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This article was co-written by Brian Bourquin, DVM. Brian Bourquin is a veterinarian and owner of the Boston Veterinary Clinic, a veterinary and pet care clinic with two campuses in the South End/Bay Village and Brookline, Massachusetts. Boston Veterinary Clinic specializes in basic veterinary medicine, health care and preventive care, critical and emergency care, soft tissue surgery, and dentistry. This clinic also offers specialty services in behavior modification, nutrition, acupuncture pain therapy, and laser therapies. Boston Veterinary Clinic is an AAHA-accredited veterinary hospital (American Association of Veterinary Hospitals). Brian has over 19 years of experience in the veterinary industry and earned his Doctor of Veterinary Medicine degree from Cornell University.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 15,121 times.
Bonding with cats can be a rewarding but also challenging experience. Cats, despite being domesticated, still understand very little about human behavior. [1] X Research Sources Therefore, showing affection to cats can be quite difficult. However, many people are able to create a healthy and happy relationship with their cat. If you understand your cat’s body language, respect boundaries, and show affection the right way, you can build a strong bond with your cat.
Steps
Get to know your cat
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Learn your cat’s body language. To become attached, you need to read your cat’s emotions. The first step is to learn the basics of cat body language.
- A confident cat will walk with eyes wide open, back slightly arched, head facing forward, and tail up. If you see your cat in this position, it may be that she is in a good mood, and this is a good time to interact with her. [2] X Research Source
- When relaxed, the cat will stretch while lying on its side or on its back. The cat’s ears will stand up, the whiskers will stay straight at the edges, and the claws will retract. At these times, you can approach the cat, but be careful if you want to pet it. Cats often take a relatively unguarded posture when relaxed and may view any physical interaction as dangerous aggression. [3] X Research Sources
- If the cat is ruffled, arched back, ears closed, pupils dilated, and tail wagging vigorously, the cat is very angry. Whatever the reason, cats are feeling threatened and need their own space. Do not attempt to approach until the cat has calmed down. [4] X Research Sources
- When anxious, cats will find ways to become smaller by shrinking and curling their tails around their bodies. The four legs will be in a ready-to-run position when necessary, the pupils wide and the ears tucked to the sides. You should not touch the cat in this case; Cats are very insecure and need privacy. [5] X Research Sources
- When the cat becomes defensive, the cat’s ears will hang close to the head, the cat will bare its teeth and roll to the side with its claws spread. The cat will most likely attack you in this position, and you need to leave the cat alone until it calms down. Cats will scratch you while in the ferocious Thai camp. [6] X Research Sources
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Using your eyes to show yourself isn’t a threat. Cats communicate with humans by eye contact. Unfortunately, many people don’t realize this and often unknowingly intimidate cats by staring. Learn how to be friendly with cats.
- People often complain that cats get close to people who don’t like them. People who don’t like cats often ignore them. Since cats hate being stared at (it’s threatening) they’re less afraid and want to get closer to explore [7] X Research Source
- Lie down next to the cat while the cat is relaxing. Look at the cat until it looks back at you, and then slowly close and open it a few times. Wait for the cat to do the same to you. [8] X Research Sources
- If the cat turns away, that’s a good sign. That means the cat doesn’t see you as a threat and doesn’t feel the need to threaten you in return. If the cat doesn’t look away, stop looking so it doesn’t think you’re challenging it. You may have to try to blink slowly and last time the cat felt reassured enough to look away after making eye contact with you. [9] X Research Source
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Feel the personality of the cat. Unlike dogs, cats are not too dependent on their owners. While the relationship with the owner is an important aspect of a cat’s life, it’s still not on an intense level compared to dogs. [10] X Research Source Cats’ communication needs can vary widely. To have a strong relationship, you need to understand your cat’s personality.
- Some cats are very affectionate and always want to be with their owners. However, some other cats can spend hours hiding in a hidden place. Don’t force your cat to play with you if she doesn’t want to. Cats are very independent and their personality will not change.
- Similarly, each cat’s physical activity needs will be different. Some cats love to play and exercise regularly, but others don’t like toys. As above, you should not force the cat. While some behaviors like scratching and biting can be corrected, the cat’s inherent nature will always remain the same. However, you should give your cat 5 to 10 minutes of exercise each day to maintain a healthy weight.
Start communicating with cats
Let the cat come close to you. You should never pet a cat without its permission. Cats won’t welcome it and may think you’re invading your privacy. [11] X Research Source Cats will actively communicate.
- Let the cat invite you. When ready to interact, the cat will let you know with specific behaviors. The cat will probably rub her body or cheeks against you, tail up. Cats have scent glands on their cheeks and sides, and when they rub these areas against you, they’re marking you with scent. This is a sign of affection and intimacy, which means your cat is ready to interact with you. [12] X Research Source
- If the cat comes to you on its own, extend your hand to see if the cat really wants to make contact. Let the cat smell your hand before you touch it.
- Don’t burn the stage. If you sit in the same room with your cat long enough, the cat will come to you on its own when it’s ready. Exposure too early can be stressful for cats, and it can be a major obstacle to creating a strong bond with your cat. [13] X Research Source
Understand your cat’s response to interactions. When the cat is ready to be petted, you need to make sure that the cat is comfortable and happy. Cats will show they are comfortable or not with body language. Make sure you understand your cat’s expressions.
- Unlike dogs, cats do not wag their tails when excited. If your cat wags its tail when you stroke it, you’ve done something wrong. You should stroke in a different position, or change the direction of the stroke, or change the level of the stroke. [14] X Research Source
- Cats show satisfaction and trust in many ways. Cats can lightly grind their nails on soft items, or even on your clothes. Sometimes, cats will lick and bite you lightly to show affection. Cats may rub their heads against you, or rub their cheeks and body against you to mark the scent. [15] X Research Source
Avoid petting the cat’s belly. Sometimes, cats may roll to the floor and expose their belly. While some cats enjoy, or at least tolerate, being touched, most cats don’t like this act of humans. If you are dealing with an unfamiliar cat, it is best to avoid this action.
- Cats show their belly for many reasons. When confronted with another cat, showing a belly is a threat. Cats retract their hind legs in self-defense, showing readiness to attack. [16] X Research Source
- However, a cat may show its belly to show trust. A cat’s belly is a sensitive place and contains important internal organs. Showing this vulnerable area shows that the cat trusts you and feels that its surroundings are safe enough. However, this is not an exposure permission. [17] X Research Source
- Many cats will be defensive when their belly is touched, and instinctively they will probably attack you. It’s best to avoid touching this area, especially when meeting an unfamiliar cat. [18] X Research Sources
Brush the cat’s coat. Many cats like to be brushed because it is similar to being petted, creating a sense of security and comfort. Brushing is also good for your health as it helps keep your cat’s coat free of dirt and dandruff, and promotes blood circulation. [19] X Trusted Source American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Go to source
- For short-haired cats, use a metal comb. Brush from head to tail in the direction of the hair. Only brush one line at a time. Do this all over the cat’s body, including the chest and belly. [20] X Trusted Source American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Go to source
- For long-haired cats, you will need to brush more because the cat’s coat can get tangled. You should start from the belly and brush back up to the neck. When combing the tail and back, divide it into short sections and brush the hair on both sides of the body. If you have tangles, you can buy a special cat solution or powder at pet stores. [21] X Trusted Source American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Go to source
- When brushing, you should also check your cat’s skin. Check for bumps, bruises, or scratches, especially if your cat is loose. Find out if your cat has fleas and ticks. Sometimes you can see the ticks by the small blood scales the fleas leave behind. [22] X Trusted Source American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Go to source
Connect in other ways
Play with cats every day. Playing with cats is also a great way to become attached. Cats will associate you with happy moments, and will become more affectionate and friendly with you.
- The game of catching birds is made up of a feathered object that is suspended in the air. Cats can chase and jump to grab toys. This game stimulates the natural hunting instinct and is also a great way to give your cat some fun exercise. [23] X Research Sources
- Some toys are stuffed with catnip, an herb that stimulates cats. Rats, rabbits, and cat mint balls are good toys if you have a cat that won’t play. [24] X Research Source
- Early morning and late night are the best times to play. There are times of the day when cats have the most energy, and playing with them at night can help them sleep well. You may not have time to play at those times, but you can buy small toys for your cat to play with. [25] X Research Sources
- Daily play for 5 to 10 minutes is the recommended activity to help cats stay healthy and maintain a healthy weight. [26] X Research Sources
Teach your cat the basics. Cats can be trained with time and patience. Cats often don’t feel as encouraged by praise as dogs, and they don’t want to try to please their owners, but they can be trained with time and patience. Teaching your cat a few tricks is a great way to strengthen attachment.
- Use junk food, but it should be the kind your cat likes. There are many types of cat treats available, and cats can be very picky about food. You may have to try several brands before you find the right cat food. Shop a variety of cat treats from the supermarket or pet store to see which one your cat likes best. [27] X Research Source
- Think of specific actions you want your cat to take on command. When you see your cat perform these actions, name the move, praise the cat, and reward it with food. For example, you like when your cat stands up on her hind legs and want her to do this when you say “Kneel.” So, when you see the cat stand up, say “Kneel,” praise the cat, and reward the food. Eventually, the cat will make a connection between your statement and that behavior. [28] X Research Sources
- Once the cat begins to follow commands, continue the exercise. You want to strengthen the connection between commands and tricks. Teach your cat only one command at a time, and limit each exercise to 10 to 15 minutes. [29] X Research Sources
- Use a press, a small device that makes a click every time you press a button. Use this device with treats to reinforce your cat’s behavior. Finally, you can give up junk food. You want your cat to learn how to perform tricks without treating junk food as a reward. [30] X Research Source
- Once the cat has mastered that move, move on to teaching another move. You can teach your cat to sit, lie, stand still, meow, and more complex commands. For example, some cats can be trained to walk on a rope. Be creative. [31] X Research Source
Pippa Elliott, MRVCS
Veterinarian at Royal Cplege of Veterinary Surgeons
Dr. Elliott is a veterinarian with over thirty years of experience. She graduated from the University of Glasgow in 1987 and worked as a veterinary surgeon for 7 years. Then, Dr. Elliott worked as a veterinarian in a clinic for over a decade.
Pippa Elliott, MRVCS
Veterinarian at Royal Cplege of Veterinary Surgeons
Veterinarian at Royal Cplege of Veterinary Surgeons
Pippa Elliott, a licensed veterinarian, explains: “Once you find the right portion, training the cat is very easy. This also provides great mental stimulation for the cat, helping to reduce the cat’s symptoms. bad behavior, and create a bond with their owners.”
Help your cat feel comfortable in your home. Cats will be more likely to bond with you if they’re comfortable. Help your cat have a loving home so she can feel safe and secure.
- If you have a spare room in your house, turn it into a cat room. Place cat toys, pots, food, water, and bedding in the room. Allow the cat to go in and out of the room as he pleases. If you can’t give your cat a room, at least give her a suitable corner. [32] X Research Source
- Cats like to have plenty of places to hide. That doesn’t mean they’re scared. Maybe they just want to be left alone. You can buy your cat a climbing system, or make your own with a cardboard box and tape. [33] X Research Sources
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Help your cat stay calm with any change. Cats are often uncomfortable with changes. If you need to change something in your living space, do it slowly.
- If someone else is moving in with you, let them meet the cat a few times before moving in. Make sure the cat is comfortable with the newcomer, and that they will respect and understand the cat’s limitations. [34] X Research Source
- If you’re moving in with someone else, or moving to a new home, bring your cat in to visit the new home a few times if possible. [35] X Research Source
- The introduction of new pets should be gradual. Initially, leave the cat alone, allowing only contact with other pets through the door. After about a week of door encounters, expose them to face-to-face contact under your supervision. If they fight, stay calm. Changes can be difficult and take several weeks for a relationship to settle down. [36] X Research Source
Advice
- You can talk in a soft voice when petting and playing with your cat. This will show that you are not a threat and help your cat associate your voice with positive experiences.
- Snacks and regular foods are great ways to help your cat stop being shy. While you shouldn’t overfeed your cat, giving your cat delicious treats can lure her out of hiding and encourage her to interact with you.
- Talking or any other form of verbal communication is a great way to help your cat get to know you. When you pet your cat, talk or sing softly to her, she will feel relaxed and comfortable around you.
- If you catch your cat staring at you, look him in the eye and blink slowly. Blinking is a “cat kiss”, a sign of friendliness.
Warning
- Cats do not respond positively to being yelled at or punished. Never scold or hit a cat, this can lead to the cat becoming rebellious and afraid of you.
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This article was co-written by Brian Bourquin, DVM. Brian Bourquin is a veterinarian and owner of the Boston Veterinary Clinic, a veterinary and pet care clinic with two campuses in the South End/Bay Village and Brookline, Massachusetts. Boston Veterinary Clinic specializes in basic veterinary medicine, health care and preventive care, critical and emergency care, soft tissue surgery, and dentistry. This clinic also offers specialty services in behavior modification, nutrition, acupuncture pain therapy, and laser therapies. Boston Veterinary Clinic is an AAHA-accredited veterinary hospital (American Association of Veterinary Hospitals). Brian has over 19 years of experience in the veterinary industry and earned his Doctor of Veterinary Medicine degree from Cornell University.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 15,121 times.
Bonding with cats can be a rewarding but also challenging experience. Cats, despite being domesticated, still understand very little about human behavior. [1] X Research Sources Therefore, showing affection to cats can be quite difficult. However, many people are able to create a healthy and happy relationship with their cat. If you understand your cat’s body language, respect boundaries, and show affection the right way, you can build a strong bond with your cat.
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