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This article was co-written by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work degree from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
This article has been viewed 19,113 times.
It’s hard to heal the wound in your heart when you find out that your boyfriend has been lying to you for so long. In fact, many couples often lie harmlessly or exaggerate the truth in the beginning when people want to impress each other. But if your boyfriend lies often, you should try to recognize when he lies, think about why he’s lying, and then respond with clarity and frankness. If your boyfriend continues to behave like that even after you’ve talked it over with him, you may have to think about whether there’s something more serious between the two of you than a few petty lies. Are not. [1] X Research Source
Steps
Know when your boyfriend is lying
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Note body language. According to behavioral experts, people who are lying often show certain signs in their body language. Pay attention to these clues to guess if your boyfriend is lying. Example: [2] X Research Source
- Maybe he’s scratching his nose all the time, causing it to turn red. This is known as the “Pinocchio sign,” because lying causes cells in the body to release histamine, which causes the nose to itch and swell.
- Your boyfriend may also show signs of denial, such as covering his mouth or touching his eyes, nose, or ears. He may also avoid looking you in the eye or turning away when he’s talking to you.
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Hear the voice. You might notice his usual voice changing or getting lost while lying. Your boyfriend may also stutter, pause for a long time, or have an unusual intonation. A sudden change in the way your boyfriend talks when he talks about a subject, person, or event could be a sign that he’s lying. [3] X Research Sources
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Pay attention to words and word usage. Similar to the “Pinocchio effect” shown on the body, your boyfriend may exhibit the “Pinocchio effect” in his use of words. Liars often use more words to cover up their lies or distract their listeners. [4] X Research Sources
- According to a study by Harvard Business School, liars tend to use more vulgar language, because when they focus on lying, they often forget to use proper language and polite language. [5] X Research Sources
- Your boyfriend can also use the third person to avoid responsibility for a lie. He can also quickly change the subject after telling a lie to avoid being noticed.
Reacting to your boyfriend’s lies
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Remember three reasons people lie. People can lie for many reasons, but in general, they lie to hide something from each other, to harm others, or to appear better than they really are. Consider what might be his motivation for lying to you. [6] X Research Sources
- If your boyfriend lies to you to hide something, you can treat the lie as a way to find out the truth that is being hidden. If the two of you have only recently been seriously dating, he may be doing it just to show off to you and prove he’s worthy of your attention. However, if you believe your boyfriend has an incentive to lie to hurt you, perhaps you need to think about whether that behavior is a red flag that there are other issues that need to be addressed. in a relationship between two people no.
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Avoid blaming yourself when your boyfriend lies. If you’ve complained about your boyfriend’s behavior in the past, you’ll probably feel part of the blame in him hiding a bad habit or behavior. However, remember that your boyfriend’s lies are not your fault, and he is the only one responsible for the behavior. In a serious relationship, maturity manifests in part a willingness to take responsibility for one’s actions. Your boyfriend is solely responsible for his lies, and you don’t have to feel guilty about that choice.
- No one is “forced” to lie; They can choose and are responsible for their choices. Keep this in mind when dealing with your boyfriend’s lies.
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Consider the context around your boyfriend’s lies. If you find out that your boyfriend is lying or notice signs of lying in him, think back to what you two talked about that made the lie come out or made him want to lie. Maybe you were talking about an event you were both supposed to attend, but he missed it at the last minute, or about a colleague he worked with. [7] X Research Sources
- By thinking about the context of the lie, you can also determine why he feels compelled to lie to you. That way, when you confront your boyfriend, you can explain why you think he’s lying, and openly and frankly express your feelings.
- There are many reasons people lie to their partner, and it helps to consider common relationship scenarios where people might lie. For example, maybe you’re constantly nagging about some of your boyfriend’s bad habits, such as smoking or extravagant spending, and so he lies to not let you down or listen to you. “preach” again. Maybe he lies to avoid conflict or because he doesn’t want to give up a bad habit.
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Face your boyfriend to talk frankly and openly. When you find out your boyfriend is lying, you can’t simply tell him not to. You can’t control if he wants to lie, you can’t stop him from lying, but you have the power to decide whether to let him lie freely or not. Talking to your boyfriend face-to-face in a clear and calm way also helps you control the conversation between the two of you. [8] X Research Sources
- Instead of saying “I know you’re lying” or “You’re a liar,” give him a chance to be honest with you. Say, “I feel like you’re worried about something or there’s something you don’t want me to know. I think now we should bring it to the table together to solve it.”
- This will let your boyfriend know that you want to be honest and open with each other, and that you’re not accusing him of lying but are giving him a chance to atone and explain.
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Talk about his reasons for lying. You should let your boyfriend talk about his reasons for lying, but be wary of excuses. Maybe he’s pressured to lie about his behavior because he knows you won’t approve or be angry when you find out. It’s also possible that he’s hiding his addictions or personal issues that he doesn’t want you to know about. Focus on how the two of you can work together to help him deal with his problems so your boyfriend doesn’t feel like he has to lie to you anymore.
- If your boyfriend is lying because of his addiction or personal problems, you can advise him to see a addiction counselor or consider seeing a therapist. This will help him find other ways to solve the problem without having to lie to you or anyone else in his life.
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Make it clear that you don’t like hearing lies. Once you’ve given your boyfriend a chance to justify himself, give him time to think and respond. If he admits he lied to you and explains why, let him know that it’s not cool that you’ve been cheated on. This shows that you are uncomfortable and unhappy with your boyfriend’s behavior, and you hope it doesn’t happen again. [9] X Research Source
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Consider how lies affect your relationship. At the end of a conversation with your boyfriend about his lying behavior, maybe you should step back and analyze your relationship. Maybe your boyfriend lies for a good reason, but if he does it often, you should consider whether it’s a sign of deeper problems in your relationship. [10] X Research Source
- You can ask yourself a few questions, such as: How often does he lie to you? Do you find it hard to trust him? Have you told him before, but everything seems to be the same? If the answer is “Yes” to all of the above questions, perhaps your boyfriend’s lies are a factor in ruining your relationship, and you need to consider whether it’s worth the pain. hold it from time to time.
- Frequent and persistent lying can also be a sign of a personality disorder that cannot be changed through a simple conversation. If this is the case, you may have to rethink whether it’s the right relationship for you right now.
X
This article was co-written by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work degree from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
This article has been viewed 19,113 times.
It’s hard to heal the wound in your heart when you find out that your boyfriend has been lying to you for so long. In fact, many couples often lie harmlessly or exaggerate the truth in the beginning when people want to impress each other. But if your boyfriend lies often, you should try to recognize when he lies, think about why he’s lying, and then respond with clarity and frankness. If your boyfriend continues to behave like that even after you’ve talked it over with him, you may have to think about whether there’s something more serious between the two of you than a few petty lies. Are not. [1] X Research Source
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