How to Communicate with Introverts

Introverts may seem quiet or shy, but that just means they’re comfortable with themselves. They are insightful, attentive, and good listeners. If you need help communicating with introverts, try the helpful tips in this article.

Table of Contents

One-to-one interaction

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Spend time alone with introverts instead of in large groups. If you’re really looking forward to having an in-depth conversation with an introvert, choose a quiet, private place instead of a crowded space. Here’s how to help introverts feel comfortable talking. ^{[1] X Research Source}

For example, when you’re dating an introvert, they’ll probably prefer to have dinner at a quiet restaurant and listen to music at a small coffee shop instead of going to a crowded and noisy concert.

Encourage introverts to talk.

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Motivation helps introverts open up and share their thoughts. Introverts don’t usually initiate conversation, and they are somewhat quiet in a relationship. Check with introverts by asking how they’re doing and how they’re feeling. Ask open-ended questions so they can talk more. ^{[2] X Research Source}

For example, instead of asking “How are you?” ask, “How are you doing these days?” or “How have things been lately?”.

Give introverts time to respond.

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Wait a while after you ask a question or make a comment so that the introvert feels comfortable. Most introverts aren’t in a hurry to respond or join a conversation, especially when the conversation is opinionated. This is true for your co-workers, children, and even your lover. Create silence in the conversation so they can reflect and respond without feeling pressured. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

For example, instead of asking a question and immediately calling someone’s name, you would mentally count to 3 to create a pause before someone could answer.

Don’t worry about silence in the conversation.

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Introverts don’t mind silence or deep conversation. Extroverts will feel like they have to talk constantly to fill the silence in conversation, but small talk can really make introverts nervous. Instead of talking without stopping, don’t worry about silence or engage in deep conversation. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

When you’re at a party and want introverts to feel comfortable, try helping them find acquaintances to chat with instead of expecting them to join a conversation with lots of strangers.

Improve listening skills.

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Focus so you can listen more than you speak. If you’re an extrovert, you’ll feel comfortable talking, especially if introverts don’t talk much. However, if you really focus on listening to others, it will be easier for them to open up. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

One of the ways to show introverts that you’re listening is to repeat what they say. For example, you could say, “Looks like you had a bad day. Namely how?”

Text and email more.

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Text or email introverts instead of calling or chatting in person. Many introverts feel nervous when they have to call or meet someone. To make them feel more comfortable, you should send a text or email. This is an effective way of communicating with introverts. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

If you work with introverts, reduce interactions to reduce stress. For example, instead of immediately asking something when you meet them, think about how you should phrase it and send them an email.

Acknowledge their strengths and accomplishments.

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Appreciate and respect introverts. Although introverts don’t like being the center of attention, most people like being appreciated, especially from close friends. Praise or thank them for the good they have done for you. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

For example, you might meet an introverted coworker privately and praise their recent project contribution or let your introverted lover know that you appreciate them.

Create a space where introverts feel comfortable.

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Give them physical or mental space to relax. That means your introverted child has a quiet space in his or her own room or study, or you leave a partner or coworker alone for a while. Having a quiet space to reflect can help introverts de-stress. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

If you and your introverted lover have been spending the day together, they probably need some alone time at night. This is completely normal and can help them “charge” their energy.

Help introverts.

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Let them know that you are there when they feel stressed or anxious. Introverts are less likely to express their feelings, thoughts, and fears. Open your arms wide so they know you’re always there. Here’s how to help them feel comfortable and open with you. ^{[9] X Research Source}

If you don’t know how to approach an introverted friend or lover, you can say, “You’ve been looking a bit contemplative lately. If you have something to say, I’m always here to listen.”

Don’t try to change them.

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Respect introverts instead of trying to make them extroverts. Introverts have many strengths – they are good listeners, good observers, and have excellent concentration. Instead of trying to make them more energetic, you should see the benefits of their introversion. ^{[10] X Research Source}

Remember that introversion is not a disadvantage! If you have trouble communicating with introverts, focus on improving these skills.

Steps