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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 20 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 20,436 times.
Sexual confidence comes from within, and learning how to be confident can take a lot of work. Maybe you lack self-confidence due to your inexperienced body or lack of sex experience. However, confidence plays an important role in taking your sex life to the next level! You need to know yourself well and know what you want to be truly confident in sex. Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or single and ready to have some fun, building confidence both inside and out will help you be more fulfilled in life.
Steps
Develop self-confidence
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Change your thinking. To be confident in sex, you need to build confidence from within your mindset. Change negative thoughts about self-image or self-worth into positive ones. Tell yourself, “I am very attractive”, “I can do it”, and “I am very beautiful”. [1] X Research Source
- When a negative thought pops into your head, you should immediately turn it into a positive one. For example, when you look in the mirror and think, “I hate this body,” you can look for strengths and be proud of it, such as, “My eyes are so attractive” or “My legs are great. It also takes me everywhere.” [2] X Research Source
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Build a positive self-image. You have to look straight in the mirror and be satisfied with your body in order to develop sex confidence. Look in the mirror naked and show yourself some love. Accept who you are and tell yourself that you will always be beautiful.
- Think about what your friends or admirers often say about your body. Maybe they won’t criticize you. Practice observing yourself with positive and compassionate eyes. Your friends won’t judge you, so you shouldn’t treat yourself that way either!
- Always maintain hygiene and choose clothes that make you feel comfortable to create a positive self-image. [3] X Research Sources
- Nude as much as possible. The more often you undress, the more confident you will feel in your body. Being content with your body is the most effective way to build self-confidence. [4] X Research Sources
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Do exercise. Physical exercise has many benefits, including improving the way you look at yourself, fighting disease, reducing stress, and generally feeling happier. Physical activity produces hormones that induce feelings of euphoria and build confidence. [5] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the source Exercise also helps you stay healthy and fit, as well as becoming more confident in your sex life.
- There are a few simple ways you can incorporate exercise into your daily routine by using your imagination. Walk or cycle to school or work if the distance is not too far. Take a sport or fitness class. Invite your friends to play basketball at the beach on the weekend. You have countless opportunities to train your body. [6] X Research Sources
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Wear underwear at home. Underwear helps you feel sexy by highlighting your natural shape and size. Pick a set in your favorite color and dress it up. When you get into the habit of wearing lingerie at home, you will find that you are a sexy and attractive woman, helping you to feel more confident. [7] X Research Sources
- Wear underwear under your usual clothes when going out. This is the “little secret” and you will walk away with confidence. When you know what you are wearing, your mind will have sexual thoughts and desires, helping you to boost your confidence.
Recognizing physiological needs
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Observe the “private area” in the mirror. Everyone has a different “little girl”, and you need to find out exactly your structure. Enter your room and close the door. Use the handle mirror and start observing. The clitoris is the place that gives the most pleasure, so you should spend time exploring this area. [8] X Research Sources
- Once you understand the structure of the intimate area, you can guide your partner to touch the areas that are most stimulating.
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Masturbate. The “selfie” measure helps you shape your own physical and mental experiences. Self-fulfilling physiological needs is also an effective way to reduce stress. [9] X Research Source You can masturbate in many different ways. Use a variety of methods to find out what you like and don’t like. Once you’ve grasped your preferences, you can guide your partner to do the same to achieve the same pleasure.
- Inspire yourself by taking a hot bath, giving yourself a body massage, or lighting a candle. Once you’ve mastered your hands, you can use sex toys such as dildos or vibrators to increase your excitement. [10] X Research Source
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Studying human sexual activity. [11] X Research Sources If you are interested in the opposite sex, you can learn about male sexuality. Read graphic novels and books about sex (such as the Kama Sutra) and learn methods for mental stimulation. Study many positions, techniques and methods of experiencing “sex” to equip yourself with knowledge related to your abilities and interests about some content.
- If you are interested in the opposite sex, you can learn about male sexuality. Gaining the right knowledge helps you boost your confidence when engaging in sexual activity.
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Train your pelvic floor with kegel exercises. This exercise helps to improve weak pelvic floor muscles caused by childbirth, weight gain, surgery, or tightness caused by constipation. [12] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source In addition to these physical activities, kegel exercises also increase blood flow to the intimate area, arousing sex drive, relaxing vaginal muscles, and increasing fluid. secretion, and promote the ability to achieve orgasm.
- First, locate the pelvic floor muscles. Tighten your muscles as if you were stopping urinating. Alternatively, you can insert your fingers into the vagina and squeeze these muscles. The vagina will stick to your finger if you do it right. If you put one hand on your stomach, the area won’t move.
- To do kegel exercises, you can sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Deep breath. Contract your pelvic floor muscles for 3 to 6 seconds. Then relax the muscles for the same amount of time. Repeat the movement 10 to 20 times and do it several times a day. [13] X Research Source
Show confidence in public
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Choose clothes that promote self-confidence. When going out with friends, going on a first date, or meeting your significant other, you can dress to feel most comfortable. If necessary, you should go shopping to choose the right outfit. Find colors, styles, and materials that compliment your figure. [14] X Research Source
- Dress options based on your own style. You can wear a dress, a sophisticated leather jacket, high heels, or out-of-the-ordinary jeans. Just put on the outfit that makes you shine the way you want.
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Be yourself. You should be true to yourself when expressing confidence in “sex”. You can pretend to be a little confident to increase your excitement, but still maintain your virtues and values. If you don’t feel comfortable in a certain situation, you should give up and try something new.
- Do not compare with other women. Accept yourself and be true to yourself. You will see other women with slimmer bodies or better hair, and will feel jealous about it. However, you should consider your strengths as well as be happy with who you are. [15] X Research Source
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Don’t listen to social norms. In music clips, magazines, or in television movies, a woman’s body is always shaped seductively. Men are entitled to glorify women’s attractiveness, but women are forbidden. Even to this day, women are still punished or discriminated against for expressing their gender. [16] X Research Source
- The prejudice against virginity causes some women to conceal their sexual needs. You need to ignore all suggestions in society when it comes to your sexual activity. You are the one who decides your feelings. Listen to your individual needs and values and give them the opportunity to dictate your sexuality.
Communicating with your partner
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Decide to act. If you know how to control your sexual behavior, you will feel confident on the inside and this will show on the outside. A woman who knows what she wants and is not shy in eliciting needs is always attractive in the eyes of others.
- Approach the target in the bar, and ask them to dance with you. Look at the other person and blink. Send stimulating text messages to your long-term partner to spark emotions before spending a rainy night together. [17] X Research Source
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Express your desires. Talking about your likes and dislikes during sex will give you more satisfaction. [18] X Research Sources Communicating with actions, such as moaning, body movements, and facial expressions, have an impact on a partner’s self-confidence and satisfaction of needs. However, some words like “That’s right, right there” can help your partner get you going.
- Are you uncomfortable talking about your hobbies? Everyone is like that. So, you can try this method: Spread your hand out and ask your partner to rotate their fingers around the inner circle of the palm. Tell the other person how you like the feeling and what you want to continue. After completing this exercise, you can apply the technique during sex to see if you can say what you want. [19] X Research Source
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Listen and respond. You need to keep in mind that the process of communicating needs comes from both sides. Being a more skilled partner can improve sexual confidence, so take the time to educate and learn. In addition to communicating with your partner about your preferences through actions and words, you need to take note of their feedback and make changes as needed to enhance the experience for both of you. [20] X Research Source
- Even if your partner is critical, you should use constructive information to perfect your skills. [21] X Research Source
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Consider past experiences. People who are good at sex often take the time to talk about it after the relationship ends. While cuddling your partner, you can talk about the things you like and find interesting. [22] X Research Sources Instead of mentioning failures, simply instruct your partner to be more specific the next time you have an opportunity to get close.
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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 20 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 20,436 times.
Sexual confidence comes from within, and learning how to be confident can take a lot of work. Maybe you lack self-confidence due to your inexperienced body or lack of sex experience. However, confidence plays an important role in taking your sex life to the next level! You need to know yourself well and know what you want to be truly confident in sex. Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or single and ready to have some fun, building confidence both inside and out will help you be more fulfilled in life.
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