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This article was co-written by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a psychotherapist, author, and TV/radio presenter based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in personal relationships, love affairs, depression, anxiety, gender, communication skills, parenting and so on. Kelli also organizes events. group therapy for people with alcohol and drug addiction, as well as groups on anger management. As an author, she received the Next Generation Indie Book Award for “Living with ADHD: A True Book for Children” and she is also the author of “Profess Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” “. Kelli is a host for LA Talk Radio, a relationship consultant for The Examiner, and speaks worldwide. You can view her work on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/kellibmiller, Instagram @kellimillertherapy and website: www.kellimillertherapy.com. She received her Master of Social Work from the University of Pennsylvania and her bachelor’s degree in sociology/health from the University of Florida.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
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There are hundreds of reasons people cheat on their partner or lover. But whatever the reason, infidelity is always painful and can separate two people forever. If your partner cheated on you and shows remorse for what he (she) did, there are steps you can take to continue the relationship. Keep reading to learn how to deal with a cheating spouse.
Steps
Re-establish trust
- Don’t assume that your partner is cheating just because of sex. You need to know what reason he (she) cheated on before handling the matter. Try saying something like, “I want to know why you cheated on me and who that person is. Please be honest with me and tell me what happened.”
- If your partner refuses to cut off contact with the other person, it could be a sign that he (she) has no intention of ending the relationship. If this is the case, you may not be able to mend the relationship.
- If the third person continues to pursue you even though your partner has cut them off, the two of you can apply for a restraining order to make sure they don’t get close.
- If your partner is trying to force you to talk, say something like, “I understand what you mean, but right now I’m very sad and can’t talk about what happened. Can I prove my love by giving you some quiet time?”
- For example, your partner shouldn’t talk to co-workers about you or your marital problems. Couples need to discuss with each other to make a list of possible and unacceptable topics when talking to colleagues.
- Say things like, “I understand that you want to apologize, and I want you to know it too, but I’m not ready to forgive you just yet.”
- Remember that a marriage counselor will not provide an instant solution. Re-establishing trust takes time. [7] X Research Sources
Build a better relationship
- “Remember when we used to walk around here and talk and take the dog with us? Can we try it again tonight… What do you think?”
- “Things didn’t go well between the two of us yesterday, I want to try something else – can we start over? This time, I will be calm and listen more patiently. I also want to let you know what is good for me and I also want to know what you are looking forward to.”
- If you’re not sure what your partner wants or needs, it’s best to ask and listen. If still unsure, ask more questions. For example, you could say something like, “I think what you need from me is ________. Is that what you mean?” [8] X Research Sources
- For example, if the other person cleans the kitchen, don’t say, ” You ‘re good at cleaning the kitchen.” Instead, say, “Thank you for cleaning up the kitchen.” Using a sentence with the subject instead of the other person can help the other person know how you feel, not just what.
- constant conflict
- inability to connect with a partner
- unable to sympathize or receive sympathy from your partner
- suffering and anger that cannot be eased over time
- unforgivable [12] X Research Source
Advice
- If you’re struggling with emotions caused by your partner’s cheating, consider talking to a mental health professional to work through those feelings.
Warning
- If your partner cheats on a regular basis or makes a second mistake despite showing remorse, you may be in a relationship with a playboy or sex addict. If that’s the case, you need to end the relationship and move on, otherwise you run the risk of continuing to get hurt because of your lover’s promiscuity. [13] X Research Source
This article was co-written by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a psychotherapist, author, and TV/radio presenter based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in personal relationships, love affairs, depression, anxiety, gender, communication skills, parenting and so on. Kelli also organizes events. group therapy for people with alcohol and drug addiction, as well as groups on anger management. As an author, she received the Next Generation Indie Book Award for “Living with ADHD: A True Book for Children” and she is also the author of “Profess Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” “. Kelli is a host for LA Talk Radio, a relationship consultant for The Examiner, and speaks worldwide. You can view her work on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/kellibmiller, Instagram @kellimillertherapy and website: www.kellimillertherapy.com. She received her Master of Social Work from the University of Pennsylvania and her bachelor’s degree in sociology/health from the University of Florida.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 7,926 times.
There are hundreds of reasons people cheat on their partner or lover. But whatever the reason, infidelity is always painful and can separate two people forever. If your partner cheated on you and shows remorse for what he (she) did, there are steps you can take to continue the relationship. Keep reading to learn how to deal with a cheating spouse.
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