How to Deal with Feelings of Being Abandoned

Being left out of your circle of friends is quite a painful experience for all ages. Although anyone has experienced rejection, being abandoned can leave you feeling lonely and sad. To deal with it, there are several steps you can take, including understanding why you’re feeling this way, encouraging yourself, and talking to friends about how you’re feeling. Your feelings are just as important as someone else’s. You can continue reading this article to learn more about dealing with feelings of abandonment.

Table of Contents

Understanding Your Emotions

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Understand why abandonment hurts. This feeling is often the result of being marginalized or rejected by a group of people you want them to like and accept. You may feel left out because you are excluded and/or rejected by your group of friends or colleagues. Pain is a natural feeling in this condition because everyone wants to feel like they belong in society. We are social creatures and when our needs are not addressed, we feel pain and sadness. ^{[1] X Credible Sources American Psychpogical Association Go to the source} However, recognizing that the pain of rejection is a common feeling won’t make you any less vulnerable, so it’s important that you do. Develop strategies for dealing with rejection.

Recent research has shown that the human brain processes the pain of rejection similar to how it processes physical pain, such as a broken arm. ^{[2] X Trusted Sources American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}
Social rejection can make you feel angry, anxious, frustrated, sad, and jealous. ^{[3] X Trusted Sources American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}
Many researchers have even found that being ignored by a group of people we don’t like hurts us too! ^{[4] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}

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Remind yourself that rejection is just a small part of life. Everyone feels left out from time to time. Unless you’ve argued, or somehow upset your loved one, you’re less likely to experience this feeling. You can comfort yourself that the rejection you experience is only temporary and that you don’t have to face it all the time. ^{[5] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}

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Become realistic. Sometimes, we feel left out for no good reason. To determine if this is the right feeling, you should look at the situation more realistically. Being realistic means looking at problems from all angles. Consider every aspect of the situation including yourself, the people involved, and even your surroundings. ^{[6] X Research Resources} To help you see the situation in a more realistic way, you can follow these guidelines:

Look for evidence that you’ve been abandoned. Does the evidence support your feelings?
Ask yourself if there is another reason why someone acts in a way that makes you feel ignored? Perhaps they are also thinking about the problem or are in a hurry to get somewhere.
Is your perception of the situation based solely on your feelings or on what actually happened? ^{[7] X Research Sources}
Consult with a mediator to see if your assessment of the situation is correct.
Assume that the other person means well until you have proof to the contrary.

Feeling better

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Stop thinking about the situation. Once you have acknowledged your feelings, you should try to stop thinking about the situation by taking some action that will improve your mood. Immersed in what happened or how it made you feel will not make you feel better and may even get worse. You should focus on one activity right away. For example, you can find good moments by writing down three things you want to express gratitude for. Or, you can distract yourself by doing things you love. For example:

If you feel as if you’re stuck in your house while your friends are out having fun, pamper yourself with a few activities. Soak in a bubble bath with scented candles and a book. Go for a walk or jog with your iPod. Go down the street and do some shopping, or just simply go and look at the furniture by yourself. Whatever you do, keep it to yourself and make yourself happy.

Coping with the Situation

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Acknowledge your own feelings. When we are rejected, we may try to ignore our feelings to avoid feeling pain. Instead, allow yourself to feel bad for a few minutes. If you’ve been hurt badly and you just want to cry, don’t hesitate. Being aware of your own emotions will help you move forward and deal with rejection. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Take the time to identify the reason why you feel left out, and think about the emotions the situation gives you the reason for. For example, “I feel left out because my friends went to a party and didn’t invite me along on the weekend. I feel betrayed and sad because it makes me think they don’t really like me.” ^{[12] X Research Source}
Write about your feelings in a diary. If you don’t like writing, drawing, or playing music to reflect your feelings, it will also help you to acknowledge them and deal with them.

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Consider talking to someone about what happened. Talking to friends or loved ones who are supportive of you will make you feel better and help you express your own feelings. This method will also comfort you that even though your friends reject you, there are still plenty of people who care about you. If you decide to share with others, remember to choose someone who can help you and is a good listener. Talking to someone who disregards your feelings or doesn’t offer you good support will make you feel worse. ^{[13] X Research Source}

Step forward

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Make people feel like they are cared for. Sometimes, the best way to get over feeling left out during a conversation or event is to make everyone feel welcome and part of the plan. This method will help you stop focusing on the discomfort or pain you feel in the situation, and give you the power to positively change your experience at the event. You can make people feel cared for through the following actions: ^{[16] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

Smile and greet everyone
Start a conversation
Ask people questions and try to get to know them
Become a good listener
Be considerate and kind
Show genuine interest in everything the other person has to say

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Arrange activities that you can do with friends. If you think you’ve been left out because of your own situation (e.g., tight schedule, long hours, responsibilities at home, commitment to a hobby or sport, etc.) ), you can help your friends form a plan that fits your schedule. The effort to make a plan to be able to meet them will be appreciated by them.

If you’re too busy to spend time with friends, it’s a good idea to invite them to join you in running errands or in an activity you normally do every day, such as going to the gym. ^{[17] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}
You should do your best to set up a schedule to meet your friends, but you should know when you need to stop. If your friend declines your offer multiple times, they may not want to continue the friendship. You shouldn’t ask them out if they refuse to stop or change their mind at the last minute.

Advice

If a group of friends you used to be very close to suddenly want to remove you from the group and behave hostilely, you should find out if anyone is talking behind your back. Find close friends and ask what other people are saying about you. Usually, a callous person can ruin the entire social life of others by spreading rumors. It could be a lie so blatant that you won’t find a way to excuse yourself because you can’t imagine that you can do it. In this case, try to identify the liar. Tell the truth, find the culprit and find out why they do it. Sometimes, their actions are not because of you, but because they are jealous of you.
If you often feel left out and don’t have many friends to talk to and talk to about this, you can see a counselor. A trained counselor can help you build a healthy personal support system and understand what is stopping you from doing so. Sometimes, all you need is an outsider’s perspective.
If your friends constantly make you feel left out, they don’t deserve you.
Try to take your time and focus on who is deserving of you or doing something you love to stop thinking about the problem.

Warning

Don’t cling to people who want to ignore you as a way to end a friendship or who are usually cautious about saying something because they’re afraid to talk about it openly. Many people choose to end a friendship by avoiding their partner instead of confronting them directly. Not all friendships last and it’s important to be aware of the incompatibility instead of blaming yourself or getting upset. You and that person will probably grow up and change in different directions.
Do not discuss religious topics with strangers or people who do not share the same beliefs as you. You should reserve this topic for friendly conversation with someone who shares your views.

Steps