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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 15,190 times.
Betrayal tends to come from a direction you didn’t expect. The reason is because you can only be betrayed by someone you trust. A coworker, relative, lover, or close friend you trust could be a traitor to you. Betrayal also originates from a group of people: you will feel betrayed when some of your friends spread bad rumors about you, or when you are not invited to a family gathering. Regardless of whether you choose to rebuild trust or not, the best way to deal with betrayal is to take care of yourself and learn to forgive.
Steps
Take care of yourself
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Acknowledge your feelings. When you are betrayed, you will feel anger, grief, and humiliation. Suppressing painful feelings will negatively affect your health and relationships. When you discover betrayal, you should take the time to acknowledge your feelings without judging them. [1] X Research Resources This action will help you get through them without tormenting yourself or others.
- It’s also helpful to write down how you feel. If you keep a journal, you can write down exactly how you’re feeling. If not, you can write yourself a letter. You can also write a letter to the person or group of people who betrayed you, but you should wait about a week before deciding to send it. [2] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Suppressing pain can cause many health problems like chronic pain, lack of sleep, and even heart disease. [3] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Spend time alone. It can be difficult to deal with betrayal when the person or group of people who betrayed you is always near you. If you have been betrayed by a lover or friend, tell them that you need some space to learn to accept what happened. You can also go somewhere for a while. If you live with a spouse who has betrayed you, you should ask them to stay somewhere for a while, or sleep in another room. [4] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- If the person who betrayed you is far away, stop contacting them. Let them know that you will contact them when you feel ready to chat. You can provide a specific appointment date if needed.
- Stop using social media. You should stop viewing websites that may provide unsolicited information about the person who has hurt you.
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Don’t rush to make life-changing decisions. Betrayal will turn your world upside down. When the trust you have in others is lost, you will want to remove them from your life altogether. You need to wait before making any big decisions, such as filing for divorce, changing jobs, or going public with someone, as your feelings may change. change. [5] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Avoid retaliation. If you feel that you might harm yourself or others, you must seek professional help immediately. [6] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source There is no such thing as revenge that is considered active retaliation. Revenge in anger will make you regret later. Taking the time to think about retaliation will cost you time that you could use to heal your feelings. [7] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Find someone you can confide in openly. Discussing betrayal with someone you trust can be quite helpful. A good friend or therapist will help you think more clearly and make decisions about your next step. You should remember that being betrayed doesn’t mean you can’t trust anyone else. You may even trust the person who betrayed you.
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Take care of yourself. Your physical health will help you get through this emotional period. You need to remember to eat well every day and get enough sleep. Exercise will improve your mood and help you sleep better. If you don’t exercise regularly, you should walk briskly for about 30 minutes a day. [8] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
Forgive
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Try to forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you let go of the betrayal but that you choose to let go of the resentment. Forgiveness will also make you sympathize and empathize with the person who has hurt you. At the same time, it also brings a great sense of peace to your soul. [9] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Forgiveness will positively affect your health and wellness. Forgiving betrayal lowers blood pressure, improves heart health, and reduces anxiety and depression. [10] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Eliminate negative feelings. You should focus on yourself instead of the person who hurt you. Tell yourself that you will not allow betrayal to control your life or happiness. When negative thoughts arise, do not suppress them. Instead, greet it and ask it to go away. When it comes back, continue to acknowledge it and then release it again. [11] X Research Source
- If you’re having a hard time getting rid of negative feelings, you should return to practicing self-care. Try taking a meditation or yoga class to get rid of negative thoughts. [12] X Research Source
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Declare forgiveness, at least to yourself. Forgiveness is an act of self-care. You do not need to inform others about this. If you want to share your new mindset, you can tell the person or group of people who betrayed you that you forgive them. If you can’t or don’t want to resume contact with them, making a statement of your tolerance to yourself will help you through the pain of the betrayal. [13] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- If you want to show your tolerance without having to face the person who betrayed you, you can write a letter. When you find yourself growing angry in the process of writing, stop writing and try again when the anger has subsided.
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Forgive but not rebuild. You can forgive the person who betrayed you without rebuilding the relationship with them. Some kind of betrayal of trust will mean the end of the relationship. If the betrayal involves violence against a spouse or child, trust will be difficult to rebuild. Forgiveness does not mean that you think the action is right or reasonable at any cost. [14] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- If the person who betrayed you has passed away or refuses to contact you, you will not be able to rebuild your relationship with them. You need to try to forgive them without their help. [15] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Keep on trying. If you’re having trouble moving on, remember that forgiveness is a process. Massive betrayals will haunt your life for a while, and it’s understandable that they need to be forgiven over and over again. Even a small incident will make you remember it from time to time before it stops causing you pain. You need to remind yourself that tolerance is your primary goal. [16] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
Rebuilding trust
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Express feelings of betrayal. Once you are aware of your feelings, you can express them to the person who betrayed you. You should be clear about your feelings of betrayal without trying to influence the reaction of the person or group of people who have hurt you. [17] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source You should start sentences with “I” instead of “You”.
- Try to be clear: “I feel betrayed when you confidently say what I have shared with you.” It’s easier for the person who has upset you to understand this statement than an accusatory statement like “You betrayed my trust when you confidently said what I shared with you”.
- First, you should try to write a letter. If you think your style will help you better express your feelings, you can read the letter aloud to the person who betrayed you, or ask them to read it before you start a conversation.
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Looking for an apology. If you decide to continue a relationship with the person who betrayed you, you need to make sure that they are also ready for the rebuilding process. If the person doesn’t want to admit they hurt you, or tries to blame you, this is not the right time to rebuild trust. [18] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- A sentence that begins with the subject “I” will also be quite useful in this case. “I’ll be happy to know that you understand why I’m suffering.” “I would greatly appreciate an apology from you: it would mean a lot to me.”
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Take a look at what happened together. Once everyone agrees to rebuild trust, it’s a good idea to have a frank and calm conversation about the heartbreaking event that took place. Don’t focus on the painful parts, but make sure you both understand the problem, what causes it, and why it’s painful. [19] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Decide on a common goal. Find out if you both share a similar desire for the relationship to work. Maybe you both like things going back to the way they were, or you want the relationship to develop in a different way. You may also discover that both of you have different goals. Sometimes, betrayal stems from a relationship where one person doesn’t openly express their needs to the other. [20] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Mediation can bring about positive change. For example, if both of you are co-workers, you might want to limit working together, or work more closely together on certain projects. [21] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Have a chat with a consultant. If you are trying to recover from a betrayal by a spouse or family member, you should see a counselor with that person. Try to find a therapist who specializes in dealing with your situation. If this is marital betrayal, you should seek out a therapist who specializes in marriage therapy. [22] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Be honest about the effects of betrayal. You should open up to the person who betrayed you as you move forward. Share your fear of betrayal, and listen to your partner’s fears. The best outcome of unhappy betrayal is a bond that has been patched. [23] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 15,190 times.
Betrayal tends to come from a direction you didn’t expect. The reason is because you can only be betrayed by someone you trust. A coworker, relative, lover, or close friend you trust could be a traitor to you. Betrayal also originates from a group of people: you will feel betrayed when some of your friends spread bad rumors about you, or when you are not invited to a family gathering. Regardless of whether you choose to rebuild trust or not, the best way to deal with betrayal is to take care of yourself and learn to forgive.
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