How to Deal with a Betrayed Boyfriend

Mentally prepare for all possibilities. “Deceit” is not always as clear-cut as black and white. Depending on how many times he has cheated on you, for how long, how emotionally and how many girls are third parties, you may be able to save the relationship.

• If he has only one lover and often meets her, buys her things and does romantic things, then he is truly in love and your relationship is over.
  

  

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• If he’s made a few mistakes but is with different women that he doesn’t care about or keep in touch with, you can still change him, because that means there’s something in you. That’s what other people don’t have, so he still keeps you with him. But you need to change if you want him to change, otherwise he’ll still go the same way.
  

  

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• If he’s cheated once, and it’s against his character, then he’s really sorry then you should give him a second chance.
  

  

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Determine where the limit is. Where would you put the limit? When you find out he has seriously betrayed you, when are you going to break up with him? How much do you want to forgive him and move on?

Realize that you may be to blame for this, too. Obviously his actions are unacceptable, but maybe it was the result of a problem, and you were a part of it. Ask yourself if you pushed him away. Maybe you get angry with him, put too much pressure on the relationship, make things move too fast or too slow. The reason could be anything, but maybe you just haven’t met his needs, and if you want things to be all right again, you’re going to have to change a few things about yourself.

Calmly face him. If you get angry, he will immediately get on the defensive and won’t talk honestly and rationally with you.

• Try to understand as much as possible. Listen to him. Listening can help him release some of the stress that caused him to cheat.

Ask him specifically to what extent he cheated.

• How many times?
• With how many people?
• How frequency?
• How long did it last?
• Has he cheated in previous relationships?
• How serious is he with that girl(s)?

Ask him what he’s up to with you. Does he want to stay with you? Or is cheating the fastest way for him to get out of the relationship? Is he in love with someone else?

Determine if you want to get over this, or if that’s enough. Should you stay or go?

• If in your heart you feel like you can’t completely forgive him, and you feel like you wouldn’t be happy to stay, don’t try to bear the pain and stay, no matter how much you want to.
• If you trust that he will be faithful from now on, give him another chance.

Tell him what he needs to do to regain your trust.

• You may feel he needs to stop going on Facebook or delete some girls’ contacts from his phone.
• Be careful with forbidding him from talking to anyone, as this could make him want to go against you.
• You absolutely have the right to ask him to remove the phone password. If you feel the need, ask him to make his Facebook or email password public, but it can also make him feel constrained and want to cheat on you again.

Ask him what he needs from you. Maybe there’s something missing in your relationship that’s keeping him away from you.

Communicate. From now on, it’s clear that you can’t let the tension escalate. Trust is built from openness and honesty.

Give him his own space. Don’t make him feel suffocated. If you are clingy or obsessed with him, he may stay away from you. If he feels constrained with you then there’s a good chance he’ll cheat on you to free himself.

Satisfy his sexual needs. If he doesn’t feel satisfied, he will find a way to satisfy himself, and if you can’t satisfy him, he will find someone else.

• Be bold in bed terms and be open to the things he wants to do, as long as they make sense.
• Boring or repetitive sex can lead him to find someone else to satisfy his needs.
• The fact that you actually enjoy sex makes all the difference. If he thinks he can’t satisfy you, he may have an affair and satisfy other people to strengthen his ego.

Be careful not to put all the blame on him. The fact that you blame and accuse him of petty things will cause him to seek acceptance in others, not only sexually but emotionally as well.