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This article was co-written by Allison Broennimann, PhD. Allison Broennimann is a private practice clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area who specializes in psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in providing psychotherapeutic solutions to treat anxiety, depression, emotional problems, grief, behavioral problems, stress Trauma and life transitions. As part of her psychotherapy service, she integrates intensive psychotherapy with cognitive rehabilitation for people recovering from traumatic brain injury. Broennimann holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and a master of science and doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Palo Alto. She is licensed by the California Psychological Board and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
There are 15 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 4,647 times.
Seeing someone you care about upset can be quite upsetting. If your friend, girlfriend, or sister is very angry, worried, or upset, you’ll want to learn how to help her calm down. You can do this by helping her relax, providing support, or talking about the problem.
Steps
Help her relax
- Find a quiet, comfortable place where there are no distractions. You can sit up straight with a cushion or use a chair for support. Relax your shoulders and place your hands on your thighs.
- You both need to put one hand on your chest and one on your stomach. Breathe deeply into your nose for 4 to 8 counts. The hand on your belly should rise with your belly. Hold your breath for 1-2 counts. Then, exhale through your mouth, watching your hands lower to your belly, for the same number of counts as you did inhaling. The hand on your chest won’t move much.
- Repeat the breathing process for 5-10 minutes, or until she feels more relaxed.
- Sit comfortably in a chair or armchair. Proceed by taking a few deep breaths for a few minutes to activate calm.
- Start with your feet and work your way up. Perceive sensations in the feet. Take a few seconds to feel it. Then, slowly contract the muscles in your legs until they are completely tight. Hold for 10 counts. Relax the muscle, paying attention to how relaxed it feels. Maintain this state for about 10 counts, continuing to breathe deeply.
- Slowly move to other parts of your body and contract and relax each muscle group.
- If you see her having a tough day, direct her to a group fitness class like Zumba to get active and build social connections. [4] X Research Sources Other options include jogging, walking, yoga, basketball, swimming, and hiking.
- Find a quiet, peaceful area to listen to a guided visualization exercise or use your mind. This method will be started with deep breathing. Then imagine a place that makes each person feel safe or happy, like grandma’s house, a waterhole in the area, or a beautiful beach.
- Use at least three senses to visualize the place. Don’t stop at the image of it in your mind, you should think about its scent (for example, the smell of freshly baked cake or fresh coconut), or the taste (for example, the taste of chocolate or the salty taste in the air). gas). Move closer to a state of relaxation as you feel the sensations and surroundings of your special place.
- It doesn’t matter what kind of music, as long as it brings her relaxation. [7] X Research Sources
Become a source of support
- Instead, you should say something like, “I see you’re sad/disappointed/worried…can I help?” or “I don’t understand what you’re saying. Let’s take a deep breath and start over”.
- Ask if you can give her a hug, massage her back or shoulders, or hold her hand. Acting like a minor physical connection to you may be all she needs to calm down.
Chat about the problem
- Get to know her before she can understand you. You must gather information about her words before you can provide an appropriate response.
- Should not judge. Try not to be critical of her situation. You should show care and positive emotional intelligence unconditionally. You can be around, talk, and offer support without having to agree with everything she says.
- Provide complete attention. Make eye contact in proportion to your comfort, usually about 70% of the time when you are listening (about 50% when you are speaking). [15] X Trusted Source Michigan State University Extension Go to Source Turn off your phone. Face her, without crossing your arms and legs.
- Take advantage of appropriate silence. Sit still no matter how you want to interrupt her. She may want to reveal some important information that she would never say if you interrupt at the wrong time. You can respond by nodding, smiling, or saying a few short comments like “Yeah” or “You keep talking” to let her know that you’re listening.
- “Ah, that sounds bad.”
- “I’m so sorry you had such a difficult time.”
- “I understand why you’re upset. That doesn’t sound fair.”
- Define the problem clearly. Then, consult with her about the results she is looking forward to getting. Once you’ve identified her goals, you should write down a list of every solution that fits them. Read each solution aloud and weigh all of their pros and cons. Allow her to make the final decision. You should remember that you are there to help her, not to take charge of her life. [18] X Research Sources
- If her problem is too big and you cannot help her alone, you should offer to go with her to talk to her parents, another adult, a school counselor. , or consultant.
Advice
- If she wants to be left alone, you should give her her space. However, you need to keep in mind that she might want to talk to someone in the future, so you should let her know you’re there if she needs it.
- Be sincere and honest.
- Pay attention to every detail of her words. Avoid being “dumb” when she’s talking about how she’s feeling, because she’ll likely ask for your opinion on something or how you’d react to a situation. Not actively listening will make her feel like you don’t care.
- Give her a tender hug when she cries and say you want to know what happened and if you can help her.
Warning
- Don’t try to actively discuss the problem with her. Give her time, you can cheer her up but don’t force her to tell you what happened.
- Don’t ask her to calm down or relax. You should calm her down without saying this as it will only upset her more.
- Don’t insult her further.
This article was co-written by Allison Broennimann, PhD. Allison Broennimann is a private practice clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area who specializes in psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in providing psychotherapeutic solutions to treat anxiety, depression, emotional problems, grief, behavioral problems, stress Trauma and life transitions. As part of her psychotherapy service, she integrates intensive psychotherapy with cognitive rehabilitation for people recovering from traumatic brain injury. Broennimann holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and a master of science and doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Palo Alto. She is licensed by the California Psychological Board and is a member of the American Psychological Association.
There are 15 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 4,647 times.
Seeing someone you care about upset can be quite upsetting. If your friend, girlfriend, or sister is very angry, worried, or upset, you’ll want to learn how to help her calm down. You can do this by helping her relax, providing support, or talking about the problem.
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