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This article was co-written by Tasha Rube, LMSW. Tasha Rube is a licensed social worker in Missouri. She received her MSW degree from the University of Missouri in 2014.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 2,034 times.
Adultery is a common practice. Every year, approximately 10 percent of married people admit to having an affair. That number is even greater for couples under the age of 35. [1] X Source of Research Although many people choose to keep this tragedy a secret, many still feel the need to confess to their partner. [2] X Research Sources If you have decided to confess, there are a few guidelines you can follow to acknowledge this sad fact.
Steps
Create the right conditions
- Perhaps it would be better to chat with the person in the living room at home instead of going to a coffee shop or restaurant.
- Don’t choose a time when the person is stressed, for example right after they come home from work.
- For example, you could say, “I have something important to tell you and I want to make sure we have enough time to talk. When do you think is the best time?”
- You may think it’s a good idea to omit some details about the affair, but a half-hearted confession will only make you feel worse. [3] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to source For example, if you’ve cheated on your spouse a few times, telling them you’ve only made a mistake once is a half-address. .
- Show that you’re listening by turning your body toward them and maintaining eye contact.
- Remove any distractions and avoid interrupting the conversation. Turn off your phone, TV, computer, and so on.
- Do not interrupt the person while they are speaking. Listen until they finish talking.
- Paraphrase what they mean to show that you were listening. For example, you could start by saying “if you got it right, I mean…” [4] X Research Source
Confess the truth
- “We met at work” is better than a lengthy presentation like: “The clerical manager needs a new assistant. So she recruited this guy and trained him…”
- However, always be ready to go into detail if asked. Don’t skip details if your partner asks for more details.
- “I didn’t mean to hurt you”
- “It only happened once.”
- “I don’t know what I’m talking about!”
Correct the mistake or don’t do it
- “I’m sorry I lied to you. You don’t deserve this treatment.”
- “It’s all my fault. I’m sorry for hurting you.”
- “Lying was wrong and I’m sorry I betrayed you.”
- You may have to accept some conditions to get them to trust you again. For example, you may need to clearly state your location every time you go out, or allow your partner to check your phone, email, and social media accounts.
- “Is it because I feel lonely?” “If so, why?”
- “Why would I choose a third person over my life partner?”
- “What kind of feelings did I have for the third person?”
- You should be ready to accept your partner’s anger. Remember that they have a right to be angry. Listen when they are expressing their anger.
- Remember that you have a lot of time to prepare for this conversation, but this is a very unexpected thing for your partner.
Advice
- Inform your partner as soon as possible. If they found out about this through someone else, they would suffer even more.
- That person will want to know why you lost your way. You will spend a lot of time and meet with a consultant many times to answer this question. Therefore, be patient.
- Explain to your partner that they are not at fault for this. Their self-esteem can be severely damaged when they hear the news. They will even blame themselves. You need to emphasize that this whole thing is your fault.
Warning
- Go for a medical check-up immediately. If you’ve had unprotected sex and then had sex with your partner again, let them know.
- Everyone will react differently to bad news. Be prepared to hear your partner yell, hit, or walk away. You need to control your anger so you can help them when needed.
This article was co-written by Tasha Rube, LMSW. Tasha Rube is a licensed social worker in Missouri. She received her MSW degree from the University of Missouri in 2014.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 2,034 times.
Adultery is a common practice. Every year, approximately 10 percent of married people admit to having an affair. That number is even greater for couples under the age of 35. [1] X Source of Research Although many people choose to keep this tragedy a secret, many still feel the need to confess to their partner. [2] X Research Sources If you have decided to confess, there are a few guidelines you can follow to acknowledge this sad fact.
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