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This article was co-written by Christina Jay, NLP. Christina Jay is a matchmaker and life coach based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Christina is the founder of Preferred Match (preferredmatch.ca), her company dedicated to finding love for successful and elite individuals. She has over 10 years of coaching experience, earned her NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) certification through the Canadian NLP Training Program and holds a bachelor’s degree in business administration from Brock University.
There are 13 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 31,772 times.
You often think of a breakup as total severance, but that rarely happens. No matter how much you wish to stay away from your ex, there will come a time when you will have to confront them. It can be hard to interact with someone you’ve been close to, but there’s always a way to make the process less painful.
Steps
Meet your ex in social activities
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Please be patient. You’re used to being emotionally and physically intimate with each other, so don’t expect to set the framework for a new relationship right away.
- Do not seek out the person, especially in the beginning. Many experts suggest that you must not contact your ex in any way for at least eight weeks. [1] X Research Source Meeting your partner right after a breakup will only make it harder for you to move on. [2] X Research Source
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Treat your ex the same way you would treat a co-worker. You need to show friendliness and respect without being overly close. [3] X Research Sources
- Maintain lightness for the interaction. Especially if you haven’t seen each other in a while, resist the urge to bring up the lingering issue of your relationship. [4] X Research Sources
- Friend: Hi Mr. Dung. Did you watch the game last night?
- He: Yes. They need to hire new management.
- You: That midfielder played quite well. He should have hit that shot.
- Him: Yeah, I don’t understand his decision either.
- Friend: Nice to talk to you. Hopefully that team will make it to the group stage.
- If your ex brings up a controversial issue, you should change it to something you both have in common. [5] X Research Sources
- Him: Hi, Mai. Have you tried spicy noodles yet?
- Friend: I tried it. They remind me of the noodles your mother used to make.
- Him: How do you know? I haven’t visited her in a long time.
- You: I think we both love our mother’s cooking.
- He: Yeah. That’s right.
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Avoid alcohol. Your emotions are running high. If you drink alcohol, it will be difficult for you to hold back and say something you will regret.
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Cut off contact with your ex online. Stop unfriending that person on Facebook and avoid them on all other social networks. Of course, tracking your ex online can be pretty tempting – you’ll want to know if they’re miserable without you, if they’re dating someone else, etc. However, research has proven that for the best. that you should stay away from temptation. [6] X Research Sources
- It’s easy to become obsessed with these behaviors, what many psychologists call “surveillance of other people’s online lives” and what we call Facebook snooping.
- This is not good for your emotional health. Similar to meeting your ex in person, interacting with him online will make your “broken heart” feelings last longer. [7] X Research Sources
- If you want to continue following that person on social media, you should remember that you are seeing selected things about his or her life. Don’t think you’re having more trouble than they are just because they don’t post about them.
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Be careful when you want to maintain a friendship. Many people still want to stay friends after a breakup, and it makes sense – you love being around your ex at some point, and they’re a huge part of your social life. . Why don’t you carry on acting the way you used to, going to a baseball game together, calling that person to vent about your boss, or asking to borrow their coat when you’re cold? There are really a lot of reasons.
- Keep physical and emotional distance to avoid creating ambiguity. Flirting or physical contact can be misleading for both of you. [8] X Research Sources
- Limit interactions. You shouldn’t ask them several times a day, or even once a day. The two of you can be friends, but your partner shouldn’t be the first person you turn to with good or bad news. [9] X Research Source
- Avoid maintaining friendships with your partner as a way to get back together. If you want to rekindle your feelings and your partner doesn’t want to, you should cut off all contact with them.
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Don’t allow your relationship to affect the special event. With the overlap in social relationships, both will accidentally meet again on special occasions such as birthday parties, graduation parties, wedding parties, within many years. You should be prepared for this inevitable. [10] X Research Source
- Don’t ignore each other at the big event, but don’t sit together either. If you both don’t like each other, you run the risk of attracting the attention of everyone around you. Also, you don’t want to have to constantly answer people’s questions about whether the two of you are back together.
- Share to attend small events. Both of you can go to a friend’s play, but don’t share an intimate dinner that person organizes right after. No one wants to miss out on a fun event, but it’s best to try to stay away from the big confrontation.
Meet your ex at work or school
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Behave in a professional manner at all times. You should try to separate relationship troubles from your career or education. Ideally, you’ve done this all the time, because otherwise you’ll need to talk to each other about it. You don’t want the aftermath of the breakup to ruin your success at work or at school. [11] X Research Source
- If meeting the person makes you emotional, you should consider changing your habits to avoid them. You can take a break at different times, and take a different route to use the printer.
- Imagine that your boss is watching you every time you interact with him or her. This measure will give you extra motivation to stay professional.
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Communicate issues privately. If your ex breaks his commitment to “remain professional at all times” and starts discussing relationship troubles, you should ask them to discuss it later, or just respond. questions at work. If this is not possible, you should discuss it in private or through a personal (non-company) phone or email number. [12] X Research Source
- You: Have you finished preparing that report to submit to your boss?
- Her: Yes. But before we talk about it, I need to know if you will return my belongings.
- You: Can we talk about this later?
- Her: I really need them.
- You: Okay. You can call or email me after hours to discuss the plan.
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Find someone to make a “front”. If you’re worried about being alone with your ex while reheating your lunch, consider going with a friend. Any awkwardness between the two will become less obvious in large groups.
Meet his new lover
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Let the meeting happen naturally. When you hear that your ex is dating someone new, you should try not to look for her online. At the same time, you also have to accept that at some point, you will encounter them. Whether this meeting is pre-arranged or happens by chance, you should approach it with confidence.
- Face the situation directly. While you won’t want to do this, it’s best to confront them rather than pretend you didn’t see them and hide in a store while walking. You WILL get over the situation, and once you do, you’ll feel more confident in your ability to move forward.
- You should know that sometimes, confidence will show from the outside in. If you’re well aware that you’ll run into your ex and their new lover again, you should wear whatever gives you comfort and confidence. This will help you relax and feel better in your soul.
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Be genuinely friendly. You can be polite without pretending like you’ll see each other often, as this will make you look quite fake. [13] X Research Source
- You: Hi Cuc. Nice to meet you.
- Her: Hi, Mai. I have heard a lot about her.
- You: How long have you lived in Hanoi?
- Her: I moved here for college.
- You: What school do you attend?
- Her: University of Foreign Languages.
- You: Me too. I don’t know if we’re in the same class.
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Show compassion. You need to know that this meeting will be extremely awkward for everyone involved. The person may be trying not to hurt you by moving on. At the same time, his new lover may feel like she’s being compared in terms of looks, career, personality, etc., to you. Everyone wants to get through this interaction as calmly – and quickly – as possible, and in a way that everyone agrees on.
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Learn from your own reactions. It can be difficult, but looking at your ex with your new partner will help you figure out how to heal your own wounds. This is especially true in assessing whether you’re ready to date again. [14] X Research Source
Raising children together with an ex-lover
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You need to be open, frank, and easy to talk to with your ex. You need to remember that you will have to interact with each other, probably a lot of times. Breaking up gets even more complicated when you have kids. Many people’s emotions are at stake. So you can’t simply avoid the person as you would like. Many researchers believe that co-parenting is the best way for your child. [15] X Research Source
- Co-parenting involves sharing time and decisions together, and this requires you to maintain open and regular communication with your partner.
- If it’s hard for you to have an open and frank conversation, consider sending notepads back and forth to each other with any important information about when your child will see you. [16] X Research Source
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Maintain respect. As you work through this agreement, you should try to maintain intimacy with your ex. Yelling, calling them by their first name, and any other form of conflict can negatively affect your children and ruin their relationship with another parent. [17] X Research Source
- Friend: Nam, I understand this is quite difficult, but I need you to let me know when you come to pick me up.
- Him: Stop nagging. I’ll pick them up after work.
- You: I know my tone is nagging at you, but I have some work to do tonight.
- Him: Okay, I’ll come pick you up at 6 o’clock.
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Don’t try to interact with your ex that is violent or abusive. You should remember to protect yourself and your child at all costs. [18] X Research Sources
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This article was co-written by Christina Jay, NLP. Christina Jay is a matchmaker and life coach based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Christina is the founder of Preferred Match (preferredmatch.ca), her company dedicated to finding love for successful and elite individuals. She has over 10 years of coaching experience, earned her NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) certification through the Canadian NLP Training Program and holds a bachelor’s degree in business administration from Brock University.
There are 13 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 31,772 times.
You often think of a breakup as total severance, but that rarely happens. No matter how much you wish to stay away from your ex, there will come a time when you will have to confront them. It can be hard to interact with someone you’ve been close to, but there’s always a way to make the process less painful.
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