How to Convince People

Convincing others that your way of doing things is the best way can often be difficult, especially when you also don’t know why it was rejected by others. Turn the tide of the conversation and convince the other person to believe your point of view. The trick is to get them to start questioning why they refused, and with the right tactics, you can.

Table of Contents

The basics

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Knowing how to choose your timing is paramount. Convincing others is not only about words or body language, it is also about choosing the right time to talk to them. If you approach people when they’re comfortable and open to conversation, you’ll be more likely to achieve your goals and get better results.

People are most likely to be persuaded right after being helped by someone because they feel indebted. Moreover, they are also most easily persuaded after being thanked, the reason being that they feel entitled to enjoy. If someone thanks you, it’s the perfect time to ask for help. It’s a kind of give and take. You have helped them before, there will come a time when they will help you in return. ^{[1] X Research Source}

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Get to know others . Much of the effectiveness of persuasion lies in the shared relationships between you and your clients/children/friends/colleagues. If you don’t get to know a person well, it’s essential to build a relationship right away, by finding common ground between two people as soon as possible. People generally feel more secure with people like them. So look for similarities and tell them about them.

Let’s talk about what they like first. One of the best ways to get people to open up when the game moves on is to talk about something they’re passionate about. Ask intelligent and insightful questions about what they like, and don’t forget to mention why you like these things too! Seeing your empathy will give them the feeling that they are more receptive and open to you.
- For example: Is there a picture of them playing skydiving on the table? It’s crazy. Looking forward to your first skydive too – but not sure if you should jump from 10,000 or 18,000 feet? What would the opinion of a seasoned person like them be?

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Speak assertively. If you say to your child “Stop messing up your room!” when what you really mean is “Clean up your room!” you will not achieve your goal. “Don’t hesitate to contact me” is not the same as “Call me on Thursday!”. No one will be able to respond to your request if they don’t understand what you mean.

There are some things that must be made clear. If you are vague, the other person will be able to agree with you, but not necessarily know what you really need. Speaking assertively will help you stay on track and keep your goals clear.

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Let’s rely on the elements ethos, pathos, and logos. Did you know this when you went to college in Literature that taught the elements of Aristotle? If not, here is the summary for you. Aristotle was very clever, and these elements were so close to humans that they are still relevant today.

Ethos – think prestige. We tend to trust people we respect. Why do you think there are presenters? It is because of this factor. Here’s an example: Hanes. Quality lingerie, trustworthy company. Is it enough to buy their product. Maybe. Wait, Michael Jordan has been wearing Hanes for over twenty years? ^{[2] X Research Resources} Out of stock!
Pathos – trust your feelings. Everyone knows that the SPCA commercial with Sarah McLachlan has sad music and poor puppies. This ad sucks. Why? Because you watch it, you’re sad, and you feel like you have to help those puppies. Pathos worked.
Logos – derived from the word “logic”. This is perhaps one of the most honest of all persuasion methods. You are simply giving reasons why the person you are talking to should agree with you. If you were told that “On average, an adult who smokes will live 14 years shorter than a non-smoker” (this is true ^{[3] X Trusted Source Centers for Disease Contrp and Prevention Go to source} ), and you believe you want to live a longer, healthier life, that argument will force you to stop smoking. Exactly! That is persuasion.

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Create demand. This is the number one rule when it comes to persuasion. After all, if there is no demand for what you are trying to sell/achieve/make, nothing will happen. You don’t have to be Bill Gates (although he clearly created a need), all you need to do is look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Think about the different levels of needs, be it psychological needs, safety and security, love, a sense of belonging, self-esteem or self-control. You will definitely find something missing, something only you can improve. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Create scarcity . Aside from what people need to survive, most things have some relative value. Sometimes (perhaps most of the time), we want things simply because other people want (or have) them. If you want someone to want what you have/want, you have to make it scarce, even if that thing is yourself. In the end, supply when demand occurs. ^{[5] X Research Sources}
Create urgency . To motivate people to act in a split second, you must be able to evoke a sense of urgency. If they aren’t motivated enough to want what you have now, chances are they won’t change their mind in the future. You have to convince the other person now, that’s all it takes. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Skill

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Talk fast. Yes. Exactly! People are often more persuaded by a fast, confident speaker than by accuracy. Sounds reasonable. The faster you speak, the less time your listeners have to process what you have to say and ask questions. That way, you’ll create the feeling that you’ve really got the hang of it by churning out loads of data at lightning speed, with the utmost confidence.

In October 1976, a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology analyzed the speed and attitude of talking. The researchers chatted with the participants, trying to convince them that caffeine wasn’t good for them. When they spoke at a calculated rate of 195 words per minute, participants were more persuasive; when they speak at 102 words per minute it’s harder to convince. It can be argued that at a fast rate of speech (195 words per minute is the fastest rate at which a person speaks in a normal conversation), the message is said to be more believable – and therefore more persuasive. . Speaking quickly seems to imply superior intelligence, objectivity, and understanding. The rate of 100 words per minute, the minimum rate of a normal conversation, is often associated with the negative side of the matter. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

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Be complacent. Who would have thought that being complacent would be a good thing (in the right circumstances)? In fact, recent studies have suggested that people prefer complacency over expertise. Have you ever wondered why politicians who look incompetent with wigs get rid of all problems? Why does Sarah Palin still have a show on Fox News? It is a consequence of the way the human psyche works. A real consequence.

Research done at Carnegie Mellon University has shown that people like advice from confident people, even when we know this person has a less than savvy background. If they are aware of this (subconsciously or otherwise), they are likely to show their confidence in a certain subject. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

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Master body language. If you seem unapproachable, withdrawn, and unwilling to compromise, people won’t want to listen to you. Even if you’re completely right, they’re just looking at your body language. Be as careful with your gestures as you are with your words.

Be open. Do not cross each other and point your body towards the opposite person. Maintain good eye contact, smile, and don’t be impatient.
Imitate others. Again, people like people who feel like they’re like them, by imitating them you’re really putting yourself in their shoes. When they lean on the elbow, lean on the opposite elbow. When they lean over, lean back. Don’t do this too deliberately as this will attract attention, in fact if you already feel a connection you should almost automatically do this.

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Consistent . Imagine a well-dressed veteran politician on the podium. A reporter asked him why his supporters were all in their 50s or older. In response, he shook his fist, fiercely affirming, “I sympathize with the younger generation.” Is there something wrong here?

All is incorrect. His whole image: his body language, his movements, all go against what he says. He had an appropriate, gentle answer but his body language was too rigid, uncomfortable, and aggressive. As a result, he is unreliable. To be persuasive, your message and body language must go hand in hand. Or, you’ll look like a blatant liar.

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Consistently. Don’t pester others when they insist on refusing, but don’t let that put you off your chance with the next person either. You can’t be convincing enough in everyone’s eyes, especially before you pass the learning stage. Persistence pays off in the long run.

The best persuasive people are those who are willing to repeatedly ask for what they want, even when others refuse. No world leader can achieve anything if they give up on the first rejection. Abraham Lincpn (one of history’s most revered presidents) lost his mother, three sons, daughter and girlfriend, failed in business, and lost eight different elections until he was elected President. United States system. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Motivation

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Economic driving force. If you want something from someone but it’s not very good. What can you give them? Do you know what they want? The first answer is: money.

Let’s say you run a blog or a newspaper and want to interview an author. Instead of saying, “Hey! I love your work!”, what can you do better than these words? Here is an example: “Dear John, I have just learned that you are publishing a book in the next few weeks, and I believe that readers of my blog will enjoy reading your work. Would you be interested in a 20 minute interview, and I will send it to my readers? We will end the interview with a focus on your upcoming work.” ^{[8] X Research Sources} John now knows that if he participated in this article, he would get a wider readership, sell more work, and make more money.

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Social dynamics. Not everyone cares about money. If money is not an option, choose to go through social. Most people care about their overall image. If you know a friend of them, even better.

Same situation, just using social dynamics: “Dear John, I just learned that part of your research has been published, and I can’t help but wonder ‘Why doesn’t EVERYONE know yet? about that study?” I don’t know if you’d be interested in a quick 20-minute interview where we can talk about that piece of research? I’ve written about Max’s research before, someone I’ve worked with, and I believe his research will be a standout on my blog.” ^{[8] X Research Source} Now, John knows that Max is a catalyst (ethos – prestige) and the person is impressed with his work. Socially, John had no reason not to participate and too many reasons to accept.

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Morally. Arguably the weakest method, but it works for some people. If you think someone will not be affected by money and social image, try this.

“Dear John, I’ve just learned that part of your research has been published, and can’t help but wonder, ‘Why doesn’t EVERYONE know about it? As a matter of fact, this is one of the reasons why I launched my Social Motivators podcast.My big goal is to bring a close-up view of academic writing to the public domain. I don’t know if you want to do a quick 20-minute interview We can focus on clarifying your research for the audience, and hopefully we can bring a little more. knowledge to the world.” ^{[8] X Research Sources} The last sentence is completely unconcerned with money or ego, and goes straight to the moral issue.

Tactic

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Take advantage of guilt and reciprocity. Have you ever heard your friend say “Let me pay for the first time!” and immediately think “So I’ll pay a second time!”? That’s because we depend on reciprocity, favors reciprocating to ensure fairness. So when you do someone a “good deed,” think of it as an investment in the future. Others will “want” to repay you. ^{[1] X Research Source}

If you have doubts, people use this method around you all the time. ANYTIME. Why are there annoying women in the mall stalls handing out lotions. There must be reciprocity. A pack of mints in the end-of-dinner checkout cover? ^{[9] X Research Sources} Reciprocal. A free 1800 Tequila at the bar? There is back and forth. Everywhere. Businesses all over the world use it.

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Harness the power of consensus. It’s human nature to want to be cool and trendy. When you let others know they can fit in (hopefully with a group or with someone they respect), it assures them again that what you’re suggesting is right and will distract them. from the calculation of whether a thing is good or not. Having a “herd mentality” will allow us to be mentally lazy. It also helps us not to feel lost and left behind.

An example of the success of this approach is the use of hotel information cards in bathrooms. In one study, customers reused towels by 33% when a hotel room information card stated “75% of guests staying at this hotel reused their towels”, according to real research. Presentation on Impact at Work in Tempe, Ariz. ^{[9] X Research Source}
- Things will get more stressful. If you’ve ever taken a General Psychology class, you’ve probably heard of this phenomenon. Back in the ’50s, Spomon Asch did a series of fit studies. He took as a subject a group of similar people who were asked to answer incorrectly (in this example, whether a line is shorter or longer than a longer line). As a result, it was surprising that 17% of the participants said that the shorter straight line was longer and completely contrary to what they actually believed, just to fit the majority standard. It’s crazy, isn’t it?

READ More: How to Light a Fire

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Ask a lot . If you’re a parent, you’ve seen this in practice. One child said, “Mom, Mom! Let’s go to the beach!” The mother said no, feeling a little guilty, but did not change her choice or opinion. But then the kid said, “Okay, can we go to the pool?” The mother “wants” to agree and “has” agreed.

So ask what you really want “second”. Others will feel guilty for turning down an offer, no matter what the offer is. If the second offer (which is actually the original offer) is something they have no reason not to take, they immediately take the opportunity. The latter offer frees them from guilt, as a way out. ^{[1] X Research Resources} If you want a $10 donation, offer $25. If you want to complete the project within 1 month, ask for 2 weeks first.

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Use the word “we”. Studies have shown that repeating “we” is more effective in persuading others than other less aggressive approaches (namely, the “ If you don’t” approach) I will do it and the rationale approach You should do this for the following reasons The use of “we” conveys camaraderie, similarity and understanding.

Remember that we mentioned earlier that it is very important to create a relationship, so that the listener feels close to you and likes you? Then we asked to imitate body language so that the listener feels close and like you? Well, now you should use “we” also to make the listener feel close and like you. Bet you didn’t think of this.

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Start everything. Did you know that sometimes a team can barely do anything until one kicker “rolls the ball”? Yes, you must be that person. If you’re a starter, listeners tend to be finishers.

People often voluntarily complete one thing rather than doing the whole thing. Next time you do the laundry, put the laundry in the washing machine, then ask someone else to do it. ^{[1] X Research Sources} So easy, they find it hard to find a reason to refuse.

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Make them agree . People want to be consistent with themselves. If you get them to agree (one way or another), they’ll want to keep their word. If they admit they want to solve a problem and you offer a solution, they will be forced to look into it. Whatever the cost, get them to agree.

In a study by Jing Xu and Robert Wyer, participants showed that they take “anything” if the first thing shown is something they completely agree with. In one part of the study, participants listened to a speech by either John McCain or Barack Obama and then watched a Toyota advertisement. Republicans were more convinced by the ad after seeing John McCain, and what about the Democrats? As you would guess – more pro-Toyota after watching Barack Obama. So if you’re trying to sell something, get the customer to agree with you first – even if what you’re saying has nothing to do with what you’re selling. ^{[10] X Research Source}

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Let’s keep the balance. Whatever the problem may be, everyone has an independent opinion and not all of them are idiots. If you don’t cover every aspect of the argument, others will be less likely to believe you or agree with you. ^{[11] X Source of Research} If weaknesses start to appear, address them yourself, especially before someone else does.

Over the years, studies have been conducted to compare one-way and two-way arguments with their effectiveness and persuasiveness in a variety of contexts. Daniel O’Keefe at the University of Illinois reviewed the results of 107 different studies (over 50 years and 20,111 participants) and developed a meta-analysis. He concludes that the two-way argument is more convincing than the equivalent one-way argument in the spreadsheet – with different types of persuasive messages and with different audiences. ^{[11] X Research Source}

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Use conditioned reflexes. Ever heard of Pavlov’s dog? No, not the name of the rock band from St. Louis. ^{[12] X Research Sources} Classical Conditioning Experiments. That’s it. You do something that unconsciously elicits a reaction from the other person – and they are not aware of it. To do this takes time and a lot of effort.

If every time a friend mentions Pepsi you groan, that’s a prime example of a conditioned response. In fact, when you moan, your friends will think of Pepsi (maybe you want more Coke?). Another useful example is if your boss uses the same few words to compliment people. When you hear your boss compliment someone, it reminds you when he’s complimenting you – and you’ll work harder with pride and excitement.

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Raise your expectations. If you’re in a position of power, this method works even better – and is a must-have. Let others know that you are full of confidence and have a positive influence on your subordinates (employees, children, etc.) and they will be more inclined to listen to you.

If you tell your child that he is very smart and that you know he will get good grades, he will not let you down (if he can avoid it). Let your child know that you are confident about him, it will make things easier when he believes in himself.
If you are the boss at the company, be a positive inspiration for the employees. If you give someone a difficult project, let that person know that you give it to them because you know they can do it. Are they exhibiting the quality X, X and X is the quality that proves it. With this impact, the results of their work will be much better.

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Determine loss, loss. If you can give someone something, great. But if you can prevent something from being taken away, you’re on the right track. If you can help other people avoid stressors in their lives, why would they refuse?

There was a study in which a group of employees had to decide on a profit or loss proposition. The difference is huge: Twice as many employees agree with the proposal if the company is predicted to lose $500,000 and the proposal is not accepted, compared with the project that gives a $500,000 profit. Can you be better persuasive just by listing the costs and comparing it with the benefits? Very possible. ^{[9] X Research Source}
This also works even at home. Can’t you ask your husband to get off the TV screen for a nice evening? Kinda easy. Instead of packing up and babbling to your husband about the need for “great time,” remind him quietly that this is the last night before the kids return. Maybe he’ll be convinced when he knows he’s missing something. ^{[1] X Research Source}
- This needs to be carefully considered. There are opposing studies that show that people don’t like being reminded of negative things, or at least personal problems. Especially for those close to the house, they will go crazy with negative moves. They prefer to have “sexy skin” rather than “prevent skin cancer,” for example. ^{[13] X Source of Research} Therefore, consider what you ask before imposing it on others in one way or another.

Like a salesman

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Keep eye contact and smile . Be polite, have fun, and look charismatic. A good attitude will help you more than you think. People will want to hear what you have to say, but finding your way around is the hardest part, after all.

You don’t want them to think that you want to impose your views on them. Be tactful and confident, they will more easily believe every word you say.

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Know your product well. Show them the benefits of your idea. Not for you! Tell them the benefits for “them”. That will always get their attention.

Honest. If you have a product or idea that isn’t necessary for them, they’ll know. Things will get serious and they won’t believe it even if it’s true for them. Identify both sides of the situation and make sure you make sense, and win their hearts.

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Be prepared for any conflict. And be prepared for situations you never thought possible! If you’ve prepared your words and tone and took the time to evaluate them carefully, this probably shouldn’t be a problem.

People will look for excuses to say no if it looks like you’ll get a bigger deal out of them. Let’s reduce this to the bare minimum. The listener should be the beneficiary, not you.

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Don’t be afraid to agree with someone. Negotiation is a huge part of persuasion. Just because you have to negotiate doesn’t mean you’ll win in the end. In fact, dozens of studies have shown that the simple word “yes” has a lot of persuasive power.

The word “yes” doesn’t sound very convincing, but it carries a certain amount of weight because it shows that you are a pleasant and friendly person and that the other person is part of the request. Draw a line on what you’re looking for as if it were a deal rather than a favor someone else had to offer to “help” you. ^{[14] X Research Source}

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Use indirect forms of communication with your boss or other leaders. When talking to your boss or someone in power, you’ll want to avoid face-to-face communication. The same case happens when your proposal is quite ambitious. For leaders, if you want to guide their thoughts, let them think and guide themselves. They need to retain their sense of power in order to feel fulfilled. Make your ideas and bring your ideas to them skillfully.

Start by making your boss less confident. Talk about something they don’t know much about. If possible, speak outside your boss’s office, where everything is neutral. After persuasion, remind them who the boss is (it’s them!), so empower them again so they can do something about your claim. ^{[11] X Research Source}

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Relax and stay calm when there is a conflict. Hanging around with emotions never makes someone more persuasive. In sensitive or conflicting situations, staying calm, relaxed, and emotionless will take you a step forward. If someone is losing control, they will look to you for a sense of stability. In the end, you will be in control of your own emotions. They will count on you in those moments to lead their way.

Use your anger with purpose. Discord will make most people uncomfortable. If you’re ready to “discord,” make the situation more stressful, that’s it, and the other person will be inclined to give in. However, don’t do it this way too often, and of course don’t do it when the oil is on fire or you can’t keep your emotions in check. Only use this tactic skillfully and with a clear purpose. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

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Be confident . It cannot be overemphasized: Certainty is a more compelling, compelling and compelling element than any other. One person in the room was talking incessantly with a smile on his face radiating confidence, the one who was more persuasive than the rest of his group. If you truly believe in what you do, others will see it and respond to you. They will want to be confident like you. ^{[9] X Research Source}

If you are not confident, you need to pretend to be confident. If you walk into a 5-star restaurant, no one needs to know that you’re wearing a rented suit. As long as you don’t walk in with jeans and a t-shirt, no one will question it. And as you begin to speak, also think of the right words.

Advice

Be careful in your words. Everything you say should be upbeat, encouraging and commendable; negativity and criticism is a minus. For example, a politician who speaks about “hope” will have a chance to win the election; Talking about “bitter toil” won’t work.
Sometimes it helps, and sometimes it doesn’t; be careful.
Whenever you start an argument, agree with the other person, and mention all the good points in that person’s point of view. For example, if you want to sell your trucks to a furniture store, and the manager says to your face, “No, I’m not going to buy your truck! I prefer this company over that. so this and that” . You have to agree, replying with something like “Of course this company’s cars are good, in fact, I’ve heard that they have over 30 years of reputation” . Believe it or not, then he won’t insist anymore. From there, you can give your opinion about your truck… “But don’t you know that if the truck won’t start in cold weather, their company will help you? And Will you have to call a towing service and repair the truck by yourself?” This will make him consider your point of view.
Don’t try to negotiate with someone when you’re tired, in a hurry, distracted, or “not in the mood”; You may give in and regret it later.
Things work out if you’re friendly, sociable, and have a good sense of humour; If you are someone other people like to be with, you will have more influence over them.

Warning

Don’t give up suddenly – This will make others think they won, and make it more difficult to convince them later.
Don’t be too dogmatic because others will close all doors to your point of view when you lose your influence over them.
NEVER criticize or confront your target audience. This can be quite difficult at times, but you will learn how to achieve your goals this way. In fact, as long as you are slightly annoyed or frustrated, they will notice this and immediately get defensive, so it’s best to wait until some time later. Much later.
Lies and bragging are never a good choice from both the moral and practical side. Your subjects aren’t stupid, and if you think you can fool them undetected, you’ll get what you deserve.

Steps