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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 9,090 times.
Does someone close to you always make you uncomfortable? While you can’t choose your family or family members, you can choose how you react and respond to difficult family situations. You probably won’t be able to miss family gatherings and even have a pretty good relationship with everyone in your family, except this one. There are a number of methods that can help you deal with this situation more easily to make family gathering times less stressful and more enjoyable.
Steps
Dealing with the inevitable interaction
- Maybe you pride yourself on being an Atheist, but your aunt believes that Atheists will go to hell. It’s best to avoid discussing religious topics around your aunt.
- You should say “Sorry. I need to go to the bathroom,” or “I’m going to see if anyone needs help in the kitchen.”
- You should agree in advance about a certain sign in case you need help from your family. For example, you could make eye contact or give a hand signal that says “Please help me get out of this situation!”.
- If you don’t want to sit next to the person during a meal, you should offer to make a name tag and sit away from the person.
- Find ways to allow the person to participate while also keeping them busy.
- If your grandma doesn’t stop telling you to wear sweaters, say, “You should also go get sweaters for the cats to wear; I don’t want the cat to get cold!”
Build healthy boundaries
- You should say “We can agree or disagree and we should stop here” or “I don’t want to argue any further and I just want to have a good family gathering without arguments like like this again.”
- Sometimes you need to grit your teeth and say, “You have the right to voice your opinion.”
- The sooner you resolve the conflict, the less resentment will accumulate.
- Ready to forgive. [10] X Research Source You don’t have to ignore the situation or pretend it hasn’t happened, but you should learn to forgive so you can release the pain in your heart.
- You don’t have to justify your reaction or make excuses. Just say “Sorry, I can’t do that”. You don’t have to explain it to anyone.
- If you feel manipulative, you should look for strategies to disengage yourself from the conversation (“I’m going to see if anyone needs help in the kitchen” or “I’m going to hang out with my nieces and nephews.” , I haven’t seen them in a while!”). Don’t join the conversation.
- Be frank and realistic when discussing the matter with the person. You can say something like, “An’s not allowed to play with that toy in the house, and she’s not allowed to play with it here either.”
- Use your best judgment in informing family members about the situation. You should remember that even though you may feel as though this situation is completely unacceptable, your family may not feel the same way as you do and will continue to maintain a relationship with the person.
- Although you will want to stay away from the person for your own safety, you should know that estrangement will hurt both you and your family members. [13] X Research Source
Overcoming the feeling of hatred
- People often become evil because they face personal problems. This will happen when the person has low self-esteem, has trouble with anger, or is stressed.
- Others may act in a particular way and believe that their actions are completely normal. This is due to many factors, but you can consider the example of people who allow their fiercely competitive business to influence their personal lives.
- Some people simply don’t have the biological tools needed to feel empathy. Perhaps due to differences in genetics or the way they were raised (for example, the environment they grew up in). [16] X Research Source
- Show that person loving compassion. You should take a deep breath and look at that relative. Then think, “I have seen you, and I see that you are suffering. I don’t fully understand your pain, but I recognize it and I accept that it affects me in this moment.” [19] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source
- Look for things to be grateful for before attending a family gathering. This way, you can face the situation with a built-in sense of gratitude.
- You may also consider family therapy if you want a relative to join you. While it won’t be easy, it will help you confront difficult topics and discuss them with a relative.
This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 9,090 times.
Does someone close to you always make you uncomfortable? While you can’t choose your family or family members, you can choose how you react and respond to difficult family situations. You probably won’t be able to miss family gatherings and even have a pretty good relationship with everyone in your family, except this one. There are a number of methods that can help you deal with this situation more easily to make family gathering times less stressful and more enjoyable.
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