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This article was co-written by Omar Ruiz, LMFT. Omar Ruiz is a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of TalkThinkThrive, PLLC. With over 11 years of experience, he specializes in assisting couples in solving problems and rekindling love. He has been featured in many publications, including The New York Times, Women’s Health and WebMD. Omar holds a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Howard University and a master’s degree in Family Therapy from the University of Massachusetts Boston.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 10,589 times.
Nagging is a common complaint among couples. This behavior occurs when a person feels that this is the only way for them to get what they want. If your wife’s nagging is bothering you, there are plenty of methods to help you cope. In the short term, you need to stay calm and maintain respect and detach yourself from the situation if necessary. However, in the future, you should find ways to solve bigger problems and make small changes to build a happier, more harmonious family.
Steps
Coping with Immediate Problems
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Choose your battles wisely. If you feel your wife is nagging excessively, you should consider how annoying this situation is for you. Sometimes, it’s better to just let things go.
- Occasionally, your wife will nag about a task that looks rather petty and insignificant. Maybe it’s because you didn’t clean the dirty dishes in the living room or hang your wet towel on the hanger after showering. Are they too hard work for you? If not, it’s best to agree with your wife’s criticism and keep it in mind for the future.
- If you feel like it’s not worth arguing with each other about something, simply say something like, “I’m sorry I forgot to pick up the towel. I’ll try to remember. Thanks for reminding me.” Nagging is rarely done with the intention of offending or demeaning the other person. Your wife probably doesn’t feel heard in this relationship, so it can be helpful to acknowledge that you’re always receptive to her opinions. You need to understand that your wife has a different set of priorities than you do. If you don’t mind, you should give in to a few of her requests to make things easier. [1] X Research Source
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Ignore emotions. If you’re annoyed by her nagging, you might end up saying something you didn’t mean. In anger, you will point out her weakness or nag her back. However, this method will not be effective in solving the problem and will only make the situation more stressful. So, if you feel that you’re getting frustrated, it’s best to temporarily ignore your feelings. Remember that it is up to you to decide whether or not you should argue. Then, keep quiet and take a few minutes to think before you speak. If you cannot maintain your composure, ask your wife for permission to discuss the matter later. [2] X Research Source
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Remove yourself from the situation. Sometimes it’s hard to ignore your feelings when you’re both in the same place. Allowing the other person space will help both of you calm down and reassess the situation. You can run errands, walk the dog, drive around, or any other act that creates distance between the two of you. This method will give both of you time to calm down, and in the future, it will help you deal with the situation better.
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Be willing to admit your behavior. People tend to see nagging as the personal problem of the person doing the act. However, conflicts very rarely arise from only one side. If your wife’s concerns or frustrations are completely legitimate, you should accept them.
- Sorry. If you forget to take out the trash, your wife has every right to feel upset that you didn’t perform a task that could make her life a little more comfortable. You should listen to what she has to say and try to apologize sincerely.
- Do you often do something that upsets your wife? Even if you think it’s just a small act, she probably won’t think like you. Maybe you put off taking out the trash and you gave her the impression that you weren’t listening to her. Small changes in your behavior will mean a lot to your wife. In the meantime, you should try to find the cause of your wife’s emotional hurt and find out if you can try to be better in the future. [3] X Research Sources
- Say something like, “I’m sorry. I really didn’t know that my forgetfulness made you feel that way. I’ll try to remember better in the future.”
Let’s Solve Problems Together
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Calm down. Before proceeding to discuss the relationship, you should calm down. Nagging is a pattern of behavior that neither of them want. Just as you don’t like the feeling that you’re being watched all the time, your wife doesn’t enjoy having to constantly remind you of small tasks and problems. You should proceed to solve the problem when both of you are calm to avoid causing more arguments. [4] X Research Sources
- Make time to talk to each other when you’re both free. Avoid timing choices that may be constrained by external factors. For example, if your wife has to go to a parent-teacher conference at 5:30, you shouldn’t talk to her at 4:00. Instead, you should opt to do this after the parent meeting.
- Do something relaxing before engaging in a conversation. You can go for a walk, watch a movie, do crossword puzzles. Any action that you enjoy will help you become more comfortable in the face of the situation.
- It’s helpful to write a letter about how you’re feeling before chatting. This way, you will stop thinking about them and be able to present them in a better way.
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Assign tasks to each other based on individual importance. If your wife often gets angry because you don’t make your bed, it’s probably not important to you. Conversely, if you feel crazy when your wife doesn’t wash the dishes right after using them, perhaps cleaning the kitchen isn’t her top priority. If tasks are pretty important to you or your wife, you’ll both want to get them done quickly.
- Agree to assign work to each other based on individual priorities. For example, your wife will agree to be the bed cleaner. And you decide to be the one to wash the dishes. This measure will help reduce nagging because it limits disagreements in dealing with household chores. [5] X Research Sources
- You need to be polite and respectful when presenting issues. For example, you could say, “I don’t want to look down on you when I don’t make the bed. I just don’t think I’ll enjoy the job. Maybe we should agree that you’ll clean up. Make your bed and do whatever chores you feel are important, like washing the dishes, I think. I think it’s easier for us to remember our tasks if they’re important to them. me”.
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Negotiate a new role. Nagging is a pattern of behavior when people are put in roles they don’t want. Just as you don’t like the feeling of being a victim, your wife doesn’t like having to constantly remind you of day-to-day chores and mundane tasks. You should be willing to negotiate new roles and work together to fulfill them. This method will help you get rid of nagging.
- Often, nagging can trigger a state of resistance. You will feel that at the last minute you will get the job done, even if not at the exact time your wife wants. So you will become confused and resentful when she constantly reminds you. This can make you unwilling to do the job simply because you are upset, angry, or resentful. However, this will only irritate your wife more and make her nag more. [6] X Research Sources
- Both should agree to try to test their behavior. Your wife needs to be aware of the times when she nags. Conversely, you also need to acknowledge when you are protesting in the performance of the task and find a way to solve the problem. It’s hard to break the normal framework of behavior, and the process requires a lot of effort from both of you. [7] X Research Sources
- For example, in a situation where your wife often reminds you to take out the trash. While this will be quite frustrating, it could also be because you’re forgetful or you just don’t want to do the job. Both should find a way to avoid disagreements. You should tell her, “I know you get annoyed when I always forget to take out the trash, but sometimes you remind me at night when I’m half asleep. I won’t be able to remember the words. My reminder the next morning. Can you remind me to take out the trash while I’m walking out of the house?”. This way, your wife’s reminder won’t make you feel like she’s nagging, because you’re the one who asked for her. You’ll also be less likely to procrastinate because you’ll always be reminded in a timely manner. [8] X Research Sources
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Let your wife know about a specific time period in which you will complete the work. Sometimes, she nags just because she doesn’t know when or if you’ll complete your task. Sometimes, simply sticking to a schedule can minimize relationship nagging.
- Too specific a schedule can make you feel forced. For example, if your wife wants you to clean the toilet once a week, does it make any difference to doing this on Tuesday or Saturday? Therefore, you should avoid building a timeline that involves a tight schedule. It can leave you feeling in control, and your wife won’t stop feeling like she has to constantly remind you. [9] X Research Source
- Instead, you should try to set a specific timeline for completing the task for some reason. Instead of agreeing to clean the toilet this Tuesday, you should let your wife know that you will clean it before her friends come over for a Saturday night party. [10] X Research Source
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Ask your wife for interesting reminders. If you often forget to perform a certain task, you can’t blame your wife when she seems annoyed with you because of this. However, perhaps her way of reminding is not effective and makes you angry. You should ask her to remind you to do certain things in a lighter and fun way so you don’t feel like they’re nagging.
- Instead of constantly asking you about a task, especially at a time when you are busy and easily forgettable, you can ask your wife to write down reminders. For example, putting a note on the door will help you remember to take out the trash in the morning. [11] X Research Source
- Language is also very important. You should ask your wife to remind you in a friendly tone. For example, on a sticky note, you could ask her to replace “Take out the trash” with “Can you take out the trash for me on the way to work? Thank you! Love you!”. [12] X Research Source
- Cheerful reminders will often be seen as loving concern rather than nagging. If you often need the urge to get things done, the way your wife presents her request can make a huge difference to the overall happiness of your marriage. You should try to get your wife to remind you in a gentle, friendly, and considerate way rather than in a nagging manner. [13] X Research Source
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Looking for simple solutions. A good way to reduce nagging in a relationship is to find simple solutions. Although, you still need to deal with the bigger problem, sometimes a quick fix of the situation will bring you great relief and make it easier for you and your wife to cope with the day-to-day business. . If the two of you often argue about doing certain tasks, you should consider the method that can help you get the job done most easily. This will minimize problem formation and, in turn, reduce your wife’s nagging.
- Consider hiring someone to handle specific tasks. If both of you don’t like weeding in the garden, and often argue about it, wouldn’t hiring a lawn mower every week be too wasteful? If you don’t like having to do minor repairs around the house, it might be better to hire someone to fix a leak in your windows than to argue. [14] X Research Source
- Both may also agree to perform certain tasks separately. For example, if your wife is an animal lover and you are fairly indifferent to this, perhaps letting her walk the family dog alone on the weekend wouldn’t be such a big deal. Maybe your wife won’t mind having to wear a certain pair of pants or tops a few times before washing it, but you just don’t like the idea. Both should do their own laundry. [15] X Research Source
Bigger Problem Solving
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Adjust your thinking. The phrase “nagging” is quite heavy and comes with many negative elements. The cause of a person’s nagging is often the result of poor communication, forcing the person to take on a role they don’t like. [16] X Research Sources Although you may see your wife as a “nagging person” in certain situations, you should try to understand the deeper issues that lie within. Both of you were unable to talk clearly about something, leading to nagging and resistance. You should view the current situation as a failure in communication between the two of you so that you can proceed to resolve the more serious issue.
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Actively listen. When talking about something like nagging, you need to listen to everything your wife has to say. Don’t just listen to her so you can find a way to respond to everything she says. You should be willing to listen actively when discussing the larger issue of nagging.
- When your wife is talking, listen. Use nonverbal gestures to let her know that you’re paying attention to what she’s saying. Maintain eye contact and nod when appropriate. [17] X Research Source
- Briefly summarize what your wife said when she stopped talking. This method will help you reassure her that you were listening. This is a pretty good way to make sure you fully understand every word she says. For example, “I heard you say you felt like you didn’t respect me when you left the dirty dishes in the sink overnight” or “So when you walked into the kitchen with your muddy shoes on, I felt you doesn’t appreciate your efforts in keeping the house clean.” [18] X Research Sources
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Use a statement that begins with the subject “you”. A statement that begins with the word “he” allows you to take charge of your emotions. When you use this type of statement throughout the discussion, you avoid imposing objective facts on the situation. Instead you are expressing your own feelings. This method will help you both feel less judged during the conversation.
- A statement that begins with the subject “he” has three parts. They usually come from the phrase “I feel” and are followed by stating how you feel. Then talk about the behavior that led to this emotion. Finally, explain why you feel that way. Its goal is to help your wife understand the impact her behavior has on your emotions. You are not saying that the behavior is inherently bad, but that you are expressing how you feel about the action. [19] X Research Source
- For example, you might feel annoyed when your wife reminds you of something you meant to do because her actions make you feel like you’re a child being scolded. You shouldn’t say, “You’ve reminded me five times about washing the dishes, you’re making me angry because I’m not a kid. I’ll do the job sooner or later, but it could be Not at the time I wanted.” This statement will sound like judgment or blame, as if your wife is the only one responsible for how you feel.
- Instead, you should adapt this statement to a sentence that starts with the subject “you”. Describe the feelings and behaviors that caused the problem and why you feel the way you do. You could say something like, “I get annoyed when you keep reminding me to wash the dishes because I always do, even if not at the exact time you want.” [20] X Research Sources
Address why nagging is bothering you. Remember, disagreements are rarely one-sided. Your wife needs to understand your point of view, and vice versa. You should be honest with her about why nagging is bothering you and about how it makes you feel.
- If you feel your wife is being overly critical, your natural reaction will be to avoid or ignore her. However, this won’t help her understand how you feel. When you avoid or object to your wife’s criticism, this will only make her think that you are disrespecting her. You should be frank about the source of your nagging and how it makes you feel. [21] X Research Source
- Tell your wife how you feel about her nagging as specifically as possible. Do you feel pain when she nags? Or do you feel oppressed by injustice? You should let her know. She needs to understand her role in correcting the condition. [22] X Research Source
Listen to your wife’s point of view. If you want to stop nagging, you need to understand her point of view. Similar to when you use speech starting with the subject “he” to express your feelings, you should also allow your wife to do the same. Do your best to understand the story from her point of view.
- Encourage your wife to share her feelings. This will allow you to explore her thoughts and find out why she’s nagging. Please accept her point of view. Often, people feel that they need to nag in order for the other person to listen to what they have to say. Sometimes, you feel that your cold or forgetful actions are no big deal. However, she may think that you don’t respect or take her needs for granted. [23] X Research Sources
- Try to find out about your wife’s background. What is the relationship of her parents like? Many people do not have many opportunities to witness the right attitude in expressing anger or discomfort. This can cause nagging or other aggressive behavior. If your wife is in this situation, you should make it clear to her that she can express her anger or frustration at your behavior. Both of you need to work together to communicate your frustration or minor annoyance in a better way. [24] X Research Sources
- Ready to compromise. Emotional relationships require effort to build. If your wife’s nagging is bothering you, you’ve probably done a lot to make her feel that nagging is necessary. You should try to be more proactive about housework and be more open about your feelings. This method will help your wife feel valued, and greatly reduce nagging.
Advice
- If nagging continues to cause problems for both of you, you should consider seeing a couples counselor. A qualified therapist will help you find effective ways to deal with your communication problems.
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This article was co-written by Omar Ruiz, LMFT. Omar Ruiz is a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of TalkThinkThrive, PLLC. With over 11 years of experience, he specializes in assisting couples in solving problems and rekindling love. He has been featured in many publications, including The New York Times, Women’s Health and WebMD. Omar holds a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Howard University and a master’s degree in Family Therapy from the University of Massachusetts Boston.
There are 8 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 10,589 times.
Nagging is a common complaint among couples. This behavior occurs when a person feels that this is the only way for them to get what they want. If your wife’s nagging is bothering you, there are plenty of methods to help you cope. In the short term, you need to stay calm and maintain respect and detach yourself from the situation if necessary. However, in the future, you should find ways to solve bigger problems and make small changes to build a happier, more harmonious family.
Thank you for reading this post How to Deal with a Nagging Wife at Tnhelearning.edu.vn You can comment, see more related articles below and hope to help you with interesting information.
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