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This article has been co-written by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and principal clinician of Astute Counseling Services, a privately held business in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and teaching experience in the mental health field, Rebecca specializes in treating depression, anxiety, phobias, trauma, and interpersonal counseling by providing combines cognitive behavioral therapy, psychodynamic therapy, and evidence-based treatments. Rebecca holds a bachelor’s degree in sociology and anthropology from DePauw University, a master’s degree in teaching methods from Dominican University, and a master’s degree in social work from the University of Chicago. Rebecca is a member of AmeriCorps and also a professor of psychology teaching at the university level. Rebecca is trained as a cognitive behavioral therapist (CBT), clinical trauma therapist (CCTP) and crisis counselor (CGCS). Rebecca is a member of the American Society of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and the National Association of Social Workers.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 341,572 times.
One of the worst feelings in the world is knowing that someone you love is in pain but there’s nothing you can do for them. What will you say when you can only watch helplessly as the person you love is holding your head and struggling with the burdens of life? You probably won’t be able to get rid of their pain or disappointment. But you can show concern and sympathy. Never think that you can’t do anything – sometimes, a small act of friendship can go a long way.
Steps
Direct comfort
- You should ask for permission first to make sure that hugging is the right course of action to comfort the person; Some people don’t like this kind of physical contact.
- Hug the person and rub their back. If the person cries, let them cry on your shoulder.
- Say something like, “Perhaps you’re going through a tough time right now, and I want you to know that I’m here to listen if you want to vent,” or “If you want to cry, keep crying”.
- Psychologists assert that experiencing negative emotions is just as important as feeling positive. Negative emotions teach us much about the natural ups and downs of life. So, expressing negative feelings, as opposed to suppressing them, can be a useful tool for overall mental health. [3] X Research Sources
- Do not set up a specific work schedule; just be present. The person may not want to do anything or feel confused when it comes to making a decision. However, you should have a few ideas ready in case they want to do something. [4] X Research Sources
- For example, you can bring a warm blanket to your friend to bury in, or bring them your favorite DVD set (if that person wants to watch it), or share it with that person. a big box of ice cream they like when they’re venting.
- Or, you can call them and ask, “I know that in a situation like this, you won’t have time to go grocery shopping or buy groceries. Would you like me to buy something for you? “.
- The list of essentials includes disposable plates and napkins if guests are coming to their home as well as facial tissues and herbal teas such as chamomile tea.
Comfort from afar
- You can say, “Hey, X, I’m sorry about what happened. I know you’re either busy or don’t want to talk right now. But I wanted to call you to say I’m thinking about you. And I’ll always be there if you need me.”
- Many people don’t know what to say to someone who is grieving or frustrated, so they choose not to say anything. [7] X Research Source Even if you don’t know what to say, the person will be grateful that you care about them and realize how important the problem they are facing is.
- Send a text message or assure the person that you will call often to check in. For example, you could say something like, “I’ll call you back Tuesday after work to check on you.”
- After the person has finished speaking, you should summarize any information you have heard and then state a statement that reassures them that although you cannot wave your wand and heal everything, you have listened. listen and will be there for that person. Even words are meant to reflect things, such as “I heard that you are very upset about ___. I feel very sad that this has happened to you, but I hope you know that I will always be there for you. with you”, can be of great help to that person.
- For example, if the person has just broken up, you can send them some comfort foods and some tabloids to help them stop thinking about the past. . If the person has recently lost a loved one, send a collection of uplifting quotes or scriptures or a book about finding hope after a loss.
Avoid annoying them
- Empathy involves acknowledging the other person’s painful feelings by putting yourself in their shoes. [10] X Research Sources Even if you think you know that feeling well, you should avoid generalizing. For that person, this is quite a new, unfair, and painful experience. To provide support and understanding, you should say, “I see that you are suffering. I wish I could do something for you.”
- Everything happens for a reason
- Time will heal all wounds
- This has to happen
- Things could have been worse
- Whatever is in the past, let it pass
- The more things change, the more they will return to the way they were
Advice
- Don’t be discouraged. Be strong for that person – you won’t be able to help them if you feel depressed too.
- Avoid taking on too much work. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of anyone. Don’t upset yourself or get tired of other people’s lives. You should keep a balance so that you can still actively help them and still allow them to heal on their own terms.
- Be careful with the words you use because the person in a situation like this will be quite sensitive. Actions you should avoid are dismissing their feelings or difficulties, becoming too rigid, being too outspoken, or not listening.
- Reassure and tell the person about how much love people have for them.
- Don’t judge that person. Even if you think this is no big deal. You should allow the person time to recover on their own terms.
Warning
- Sometimes, people don’t want to cuddle, talk, or be around other people. In this case, let the person calm down and think about the best way to approach them.
This article has been co-written by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and principal clinician of Astute Counseling Services, a privately held business in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and teaching experience in the mental health field, Rebecca specializes in treating depression, anxiety, phobias, trauma, and interpersonal counseling by providing combines cognitive behavioral therapy, psychodynamic therapy, and evidence-based treatments. Rebecca holds a bachelor’s degree in sociology and anthropology from DePauw University, a master’s degree in teaching methods from Dominican University, and a master’s degree in social work from the University of Chicago. Rebecca is a member of AmeriCorps and also a professor of psychology teaching at the university level. Rebecca is trained as a cognitive behavioral therapist (CBT), clinical trauma therapist (CCTP) and crisis counselor (CGCS). Rebecca is a member of the American Society of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and the National Association of Social Workers.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 341,572 times.
One of the worst feelings in the world is knowing that someone you love is in pain but there’s nothing you can do for them. What will you say when you can only watch helplessly as the person you love is holding your head and struggling with the burdens of life? You probably won’t be able to get rid of their pain or disappointment. But you can show concern and sympathy. Never think that you can’t do anything – sometimes, a small act of friendship can go a long way.
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