How to Deal with Intolerant People

We all through our lives inevitably have to deal with very stubborn people. Whether it’s a friend, relative, or co-worker, this type of person can be stressful for everyone. With any topic of discussion, they immediately assert themselves as “experts” and show off their knowledge to anyone. For such stubborn people, we must decide whether to confront them or accept them for who they are.

Table of Contents

Confronting the Obstinate

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Think about whether you need to deal with this behavior. Interactions with stubborn people are inevitable, so you’ll have to wisely avoid them to make sure you don’t get caught up in a verbal squabble when you encounter such people. You don’t have to deal with every harsh word they say. Furthermore, for your own sake, it’s best to avoid dealing with stubborn people

Is that opinion worth your time arguing? Some opinions may irritate you, but arguing is pointless. For example, the science fiction community may never be able to agree on whether Star Wars or Star Trek is better, and neither side is willing to give in to the other. In the end, it’s just a personal opinion.
Are you going to win? If it’s a productive argument then it’s commendable. But there are still situations and places where your actions cannot change the minds of others, and you will be negatively affected (or worse, another innocent person). So does your energy, your time, and your mood.
Does this opinion hurt others? It’s fine to criticize someone for being racist, sexist, bullying, or other harmful behavior/speech. But the difference of opinion doesn’t have to be to that extent.

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Talk to the stubborn person in private if possible. People are often defensive if they are corrected in public, and this will only make the situation worse. If it is appropriate and feasible, ask the person to go somewhere to have a private conversation. Talking in front of people will only embarrass and hurt feelings. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Maintain a respectful tone. Your attitude and tone of voice are important if you want to deal with a situation with a stubborn person. Make sure your tone isn’t angry or mocking, speak softly, and maintain a non-threatening stance. If the other person gets angry, don’t raise your voice or get agitated like them.
Stay calm and restrained when communicating. The worst thing about interacting with stubborn people is being aggressive and dominating. This approach always leads to an advantage game to show who knows more or who can overwhelm the other. In this situation, no one wins.

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Implement the best conversational tactics. You can’t wait for others to meet a higher standard than you have for yourself. As such, for a “know-it-all” person, you should show that you don’t know everything and understand that admitting flaws is not a sign of weakness.

Use sentences where the subject is “I” instead of the other person. Even if you feel like the other person is causing the problem, you should also try to resist the tendency to speak in an accusatory manner. Instead, reframe the problem from your perspective.
- “I have a feeling that you don’t respect my opinion” is easier to hear than “You always talk all the time and don’t respect me”. ^{[2] X Research Source}
Listening time should be equal to speaking time. Chances are conservatives will be angry or resentful that you confront them. When that happens, take a deep breath, try to listen and don’t overwhelm the other person. If you need to back down before the conversation escalates, don’t hesitate to do so.
Practice active listening. ^{[3] X Research Sources} If the other person is defensive and tries to explain their point of view, repeat what they said to show that you heard correctly.
- You can say things like, “I heard you say you didn’t want to offend me and that I overreacted. But what you said is really [racist, heartless, hurtful] and I don’t like it.”

Dealing with stubborn people

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Try to hold back and smile. In some situations – like a stubborn person who has a higher status than you – you will have little choice but to try to do the best in a bad situation.

Driving the conversation off topic makes you uncomfortable. If you don’t want to talk about the subject the person brings up, change the subject to an area in which you are more comfortable. It doesn’t have to be a topic you like, just steer the conversation away from the sensitive issue. Ask the person about their family or pastime.

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Apply exit strategy. If you know you’re about to face an obstinate person, think about ways to limit your time with them. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

In the workplace, you might want to avoid areas where the person is present or prepare responses so you can make an excuse to leave the situation. If you’re in the family, you can plan activities that will take you away from the person’s face-to-face conversation.

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Set healthy boundaries. If conservatives insist on talking about religion, politics, money, or topics that make you uncomfortable, try to tell them privately that you don’t like the topics and that you want to avoid such arguments. So.

Be resolute. If the person keeps bringing up such topics, you remind them that you don’t want to argue about it. For example: “I’m glad you learned a lot from your faith. But I think belief in God is a private matter so let’s talk about something else.”
Say things like, “I know you don’t want to offend me, but the subject annoys me. I really don’t want to talk about that.”
Or simply move on to another topic: “Can we talk about something more fun? Can you tell me how your new baby is?”

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Skillful. ^{[6] X Research Source} If the stubborn person is constantly giving you advice or trying to teach you how to do better, simply respond respectfully “Thanks for the suggestion” or “Thanks because you showed me that.” If the person’s opinion is right, you can follow suit. If not, just ignore it and do what you think is best.

You may find yourself reacting to stubborn people. Sometimes stubborn people really know what they’re talking about but still speak in an annoyed and overwhelming way. In this case, you can ignore their advice and only do what is necessary. Don’t let anger cloud your judgment.
Resist passive aggressive tendencies. Even if you don’t really argue loudly with the stubborn person, you are still prone to expressions such as rolling your eyes in displeasure at them or mumbling objections. Doing so will only add to the tension between you and the stubborn person.

Thinking Differently about Obstinate People

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Remember, it’s okay to have an opinion. Many people have been taught not to have or express their own opinions. If that’s the case, it’s very frustrating to be around someone who has a strong opinion and isn’t afraid to express it. Especially if that person still likes to argue, regardless of whether the other person wants to or not. There are several reasons for this:

Cultural differences: Some cultures downplay the importance of honest and open discussion about sensitive issues, while many consider it rude not to talk about them.
Gender-based parenting. Women are often taught to keep quiet and meek, instead of being as open and straightforward as men. A girl who dares to voice her opinion may be considered too bold, while a man who dares to do so will be appreciated more.
Family upbringing. In some families, children are often encouraged to voice their own opinions, but some families do not listen to their children. Birth order can also make a difference.
Personality difference. Some people tend to be outspoken and judgmental, while others prefer to get along with people and open up rather than rush to give harsh criticism. No personality is better than another. The right personality to practice as a judge may not be the same as the right person to take on the job of a prime minister.

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Remember that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Different people will not be able to have the same opinion about the same thing. And sometimes that’s hard to accept for some people. It seems that people feel that way is not right. But you need to remember a few things:

Having a different opinion does not mean that the person is not equal to you. That one opinion cannot mean the whole person. A person may have the same opinion as you, but that doesn’t mean he is better than someone with a different opinion.
Listening does not mean agreeing. Simply listening to someone else’s point of view doesn’t mean you agree with them. This just means you listen to know.
You don’t have to get into every argument other people drag you into. Some people live to argue, but that’s exhausting. And you won’t win every time. It’s okay to skip an argument, especially if you have nothing to gain or lose.

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Understand that the stubborn person may not fully understand his or her behavior. In most cases, stubborn people are not intentionally aggressive and may wonder why people avoid them. If you show empathy instead of judgment, you can help them understand their situation better.

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Try to get to know the person on a deeper level. If you really don’t like the person, it will be difficult for you to get to know them better. But even so, try to see them as a person with family, friends, and a life of their own. The more you get to know them as a person, the easier it will be to show empathy. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

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See stubborn people as a potential source. Since stubborn people often have a lot to say, you can use the knowledge they have to your advantage.

For example, the obstinate person may know something about the functional system in your office and be willing to give you information that others won’t. If they are family members, they may tell you stories that others, out of politeness, should not talk about. You might be surprised at what you learn.

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Find common ground. ^{[8] X Research Sources} Although you know the person is annoying, you probably have areas of interest that overlap with them. If you don’t like talking about politics, you can share your interest in music. Or if you don’t want to talk about sports, you can talk about family and parenting. Find the areas you both have in common and focus on them.

Advice

Distinguish between opinion and harassment. ^{[9] X Credible Source US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission Go to Source} If a coworker repeatedly brings up topics that are sexually inappropriate or too personal in nature, you do not have to participate in the conversation their. Such comments can cause an unpleasant atmosphere in the workplace; you have the right to talk back to the management.
If you have spoken frankly with a stubborn person who is a colleague or industry acquaintance about their behavior but they refuse to listen or continue to escalate, you may need to speak to someone in authority. However you must be careful. Once you’ve taken this step, you can’t predict what will happen. You could be seen as a troublemaker or disgruntled person, and you could get someone punished and out of a job.
If the pressure of dealing with stubborn people becomes unbearable, don’t hesitate to seek professional advice. It is very difficult to look at things objectively when you are an insider. An objective bystander can give you insight that you don’t see.

Steps

Confronting the Obstinate

Dealing with stubborn people

Thinking Differently about Obstinate People

Advice

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