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People with autism may be overwhelmed by strong sensory or emotional impacts. When this happens, they often need someone to gently lead them to a quiet place so they can calm down. Here are a few ways you can help someone with autism when they are grieving.
Steps
Take the first steps
- Maintain a calm and understanding attitude. Show the same kindness you’d expect others to do for you if you’re in trouble.
- Never yell, scold, or punish a person with autism for grieving. They didn’t do it on purpose, so being ruthless will only make the situation worse. If you can’t control yourself, it’s better to leave instead of making the situation worse.
- With severe emotional overload, people who are normally able to talk will suddenly lose the ability to talk. It is due to overstimulation, and it will pass when they have time to relax. If someone has lost the ability to talk, you should simply ask yes/no questions so that they can answer with an up and down hand gesture.
- If they can’t talk right now, have them respond by gesturing up and down. Or, you could say, “Do you want me to stay or leave?” and point to the floor and to the door, then let them point to where they want you to be.
- If young children want to be left alone, you can sit in the next room and do something quiet (like playing on your phone or reading) to keep an adult present. [3] X Research Sources
- If they tug on tight clothing, offer to help them take it off. [4] X Source of Research (Don’t try to undress them without permission, as this can make them panic and upset).
- If they try to drink from the basin, get them a glass.
- If they throw things, perhaps the act of throwing things calms them down. Try giving them something that can be safely thrown away (like a pillow). Let them throw it away, then put it back so they can throw it away again. This can calm them down.
- If you feel unsafe around them, leave. Let them continue until they calm down and are exhausted.
- Often, police are not trained to help people with autism when they lose their temper, and they can make the situation worse or hurt your loved one with autism. Instead, you should ask someone with whom the autistic person knows and trusts.
Use emotional reassurance methods
- Turn off distracting devices, such as televisions or radios (unless the person with autism tells you they want to turn them on).
- Try dimming the light.
- Let them hide in small areas if they want to. For example, if they want to hide in a closet or kitchen cabinet with a phone, let them do it. (You just have to make sure they can get out on their own).
- You can hug them by opening your arms and see if they come to you.
- If you hug them, and they stiffen or dodge, let them go. Maybe they can’t stand the sensory impact of a hug right now, or perhaps your clothes have features that make them uncomfortable. [6] X Research Source
- They can show you exactly where they want you to touch, such as pointing at your back or squeezing your face.
- If they hurt themselves, consider if you can redirect them to do something safer (such as hitting the seat cushion instead of hitting the head).
- Don’t stop them, whatever they’re doing. [8] X Trusted Source Child Mind Institute Going to the Source Hugging an autistic person when they don’t want to is dangerous, especially when the person is in fight-or-flight mode. Both of you will be seriously injured when the autistic person tries to escape.
Use verbal methods
- Sensory background: Ask them to list 5 things they see right now, 4 things they can touch, 3 things they can hear, 2 things they can smell (or want to smell), and one good thing about themselves. Use your fingers to count them.
- Breathing box: Ask them to inhale and count to 4, hold and count to 4, exhale and count to 4, rest and count to 4, and then repeat.
- “I’m here to listen if you want to talk.”
- “You just relax. I’m not going anywhere.”
- “I’m so sorry you encountered that.”
- “It’s hard to hear.”
- “Of course I’m sad. I’m in a really tough situation. It’s only natural to be stressed out.”
- Try saying “Crying is normal” or “You should cry. I’m always here”.
- What has a calming effect will vary depending on the situation. If they refuse the hug to choose to listen to their favorite song and swing to it, don’t see it as your fault. They know what they need right now.
Advice
- Even if they don’t talk, you can talk to them. Reassure them and talk to them in a warm voice. This can help calm them down. [10] X Research Source
- Verbal reassurance will help, but if it doesn’t, stop and sit quietly. [11] X Research Source
- Withdraw all requests and orders, as pressure is often created by overstimulation. That’s why a quiet room (when available) works so well. [12] X Research Source
- Some children want to be held or rocked when they are sad.
- If the other person is calm enough after that, ask what was causing them to break down. After knowing the information, adjust your surroundings accordingly.
Warning
- Do not scold a person for losing his temper. Even though the person is mostly aware that losing his temper in public is unacceptable, anger will quickly escalate into tension and become uncontrollable.
- Loss of temper/depression has never been a trick to get attention. Don’t treat it like pure anger. They are difficult to control, and often cause autistic people to feel ashamed or remorseful.
- Never leave your partner alone unless you live in a safe and familiar environment.
- Never hit your opponent.
- Never yell at your opponent. Remember that they are autistic, so this may be the only way for them to express their frustration.
wikiHow is a “wiki” site, which means that many of the articles here are written by multiple authors. To create this article, 25 people, some of whom are anonymous, have edited and improved the article over time.
There are 7 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 1,413 times.
People with autism may be overwhelmed by strong sensory or emotional impacts. When this happens, they often need someone to gently lead them to a quiet place so they can calm down. Here are a few ways you can help someone with autism when they are grieving.
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