How to Deal with Frustration

We all know the feeling of frustration, whether it’s due to our own efforts not yielding the expected results or someone else’s failure to meet our expectations or needs. The solution to stress is to identify the sources of that feeling and apply appropriate methods to choose a different response.

Table of Contents

Deal with immediate frustration

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Learn about triggers. A stimulus is an element in your environment that causes you to have a sudden emotional response that is disproportionate to that trigger. There are a number of common triggers, but each person has a different situation that causes frustration. ^{[1] X Dodes Research Source , Lance (2002) The Heart of Addiction: A New Approach to Understanding and Managing Alcohpism and Other Addictive Behaviors (NY: William Morrow).}

Are you frustrated when you have to wait with nothing to do, for example when you are stuck in traffic or standing in line at the checkout counter?
Do you get annoyed when others don’t meet your expectations or mess with your work, such as someone sending you a text or an email that makes you upset all day?
Are you frustrated when faced with difficult problems? For example, does a difficult exercise make you angry?

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Avoid triggers whenever possible. By knowing what triggers your feelings of anger, you can recognize when those emotions are coming up and avoid them whenever possible. ^{[2] X Dodes Research Source , Lance (2002) The Heart of Addiction: A New Approach to Understanding and Managing Alcohpism and Other Addictive Behaviors (NY: William Morrow).} Triggers are often unconscious responses, so simply being aware of triggers can help you control your emotions when they arise.

For example, you can put your phone on silent if you don’t want your work to be interrupted, or stand up and take a break during a tough assignment if you feel like you’re about to get mad.
If it’s not possible to avoid triggers, try to understand that triggers are really just thought patterns that you can allow or not, even though it can be difficult. ^{[3] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to the source} When faced with a pressing situation, take a moment to think instead of reacting impulsively.

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Practice stress management breathing exercises. Relaxed and controlled breathing changes brain chemistry, so that your actions are controlled by the neocortex instead of by the “fight or flight” reflex. of the amygdala. ^{[4] X Research Sources Pally, Regina. (2000). The Mind Brain Relationship. (International Journal of Psychoanalysis Key Paper Series). NY: Other Press.} This is a conscious and focused breathing technique that helps you avoid impulsive actions or words that shouldn’t be said. Take a deep breath. Before you explode with anger or frustration, stop and take a deep breath. Slowly count to four as you inhale, then count to four as you exhale. Repeat until you feel the anger subside. ^{[5] X Trusted Source American Institute of Stress Go to Source}

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Adjust what you expect of others. People can be unreasonable, selfish, unfair, and inconsistent. Although you have complete control over your reactions, it is difficult for you to control the behavior of others. ^{[6] X Research Source}

Accept everyone’s flaws. Suppose you have a friend who is late to everything, but other than that, is a very good friend. Adjust your expectations by understanding that you can’t force your friend to be on time, but you can decide whether or not to invite her. If you know you get angry easily because other people don’t keep their time, avoid inviting her to events that require being on time.
Practice self-reliance. You can overcome feelings of helplessness by setting and striving for goals that are important to you. So, are you frustrated by something you can do yourself as an immediate goal? For example, if you’re upset that your roommate doesn’t take out the trash as agreed, perhaps you should take out the trash yourself, then ask them to do something else instead of keeping the frustration simmering inside. heart.
Don’t force perfectionism on everyone. Many people easily make others angry because they do not work to the point. But that’s who we are – humans are not robots or computers. This fact may frustrate you, but accepting that no one is perfect (and neither are you) is important when you’re communicating with others.

Rahti Gorfien, PCC

Life Coach

Rahti Gorfien is a life coach and founder of Creative Calling Coaching. Rahti is a Certified Coach of the International Federation of Coaches, an ADHD coach certified by the Institute of ADHD Coaches, and a provider of career specials. She was named one of the 15 best life coaches in New York City by Expertise in 2018. She is an alumnus of the graduate acting program at New York University and has worked as a theater artist over the past 30 years.

Rahti Gorfien, PCC
Life Coach

Anger and frustration are signs that you need to set limits. You may be angry or frustrated with a friend or family member, and those feelings may signal that it’s time to set limits on that person. This frustration has a positive connotation, as it is important that you know the limits of a relationship.

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Look at yourself in relationships. Anger is a stressor that produces adrenaline and other neurotransmitters. These chemicals can interact with each other and lead to impulsive, even aggressive actions. ^{[7] X Research Source} Before hurling insults, shouting or making rude gestures, hold back and review the facts involved. Make sure your reaction is neither too strong nor too weak. Your goal is not to let others overwhelm or oppress you, but you yourself do not overwhelm or oppress the other person. Ask yourself the following questions to learn how to react to the situation as it unfolds:

Is everything really what I think it is? Am I missing something?
Does what’s happening matter for a day, a week, or a year?
Can I express my concerns without causing tension?
Is there any information you would like to share?
Am I interested in making things clear or do I just want to be “right”?
Am I thinking about the other person’s needs? Can the two sides cooperate?

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See frustration as “success came late” instead of “failure”. The way you view the situation will change your reactions and feelings. If you see your situation as an obstacle to overcome, you will more than likely find that you can overcome that frustration.

For example, you are saving money to buy a new car but have to take out some money from your savings to repair the car you are driving. Instead of fretting over not getting your new car on time, tell yourself that it’ll only be a month or two more, and you’ll be over the road.

Dealing with long-term frustration

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Set short, medium, and long-term goals for your education, training, career, family, and start with the closest one or the one you most desire. From now on, start and/or continue to work on the plan you will pursue to realize your dreams and needs, including goals such as:

Set a training or learning goal that requires you to take action/start. You can apply to a college and transfer to a 4-year university if this goal fits your plan.
The money saved up to buy a better car can meet your needs, but you still have to pull out some money from time to time to get your car serviced. Instead of worrying about your savings falling short, tell yourself that it will take you another month or two to reach your goal.
Striving for goals in life can help you get rid of your feelings of sadness, and even pursuing new hobbies can help you overcome long-term frustration. ^{[8] X Trusted Source American Institute of Stress Go to the source} If you can’t allow yourself to indulge in hobbies instead of work, choose something practical, like learning how to make your own bread, make soap, sew clothes, etc. You can find inner/invisible and also real life benefits by learning one or more of them. ^{[9] X Fields Research Source , Rick. (1984). Chop Wood, Carry Water: A Guide to Finding Spiritual Fulfillment in Everyday Life}

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Expand horizons. Dealing with frustration is also about finding hope to overcome despair, inertia, and feelings of dissatisfaction. To cope with stress, take action to develop yourself. “Action” means using your energy to do something, while helplessness is the feeling that you cannot do anything to improve the situation. Pick something within your reach in that moment – no matter how necessary it may seem – and do it now. Things like washing clothes, changing clothes, or cooking dinner may seem trivial compared to your problem, but they are not in vain. Moreover, with the way the brain works, every success brings hope.

Rahti Gorfien, PCC

Life Coach

Rahti Gorfien is a life coach and founder of Creative Calling Coaching. Rahti is a Certified Coach of the International Federation of Coaches, an ADHD coach certified by the Institute of ADHD Coaches, and a provider of career specials. She was named one of the 15 best life coaches in New York City by Expertise in 2018. She is an alumnus of the graduate acting program at New York University and has worked as a theater artist over the past 30 years.

Rahti Gorfien, PCC
Life Coach

Learn to accept things as they are. Until you can’t accept reality even if it doesn’t go your way, you won’t be able to handle anger and frustration in a positive way. Once you are able to face the situation and understand that you cannot change it, you can begin to control and change your emotions.

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Be with the people who support you. Find friends with whom you can share your frustrations, who will listen and not judge you. If you don’t have close friends or are afraid to tell friends, find someone who can help you with stressful tasks, like finding a job or chatting on dating sites. Socializing can help you regulate your mood. Even if the problem seems obvious, the process of dialogue can help you uncover potential problems, such as certain guilt or anxiety. ^{[10] X Research Sources} A mentor or consultant can help you understand the problem.

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Take care of yourself. Anger can build up into stress and anxiety, negatively impacting your mood, sleep cycle, and overall body chemistry. By taking care of yourself, especially your body, you can relax and calm the emotions that have been stirred up by frustration. Simple activities like taking a bath, going for a walk, baking a delicious baguette or reading a book are still more helpful than getting frustrated and venting at someone. These slow and calming activities can change your body chemistry from alert and disturbed to calm and focused.

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Keep a diary of your achievements. Frustration is often accompanied by a feeling of lack of purpose or meaning in life, but angry people rarely have a realistic view of themselves. One solution to this problem is to record everything you’ve accomplished, including the daily tasks you’ve completed. ^{[11] X Research Source} If you have trouble recognizing your accomplishments, you probably have a problem with your inferiority complex. Ask a friend or loved one to help you find accomplishments that make you feel proud or satisfied with yourself.

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Exercise to reduce stress. Physical activity can help reduce stress and stress caused by stress, especially when exercising in the right environment. ^{[12] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to the source} Walk, jog or hike outdoors in a natural environment if you can. ^{[13] X Research Source} If you are not used to regular exercise, you should work out slowly so that you feel healthy instead of working out until you are exhausted.

If you can’t afford to take a break to exercise while doing a stressful job, try taking a break for deep breathing or meditation.

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Fix stagnation . Avoid apathy or lack of motivation by working and striving for goals. Choose purposeful and focused activities that give you a sense of excitement instead of letting goals slip away because of procrastination. Follow these tips for breaking the habit of procrastination if it works for you: ^{[14] X Research Source}

Eliminate distractions. Improve your focus, regardless of whether you are easily distracted or have a habit of distracting yourself to procrastinate. Turn off your phone, electronic devices or the internet, unless they are necessary for the job you are doing. Remove all unnecessary things in the work area.
Set realistic hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly and yearly goals, even small deadlines so that you can reward yourself for completion.
When you overcome difficult or unpleasant tasks, you can strengthen your motivation to be able to say , “From now on, I will work hard to achieve my goals” . Find more reasons to keep trying by treating yourself to a healthy snack, pastime or reward, provided you achieve a small goal within an hour or by the end of the day. day.

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Change work practices. If a personal project or a repetitive task bores you, move on to another phase of the project, a goal, a job, or a hobby to do for a while. If you are frustrated at work, think of ways to make things go more smoothly or ask your boss to change shifts or change schedules.

Focus on the steps that take each task/idea in turn. Stop multi-tasking or lose focus on what you’re doing. Multitasking almost always makes each task more difficult, and it’s easier to get discouraged, even if you think you can do it well. ^{[15] X Research Resources} Instead of doing two things at once, try alternating one at a time if you start to get bored.
Consider alternating “competitive” projects to avoid boredom and still be productive. Set aside half an hour to an hour on each task and take a 5-minute break between the two tasks.
If your job causes a lot of stress and frustration, consider taking a vacation, taking a leave of absence, or even finding a new job.

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Set reasonable expectations for the world around you. If you always expect that everything will go smoothly, that things will not go wrong and be easy to achieve, you will easily fall into extreme frustration and disappointment. The important things in life – work, school, relationships, mastering a skill – are rarely achieved overnight. Something that starts out too easy often doesn’t last forever. The reality is that the important things in life never come easily to you.

Don’t compare your life with what you see in the media. The plot on movies is usually clear and everything is created by the filmmakers. The characters in movies are often beautiful, gorgeous and attractive that real life rarely has. If you spend a lot of time watching things on the screen, it’s easy to get a false sense of the world.
Ask others about the struggles they face in life. The best mirrors of reality are often friends, family, and colleagues. Their struggles – work, school, romance, family – may be no different from yours. If you talk to people about your goals, obstacles, and overcoming them, you can understand that others are in the same situation as you. As a result, you will have a better understanding of the life around you.

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Identify negative behaviors. Frustration often leads to thoughts and behaviors that will only make the situation worse. Try to recognize when this happens to you and apply the tips above to stop it. Negative behaviors stemming from frustration include:

Think about things that might have happened or wishes about life that you didn’t achieve. ^{[16] X Research Source}
Waste of hours on something that is both unpleasant and useless, such as watching a TV show you don’t like.
Sit around and do nothing.

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Persist. Practice. The practice helps you to train your mind and “muscle memory”. Your hands can do things on their own, just like the autopilot of an airplane. Your “trained subconscious/and instant reflexes” “learn from experience” and know what to do and when. Thanks to that, you can play an instrument entirely from memory. Striving for a goal requires the practice of skills, aptitude and knowledge (building personal experience in your area of expertise).

Coping with frustration in relationships and friendships

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Don’t talk when you’re angry. Expressing strong negative emotions will rarely help the relationship. If you are often frustrated or angry with someone, a conversation will be much more effective. Stay away until you calm down.

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Only raise one issue at a time. Raise a problem at the beginning of the conversation, such as a particular action or repetitive behavior that upsets you. ^{[17] X Research Source} Try to focus only on that topic until the two sides have seriously discussed. You can also talk about the underlying causes behind the problem or the actions involved, but avoid bringing up a whole host of other pressing issues.

Try to agree with the other person from the start that both of you will only talk about the situation in front of you.

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Give the other person a chance to respond. Give the other person a chance to speak without being interrupted and listen to them. Try to listen attentively and think about how to respond instead of reacting immediately. If you find it difficult, try repeating in your head what the other person just said to keep you focused. Always face and body towards the opponent. ^{[18] X Research Sources}

For example, if you are arguing with your partner, try not to interrupt them. Let the other person finish speaking and then respond and consider your reaction instead of letting your emotions take over.

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Repeat what you heard in your own words. This shows that you understand what the other person is saying, gives them a chance to hear back what they just said, and clears up any ambiguities. This step will be very difficult, because it is not easy to actually listen to what the other person has to say instead of thinking about what you are going to say.

For example, if a friend says you never make time for her, repeat it and ask, “Do you really think I never make time for you?” That way, the friend has a chance to hear his or her complaint back as you did.

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Honest and loving. Talk openly about how you feel and what you want to change. Encourage the other person to openly speak their mind as well. ^{[19] X Research Source} Try to refrain from offensive and hurtful speech. Use sentences that begin in the first person to express how you feel and avoid sentences with the subject of your speech that sound like accusations. ^{[20] X Research Sources}

Avoid passive-aggressive behavior, such as hiding your true feelings or talking behind the person’s back.
Avoid sarcasm or insults throughout the conversation, including joking.

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Avoid using words with absolute meanings. Words like “always,” “everyone,” “nobody,” and “never” often put the other side on the defensive by refuting your statements, keeping you from talking.

For example, don’t say “I never take out the trash!” Instead, say, “You didn’t take out the trash exactly as we agreed.”

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Work with your partner to find a solution. Try to reach a compromise that both of you are satisfied with. Sometimes it helps to write down a list of ideas together. You also don’t need to find the perfect answer in the first conversation. If necessary, you can make it clear that the solution you both agree on is only temporary and set aside time to work together over the next few weeks to work it out.

For example, if you’re upset about a friend who hasn’t paid off a debt, consider agreeing with them on an amortization schedule instead of being angry about not getting the full amount back at once.

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Acknowledge the other person’s efforts. Thank your partner when they try to change the behavior. Even small adjustments – smaller than you would like – are the beginning of bigger changes if they are encouraged.

Going back to the friend who owes money above, tell them what it means to you to agree to a repayment plan, even just sitting down to discuss it. By acknowledging your friend’s efforts, you’re more likely to get a future partnership.

Advice

If you’re not sure what’s causing your frustration, seek the advice of a close friend, counselor, or psychotherapist.
When you feel a flash of anger, scream into the pillow. If that doesn’t work, you can sign up for an anger management class or talk to someone close you trust.
If possible, focus on the things that bring you joy.
Take a deep breath and push it down to your stomach. Inhale and exhale through the nose. Mentally count to 10. Continue to take deep breaths or go outside for a short walk to dispel the anger.

Warning

Alcohol and other stimulants are not a safe and effective long-term solution.

Steps

Deal with immediate frustration

Dealing with long-term frustration

Coping with frustration in relationships and friendships

Advice

Warning

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