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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 21 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 14,228 times.
As children begin to learn about the world around them, they develop different personality traits and habits. Although some children appear quite confident and independent from a young age, many other children are clingy, seeking safety, protection, and comfort from the caregiver closest to them. Dealing with a clingy child can be quite frustrating and exhausting. Fortunately, there are ways to help your child break away from clinginess and become more independent.
Steps
Understanding children’s clinginess
- Some children often develop clinginess during certain stages of development, such as when they grow up and crawl or walk; when they are practicing speaking; and when they have to go through a big change like going to daycare or kindergarten. The reason is because the older children learn and understand that they are being separated from you, they will feel lonely and unprotected. Children cling to you because they want the comfort of having someone by their side in this big and scary world. [2] X Research Source
- Are certain situations causing your child extreme stress? Communicating with other children? Go to school? You should find out if you can identify common causes, and talk to a teacher or other caregiver to see if your child can manage the situation when you’re not around.
- Some toddlers and preschoolers often experience extreme clinginess when they have to go to daycare or kindergarten, crying and appearing terrified. Usually, this behavior ends when the child’s parent leaves the classroom. You should ask the teacher to help get your child into class so that you can get out of school quickly and avoid prolonging the inevitable. You need to reassure your child that you will be back, and then get out of the way quickly. [3] X Trusted Source HealthyChildren.org Go to Source
- Try to encourage children’s independence by letting them know how strong and brave they are, and by encouraging them to try new things. As long as your children are safe, allow them to step away from you for a while in the park or library and play with all the other children. Allow your child to climb on the swings and explore the backyard without going too far.
- Try not to react when the child is injured. For example, if a child falls, you should wait to see if he is in pain before running to him.
- Adjustment Disorder : Occurs in the wake of trauma or a difficult event (such as moving house, divorce, starting school, etc.). [5] X Trusted Source Child Mind Institute Go to Source Children have difficulty adjusting to life after the event, and may have the following signs: unusual anxiety or depression, trouble sleeping, often crying, being hostile and fighting, isolating himself and not wanting to go to school. [6] X Trusted Source Child Mind Institute Go to Source
- Cohesion Disorder : Children have difficulty connecting with others, often due to abuse, abandonment, or instability during the first three years of life. [7] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to the source Children will have a distrustful attitude, have difficulty expressing feelings, dislike contact or show physical affection, express anger under rage or negative aggressive behavior, obsession with being in control, and clingy and demanding parenting. [8] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source[9] X Research Source
- Separation Fear : Children with this condition often come from a warm home and express high anxiety and/or fear of being separated from the person they are attached to. Children will be sad, have difficulty concentrating, do not want to socialize, are extremely afraid of existing dangers (such as animals, theft, car accidents, etc.) to their loved ones or themselves, unable to sleeping without other people around or fear of sleeping away from home, clinging to parents, anger, and even violence towards the person who is separating them. [10] X Sources of Research In order to confirm separation anxiety, your child must exhibit these symptoms for at least four weeks. [11] X Research Source
Dealing with the behavior of clinging to parents in front of you
- However, you should be careful, because hunger and fatigue can also make clingy behavior worse.
- Once you’ve identified a specific situation that is causing your child’s anxiety, you should steer clear of them altogether. For example, if a crowded playground or playtime with certain children makes matters worse, you should avoid them until your child is a little more independent.
- If a situation cannot be completely avoided, you can compromise by modifying the situation to make it more acceptable for your child. For example, you could go to the playground early in the morning when it’s empty, or organize a playtime with friends that doesn’t require your child to be in constant face-to-face contact with another child (for example, meeting his or her friend). children and their parents at a zoo or aquarium).
- This method only works if the child’s clinging is only for a short period of time. If your child is experiencing extreme anxiety and it persists for more than a few months, and if it is interfering with his or her daily life or preventing him from reaching normal developmental milestones, you should: Ask your pediatrician for an evaluation. Maybe your kids are suffering from social anxiety or another social development disorder that affects their ability to be independent. [13] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
- Even if your baby is just an infant or toddler and doesn’t say a lot of things yet, you can say a few simple sentences to explain what’s going to happen next. Newborns have the ability to comprehend language before they can speak. [14] X Research Source Use short, simple, and detailed statements, such as “We’re going to see the doctor today! Do you remember Dr. An? She takes care of you! She will look into your eyes, see your ears, and listen to your heart She will see how much you weigh. You will get an injection in your hand, and it will hurt, but the pain will be quick Hurry up and Dr. An will reward you with a lollipop!” For the anxious child, you can also rephrase the scenario.
- If your child seems upset when you give their care to someone else, you should prepare your child for this as well. You should explain to your child that you understand how they feel and that this is a natural feeling. Emphasize the joy your child will have, and remind them that you will come back. Never leave a child behind and run away; just explain to them what’s going on and maintain a positive attitude. Running away will only cause your child to lose trust in you.
- Allow your child to gradually adjust to independence by letting him play alone. Instead of planning an entire day of activities for your child or trying to interact with them often, you should allow them to play on their own for a short period of time. Your child may enjoy reading books, building puzzles, or playing with dolls. If your child is a toddler, they are likely to play alone for a few minutes, but by the time they are 4 or 5 years old, they will spend more than an hour with imaginary play. [15] X Research Source
- At a children’s playground or other public area, you should take a step back from your usual position when your child plays. As long as your child is walking and can safely use playground objects, you should continue this action every time you take your child to the playground, until you can sit on a nearby chair. Encourage, support, and engage your child by actively observing (no phones!), but don’t get too close to them.
- One way to reassure anxious young children or older children is to let them know what you’re doing. If you have to go to the next room, let them know. You can say, “Mom/Dad has to put this cup in the sink, but I’ll be right back”. If you take your child to school or kindergarten, it’s a good idea to let them know that you’re coming home instead of disappearing unnoticed. Although it gets harder when babies start to cry, they feel they can trust your words, know what’s coming, and won’t fear you’ll disappear. [16] X Research Source
- If your child is experiencing a lot of stress from being away from you, take some time to cuddle, read a story, or play with them in the yard. You have to pay more attention to your child to be able to give them a sense of security these days. [17] X Research Source
- You should remember that young children are only in this world for a short time, and their personal standards are very limited. Fear that looks silly to an adult is incredibly confusing to a child. You should respect your children by taking their fears seriously and trying to help them understand and master them, instead of telling them that their feelings are stupid or that they are acting up. like a baby.
- The child who clings to the mother/father always trusts you to take care of their needs. If you scold or punish them for being clingy, they will feel like no one else can support them.
Encourage independence
- When the two of you play together in the house, you can say, “Oh, I forgot the kettle on the stove. I’ll be right back!”. Go in off the stove and then come right back; don’t meddle. Your child will realize that you are trustworthy and that you will come back.
- The next time you have to leave the room, you can do something that takes a little longer. For example, you could say to your child, “Mom/Dad needs to put the clothes in the washing machine. Mommy/Dad will be back in a few minutes!”. Every time you have to leave the room, you should go 1 or 2 minutes longer.
- Establishing a framework and routine at times of the day when your kids become extremely clingy or anxious can be quite helpful. For example, if your child is having a hard time getting into class, you should establish routines for them such as putting snacks in their child’s bag, greeting the teacher, hugging you goodbye, and high five when you come in. class.
- Sleep habits will also provide structure and predictability to a child who is often clingy during bedtime. Pleasant routines include a warm bath, body lotion massage, nightwear, a story, a song, and then the bed. You can also say a few simple phrases or use a special good night routine, like “I love you so much! I’ll see you when you wake up in the morning!”. This will reassure your child that you will be there when they wake up. [19] X Research Source
- The task you choose should be commensurate with your child’s age and ability, some ideas include picking up your toys, setting the table, folding towels or towels, sorting clothes for washing, checking check the mail, or wash the vegetables for dinner. You should also pay attention to tasks that you know your child can do but they often ask you to do for them, like putting on shoes or washing hands.
- Consider creating a simple reward table that includes the names of the days of the week at the top of the board, and the name of the task or housework on one side of the table at the bottom. Each time you complete a task, you can allow the kids to stick a sticker in the corresponding place. Once they’ve sealed the board or gotten a certain amount of stickers (like 10), you can reward them with playtime with a fountain or an ice cream cone.
- If your kids show a strong parenting attitude in situations like these, you should make sure they know at least one child in the group. You should stay close to your child and let him know that you will always be there; Slowly detach yourself from the situation as your child becomes more comfortable.
- Go to your local library to find out more about playgroups, meetups, or shared reading times in your area. This is a great way to break the monotonous routine.
Provide lots of love and care
- Children who receive a lot of love in the form of physical affection tend to bond more intimately with their caregivers, and this builds a sense of security and reassurance for them. It will also support brain development, social skills, and self-confidence, all of which will help your child feel more secure in the world, and less likely to become overwhelmed. should cling to you more in unfamiliar situations. [21] X Research Source
- Try going to the library, the park, or playing in your backyard. Lower yourself to the child’s level and play with the child, following the child’s wishes and instructions.
- For best results, you should incorporate this time into your daily routine. For example, if you plan to do this activity every day after lunch, your child will look forward to playtime. And they will be less likely to cling to you at other times.
- Praise your child for doing something new or for showing independence will teach them that you’re aware of the hard work it takes to master a skill. If your kids love to please others, they’ll want to continue doing independent activities like this to make you happier and get more compliments. [23] X Research Sources
- You shouldn’t get into the habit of praising too much, as this can backfire on an anxious and uncertain child. Many children interpret praise as a measure of their efforts and even their worth, and they become hesitant to try something new but it is difficult because they fear that their parents they will no longer be proud of them. [24] X Research Sources
- For example, you can praise your child’s courage or willingness to try new activities instead of overemphasizing the end result. You should let your child know that taking a risk to do something is admirable. [25] X Research Sources
- Avoid praising things that aren’t really achievements. You don’t have to celebrate everything your child has done (“You ate all your veggies! That’s great!”), [26] X Source of Research as this will tarnish real achievement and make kids have the feeling that they must often impress you.
- Art therapy is increasingly being used to treat anxiety and other problems in children who often don’t know how to put their feelings into words. [27] X Research Source
- Although you won’t be able to judge the artwork your child makes like a trained psychologist, you can look for a framework of factors that are causing trouble. Are they afraid to be alone because they think something bad will happen to them, or because they think you won’t come back? You should ask questions about the picture your child has drawn and try to understand their clinginess.
- Meanwhile, don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. It can be exhausting to have your child clingy to you, so it’s a good idea to take the time to relax and do what you love while leaving your child in the care of a family member or babysitter.
Advice
- You should understand that clinginess will come and go. Many children seem to have passed this stage, but return to it when a new developmental milestone occurs or a major change occurs – for example, going to school, or having a baby.
- A positive attitude is essential in dealing with a clingy child. If your child notices that you are upset, upset, or angry about their clinginess, the problem will only get worse. The goal here is to help your child become confident, capable, resilient, and to feel loved.
This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 21 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 14,228 times.
As children begin to learn about the world around them, they develop different personality traits and habits. Although some children appear quite confident and independent from a young age, many other children are clingy, seeking safety, protection, and comfort from the caregiver closest to them. Dealing with a clingy child can be quite frustrating and exhausting. Fortunately, there are ways to help your child break away from clinginess and become more independent.
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