How to Comfort a Crying Woman

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This article was co-written by Connell Barrett. Connell Barrett is a love consultant, founder and executive coach of Dating Transformation, a relationship consulting firm he founded in 2017 and based out of New York City. Connell advises clients based on the XRB Dating System: Authenticity, Clarity, and Expression. He is also a dating coach with the dating app The League. His work has been featured in Cosmoppitan, The Oprah Magazine and Today.

There are 19 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

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Most people cry, but women often cry more than men. ^{[1] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source} When you come across a woman crying, whether it’s your lover, friend, or co-worker, there are a few things you can do to help her. he feels better. Comforting a crying person can make your relationship stronger, and help both of you feel more comfortable. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Table of Contents

Comforting loved ones and close friends

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Assess situation. There are countless reasons why women cry, such as grief over someone’s passing, stress, illness, or even joy. ^{[3] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to the source} Before you act, you should consider the situation and consider whether it is appropriate to comfort the person right now. Here are a few situations where you shouldn’t comfort your partner:

When you are also affected by the situation that makes her unhappy. If you’re also shocked, upset, or hurt by the situation that made her cry, you’re in the wrong position to help her. In this case, you should find other support to help you and her cope with what is going on. ^{[4] X Research Sources}
When she cried for joy. Researchers are still not sure why happy people can cry uncontrollably like people who are scared or sad. ^{[5] X Research Source} When you’re in this situation, congratulating a friend or lover is more appropriate than trying to comfort her!
When she cries during an argument with you. Before you comfort her, you also need to calm down for a moment to make sure the argument doesn’t happen again.

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Comfort her. Try to comfort a crying woman, unless there’s a good reason you shouldn’t. Ignoring a crying person can be quite damaging to their mental state. ^{[6] X Research Source} Your comforting actions will help calm her down and strengthen the bond between the two of you. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

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Become a good listener. This advice is familiar but never superfluous. Crying is also an important form of communication, and you should pay close attention to what she wants to say. ^{[8] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to the source} Listen attentively, for example, empathize with the person who is crying and avoid interrupting when they are speaking. To be a good listener, you just need to let her express her feelings and be with her wholeheartedly.

However, you should remember that consolation is not about trying to change the other person’s feelings.
Be careful that the conversation doesn’t focus on you because this is what’s happening to her. Don’t look at things from your position. Even if she doesn’t act like you, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve comfort or she deserves sadness. ^{[9] X Research Source}
Avoid saying things like “If I were you…”, “Have you tried…haven’t you?” or “When it happened to me, I didn’t overdo it.”

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Don’t try to downplay the pain or tell her not to cry. Crying is also a good or positive action, even if it is caused by something traumatic. In addition, crying can ease the physical and mental state of someone who is sad or stressed. ^{[10] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to the source} Emotional suppression is a major barrier to emotional healing. Even if you feel uncomfortable, let her cry according to her emotional need. Maybe then she’ll feel better.

In general, you should avoid using imperative statements, negative language, or imperative language. Never use statements like “Don’t cry,” “You shouldn’t be sad,” or “It’s not that bad.”
You won’t do her any good by assuming you know all the answers. Avoid saying what you think she should or shouldn’t do to solve the problem. Don’t assume you know everything she’s going through and how to handle it. This only made her feel rejected.
People who cry because of a mental illness such as anxiety or depression often feel worse instead of better after crying. ^{[11] X Research Sources} If you think she’s crying because of the effects of a mental illness, comfort and encourage her, but you should also advise her to see a doctor to get the treatment she needs. set.

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Acknowledge her sadness. Show her that you understand her pain by acknowledging it as legitimate pain and empathizing with it. ^{[12] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source} You might say the following:

“Too bad…I’m sorry that happened!”
“I understand that this is really painful.”
“This sounds so disgruntled. I’m sorry about that.”
“No wonder you’re so sad. It seems like a difficult thing to do.”
“I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

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Comfort with non-verbal gestures. The crying person can also easily feel comforted when you use comforting gestures instead of words. Nodding your head, the right facial expression, the look in your eyes, and the way you lean toward her can help her see your concern and concern. ^{[13] X Research Source}

While handing over a tissue is sometimes interpreted as a gesture of concern, it can also be a sign that you want your partner to stop crying. Therefore, you should only do this when the crying person needs a tissue or seems to be looking for a tissue.

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Consider whether physical contact is appropriate. Some people feel comforted when someone touches them, but others feel anxious. ^{[14] X Source} Give her a hug if you know she can take it. Over time, hugs even help relieve stress. ^{[15] X Source of Research} Some other appropriate actions include holding hands, patting the shoulder, stroking hair, or kissing on the forehead. You will evaluate the situation based on her desires and the limits of the relationship, and always listen to her requests. Keep your distance when she wants you to.

You can also observe her body language to see if she’s receptive to this comforting act of yours. Defensive body language like clenched fists, crossed arms and legs, or avoiding eye contact means she wants you to keep your distance. ^{[16] X Research Source}

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Try not to dodge. Many people feel uncomfortable around someone who is crying. If you are too, you may be in a hurry to say something that you think will help while not knowing what to say. Or, you will find a way out of the situation. This only made things worse for her. If you don’t know what to do, say something like, “I’m so sorry to hear your story. What can I do to make you feel better?” At the very least, it shows you care and makes her feel comfortable.

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Offer to help instead of solving the problem. It is easy to find yourself in a situation where you want to handle things the way you think is best. However, maybe she just doesn’t want the help or doesn’t need what you think she needs. You should avoid making the situation worse. Resist the urge to solve the problem when what you should be doing is helping her through her grief. ^{[17] X Research Source}

Let her know that you’re always willing to help, but don’t try to force her to accept your help. Sometimes the help she needs is just to talk to someone. Often listening is the best way to comfort others. ^{[18] X Research Sources}
Ask open-ended questions to see if she needs help. Questions like “What can I do to help you?” or “I really want to help–so what can I do to make things better?” These are some good opening lines to show how she wants your help.
Sometimes people who are sad feel confused and don’t know what you should do to help them. In this case, try listing a few things you can do to help her feel better. For example, you might ask her if she wants to go out for ice cream, or if she wants you to meet up at a different time and prepare a movie for both of you to watch. You need to pay attention to which suggestion she responds positively to. ^{[19] X Research Source}

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Help at the right time. While solving the problem isn’t the first thing you should do, there are other concrete things you can do to ease her pain. If you can help her unload and she seems to want you to do the same, take the initiative in what you can.

For example, if she’s crying because of work stress, you can offer to help with the housework so she can focus on her work. If she cries over an argument with a friend, the two of you can discuss ways to mend the relationship together.

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Take the initiative to inquire about her situation. A few days or weeks after you caught her crying, you can check in from time to time to make sure she’s getting better. You don’t have to ask in detail; instead, asking her out for coffee, asking how she’s doing, or making a little more phone calls are all helpful. Maybe she’ll be happy again soon, but she still needs more time to get over her sadness. Your attention will greatly benefit her.

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Take care of yourself. While empathy is important, it can also make you sad or depressed. Don’t forget to take care of yourself and reach out to others when you need help!

Comfort an acquaintance or colleague

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Show empathy. Often, many people only cry in front of those close to them – not strangers, co-workers, or acquaintances. If she’s not close to you but still cries in front of you, she’s probably really heartbroken and in need of understanding. The important thing now is to show empathy, rather than being annoyed, alarmed, or scared. ^{[20] X Trusted Source Harvard Business Review Go to Source}

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Let her cry. If she wants you around, you should let her cry. Don’t make her stop crying or tell her to “cheer up”. Crying is a natural, healthy act and can help alleviate pain and stress. ^{[21] X Research Source}

Remember that crying in the workplace is not unprofessional. Most people cry at some point, so crying at work is inevitable. ^{[22] X Harvard Business Review Trusted Source Go to Source}
Reassure her if she’s embarrassed, for example, by saying, “It’s okay to cry” or “There’s nothing to be ashamed of – we’re human!”.

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Show her that you’re willing to listen. Since she’s not close to you, she probably won’t want to tell you too many details. Even so, you should still be willing to hear her vent. Ask questions and use open body language so she knows you’re available to listen when needed. ^{[23] X Trusted Source Harvard Business Review Go to source} For example, you might say:

“I know we are colleagues, but I can also be a friend if you need someone to talk to. Do you have something you want to tell me?”
“My office door is always open if you need to confide something difficult to say.”
“Is there anything I can do for you? Even if it’s not about work, I’m willing to listen.”

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Listen attentively. If she decides to vent to you, listen carefully to show you care. You can do things like don’t interrupt or give advice, just ask questions to confirm that you understand what she’s saying, make eye contact, and avoid distractions. ^{[24] X Research Source}

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Show empathy while remaining professional. You should act like a normal person and show your concern, but don’t go overboard as a coworker. After all, the co-worker relationship had to continue after this incident.

For example, you won’t initiate a hug unless she wants you to. If you want to call her after work to check on her, you should ask her if she’s comfortable with that.

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Offer to help with work-related matters. Perhaps your coworker is crying because of work stress, or has a personal problem that affects her ability to focus on work. Either way, if you’re in a position to help her professionally, help her find a solution. ^{[25] X Trusted Source Harvard Business Review Go to Source}

For example, she needs to take a leave of absence, or you will help her plan how to handle difficult professional work.
Even so, you should only act when she needs your help. It is very easy to find yourself in a situation where you are trying to solve the problem the way you think is best. However, maybe she doesn’t want the help or the things you think she needs. You certainly don’t want to make the situation worse.
Avoid getting too involved in personal matters. Don’t feel like you need to deal with a coworker’s personal problem. Also, if you’re not close to each other, don’t assume you know how to handle her problems. Be comforting and listen, but only focus on the work aspect.
If you find you can’t help her with the problem, apologize and say you can’t help. If you know anyone who can help with her problem, suggest she talk to her and seek help from that person.

Advice

Either way, the most important thing you can do for a crying woman is listen and empathize. Other gestures such as preparing dinner, offering her coffee, taking her to the movies are all very kind, but your presence and concern is the most precious gift you can give your partner. .
Watching someone else cry can make many people uncomfortable, but you should work through the discomfort to give love and care to the person who needs it.
Remember that crying is not a problem to be solved, but a way of communication that needs to be heard. ^{[26] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}

Warning

Crying is healthy, but it can also be a sign of a serious medical condition like an anxiety disorder, fear, or depression. If she keeps crying and doesn’t feel better, advise her to see a professional.
Comforting a crying person is a healthy, caring, and positive act. However, sometimes this can also have a negative effect. If you feel exhausted trying to comfort someone, take care of yourself by reaching out to people who can help you.

Steps

Comforting loved ones and close friends

Comfort an acquaintance or colleague

Advice

Warning

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