How to Control Anger

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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

There are 15 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 4,962 times.

Everyone gets angry at times. If you’re having a “frustration,” this can take a toll on your physical and mental health as well as your relationships with others. Uncontrolled anger can be a sign of other problems such as anger management or mental disorders. You need to control your emotions and stay calm for the sake of yourself and those around you.

Table of Contents

Learn Anger

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Observe the physiological signs of anger. Anger is a psychoactive emotion, involving chemical reactions in your brain. ^{[1] X Trusted Source Harvard Medical Schop Go to the Source} When angry, the amygdala, located in the center of the brain that processes human emotions, sends a distress signal to the area. hypothalamus, which sends epinephrine to the autonomic nervous system via the sympathetic nervous system pathways to the adrenal glands, where it pumps epinephrine (adrenaline) throughout the body. Adrenaline helps prepare the body for a threat by increasing heart rate and sharpening the senses. ^{[2] X Harvard Medical Schop Trusted Source Go to Source}

This process serves a biological purpose (preparing you to fight or flee), and if you’re angry, your physiological tolerance threshold may be too low (for example, you’re angry at your partner). loud music industry).

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Evaluate your own feelings. Anger is often the result of many other emotions, often repressed feelings of hurt, sadness, grief, depression or fear. ^{[3] X Research Source} Anger forms as a defense mechanism because it makes it easier to process other emotions. Think about whether you allow yourself to feel a wide range of emotions or suppress emotions that you consider unnecessary.

If you suppress your anger with other emotions you can’t cope with, try seeing a therapist to learn about handling and accepting these feelings.

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Accept that anger is a perfectly normal and healthy emotion. Anger is not always a bad thing. Anger serves a health purpose by protecting us from violence or wrongdoing. ^{[4] X Source of Research} If you notice someone hurting you, you get angry and that anger reminds you to confront the other person or stop acting that hurt you in some way.

Many people (usually women) are taught that anger is impolite. But suppressing your emotions will naturally have a negative effect on your emotions and relationships with those around you.

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Watch for signs of losing control of your anger. While anger is normal, it can also be harmful at times. You need to solve this problem yourself or seek professional help if you notice the following signs:

Little things like spilling milk or dropping objects also make you angry.
When angry, you have rude actions such as yelling, shouting and kicking.
The problem is chronic and happens often.
You are an addict, when under the influence of drugs or alcohol, your temper worsens and you behave more violently.

Chronic Anger Control

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Participate in physical activity. Endorphine is produced during exercise to help calm us, and movement can also help you get rid of anger: so exercise helps you deal with anger. In addition, maintaining regular exercise also helps you regulate your emotions. ^{[5] X Source of Research}^{[6] X Source of Research} When exercising, focus on the exercise and the body, and ignore the thoughts that come to mind. Here are some exercises that work and help you manage your anger:

Jogging/Walking
Lift the weight
Cycling
Yoga
Basketball
Martial Arts
Swimming
Dance
Boxing
Meditation

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Get enough sleep at night. Adults need at least 7-8 hours of sleep per night to thrive. ^{[7] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the Source} Lack of sleep can lead to many health problems including the ability to manage emotions appropriately. Getting enough sleep improves mood and calms anger.

If you have chronic insomnia, consult your doctor. You may need to change your diet or lifestyle habits to improve your sleep. You can try herbal supplements or medications to get more sleep.

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Write an anger diary. Start writing about your anger in detail. If you find yourself in a situation where you lose control of your emotions, write them down in a journal. Remember to write specifically how you feel, what makes you angry, where you were, with whom, how you reacted and how you felt afterwards. ^{[8] X Research Sources} After a while of journaling, you can find common ground through each article to identify the characters, places, or things that make you angry.

You can write something like this: I was very angry with a colleague today. He said I was selfish for not ordering lunch for everyone. We’re in the lobby, I’m taking a break from work and eating cheese sandwiches at the restaurant next door. I got really angry and yelled at him, called his name angrily and left. I banged the desk when I got back to the office. Then I felt guilty and ashamed so I hid in the office until the end of the day.
Over time, you might evaluate your journal and realize that being called a selfish person angers you.

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Make a plan to manage your anger. Once you’ve found the source of your anger, ^{[9] X Source of research} you can plan to deal with it. You can use the anger management strategies listed in Part 1 in conjunction with the if-then assumption.

For example, you are going to your mother-in-law’s house and she is not satisfied with the way your children are raised. You can decide before you go: “If my mom complains about the way my child is raised, I will slowly tell her that I appreciate her concern, but that I have my own decisions about how to teach her. no matter what you think.” You can decide to leave your room or pack up and return home if you feel like you’re about to throw a tantrum.

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Practice assertive expressions of anger. ^{[10] X Research Source} People use assertive expression of anger to perceive the needs of both parties to a dispute ^{[11] X Research Source} To practice assertive expression, you need to keep in mind the facts associated with conflict. respectfully (without exaggerating feelings), ask to communicate (rather than demand) in a respectful manner, communicate clearly, and express feelings effectively.

This approach is different from the passive expression of anger but silence and the blunt action, which often manifests as an outburst of fire that doesn’t seem appropriate to the situation. ^{[12] X Research Source}
For example, if you are angry at a coworker because they play loud music while you are concentrating on your work, you could say, “I understand that you like to listen to music at work, but that sound makes it difficult for me to concentrate on work. . You can use headphones instead of turning on such loud music so as not to disturb your colleagues and we will have a comfortable working environment.”

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Look for a local anger management program. An anger management program can help you learn how to deal with anger and manage your emotions in a healthy way. ^{[13] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to the source} Taking a fitness class can help you realize you’re not alone, and many people find group activities as helpful as counseling. consult a specialist in certain cases.

To find an anger management program that’s right for you, you can search online for “anger management classes” plus the name of your city, province, or region. You can add advanced search terms like “for teenagers” or “for people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)” to find the group that best fits your needs.
You can also find suitable programs by asking your doctor or therapist, consulting a self-improvement course at your local community center.

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See a mental health professional. If your anger is affecting your daily life or your ability to maintain positive relationships, you should see a therapist. They can interfere with the source of the problem and you may need to receive therapy or medication. The therapist will use relaxation techniques when you feel angry. They help you develop emotional processing skills and practice communication. ^{[14] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}

You can find anger management specialists in North America here and in the UK here.

Instant Anger Control

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Take a break as soon as you realize you’re about to get angry. You can take a break by stopping what you’re doing, staying away from things that irritate you, and/or taking deep breaths. Staying away from anything that brings you down makes it easier to regain your composure.

Remember that you don’t have to react to the situation right away. You can count to 10 or even say “I’ll think about this and get back to you later” to give yourself more time to calm down if needed. ^{[15] X Research Source}
If you get angry at work, go to your room or go out for a while. If you drive to work, you can sit in the car to have your own space.
If you are angry at home, find a private space (such as the bathroom) or go for a walk with someone you trust to release it.

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Allow yourself to be angry. It’s completely normal to experience anger. Giving yourself some time and space to feel angry can help you accept and work through your anger. Once you get over it, you can let go of your anger and understand why you’re angry. ^{[16] X Research Source}

Allow yourself to experience the anger, thinking about where the anger is in your body. Are you angry from the stomach? In the hand? Find the anger, let it “run around” and it will pass.

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Deep breath. If your heart is racing with anger, slow it down by controlling your breathing. Deep breathing is one of the most important steps in mindfulness meditation, helping us control our emotions. ^{[17] X Research Source} Even if you don’t practice “meditation” completely, using deep breathing techniques can still have the same effect. ^{[18] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}

Count to 3 as you inhale, hold your breath for 3 seconds or more, then count to 3 and then exhale. Fully focus on counting the beats while breathing.
Make sure to take a full chest breath with each breath so that the chest and abdomen are expanded. Then exhale forcefully, remembering to rest between breaths.
Keep breathing until you regain control

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Visualize the “happy place”. If you still cannot regain your composure, imagine yourself in a scene of absolute relaxation. Be it your childhood backyard, a tranquil forest, a deserted island or a fantasy land – any place that makes you feel comfortable and at peace. Concentrate on imagining every detail of this place: the light, the noise, the temperature, the weather, the scent. Continue thinking about the happy land until you are completely immersed in it, pause for a few minutes until you calm down.

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Practice positive self-talk. Changing the way you think about something from a negative to a positive (also known as “cognitive restructuring”) ^{[19] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to the source} that can help you cope rage in a healthy way. After giving yourself time to calm down, “discuss” the situation with yourself in a positive and relieved way.

For example, if you’re angry while walking down the street, you could say, “He almost hit my car, but he’s probably in a hurry, hoping to never see someone like that again. I feel that way. luckily I was still alive and the car was still intact. Luckily I was able to continue driving, able to stay calm and focused when I got back to the main road” instead of getting angry in a negative way. That idiot almost killed me! I want to kill him!”.

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Ask for support from someone you trust. Sometimes sharing a concern with a friend or confidant can help vent anger. Make it clear what you want from your partner. If you just need someone to listen to you then say from the start that you don’t need advice or help, just empathize with you. If you’re looking for a solution, let the person know.

Set time limit. Give yourself a set amount of time to let go of what’s bothering you and stick to it, when time runs out it’s all over. This will help you keep moving forward instead of wallowing in a never-ending situation.

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Try to find some humor in the situation that makes you angry. Once you’ve calmed down and are ready to get through this, try to see it in a positive light. Seeing things in a funny way can change your body’s chemistry from anger to humor. ^{[20] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}

For example, if someone swerves into your lane, you might think they’re silly because they’ll only be 15 seconds early. You can laugh at their actions and go back to life as usual.

Advice

Try listening to soothing songs to clear your mind.
If you are angry and have a hard time controlling yourself, find a quiet place without people. Shout at blankets, pillows, or anything else that reduces noise. (You can scream if no one is around) this makes you feel better.
Understand that it is normal for people to be angry sometimes, and need to be released. However, there are more effective ways to relieve yourself than yelling at others.
Ask yourself if the other person deserves to be scolded or are you just looking at them as an outlet to relieve the pressure on other people/other issues that preoccupy you.
Find a creative activity like writing, painting, etc. to drain the energy. Hobbies improve your mood and allow you to use your energy properly instead of wallowing in an unsolvable situation. Imagine what you could do differently with the energy you expend when you’re angry.
Think about the stress you create for yourself. Do you want to feel like this? If not, change it.
Mindfulness meditation is an effective way to relieve stress and/or anxiety that causes anger.
Stay away from anything that makes you angry until you calm down. Avoid everyone, everything and go to a quiet place, take deep breaths until calm again.
Think of someone you love and tell yourself that you are better than that bully.
When angry, take a breath and try not to show it or confide in friends and family afterward, but stay calm and aware of the other person’s point of view.

Warning

Quarantine immediately when you feel yourself going into a rage or becoming violent.
Whenever you have thoughts of doing something to hurt yourself or others, seek help immediately.
Anger has never been and will never be an excuse to attack or abuse those around you (both verbally and physically).

Steps

Learn Anger

Chronic Anger Control

Instant Anger Control

Advice

Warning

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