can have different opinions about the situation. this situation, such as:

“Yeah, the reprimand is already on your file anyway, and it won’t change but you can remove it after 6 months. You can show your boss that from now on, you’re committed to being on time.”
“What if you use your bike to go to work? You won’t have to depend on the bus schedule, and you can leave the house a little later.”
“I know you’re upset about this. I’m so sorry this has happened. If you’d like me to help you get ready in the morning, and I think this will be very helpful to you. can get to work on time. You can let me know if you want me to help you.”

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Set boundaries. When dealing with negative people, you should set boundaries on how you will deal with them. It is not your responsibility to handle the negativity of others. If they are making you feel uncomfortable, you should stay away from them.

If the negative person is your colleague, you should shorten the conversation with them by saying that you need to get back to your work. You should do this delicately, or else you will only make them more negative.
If the negative person is a family member (especially someone you live with), you should try to stay away from them as much as possible. You can go to your local library or coffee shop or simply not answer the phone every time they call.

Dealing with Negative People Long-term

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Identify negative people. Part of dealing with negative people in the long run is determining if they are negative or simply someone having a bad day. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Negative people often develop this personality as a result of being constantly frustrated and hurt, and anger related to the situation.
Negative people tend to blame external factors instead of themselves. Of course, there are quite a few people who are completely negative about themselves, and this will also leave the listener feeling exhausted.

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Avoid preaching or admonishing the person. A long-term friendship or working relationship with a negative person can cost you your patience as well as your time and energy, but you need to avoid preaching or admonishing the person. ^{[9] X Research Sources} Negative people around us don’t like to accept criticism, and they often see this action as proof that you’re also working against them instead of taking your advice as it should. more constructive.

Even if “unloading” will help you to express your feelings, it will not help the situation. ^{[10] X Research Sources} If you need to vent about a negative person, you should talk to someone you trust in a support group rather than directly with that person.

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Act instead of simply react. One way to help yourself and the negative person is to do something nice for them, one that isn’t triggered by a particular situation or conversation. Rejection by others will only reinforce the negative worldview, so accepting behavior can bring about the necessary change. ^{[11] X Research Source Segrin, C., & Abramson, LY (1994). Negative responses to frustrated behavior: A theoretical analysis of communication. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 103(4), 655-668.}

It is easy for people to underestimate the support they receive in the process of forming negative thinking. You should take positive action in a negative person’s way even if it’s not motivated by a negative situation. You can greatly influence the person’s interactions with you through this.
For example, if you frequently make excuses why you can’t meet negative people while they’re constantly thinking about a bad situation, you should take the initiative to call them up when they’re not immersed. in a bad mood or thinking.

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Reminding the person of the positive can help them reinforce their positivity. You should remind the person of a good time you both had together or of a funny situation. Praise the person when they do a good deed. This method will help the person remember that another person cares about them and is trying to bring positivity to their day. ^{[12] X Research Sources Garnefski, N., Kraaij, V., & Spinhoven, P. (2001). Negative life events, cognitive adjustment in emotions and emotional problems. Differences in Personality and Personality, 30(8), 1311-1327.}

For example, “Your essay did a great job. I am completely impressed by all the research you have done.”

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Every once in a while, do an unexpected sweet act. It could be anything from helping that person with day-to-day tasks to inviting that person to a movie or even going for a walk with you. This is a pretty good way to affirm the positivity to the negative without making it a training course on their attitude, because no one will like to hear this.

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Go out with a group of friends. Sometimes, the best way to deal with negative people (especially if they’re part of your circle of friends) is to host a group event where they become “faded” among different personality types. ^{[13] X Research Sources} , however, you need to make sure that this situation will not end with the whole group coming together to condemn the negative person.

This approach works best when everyone in the group empathizes with the negative person and uses similar strategies to help that person overcome his or her negativity.

Advice

You should keep in mind that there are many different reasons people become negative, including feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, painful past, disappointment in life, low self-confidence, etc.
Negative people often find it difficult to see the positive side or positive outcomes in life. Remember that they themselves need to want to change their way of thinking.
Do not react to negative comments. If you don’t give the person the response they want, they’ll stop because their attention-grabbing behavior isn’t working.
You should be polite, avoid being too strict, and practice patience.

Warning

People who frequently express negativity may suffer from depression. If the negativity is manifesting in the form of conversations about self-harm or others, you should encourage the person to seek professional help.
Don’t allow people’s negativity to turn you into a pessimist. Above all, you need to take responsibility for your own happiness.

Steps

Dealing with Negative People in the Immediate

Dealing with Negative People Long-term

Advice

Warning

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