You are viewing the article How To Deal With Loving Two People At The Same Time at Tnhelearning.edu.vn you can quickly access the necessary information in the table of contents of the article below.
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This article was co-written by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a psychotherapist, author, and TV/radio presenter based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in family relationships, love marriage, depression, anxiety, gender, parenting and so on. Kelli also runs groups at The Villa. The Treatment Center is for people who are recovering from alcohol and drug addiction. As an author, she received the Next Generation Indie Book Award for “Living with ADHD: A True Book for Children” and she is also the author of “Profess Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” “. Kelli is the host of “The Dr. Debra and Therapist Kelli Show” on LA Talk Radio, you can see her work on Instagram @kellimillertherapy. She received her Master of Social Work degree from the University of Pennsylvania and a diploma. Bachelor of Science in Sociology/Medical from the University of Florida.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 41,996 times.
While many people respect the idea of having a single life partner, it’s entirely possible to love two people at the same time. This can be quite confusing, especially if you’re currently in a relationship. If you find yourself in love with two people, you should assess how you feel. Think about the feelings you have for each person, and your personal feelings regarding the monogamous relationship. If you are in a romantic relationship, you should determine how to deal with the feelings that are leading to the betrayal. After identifying your needs and wants, you need to figure out how to move forward. If you’re in a relationship right now, you need to set firm boundaries for the future.
Steps
Evaluate how you feel
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Consider the difference in how you love each person. If you find yourself in love with two people at the same time, they may be able to accommodate your different emotional needs. Identifying the different reasons you love each person will help you find a way to move on. [1] X Research Source
- What does each person give you? Your current lover may give you a sense of stability, but your love for him or her is only as if it were for a friend. Perhaps you are longing for the person that is missing from your current relationship.
- If you experience two kinds of love, there are several methods for you to control it. At the beginning of the relationship, you will be more infatuated with someone. If you feel passion for someone new, you can limit contact with this person to chat, for example. You can learn something new about someone and allow yourself to experience romantic infatuation while remaining physically faithful to your current partner.
- However, remember to be careful. You need to feel comfortable letting both of you know what’s going on. If you’re hiding something from your partner, you may be having an emotional affair.
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Think about your needs and wants. Our culture tends to value monogamy, both emotionally and physically. However, you will probably want and need the differentiating element of the relationship. Only you can determine what you want and need from a romantic relationship. You need to know it well before you can move forward. [2] X Research Source
- Do you have a feeling that you need to invest emotionally in each person? Many people just want to focus on one by one. Some people find that their capacity for love – romantic or not – is limitless.
- Think about how it feels to be in love with two people. Do you feel exhausted by it, or invigorated? Does it make you feel guilty, or are you comfortable with the fact that you’re in love with two different people?
- Determine your needs. Do you need to build a romantic relationship with only one person, or are you open to loving two people at the same time?
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Consider your views on the issue of romantic love. For many people, love needs to revolve around monogamy. Perhaps you need to be loyal to a person emotionally as well as physically. For others, emotional monogamy is unnecessary. You can remain physically loyal to one person, but emotionally devoted to someone outside of your relationship. You should think about how you feel about this topic, and see if it’s okay for you to be in love with the two of you. [3] X Research Sources
- For many people, the ability to love a single person is crucial to a happy relationship. Many people feel that you cannot truly love two people, because love requires you to form an intimate bond with only one person. Not everyone agrees with this view. If you are in love with two people, you may possess two intimate bonds of similar depth and meaning to both of you.
- Perhaps you don’t believe that love possesses finite value. In this case, monogamy won’t be your primary concern. Consider pursuing a relationship with both of you at the same time, remaining open to your expectations. Casual dating will let you explore your options. In the end, you might even end up settling down with someone.
Control the current relationship
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Consider whether you are having an emotional affair. If you are currently in a romantic relationship, falling in love with two people could cause problems for you. If you and your crush don’t agree to an open relationship, falling in love with someone else would be considered emotional adultery. This will cause feelings of pain and betrayal for your current partner. You should look for signs that you are having an emotional affair. [4] X Research Sources
- You may feel the need to justify your behavior due to potential guilt. For example, you need to regularly reassure yourself that you and this person are “just friends” or think about justifications for spending time with this person.
- Perhaps you will also have the feeling that you need to cover your tracks. If you are hiding from the person you love, you are doing the wrong thing. For example, you might delete messages or lie to your partner about spending time with the other person.
- Do you often daydream about that person? Do you feel excited when you get to meet them? If so, this is definitely a sign of emotional infidelity.
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Assess whether your feelings for your partner are waning. If you love two different people, this could be a warning sign for your current relationship. If you can usually only love one person, the love you have for your current lover is slowly disappearing. [5] X Research Sources
- How happy is your current relationship? If something has been going on for a while, your attachment to the other person could be a warning sign. Do you complain about your current spouse to this person? Do you share details about a problem in your relationship that you usually keep hidden from others?
- Do you find yourself comparing this person to your lover? You may find that this new person possesses a quality that you feel your partner is lacking. Are they very different from the person you love now? If so, you’re after someone completely different because your current relationship isn’t working.
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Discuss your feelings with a therapist. If you are struggling with how you feel about others, a therapist can help. If your partner anticipates emotional betrayal, falling in love with someone else will create problems. A therapist will help you determine ways to look at how you’re feeling and progress in the relationship.
- If you’re not seeing a therapist right now, you can ask for a referral. You can also find out if a therapist is covered by your insurance coverage. If you are a student, you can get free on-campus counseling.
- If you believe your relationship is in serious trouble due to external feelings, you should consider going with your partner to a couples counselor to discuss the problem.
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Talk to that person, if you feel comfortable. In many cases, you’ll want to talk to your crush about how you feel. If you believe your feelings are threatening your current relationship, you should sit down and talk to your partner about how to move on. [6] X Research Source
- Choose the right time to chat and remove distractions while you’re having a discussion. Remember to turn off your phone and computer. You also need to make an effort to talk at a time when neither of you has to make other commitments outside.
- Show empathy. It can be quite painful when your partner hears that you’re in love with someone else, and you shouldn’t minimize their pain. Allow the person to feel how he or she feels. For example, don’t say something like “Many people have been in the same situation as you and they overcame it”. This statement would be viewed as contempt.
- Create a battle plan together. You may decide that it is best for you to end the relationship, or to extend it. Your partner will want you to limit contact with the other person to save the situation. Whatever you decide, you should remember to set clear boundaries that you both agree on and understand.
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Deal with emotional infidelity. If you are emotionally cheating, it takes time for you to recover. It can be quite difficult to accept the fact that you are unfaithful, even if it has nothing to do with the body. You need to allow yourself time to forget about the affair and focus on your current partner instead of the other. [7] X Research Sources
- Try to set a specific time to think about the third person. It may sound weird, but it’s actually quite helpful to daydream and obsess about your crush at a certain time every day. Trying not to think about that person will backfire. If you allow yourself the freedom to think for a bit once a day, it will help you forget about this person in the long run.
- Allow yourself time to mourn the relationship. A non-physical relationship can be just as intimate and close as a physical one. It will take some time for you to feel better about ending the affair. Missing that person after a breakup is normal. You need to stay busy and surround yourself with friends.
- Invest in an existing relationship. If you’ve decided to stay with your current partner, you need to take the time to repair any damage caused by the emotional infidelity. Spend a lot of time alone with that person. Try to become physically close through sex, cuddling, and touching. Remind yourself why you loved your partner in the first place, and why your relationship is worth it.
Choose a person
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Make a choice. If you’re not currently in a monogamous relationship with someone, you’re probably dating two people at the same time. You have feelings for both, but want to establish a monogamous relationship. You should determine who you will choose. There are quite a few factors you can use to decide who is best for you. [8] X Research Sources
- Think about your goal. Matching lovers will have similar goals and values. Choose someone whose goals almost coincide with yours. You and this person need to have the same moral values, and expect the same things for the future.
- Think about how each person affects you. In a romantic relationship, you are strongly influenced by the other person. You will find yourself imitating their interests and tastes. If one person is influencing your personality more than the other, they may be the right person for you.
- You also need to consider how you feel about others. People have a tendency to fall in love with the right person for them. You may find that you are prioritizing one person more. You may also want to emphasize a person’s good qualities a little more.
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Let someone you don’t choose to know that you want to chat. If you’ve made a choice, you should let the other person know. It’s best to talk to them directly, if you feel comfortable, so let the person know you want to have a serious discussion with them. [9] X Research Source
- For example, you could send a message like “Hey man, I’m thinking about a problem. I want to talk to you as soon as possible. Are you free tomorrow? Are you free to drink coffee?”
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End things with clarity. You need to end things clearly. There should be no ambiguity when breaking up. Remember to make it clear that it’s over. For example, “I have decided to end the romance in our relationship”. [10] X Research Source
- Avoid phrases like “I think we should…” and “I feel…”. Statements like this will make you sound uncertain.
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Give specific reasons, if you feel comfortable. Many people wish to know the truth after a breakup. If you can provide a reason, do it. However, it will be quite difficult when you leave one person for another. If you feel that it is best for you to keep this information private, you can provide another reason that contributed to your choice over the other person without explicitly mentioning that you have someone else. [11] X Research Source
- If you can mention the person, you can say, “As you know, I’m also dating Nam. Although I cherish our time together, I think Nam suits me better in the long run. long. I want to date only him.”
- For various reasons, you probably won’t mention the other person. Instead of stating that you have chosen someone else, you should mention the factors that contributed to your choice. For example, “I just feel like in the long run, we don’t have the same goals and values. I think it’s best for both of us to find someone else who’s on the same path as us.”
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Go ahead with the person you choose. Once you’ve broken up with someone, move on. You should try to establish a new relationship with the person you love. The lingering feelings about that person will still linger in you, but you should limit contact with them when focusing on your new love story. With time and distance, these feelings will fade.
Establish a polyamorous relationship
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Learn about polygamy. Polyamorous people often have multiple romantic relationships at the same time, as long as the parties involved agree to this type of affection. Many people see themselves as polyamorous, and try to date multiple people who agree to an open or semi-open relationship. [12] X Research Source
- Polyamorous people do not feel that monogamy is essential to building a happy and fulfilling relationship. Polygamy is not a choice. Much of it is based on your emotional comfort level and feelings about love and romance. If you can love two people at the same time, you are probably polyamorous.
- There are many ways to determine if you are polyamorous. You should review your relationship. Do you feel complete with only one person, or do you often find yourself lusting after love and sex outside of your relationship? If this is the case, you are probably polyamorous. If you have the ability to love and commit to two people at the same time, you are polyamorous.
- Polygamy has to accept some stigmas, but you should try to get rid of them. Remember, when it comes to relationships, one style won’t fit all. If you are polyamorous, you need to feel comfortable exploring your feelings about the subject without feeling guilty.
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Set clear boundaries. Boundaries are always an important factor in a relationship, and especially when you’re in love with two people. You should make sure that everyone involved knows the rules for the particular situation, and that everyone is comfortable with the battle plan. [13] X Research Source
- If you’re considering a semi-open relationship, remember to let everyone know what’s possible and unacceptable. Are you allowed to be physically intimate with both parties? Can your spouse pursue a relationship other than your romantic one? Does one party need to take precedence over the other? These are the questions you need to address when entering an open relationship.
- If your current partner doesn’t want to be in a completely open relationship, they may ask you to limit contact with the other person. In this case, you should make sure you understand the type of contact you are allowed to have and the type of contact that would violate the person’s trust.
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Slowly get used to the new rule in the relationship. If you want to have an open relationship with someone, you need to slowly get used to the new routine. The transition from monogamy to polygamy can be quite difficult. There’s no reason for you to rush. [14] X Research Source
- If your partner is comfortable with you pursuing another relationship, you should consider whether you can do this right away. You don’t have to rush into becoming polyamorous. You should give yourself and your partner time to adjust to the idea of an open relationship before either of you does it.
- Anticipate stress. Polyamorous or open relationship can be quite healthy and loving. But that doesn’t mean in the beginning, things won’t go wrong. You should maintain open communication. Be willing to compromise and minimize differences that may arise.
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Maintain open communication as you move forward. No matter how you decide to proceed, you and your partner need to communicate openly. You should regularly talk to your partner about how you feel. If you’re dating two people at the same time, let both parties know if your feelings about them change at any point in the future.
- If being in a relationship is causing a lot of stress in your relationship, you can talk to a couple counselor. A qualified counselor will help you and your partner determine better ways to communicate.
Advice
- If you feel that you may be polyamorous, you should find out if there are any polyamorous discussion groups in your area. You can also go to dating sites for polysexuals to pursue more relationships in the future.
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This article was co-written by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a psychotherapist, author, and TV/radio presenter based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in family relationships, love marriage, depression, anxiety, gender, parenting and so on. Kelli also runs groups at The Villa. The Treatment Center is for people who are recovering from alcohol and drug addiction. As an author, she received the Next Generation Indie Book Award for “Living with ADHD: A True Book for Children” and she is also the author of “Profess Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” “. Kelli is the host of “The Dr. Debra and Therapist Kelli Show” on LA Talk Radio, you can see her work on Instagram @kellimillertherapy. She received her Master of Social Work degree from the University of Pennsylvania and a diploma. Bachelor of Science in Sociology/Medical from the University of Florida.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 41,996 times.
While many people respect the idea of having a single life partner, it’s entirely possible to love two people at the same time. This can be quite confusing, especially if you’re currently in a relationship. If you find yourself in love with two people, you should assess how you feel. Think about the feelings you have for each person, and your personal feelings regarding the monogamous relationship. If you are in a romantic relationship, you should determine how to deal with the feelings that are leading to the betrayal. After identifying your needs and wants, you need to figure out how to move forward. If you’re in a relationship right now, you need to set firm boundaries for the future.
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