How to calm an angry person through texting

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This article was co-written by Frank Blaney. Frank Blaney is a tai chi and qigong teacher with over 15 years of experience. With the goal of bringing qigong to life, Frank is the author of “Qigong: A Beginner’s Guide.” He holds a black belt in jutsu, training employees and leaders of companies, nonprofits and communities on how to take care of themselves, improve work efficiency, and resolve conflicts. . He also holds a master’s degree in Negotiation, Conflict Resolution, and Peace Building from California State University.

There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

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It’s not easy to deal with someone getting angry over text, especially someone you care about. Whether they’re upset about you or just want to vent, it can be difficult to help when you’re not together. Fortunately, there are many effective ways to ease someone’s anger through texting: from careful word choice to a sincere apology. Today’s wikiHow offers some advice on this.

Table of Contents

Find the reason.

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It’s easier to calm someone down when you know what’s causing them to be angry. Read the message carefully to understand the other person’s point of view, then ask clarifying questions if you’re not sure what upset them. You’ll be able to handle the situation once you know the exact cause of the person’s anger, and they’ll also feel better when they see you taking the time to listen. ^{[1] X Trusted Source Mind Go to Source}

Express your clarifying questions carefully to let the other person know that you really want to get to know them better. Try asking questions like, “I’m sad to see you like this too. Can you tell me what happened?”
If this person gets mad at you for no apparent reason, text: “Can you tell me what I did or said to make you like this? I just want to know better so we can work it out. this thing.”

Acknowledge their point of view.

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Use empathy statements to reinforce the person’s point of view. Often angry people will calm down if someone tells them that their feelings are justified. Acknowledge the other person’s perspective and empathize with them, at least by saying that you understand where those feelings are coming from. This will more or less ease the situation. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Suppose a loved one is angry and is venting to you about what happened to them. You might respond like this: “I’m so sorry about this 🙁 No wonder you’re so upset.”
Maybe that loved one is upset because of you. To verify that point of view, you can text: “It’s perfectly normal for you to feel that way.”

Sorry if you did it wrong.

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If you make a mistake, it’s best to take responsibility for your actions. No one is immune to making mistakes, but an apology will make the person you care about feel better. To sincerely apologize, use an “I” statement to accept responsibility for your behavior and avoid making excuses or blaming the person who is upset with you. Express remorse for your actions, accompanied by a sincere promise that you will do better in the future.

Maybe your best friend is angry because you forgot to ask them out on a group date. Text: “I’m sorry. I should have asked you to come with me. There’s really nothing more to say because I forgot. Next time I promise to text you first.”

Ask about the other person’s feelings.

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This is an opportunity for your friends, relatives or your significant other to vent. You can ask how the person felt when the incident happened and how he or she feels right now. Also, ask what they need to get better and if you can help. Even if you are angry, ask for help to show the other person that you care and that way, their anger will subside. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

You can text: “What a bad day! How are you feeling now?” or “I’m sorry I let this happen. Is there anything I can do to help you?”

Before giving advice, check to see if the person needs to listen.

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If you give advice when the other person is not ready to listen, it will irritate them even more. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help them, but remember not to offer unsolicited advice for the situation. Chances are, your friend, loved one, or significant other just needs a moment to open up and express your frustration. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Send them a text like this: “I’ve been through something similar in the past. Would you like some advice on how I managed? If not, I’d be happy to hear from you. the.”
Giving advice before someone is ready to listen can make the other person feel you are underestimating or trying to ignore their feelings with a quick resolution.
If they’re not ready or don’t want to hear advice, say you’re still willing to share anytime in the future.

Offer a solution.

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See if there is a way to resolve the situation. First, you need to consult so that the person doesn’t think you are ignoring their feelings. Then, come up with a solution to the situation that upset them. If the person is mad at you, don’t focus on what’s right or wrong or get mad at them. Instead, try to come up with a solution that makes you both happy. ^{[5] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source}

You can consult with the person to come up with a solution by texting something like, “Is there anything we can do to fix this? I’d love to do something to make the situation better.”
If the other person agrees, you can suggest a solution. If your roommate is upset because you didn’t help them clean, text them, “I’ll clean the room. If you’re in the room tonight, we’ll split the work.”
If your best friend is angry because you haven’t gone out with her in a long time, say, “I’m busy with a new project because I’m busy, but I also enjoy hanging out and spending time with you. I’m free on Saturday most of the week, would you like to have coffee with me?”
It is also possible that the person is not ready to hear the solution. Tell them that when they calm down, you’re more than willing to work things out.

Read the answer again before hitting “submit”.

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When someone is angry, they are especially sensitive to what you say. Don’t send a text as soon as you think it up, especially if you’re feeling pressured, surprised, or annoyed by what they’re texting you. Try to remember how much you care about this person and choose your words carefully. You can re-read your answer before submitting. This will help you avoid sending angry messages. ^{[6] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}

You can compose responses in the note-taking app on your phone if you don’t want the other person to know that you’re typing.

Pay attention to the tone of your voice over text messages.

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Pay attention to word usage, punctuation, and emojis. These elements will help send messages to be empathetic, calm, and kind. ^{[7] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source} Don’t leave a terse message as this could potentially mislead the recipient into thinking you’re being passive-aggressive or hostile. ^{[8] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}

Use positive, empathetic, and supportive language such as “I understand,” “I understand your situation,” and “That makes sense.”
Avoid ending sentences abruptly with a period. While in most contexts punctuation is perfectly normal and grammatically correct, don’t text like “Okay.” or “That’s it.” This can make the recipient think you are upset or upset. ^{[9] X Research Source}
Use emojis to convey a positive and calm tone. If you want to comfort someone, you can send a message of encouragement with a smiley emoji. Or if you’re sad that you’ve angered your friend, add a sad face emoji to reflect genuine remorse. ^{[10] X Research Source}

Keep calm.

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Getting into a heated argument or showing anger can escalate tensions. If the person starts texting rudely or using harsh words, try to keep your tone moderate and neutral. Maintaining a positive attitude and offering to help will help de-escalate the situation, whether they are upset with you or angry about something else. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Whether you’re texting with your best friend, partner, or sibling, trust that person no matter what and always remember how much you care about them. “It’s crazy to be angry”, after they calm down, they may start to regret what they said.

Set limits if their anger escalates.

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Let the person know that you won’t continue texting unless they respect you. Don’t let anger be an excuse for someone to treat you badly. If this person is being rude, you can text that they need to talk to you properly if they want to continue the conversation. Or if the person’s anger is at its peak and you need to calm down, take a moment to rest. ^{[12] X Research Source}

You can text: “I really want to help, but I can only do it if you respect me.”
If you need a break or can’t continue texting, you can reply like this: “I’m really sorry you had to have a bad day. Now I have to stop texting for work, but sure we do. We can continue talking about this tomorrow.”

Arrange to meet the person if possible.

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If you can’t meet, try calling. If things haven’t worked out yet and texting isn’t enough to deal with it, you may need to talk to the person in person or call the person on the phone. Text your friend, partner, or family member that you’d be happy to talk to clarify, but that texting may not be the way to go. ^{[13] X Research Source}

You can text something like: “I’d really like to help, but I think it might be better if we meet in person.”
If you can’t meet, text: “Can we talk on the phone? I really want to get this over with, but texting just can’t do it.”

Steps