How to Deal with an Violent Boyfriend

Violence manifests itself in many forms. Whether you’re emotionally dominated by your boyfriend, humiliated repeatedly, severely scolded, or humiliated, you are enduring emotional abuse. If you have ever been physically or sexually assaulted by your boyfriend, you are experiencing physical abuse. The only way to deal with an abusive boyfriend is to end the relationship as soon as possible to keep yourself safe. Learn how to act fast and move on with your life.

Table of Contents

Escape from violence

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Receive help. Many local resources help victims of violence. If you’re not sure where to start, or just want to talk to someone about whether your relationship is abusive, contact one of the resources below. If living with an abusive boyfriend, be careful about using a desktop or mobile phone, because the websites you visit and the number of calls can be saved in your history or call logs. , he can control them.

In the US: Visit http://www.thehotline.org/: The National Domestic Vipence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233(SAFE)
In the UK: Go to http://www.womensaid.org.uk/: Women’s Aid is 0808 2000 247
In Australia: Visit https://www.1800respect.org.au/: 1800Respect 1800 737 732
Worldwide: Visit http://www.hotpeachpages.net/: The International Directory of Domestic Vipence Agencies
In Vietnam: Visit http://hoilhpn.org.vn/: Vietnam Women’s Union (Vietnam Women’s Union or VWU)

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Violence should not be excused or condone. Abusers often make their victims believe that the violence is their fault. It’s not your fault that your boyfriend acts aggressively, violently, or intentionally controlling you. Realize that your relationship is still violent, even if:

Your boyfriend has never beaten you. Emotional or verbal abuse is also considered abuse. ^{[1] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}
The abuse isn’t as bad as the cases you’ve heard. ^{[2] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}
Physical abuse occurs only once or twice. Any physical abuse is a potential sign. ^{[3] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}
Violent behavior stops when you become passive, stop arguing, or refrain from expressing your thoughts or opinions. ^{[4] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

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Plan to end the relationship immediately. Physical and emotional abuse is seen as a factor in the breakdown of relationships. No matter how much you love your partner, how long you two have been together, whether you have children or pets together, or live together, a relationship involving physical or psychological abuse needs to end. . Now, start planning to end that relationship safely and as soon as possible. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Think about where you will go when you break up.
Know what you need to bring with you. If necessary, pack an “emergency bag” and hide it somewhere ready to go when needed. ^{[6] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}
If you share the program on a cell phone, keep in mind that many phones have GPS tracking devices, and your boyfriend may be able to find you or track you through your phone. Consider leaving it behind and buying a new phone and number.
Decide what steps to take to stay safe after a breakup. Do you need a quarantine order? Moving to a new town? New ID card? Or change the new lock for the door?
Make a plan to keep others safe. Children and pets also need to leave, and they may or may not be with you. Make plans for the people and animals you have to take care of when you leave.

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Terminate the relationship in safety. You should make it clear that you are ending the relationship and do not expect to reunite later. If you feel uncomfortable or fear for your safety, you should end the relationship remotely or ask someone for help when needed.

Don’t try to end a relationship when you’re home alone with an abusive boyfriend. Your exertion can increase stress, and put yourself in jeopardy.
Consider breaking up by writing or by phone, even if it’s not the usual way; Your safety is more important than social norms.
If you feel you need to break up with your violent boyfriend in person, do it in public, in the presence of others, and keep the conversation brief.
Be concise and get to the point. You can say something as simple as, “We can’t be together anymore.” Try to avoid any phrases like “now”, “at this moment”, or “until you change”. You should completely end the relationship.

Keep safe

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Contact the government. To be on the safe side, it’s important that you talk to the right person and take legal action, or at least explore your options. You need to know the legal procedures and learn how to protect yourself from the police. Need to make sure the violence ends.

Contact a domestic violence counselor as soon as possible and learn how to move on. Based on your situation and how long you two have been together, it can be difficult to find a new job, a new apartment, or make other major changes needed. A domestic violence counselor can help you.

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Document abuse. ^{[7] X Trusted Source WomensLaw.org Go to Source} Record any attempts by your partner to contact you after a breakup. Write down a small summary of events that happened in person or over the phone, and keep any evidence, such as emails, social media messages, or text messages.

You need to keep a record of all correspondence you receive, especially if they contain threats or violence. If possible, you should document the physical violence that happened when you were with an abusive boyfriend or he hit you after a breakup.
This is an important part of creating a legal case against an abusive boyfriend and it will come in handy when you need a restraining order.

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Filing for isolation. A restraining order (also known as a personal protection order) allows you to get legal protection from someone who has abused you. Present any and all evidence of violence you have experienced, as well as a letter describing the circumstances of the abuse and your relationship with the abuser, to the local court. They will give you specific instructions on how to fill out the correct paperwork to receive a restraining order. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

If the court approves your restraining order, it will legally apply to the abuser. Once applied, you will send useful evidence to the court. Ask the court clerk about the procedure. ^{[9] X Research Source}
Always keep a copy of the restraining order with you so you can show it to the police if needed. You will never know your circumstances at the time and in which the abuser decided to violate the restraining order. ^{[10] X Research Source}
Realize that quarantine is not guaranteed to protect you. ^{[11] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to the source} It’s easier for an abuser to get caught when he’s been violent towards you, but action is needed to keep that dangerous person away from you completely.

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Don’t give a second chance. Everything has a limit. Once you break up, don’t go back, don’t try to contact or reconcile with your boyfriend. All has ended. Let the abuser get the message with the paperwork related to the restraining order.

If you endure abuse, there is nothing to discuss. Don’t listen to any bargaining, sorry, promise that he “will never do that again”. Violence breaks all commitments. Violence ends a relationship.

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Make a change in your daily routine. To begin with, try and avoid contact with the abuser. Avoid places where you know the person frequents and change his daily routine so he can’t see where you are all the time. ^{[12] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to the source} There is no reason to force yourself to be in difficult situations or in potential danger.

If you go to the same school or work as the abuser, or run into him frequently, try to ignore the abuser’s presence. Always go with others when you come to work and return or drive back and forth. You can also talk to your boss, human resources department, or school counselor about changing locations, hours, or class schedules to help keep yourself safe.

Move forward

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Get your life balance back. It is common for victims of domestic violence to feel that they themselves are the cause of the violence. This comes from the abuser’s domination; No one is responsible for letting violence happen to them. ^{[13] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source} After the violence stops, work to get out of your previous abusive relationship on your own.

Seek some therapy to build confidence.
Rely on friends and family to recreate social connections.
Looking for a new healthy relationship that is completely free of abuse. ^{[14] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

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Make an appointment with a domestic violence counselor. It is especially important that you talk to someone who can understand the trauma of violence and the spells that some abusers may use. Find a local domestic violence support group and join one as soon as possible to begin treatment.

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Allow yourself to be angry. It may take a while for anger to erupt, but anger is always present, hidden somewhere alongside other emotions. There’s nothing wrong with getting angry; it can be a catalyst for change. ^{[15] X Research Sources} If anger overwhelms you, let it happen and channel it into rewarding, energy-consuming activities. Jogging. Boxing. Yoga. Wait for the anger to subside.

Be careful not to turn anger into risky or self-destructive actions, and try to handle it safely.

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Focus on getting up on your own. Violence weakens your defenses until you are left unprotected and vulnerable. It can be a long process of self-healing to make yourself as unique, lovable and enjoyable as you are and you deserve to be. ^{[16] X Trusted Source National Domestic Vipence Hotline Go to source}

Give yourself a moment to mourn your weakness and then get busy. For any breakup, you can spend a week in bed, doing nothing out of grief. This is completely normal, but it’s important to recognize when it’s time to get out of bed and move on.
Try to avoid focusing too much on thoughts of lost time and regrets. You’ve taken the important step of ending the relationship and moving forward. Be glad you didn’t spend more time with the abuser or stuck in the never-ending cycle of violence. Look at the future.

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Make time for loved ones. Make a list of the people who really care about you in life. Think about the people who have helped you time and time again, who truly loved you and supported you during difficult times. Family, longtime friends, trusted neighbors are all people you need to spend time with. Let yourself rely on them.

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Treat yourself well. ^{[17] X Trusted Source National Domestic Vipence Hotline Go to the source} This takes a while when you can rest, spend time with close family members, or do some small things. without the fear that they will incite the hot-tempered boyfriend to increase his violence. It may take time, but slowly let the fear and guilt fade away with the violent relationship, and find joy in life again.

Advice

Realize that violent individuals cannot be changed and that you are not responsible for their actions/behaviors.

Warning

Don’t add to the panic or pressure of the abuser. Just react to him calmly and leave.
Make sure you, your friends and family keep their distance from the abuser.
Be sure to care and help children who have been abused to recover.

Steps

Escape from violence

Keep safe

Move forward

Advice

Warning

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