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The difficult mother-in-law can be a real problem for a lot of brides. Your mother-in-law can interfere with the way you raise your children, make you uncomfortable at home, and sometimes even break your relationship. Usually, the most difficult mother-in-law is due to fear and insecurity, so try not to take it for granted and reason subjectively. To deal with a difficult mother-in-law, you should talk to your husband to find a solution together. Once you and your spouse have come to an agreement on how to deal with it, consistently show that you both take the problem seriously and deserve respect.
Steps
Bonding with husband
- If you’re nervous about bringing up the issue, you can say something like, “I want to talk to you about how my mom treats me, I don’t want to argue, I just want to discuss how we can work together. to solve this problem”.
Tip: You will have a better chance of success if you work through this problem with your husband. Your husband and mother-in-law will have many similar views and if you behave with your mother-in-law improperly, it is likely that the relationship between you and your husband will be broken.
- Ask your husband about a private conversation between him and his mother, maybe from there you will find out the cause of the problem.
- You could say to him, “I really think it would be easier for you to talk to your mom. If you talk to her first and find out why she’s treating me like this, it’ll be a lot easier for me to sit down and talk to her.”
- Even if you want to solve the problem by talking to your mother-in-law privately, you should still talk to your husband first. He will probably give you advice or a few tips on how to talk to your mother, and you should let him know in advance as his mother-in-law will probably talk to him after talking to you.
Dealing with an imposing mother-in-law
- Your mother-in-law may also not trust your decisions, so talking to your mother-in-law alone can backfire and lead to arguments.
- For example, if your mother-in-law thinks you don’t appreciate your husband, calmly explain, “I always show my love to him in private, not in front of her. I don’t want to disrespect you when I show my love to him.”
- If your mother-in-law keeps asking about when you’ll have her baby, you can say that you’ve considered it and want to take it slow so you can give your baby the best life possible. Say, “We’ll wait until we’ve saved enough money so we can give our grandson a good life and brightest future.”
- “We can talk about this later” is a simple way to redirect conversations you don’t want to have in front of your mother-in-law.
Tip: Agree on a cue with your husband to let him know when you need to talk in private, which can be as simple as tugging on his ear or saying an innocuous phrase like “We need to go. Buy a few more sundries.” Doing so will not upset your mother-in-law because you know that you two want to talk privately without her presence.
- Saying something simple like, “Thank you for picking up the kids today. You are the most caring husband!” is a way for you to easily score points in front of your mother-in-law.
- This is very useful if your mother-in-law is not satisfied with your loyalty and affection for her husband. Showing that you care about her son will put her at ease and make her less likely to interfere.
Dealing with an argumentative or critical mother-in-law
- If your mother-in-law is completely in denial about arguing with you, chances are she’s not aware of her actions and isn’t intentionally criticizing you. If so, then you do not need to discuss further, but pay attention to whether the mother-in-law’s behavior changes after mentioning this issue or not.
- If your mother-in-law just says she doesn’t like you and you won’t change that, show that you are a worthy partner for her son by avoiding arguments with your mother-in-law and accepting disagreements. point.
Advice: Maybe this problem is not because of you, but your mother-in-law is just angry at the fish because of a conflict with your father-in-law or an unfavorable job. If that’s the case, be willing to help if needed, your mother-in-law may no longer blame everything on you.
- If your mother-in-law’s way of talking is not constructive, don’t argue with her. Maybe she’s trying to pick a fight and this will become a bad habit if you let her get exactly what she wants.
- For example, if your mother-in-law criticizes you, saying, “You really don’t know how to tidy up. How can you be so messy?”, reply, “Mom, I don’t know why you think I should humiliate me in front of my husband, but that’s unacceptable. Mom should stop.”
- Say she can talk to you about it somewhere else at another time. You can say, “You and I can seriously talk about this in private, but right now I don’t want to sit here and argue with you while we have guests at home.”
- This is especially wise when your husband refuses to believe that your mother is a troublemaker.
- When your mother-in-law says something like, “I didn’t expect you to not sign the kids up for summer camp, how could you be so indifferent to them?” you might respond with, “Mom. tell me you don’t care about the kids, can you be more specific?” and let her continue. Others will see you as a reasonable person, ready to listen to others’ suggestions, and your mother-in-law will be like a child who likes to reason.
Dealing with an old-fashioned mother-in-law
- Let’s start the conversation by talking about you. You could say, “I want to sit down with you and talk about an issue that’s been making me really sad lately.” This shows that the problem is you, not your mother-in-law, and it will help you avoid the risk of an argument.
Advice: If your mother-in-law is prejudiced about your culture or religion, try to stay calm. Say, “I respect your beliefs and ideas a lot and I think you should respect me too.”
- “I think I will have to think about this more”, “Your point of view is really worth pondering” and “I know why you have that opinion, let me think about it more” are There are a few ways you can respond and stop arguing about something.
- Maintain an attitude that is both firm and respectful. For example, if your mother-in-law asks you to go to the temple, say, “I have no idea about your religious beliefs and you have no right to criticize my religion. I won’t accept you forcing me like that, so don’t mention it from now on.”
Solving parenting-related issues
Advice: Make some small concessions to your mother-in-law! If Grandma says it’s more expensive to drink ginger beer than tea when you have a runny nose, be patient and give the kids some ginger ale. This will make it easier to deal with when important decisions need to be made.
- If your mother-in-law says something you agree with, emphasize it. For example, when your grandmother compliments you, “You guys are growing up so fast,” you could simply reply, “Yes, you guys are really growing up!”
Advice
- If all of the above doesn’t work and your mother-in-law’s problem has become out of control, you can try to move out of your own home so that your mother-in-law will not interfere in your life.
- If your husband isn’t supportive and on your side, that’s a bigger problem that you both need to deal with. Consider looking to a marriage counselor to deal with this.
- If you are always showing your face but are not satisfied with your mother-in-law, stop immediately. Maybe your mother-in-law really doesn’t understand and thinks the two of you are so close that it’s okay to be critical or rude.
This article is co-authored by a team of editors and trained researchers who confirm the accuracy and completeness of the article.
The wikiHow Content Management team carefully monitors the work of editors to ensure that every article is up to a high standard of quality.
This article has been viewed 19,782 times.
The difficult mother-in-law can be a real problem for a lot of brides. Your mother-in-law can interfere with the way you raise your children, make you uncomfortable at home, and sometimes even break your relationship. Usually, the most difficult mother-in-law is due to fear and insecurity, so try not to take it for granted and reason subjectively. To deal with a difficult mother-in-law, you should talk to your husband to find a solution together. Once you and your spouse have come to an agreement on how to deal with it, consistently show that you both take the problem seriously and deserve respect.
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