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Your girlfriend used to be eager to see you, but now she gets angry or doesn’t even care if you’re around. Maybe she no longer responds to your texts or party all night and talk to everyone but you. Either way, if you find yourself being ignored by your girlfriend, you’re probably feeling hurt, frustrated, and angry. You’d love to get her revenge in the same way, make her jealous, or even break up, but the best way to deal with the problem is to face the problem directly.
Steps
Thoughtful
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Give her space. It’s possible that your girlfriend is mad at you or maybe she’s going through a difficult time that has nothing to do with you. Either way, when your girlfriend treats you negatively, you shouldn’t force her to talk right away. Giving her time to calm down also gives you time to think through your feelings.
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Ask yourself if she really wants to ignore you. Has your girlfriend’s behavior towards you really changed? Are you depressed or anxious about something, or are you imagining her behavior out of the ordinary?
- It’s possible that she’s been a bit cold to you up until now, but since your relationship has been going on for a long time, you don’t like that behavior anymore.
- Have you had a difficult time lately? Maybe you’ve been demanding more attention from your girlfriend lately, but she can’t fulfill that need, leading to avoidance of you.
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Consider the possibility that your girlfriend is depressed. If the neglect occurs when she is struggling with depression, she may not realize it.
- Signs of depression include difficulty concentrating and making decisions; tired; feeling helpless, hopeless and/or worthless; insomnia or sleeping too much; frustrated; loss of interest in relaxing activities such as sex or dating; overeating or loss of appetite; concerned; suicidal ideation and/or destructive behavior. [1] X Research Source
- If you think your girlfriend is depressed, there are a few things you can do to help.
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Avoid retaliation by ignoring the opposite. No matter how much you want to ignore or make her jealous, this approach is neither healthy nor productive. Also, if your girlfriend is depressed or struggling with some personal issue, ignoring it will only make things harder for her and really damage your relationship.
- “Elasticity Theory” says that you can make someone like you by staying away from them. This may work for some people in the short term, but it’s not the way to build a good relationship. [2] X Research Source
- One positive piece of advice you can get from “Elasticity Theory” is that people in love need their own space, or else they will get bored of each other and start to ignore each other. You should spend more time with yourself and still treat and respect that girlfriend. Don’t ignore her, but make sure you have a life outside of her world.
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Take care of yourself. Try not to think too much about how hurt/sad your girlfriend’s behavior is. Remember she can’t really “make” you feel anything and you have your own choice: you can admit you’re sad but don’t stop enjoying life because of it.
- Do things that make you happier: hang out with friends, go to the gym, or find a new hobby (like playing the guitar, editing a movie, or going hiking).
Talk about the problem
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Make an appointment to talk in person. If your girlfriend avoids her completely, you won’t be able to contact her by phone or face-to-face. However, she can still receive texts, so you should send a text to let her know how worried you are and invite her to meet up and talk.
- For example: “I haven’t replied to your messages lately. So I am very sad and wonder if you are still happy to know me. Can we meet and talk?”
- If you know her schedule, you can suggest a date and time when she’s free, so she can’t refuse to meet.
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Send email or private message. Skip this step if your girlfriend has already responded to you via text message. If you can’t contact her by calling or texting her but know she’s fine (still hanging out with you, updating social media), you can send a message via facebook or inbox. electronic expression of their emotions and worries.
- If you choose to send private emails/messages, you should be careful with your tone of voice. Draft it and then read it again after a good night’s sleep to make sure your tone isn’t selfish or disrespectful.
- Write specifically. If give specific examples of what she does and how you feel. You should avoid writing false accusations on the part of your girlfriend:
- “When we were at that party on Saturday, I spent the evening talking to everyone. We didn’t have a chance to say a word to each other, and then I left without saying goodbye to you, even though we were sitting across from each other in the same room. When you do that, I feel sad. He doesn’t know what he did wrong. I worry for you and for all of us. I want us to meet to talk about this, but if you’re not comfortable we can talk by email right now.”
- Before you send a message, try to put yourself in her shoes and read it one last time. Think about how she’ll feel about her tone of voice and how she reacts, then tweak it to make sure you’re sharing your thoughts and feelings in the most effective way. If she understands what you mean and doesn’t feel threatened, she’s more likely to respond.
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Use body language to show empathy. If you have the opportunity to meet face-to-face, you should show your sympathy through body language. This proves to her that you really want to understand her problems, so she will be motivated to open up about her problems.
- Sympathetic body language is to sit across from them in an open position (don’t cross your arms, lean over, or turn your face away), nodding your head and making eye contact to signal you’re listening to them. Reassurance sounds to show you understand the problem and don’t interrupt. [3] X Research Sources
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Express thoughts and feelings by communicating calmly. When communicating calmly, you can focus on your thoughts and feelings instead of accusing the other person of wrongdoing.
- Arrange the speech in the following order: observations, feelings, needs, and requests. [4] X Research Sources
- For example: “You haven’t answered my phone in a week and have canceled our plans twice. I’m starting to worry that you don’t want to know me anymore.”
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Ask about her feelings. After expressing your feelings, let her know you’re willing to listen to her feelings too.
- For example: “You haven’t answered my phone in a week and have canceled our plans twice. I’m starting to worry that you don’t want to know me anymore. I want to know if we can talk about this relationship. If it weren’t for the two of us, could you tell me what’s going on?”
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Ask what she wants. If she admits she’s unhappy about something, ask her what she needs and what you can do. Maybe they need more privacy, or want you to do something you haven’t done yet – maybe it’s as simple as hugging her more often or telling her she’s pretty.
- It’s not surprising that a girlfriend needs her own space. This is entirely her problem and has nothing to do with you.
- Ask her if she knows how long she needs her own space. If she says she doesn’t know, you set a time period where you feel fine, maybe a week. Show your willingness to assist by asking if there’s anything you can do, such as calling at the weekend to check in.
- If the two of you decide to give each other some space, be sure to understand what that means. For some, space means just talking on the phone twice a week instead of every night, or it means no contact at all during the week. Clarifying the meaning of “private space” will help you get through that time more easily.
- Understand that you are NOT for what she needs. If you feel uncomfortable with your girlfriend’s request, let her know. The two of you can work things out. Ultimately, the two of you must respect each other’s needs and limitations.
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Be an active listener. When it’s her turn to speak, actively listen. Listen with empathetic body language (opening posture, nodding, making reassuring sounds) as well as showing you understand by repeating what she just said and/or asking back. [5] X Research Sources If you feel hurt by what your girlfriend said, you should let her know, but not in a confrontational way.
- Example: “Thanks for telling me. When you said I followed you too closely, I felt sad and a little confused. I like being with you but I’m also happy doing my own thing. I want to know the specific things I do that make you think I’m following you too closely. Maybe you can change those things.”
- If she gives some specific examples, even if you don’t agree, you will understand somewhat what she wants when you get to know you. Knowing your girlfriend’s wishes will help you better understand whether you are able or willing to fulfill them.
- Don’t roll your eyes or stop talking while she’s talking. Let her finish talking before you respond. What she says may upset or displease you, but let her finish before responding.
Find a solution
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Let’s come up with some possible solutions together. Once the two of you figure out what the problem is, the next question is how to solve it.
- If your girlfriend says she’s ignoring you because she feels overwhelmed by your excessive attention, ask her for some specific examples of things you did that made her feel that way.
- Maybe she doesn’t like you calling three times a day at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. So maybe you agree to just text “good morning” and make a short phone call after dinner every day.
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A solution is not required. Sometimes it’s a good idea to take a break from the heat of the moment and return to the discussion later, especially if you’ve been arguing for hours. [6] X Research Sources
- If you feel like things are spinning around and nothing is resolved, it’s best to take a break. Maybe you guys can’t see each other again in two days and it’s better to deal with it now. That desire is completely normal, but it won’t help when the two of you are so tired of arguing that you can’t think clearly.
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Understand that one of the solutions may be to break up. Many times, the anxiety of being ignored by a girlfriend comes from the thought of wanting to keep the relationship. If it’s not a matter of your perception and it’s not about her personal business, and if she’s really ignoring it because she’s mad at you, you should consider continuing the relationship with her. someone likes to hurt you instead of straight up saying why they are sad.
Advice
- If you find that your girlfriend is constantly avoiding you and things aren’t improving, you should consider whether it’s worth maintaining the relationship. It is possible that this person wants to control or manipulate you in the relationship.
- Remember that she may be going through a difficult time that has absolutely nothing to do with you. She avoids her because she doesn’t know how to tell you or anyone about her problem. Try not to get frustrated until the story is clear.
X
wikiHow is a “wiki” site, which means that many of the articles here are written by multiple authors. To create this article, 27 people, some of whom are anonymous, have edited and improved the article over time.
This article has been viewed 46,416 times.
Your girlfriend used to be eager to see you, but now she gets angry or doesn’t even care if you’re around. Maybe she no longer responds to your texts or party all night and talk to everyone but you. Either way, if you find yourself being ignored by your girlfriend, you’re probably feeling hurt, frustrated, and angry. You’d love to get her revenge in the same way, make her jealous, or even break up, but the best way to deal with the problem is to face the problem directly.
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