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This article was co-written by Allison Broennimann, PhD. Allison Broennimann is a private practice clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area who specializes in psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in providing psychotherapeutic solutions to treat anxiety, depression, emotional problems, grief, behavioral problems, stress Trauma and life transitions. As part of her psychotherapy service, she integrates intensive psychotherapy with cognitive rehabilitation for people recovering from traumatic brain injury. Broennimann holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and a master of science and doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Palo Alto. She is licensed by the California Psychological Board and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
There are 15 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 4,647 times.
Seeing someone you care about upset can be quite upsetting. If your friend, girlfriend, or sister is very angry, worried, or upset, you’ll want to learn how to help her calm down. You can do this by helping her relax, providing support, or talking about the problem.
Steps
Help her relax
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Take a deep breath with her . When you notice she’s having a hard time calming herself down, you should teach her to do deep breathing exercises that promote the body’s natural relaxation response. To practice deep breathing you need: [1] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Find a quiet, comfortable place where there are no distractions. You can sit up straight with a cushion or use a chair for support. Relax your shoulders and place your hands on your thighs.
- You both need to put one hand on your chest and one on your stomach. Breathe deeply into your nose for 4 to 8 counts. The hand on your belly should rise with your belly. Hold your breath for 1-2 counts. Then, exhale through your mouth, watching your hands lower to your belly, for the same number of counts as you did inhaling. The hand on your chest won’t move much.
- Repeat the breathing process for 5-10 minutes, or until she feels more relaxed.
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Perform dynamic relaxation exercises, stretching – stretching muscles. [2] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source Another technique that helps her relax and become more comfortable is dynamic relaxation, stretching and stretching. It will help you become more aware of the areas of stress in your body as well as help you feel relaxed in these areas.
- Sit comfortably in a chair or armchair. Proceed by taking a few deep breaths for a few minutes to activate calm.
- Start with your feet and work your way up. Perceive sensations in the feet. Take a few seconds to feel it. Then, slowly contract the muscles in your legs until they are completely tight. Hold for 10 counts. Relax the muscle, paying attention to how relaxed it feels. Maintain this state for about 10 counts, continuing to breathe deeply.
- Slowly move to other parts of your body and contract and relax each muscle group.
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Do exercise. When it comes to helping others calm down, the intensity of exercise won’t matter, but physical activity is a great way to relieve stress and promote feelings of positivity. Exercise releases feel-good chemicals in the brain called endorphins, which help you feel more energetic and brighter. [3] X Harvard Medical Schop Trusted Source Go to Source
- If you see her having a tough day, direct her to a group fitness class like Zumba to get active and build social connections. [4] X Research Sources Other options include jogging, walking, yoga, basketball, swimming, and hiking.
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Do a guided visualization exercise together. Visualization or guided visualization is another approach that promotes the body’s natural relaxation response. This exercise will be conducted by listening to the tape or following the video on YouTube. Here’s how: [5] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Find a quiet, peaceful area to listen to a guided visualization exercise or use your mind. This method will be started with deep breathing. Then imagine a place that makes each person feel safe or happy, like grandma’s house, a waterhole in the area, or a beautiful beach.
- Use at least three senses to visualize the place. Don’t stop at the image of it in your mind, you should think about its scent (for example, the smell of freshly baked cake or fresh coconut), or the taste (for example, the taste of chocolate or the salty taste in the air). gas). Move closer to a state of relaxation as you feel the sensations and surroundings of your special place.
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Listen to soothing music. Research has shown that instrumental music is very effective in bringing about a calm state of mind. [6] X Research Source However, this is entirely up to her, maybe she just wants to forget about the problem for a while and dance to the upbeat music. Or, she wants to show compassion to herself by listening to music that describes how she feels.
- It doesn’t matter what kind of music, as long as it brings her relaxation. [7] X Research Sources
Become a source of support
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Avoid asking her to “calm down”. When she’s upset and screaming, the last thing you want to say is “calm down”. While helping her calm down is your primary concern, actually, these three words are likely to anger her more. Plus, they’ll make her think you’re downplaying or ignoring her feelings. [8] X Research Sources
- Instead, you should say something like, “I see you’re sad/disappointed/worried…can I help?” or “I don’t understand what you’re saying. Let’s take a deep breath and start over”.
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Offer to help. If you find that she’s wallowing in what’s making her upset, you should ask if there’s anything you can do to relieve her of the burden, even if it’s only temporary. Maybe she’ll want you to help her with school projects or chores. She might even want to join you for lunch or a walk in the park.
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Make her laugh. One of the ways to help her stop thinking about what’s causing her stress is to change her perspective. You should do something to make her laugh. You can tell a joke or watch a funny video or movie together. Buy her a new book/a pair of earrings she’s always wanted. [9] X Research Source
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Physical contact. Physical contact between people possesses wonderful soothing properties. Since collision is one of our earliest and most basic forms of communication, most people will react to it. Physical contact in the form of cuddling, cuddling, patting on the back, or holding hands can provide comfort beyond words. This method has been proven to reduce stress, improve health and mood. [10] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source[11] X Research Source
- Ask if you can give her a hug, massage her back or shoulders, or hold her hand. Acting like a minor physical connection to you may be all she needs to calm down.
Chat about the problem
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Wait until she is ready. When we see someone we love in trouble or suffering, we want to quickly fix the situation. You need to try to overcome the urge to “fix” her problems or urge her to talk about them. The best solution is to simply be with her. When she’s ready, she’ll start chatting. [12] X Research Source
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Actively listen. Good listeners don’t listen to answer, they listen to understand. Active listening is the process of focusing your attention on her messages and responding to them so you can both understand each other. [13] X Research Sources Active listening includes 4 main principles: [14] X Credible Sources US Department of State Go to source
- Get to know her before she can understand you. You must gather information about her words before you can provide an appropriate response.
- Should not judge. Try not to be critical of her situation. You should show care and positive emotional intelligence unconditionally. You can be around, talk, and offer support without having to agree with everything she says.
- Provide complete attention. Make eye contact in proportion to your comfort, usually about 70% of the time when you are listening (about 50% when you are speaking). [15] X Trusted Source Michigan State University Extension Go to Source Turn off your phone. Face her, without crossing your arms and legs.
- Take advantage of appropriate silence. Sit still no matter how you want to interrupt her. She may want to reveal some important information that she would never say if you interrupt at the wrong time. You can respond by nodding, smiling, or saying a few short comments like “Yeah” or “You keep talking” to let her know that you’re listening.
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Acknowledge her feelings. Usually, if she is overwhelmed by her stress or emotions, she just wants to feel heard and accepted. When our loved one is upset, in an effort to try to resolve the situation, it is easy for us to overlook their core feelings. Once she’s calmed down, you should ask her to describe how she feels to you without taking her situation lightly or offering advice voluntarily. [16] X Research Sources[17] X Research Sources Some useful confirmation statements include:
- “Ah, that sounds bad.”
- “I’m so sorry you had such a difficult time.”
- “I understand why you’re upset. That doesn’t sound fair.”
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Help her solve the problem . Only after you’ve actively listened to and acknowledged her feelings can you move on to the resolution phase. And, you’re only allowed to help her come up with a solution if she asks for your help. If not, your mission here is complete. If she asks you to give her advice or help her with a problem, work together.
- Define the problem clearly. Then, consult with her about the results she is looking forward to getting. Once you’ve identified her goals, you should write down a list of every solution that fits them. Read each solution aloud and weigh all of their pros and cons. Allow her to make the final decision. You should remember that you are there to help her, not to take charge of her life. [18] X Research Sources
- If her problem is too big and you cannot help her alone, you should offer to go with her to talk to her parents, another adult, a school counselor. , or consultant.
Advice
- If she wants to be left alone, you should give her her space. However, you need to keep in mind that she might want to talk to someone in the future, so you should let her know you’re there if she needs it.
- Be sincere and honest.
- Pay attention to every detail of her words. Avoid being “dumb” when she’s talking about how she’s feeling, because she’ll likely ask for your opinion on something or how you’d react to a situation. Not actively listening will make her feel like you don’t care.
- Give her a tender hug when she cries and say you want to know what happened and if you can help her.
Warning
- Don’t try to actively discuss the problem with her. Give her time, you can cheer her up but don’t force her to tell you what happened.
- Don’t ask her to calm down or relax. You should calm her down without saying this as it will only upset her more.
- Don’t insult her further.
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This article was co-written by Allison Broennimann, PhD. Allison Broennimann is a private practice clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area who specializes in psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in providing psychotherapeutic solutions to treat anxiety, depression, emotional problems, grief, behavioral problems, stress Trauma and life transitions. As part of her psychotherapy service, she integrates intensive psychotherapy with cognitive rehabilitation for people recovering from traumatic brain injury. Broennimann holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and a master of science and doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Palo Alto. She is licensed by the California Psychological Board and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
There are 15 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 4,647 times.
Seeing someone you care about upset can be quite upsetting. If your friend, girlfriend, or sister is very angry, worried, or upset, you’ll want to learn how to help her calm down. You can do this by helping her relax, providing support, or talking about the problem.
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