How to Chat with Others

Becoming a good conversationalist will help you succeed in your career, in your social life, and in your love life. Just like any other skill, it takes practice and confidence to be able to communicate effectively with others. There are many steps you can take to feel more comfortable initiating and maintaining a conversation.

Table of Contents

Start a conversation

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Chat with strangers. Sometimes, the most difficult part of communicating with others is determining how to initiate the conversation. This is especially scary when you want to talk to someone you’ve never met before. To start a conversation with a stranger, try to find similarities. ^{[1] X Research Source}

For example, if you’re waiting in line at a neighborhood coffee shop, you might say to the person in front of you, “What’s so good about this place? I’ve never tried anything special here.”
You can also comment on the situation. Try saying, “Isn’t the weather nice today?”. If the person responds to you in a cheerful tone, you can continue the story with a few more comments.
Another way to start a conversation is to say something about the person you want to talk to. For example “I really like your bag”.

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Choose the right people to reach. Find someone who isn’t busy and looks friendly. For example, when you’re waiting in line and someone makes eye contact with you, smile and ask them an open-ended question. Avoid trying to strike up a conversation with someone who is talking to someone else or is engaged in a task. ^{[2] X Research Source}

When at a party, a good place to start a conversation is near the food court or the bar. This is where you can find natural conversation starters like “Have you tried that salad?” or “Can you show me how to use this bottle opener?”
If you don’t know how to join the party, head to the kitchen. This is usually an area where people gather, and you can join the crowd by helping to make drinks or set up snacks.
The same rule applies when deciding to approach a colleague. Wait until they are not talking to others. Lunchtime is the perfect time to start a conversation.

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Approach someone you know. Perhaps you want to talk to someone you’ve already met, but you don’t know how. One effective approach is to inquire about themselves. Asking questions is a great way to start a conversation. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

If you want to chat with a coworker in the cafeteria, a good way to start is by asking the person a question. Say, “How was your weekend? Did you take advantage of that beautiful day?”.
Maybe you’re interested in learning more about your new neighbor. When you see her picking up the mail, try asking, “Are you all right? If you need a good pizzeria, just ask me.”

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Maintain simplicity. You don’t have to come up with a great opening line to start a conversation. You can start with basic statements like “Hello” or “How are you?”. The opponent will usually start there and continue the story. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

You can come up with a simple statement about yourself. After a challenge in a group cycling class, you can say to the person next to you, “Wow, I’m going to hurt a lot later.”
By keeping it simple, you’re starting the conversation, but still allowing the other person to help you in the process. At the same time, it will also reduce the pressure of finding wise topics to talk to you.

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Avoid sharing too much. When trying to start a conversation, you shouldn’t embarrass the other person. Many people tend to babble too much or talk nervously when chatting. This action will lead to a widespread social problem known as oversharing. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Unless you’re having a private conversation with someone you know well, it’s best to avoid sharing sensitive information about yourself. For example, don’t try to start a conversation by sharing with someone you know the results of your most recent checkup at your gynecologist’s office.
Others often feel uncomfortable when you share personal information. The cashier at the supermarket won’t want to know about your teenage daughter’s poor academic performance. When you spark conversation, you should stay away from sensitive topics.
Don’t monologue in front of others – a good conversation should be interspersed with questions or short stories.

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Know when to be silent. At times, silence can be awkward. Your natural inclination will be to fill that void with small talk. However, sometimes, silence is the best way. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

If you’re bored on a flight, you’ll want to entertain yourself by talking to the person sitting next to you. But if the person shows some specific social cues, you should find other ways to entertain yourself.
If someone is avoiding eye contact, this is a sign that they don’t want to talk. The person reading a book or wearing headphones will just want to be quiet.

Continue the conversation

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Raise the question. Once you’ve gotten to know the other person, there are plenty of ways to keep the conversation going. Asking questions is a great way to continue the conversation. You should ask the other person to do something simple for you. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

For example, if you’re picking up your child from school, you could say to another mother, “Can you remind me of tomorrow’s early dismissal time?”
You can also ask a colleague to give you advice. You can say something like, “By the way, your Powerpoint presentation is very sophisticated. Can I have some advice, please?”
If you’re dating, ask questions like “what do you usually get upset about?” or “Do you have any outstanding features that might surprise others?”

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Ask open-ended questions. Asking questions is a great way to move a conversation forward. But open-ended questions are the key to keeping the conversation going. You should ask questions that require more than just saying yes or no. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Instead of asking “How was your trip to Da Nang?”, say “I remember you said you were going to travel. What did you do on vacation? This question will start the discussion. .
Continue to ask questions after the first response. If the person says “We spent a lot of time playing gpf”, you can respond with “Oh, what’s your handicap? Can you give me some suggestions for a good gpf course? no? I really want to improve my skills”.
You can also turn compliments into questions. For example, “I really like the dress you’re wearing. How can you find such a beautiful dress?”.

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Be sincere. Don’t try to force the conversation. Instead, you should talk about something you really care about. If you pretend to be excited, the other person will easily notice. ^{[9] X Research Source}

At the dinner party, you should start socializing with people with similar interests as you. For example, you could say, “Minh, I heard you just bought a new bike. I’d love to go on a bike road trip.”
When you’re at your daughter’s soccer practice, it’s a good idea to talk to the other parent about the new training. For example, “I think Hanh is doing pretty well in reinforcement practice. What about Mai?”.

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Stay away from conversation ruiners. After you’ve chatted for a few minutes, you’ll feel comfortable with the progression of the story. But you still need to make an effort to keep the conversation going. Part of being a good conversationalist is knowing how to avoid saying things that might upset others. ^{[10] X Research Source}

You’ve probably heard the old adage that you shouldn’t discuss politics or religion in a social context. You need to follow this advice when you’re in a different group of people.
Avoid boring others. For example, you shouldn’t give a lengthy, confusing summary of a reality TV show or your cat’s health. You should give other people a chance to participate in the story.
Use the right tone of voice. Usually, small talk needs to be fun. After all, you’re trying to get people to like you. And we are often attracted to positive people. When in doubt, you should try to find an upbeat topic to discuss. ^{[11] X Research Source}
For example, you could say “Wow, it’s been raining a lot lately. But at least we’ll get some beautiful spring flowers!”.
You can express your concern in an unpleasant situation. Just add a little positivity to it. For example, “We have to work late tonight. Would you like to have a late dinner with me? I know a pretty good pizzeria.”

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Change the subject. In almost any conversation that lasts more than a few minutes, you’ll be talking about more than one topic. You need to be prepared to move on to something other than just focusing on your familiarization question. A good way to prepare is to pay attention to current events and popular culture. You can always leave comments on them. ^{[12] X Research Source}

For example, you could say, “Have you seen the best picture nominees of the year? I love Spotlight.”
Ready to move on to a new topic. You should try to say something like, “Oh, your story reminds me of my trip to Greece. Have you been there before?”. This method will help your conversation flow naturally.

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Chat with many other people. The more people involved in the conversation, the less pressure you will feel. You should take steps to involve others in your team. For example, if you’re eating at the company cafeteria, you can chat with a coworker looking for a seat. Tell the person, “Hey, Linh, would you like to sit with Tuan with me?” ^{[13] X Research Source}

You can also do this in social situations. Maybe you’re chatting with someone you know at a wine party. If you see someone standing alone near you, you should invite them to join your conversation. You might say something like, “Wow, this shrimp is delicious. Have you tried it?”
Inviting others to join the conversation is not only a polite act, but also helps the conversation move forward. The more people involved, the more topics you have to talk about.

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Become a good listener. Listening is just as important as talking. To become a conversationalist, you need to practice active listening. You can use words to let the other person know that you are listening and paying attention. ^{[14] X Research Source}

Try to provide neutral comments like “Interesting”. You can also say “Tell me more” to encourage the other person to continue the story.
Or use repetition to show that you are listening. You should say something like, “Wow, it’s great that you’ve traveled to every country in Europe.”

Use positive body language

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Smile. When you’re having a conversation, your body language is just as important as your words. One of the most effective methods of communication is to smile at the other person. This is a great way to connect with someone you don’t know well. ^{[15] X Research Source}

Smile at others at the dog park. If you notice your dog and that person’s dog frolicking together, you can smile at the dog’s owner. This will make you appear more approachable.
Smiling is also an effective way to show support. If one of your coworkers walks up to your desk to tell you a story, smiling at that person shows that you care about what they have to say.

Advice

Set up a mental list of story prompts.
Don’t be afraid of new situations. Trying something new will help you meet new people and practice your communication skills.

Steps

Start a conversation

Continue the conversation

Use positive body language

Advice

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